by Kaylee Ryan
“Because the thought of you marrying anyone but me makes me sick to my stomach. The thought of anyone else making babies with you has me seeing red. Because I could never live with myself if I didn’t at least try.”
“Try?” she asks. “Try? Really, Cooper? Trying is when I threw myself at you, and you turned me away. Trying is calling me to talk to me before this day ever happened. Trying is knowing that I’ve been in love with you for longer than I can remember.”
“You love me?” I ask, my voice hoarse.
“Of course I do. You’re my best friend.”
“No.” I shake my head. “That’s not what you said, Reese. You said that you’ve been in love with me longer than you can remember.”
“Fine!” she screams. “You want to lay all of our cards out on the table? Fine. I was in love with you. But you broke me, Cooper. Shattered my heart into a million tiny pieces, and some of them are still missing. Some of them are still gone. There’s a gaping Cooper-sized hole in my heart that I know will be there until the day I die.” Her chest is heaving as tears spill across her cheeks.
Did you hear that? That’s the sound of my heart cracking open, knowing that I hurt her. I wipe at her cheeks with my thumbs. “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you, and I promise you I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Please, Reese, don’t marry him.”
“You want what you think you can’t have. That’s what this is about, isn’t it? You don’t want me with anyone else, so this is your last-ditch effort.”
“You’re right. I don’t want you with anyone else. I want you with me.” I beat my hands across my chest. “Me, Reese. I want you with me. Not just as my best friend, but as the most important person in my life. I want you as my lover. I want you as my wife and the mother of our kids. I want you for me. All of you and all of me.”
She stands, and my hands drop to my lap. She wipes at her face as she begins to pace. Suddenly, she stops and turns to look at me. I can’t describe the look. Fear, sadness, anger, and something else I can’t name. “Get out, Cooper.”
“Reese, please. I love you so much. Please just… don’t do this. Not yet. Call it off. Give us some time. Let me have the chance to show you that you’re it for me.”
“You had your chance, Cooper. I can’t believe you did this today of all days. How am I supposed to go out there like this? Please, just leave.” She turns her back to me, and I hear her sniff.
Standing, I go to her, wrapping my arms around her from behind. I bury my face in her neck and breathe her in. We’re shaking, and I’m not sure if it’s her or it’s me. My guess a combination of both. “I love you, Reese. I love your smile and your laugh. The way your nose scrunches up when you’re laughing hard. I love that you get freaked out at scary movies but always want to watch them. I love your heart. The way you always want to help make the world a better place. You make me a better man. You make me whole, Reese. I’m not me without you.”
“Cooper.” Her voice breaks. “Please, don’t do this. Please just go.”
My heart sinks. I’ve lost her.
I hold onto her a little longer needing to memorize the feel of her in my arms, for what I know will be the last time. “I love you so fucking much,” I say, choking on the words.
“I love you too, Cooper. A part of me always will.” She turns in my arms and stares up at me with those beautiful green eyes of hers. “Do me a favor?”
“Anything.”
“Stay. I don’t know what brought all of this on, and I don’t know what to believe. What I do know is that I’m getting married tomorrow, and I need to know that my best friend is here with me.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think I can do that, Reese. I can’t watch you vow to love him, not when my heart aches for you. I-I don’t think I can.”
She nods. “You should go,” she says, turning to look out the window. “I need a few minutes. If you could just tell everyone that I’ll be right out.”
“Reese.”
“Just go, Cooper.” Her voice cracks. “You said what you needed to say. You broke me years ago. To me, you’re still my best friend. I pushed past the pain because I needed you in my life. If you can’t be here, fine. Just go.”
My feet carry me to her, and I kiss her temple. “I will always love you, Reese Latham. I will always be in your corner, and if you ever need me, I don’t care how much time has passed, you call me. Do you understand me? I will never love anyone the way that I love you.” It’s going to fucking kill me, but I’m staying for her. Who knows, maybe it will do me some good to see her marry him. Maybe then my heart will get the message that she’s not ours.
A sob escapes her and I want nothing more than to pull her into my arms and hold her tight. I want to tell her that everything will work out as it should, but she doesn’t want me. I pushed her away when I should have been pulling her close. I did this to us.
“I love you.” I kiss her temple one more time before my feet that feel like lead slowly carry me to the door. I pause, looking over my shoulder, hoping to find her watching me, but she’s still got her back to me.
I refuse to say goodbye. I will always be here for her, no matter what. Instead, I force myself to turn around and walk out the door.
Chapter 28
Reese
I’m still wide awake when my alarm goes off at six. I didn’t sleep at all. Instead, I stared at the shadows on the wall, my mind racing. No matter what I did, I couldn’t shut it off. Cooper showing up yesterday, the things he said, it threw me for a loop. I was slowly rebuilding my heart and one conversation with him, the pieces began to once again crumble.
I don’t know what to believe. Cooper has never lied to me, but he’s never wanted me with anyone, Hunter included. He had his chance to have me, and he pushed me away. Now he tells me he was wrong? How do I know that it’s his true heart talking and not just the fear of losing his best friend? My head is scrambled and my heart, well, like I told him last night, there is always going to be a huge void that only he can fill. That doesn’t mean I should just call off my wedding. I love Hunter; he’s a great guy. He’s good to me.
