by Lynda Aicher
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“Did you see that play Hauke made?”
“Which one? He made a lot, Jimmy.”
The spunky kid Noah estimated to be around ten wasn’t fazed by the older boy’s dry tone. “You know, the one where he dumped it to Walters, got it back and swooped around the back of the net to sneak the puck in for the goal. That one.” Jimmy was literally bouncing in his seat when most of the kids were slumped down, either sleeping or talking quietly.
“I was there. Of course I saw it,” Anton said. Noah was impressed with the older kid’s patience, but then