“Gah!” I scream into the quiet room. I hate him just a little for doing this to me. My phone alerts me to a message, and then another. Reaching for it, I see both Hunter and Cooper’s names. I read Hunter’s first.
Hunter: Morning, future Mrs. Applegate. I can’t wait to marry you today.
See? He’s so sweet and considerate.
Me: I’ll meet you at the altar.
My thumb hovers over Cooper’s message. Part of me just wants to leave it unread. He said his piece, and that’s that, but this is Cooper we’re talking about, and no matter how mad at him I am about last night, I still want to see what he has to say. Maybe he changed his mind? Things can go back to how they were before he came barging into the bridal suite last night.
Cooper: I laid awake all night wishing you were here with me. What I wouldn’t give to sleep next to you every night and hold you in my arms. Pushing you away that night is my biggest regret. I would give up anything and everything to take my actions back. I wanted you, Reese. I wanted you more than my next breath, but I thought I couldn’t have you. I know now that I should have just been honest with you. Then today, I would be the one you walk down the aisle to. I would be the man who gets to change your last name and live the rest of his life showing you how much I love you. I want to be that man, Reese. No matter what happens today, or twenty years from now, you will always be the love of my life. The owner of my heart. I love you, Reese Latham. Please, baby, don’t marry him.
Tears race down my cheeks, and my chest is tight. I place my hand over my heart and rub, trying to dull the pain. It’s no use, nothing can take the pain away. Cooper is finally saying everything I’ve longed for him to say, but it’s just not the right time.
Wiping at my tears, I dial Tessa and place the phone to my ear. “You’re getting married today,” she sing-songs.
“Tess.�
� My voice cracks.
“Oh, Reese. I’m almost there. I was on my way to drive you to breakfast. Give me five minutes.”
“O-Okay.” I end the call. After throwing the covers off, I go to unlock the front door. Tessa still has a key from when she lived here with me, but I don’t know if she carries it. Curling up on the couch, I let the tears fall. I don’t bother trying to wipe them away; they’re falling too fast for me to make a difference.
“I’m here,” Tess says a few minutes later. She drops her purse and keys to the floor and comes to sit with me on the couch. “What’s going on?”
Knowing that if I speak, I’ll sound like a blubbering fool, I pull up his message and hand her my phone. I close my eyes, not wanting to see her reaction when she reads it.
“He told you,” she says softly.
Her words have my eyes popping open as my mouth falls open, and I gape at her. “What do you mean, he told me?” I wipe at my cheeks with the backs of my hands.
“Last night, we found him sitting in his Jeep in the parking lot. He was a mess, Reese. He blurted out that he loved you. Not that that’s news.” She shrugs.
“What? Of course it’s news.” How could she think it’s not?
“No, really, it’s not. Anyone who knows the two of you can see it. I’ve seen it for years. I stopped mentioning it because you didn’t believe it or were in denial or whatever. Nix has actually called Cooper out on it a few times over the years.”
“You didn’t think you should have told me?”
“Why? You were finally moving on with your life. I didn’t want to see you miserable, waiting around on him forever.”
“So, now, here I am.” I laugh humorlessly. “The day of my wedding and I’ve not slept in over twenty-four hours, and all I can think about is the look on his face last night. The pain in his eyes when I told him to leave.”
“Why did you tell him to leave?”
“How can you even ask me that? Why are you asking me that?” Am I suddenly living in some kind of alternate universe?
“Just answer me honestly. Why did you ask him to leave, Reese?”
“Because I couldn’t listen to him any longer. He wants what he can’t have. He’s always been protective of me. He will never think that anyone is good enough for me. So he’s using the one thing he knows will get to me. Telling me that he loves me.”
“I think you’re wrong. In fact, I know you are.”
“How? How could you possibly know that?”
“I know because I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I know because anytime we see him or talk to him, all he wants to talk about is you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You were happy, Reese. At least I thought you were. These tears are telling me another version of the story.”
“I am happy. Hunter is great.”
“But?”
“No.” I shake my head. “No buts. Cooper had his chance, and he rejected it. Rejected me.”
“Did you ask him why?”
“He said he didn’t want to lose me, but now he’s lost me anyway, or something like that. I don’t know. It’s all starting to run together in one giant loop in my mind. I didn’t sleep at all last night. I’m sure my eyes are red and swollen, and I have to get married in a few hours.”
“You don’t have to do anything.”
“What?”
She gives me a sad smile. “You said that you have to get married. You should want to get married because you can’t imagine your life without him, not because you feel like it’s the right thing or the next step.”
“I love Hunter.”
She nods. “I’m not saying that you don’t love him. Do me a favor. Close your eyes.”
“I don’t have time to play games, Tessa. My life is falling apart here.”
“Trust me, Reese. Just close your eyes.”
“Fine.” I do as she asks and close my eyes.
“Now, I don’t want you to say a word. I don’t want to know what you see unless you want to tell me. I’m going to ask you a few questions, and you need to let your heart give you the answers. Not your head. Got it.”
“This is crazy.”
“Maybe, but humor me anyway.”
“Okay. My eyes are closed,” I say, even though I know that she can see me.
“Think about your wedding day. Who do you see waiting for you?”
My eyes pop open. “Come on, Tessa. This is crazy. I’m marrying Hunter in a matter of hours.”
“Close your eyes.” She points her index finger at me. “You agreed to cooperate,” she reminds me.
“Fine.” I again close my eyes.
“Now, when you think about your wedding day, who do you see waiting for you? Don’t tell me, I mean, unless you want to, but this is just for you. Just think about it. Let your heart lead your mind.”
With my eyes closed, I think about my wedding day. The one I had secretly always planned. It was always Cooper who was my groom. Standing at the altar, waiting to start our lives together. It was a fantasy, a dream I knew would never come true, but my heart knows that’s always been the plan.
Cooper was my plan.
I squeeze my eyes tight, warding off the tears. “Okay, now think beyond the wedding. Who do you see living each day with? Who makes you smile and laugh? Who makes you go weak in the knees?”
This isn’t what I need right now. I open my eyes to find her watching me intently. “This isn’t helping, Tessa. I’m getting married today. I need to figure out how to hide that I’ve had zero sleep and to take the redness out of my eyes.”
“Is that what you want?”
“It’s what’s happening.”
“Okay.” She stands to grab her purse from where she dropped it on the floor. She digs around until she pulls out a bottle of eye drops. “Here. Put a few drops in each eye. Lie down for a few minutes. We still have an hour before we have to be there. I’ll wake you if you fall asleep.”
“I won’t sleep.” I’m certain of that.
Taking the eyedrops, I lie back on the couch and drop about five drops in each eye. I’m not sure if that’s the right amount, but that’s what I’m going with. Closing my eyes, I try to ward off the chaos that is my mind, but nothing works. My phone pings with a message. Reaching behind me, I feel around for it. I don’t open my eyes until I have it in my hands and in front of me.
Cooper.
Cooper: I don’t know how I’m going to do it, Reese. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to sit there and watch you marry him. It’s going to take more effort than I think that I have to not stand up and object. I do, Reese. I object. You’re mine. You were always meant to be mine. I was just too damn stubborn to see it. Please, baby. Please don’t do this.
I bite down hard on my lip, fighting back the sob that wants to break free from my chest. I read over his earlier message and then this one, twice more. My heart physically hurts to read his words.
“Reese?” I look up to find Tessa sitting in the recliner watching me. “You okay?”
“No,” I say, even though I nod. My phone pings with another message.
Cooper: You will always be my best friend, Reese. No matter what you choose to do today, nothing will change that. You should also know that I’ll never stop loving you. I can say that with complete certainty. My heart belongs to you. I love you now and I’ll love you always.
“Oh, God,” I say, sobbing. Tessa stands and takes my phone from me.
“Wow. Who knew Cooper had this in him?” She smiles, trying to lighten the mood. “Are you going to reply to him?”
“I don’t know what to say,” I admit.
“Is he coming?”
“I don’t know. I told him that I wanted him there.”
“Ask him.” She hands me back my phone.
“No. I can’t ask him that. I already told him that I wanted him there. I can’t get married without him. He’s my best friend. Well, he was my best friend. I don’t know if he is still
or if he ever will be again. I don’t know if we can come back from this.”
“I wish I could tell you that everything is going to be fine. That Cooper just needs some time to adjust, but I don’t know if that’s the case. He was really torn up last night. If it helps, I think he’s telling you the truth. He loves you, Reese.”
“I know he does. Just not the way he thinks he does.”
“We need to get going.” She stands and offers me her hand, helping me from the couch.
I head back to my room to wash my face and brush my teeth. Today is supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. I need to put this mess with Cooper out of my mind and try to enjoy the day.
“Reese, it’s time,” my mom says with tears in her eyes. “Honey, you look so beautiful.” She leans in and kisses my cheek. “I always imagined your wedding being a big affair. Are you sure this is what you want?” she asks.
“Thanks, Mom. Yes, this is what I want. I’ll see you out there,” I tell her. She nods, uncertainty still etched on her face, kisses her fingertips, and presses them to my cheek before turning and leaving the room.
“Just me and you,” Tessa says, grabbing our bouquets.
“Let’s do this.” I nod, and together, we make our way from the bridal suite and down the hallway. We stop at the double doors that lead us into where the ceremony is taking place.
“Reese,” she whispers. I look over to find her holding up a set of keys. “I have these if you need them. No questions asked. You just say the word, and they’re yours.”
“What are you talking about?”
“It’s not too late to change your mind, Reese.” I open my mouth to speak, but she raises her hands, stopping me. “Listen,” she whispers. “If you love Hunter and this is what you want, I am your biggest cheerleader. If you’re not ready, or if he’s not who you want, no one would fault you for walking away.” She places her hand over her heart. “Follow your heart, Reese. Every past has a future. You have to be the one to decide what that future looks like.”
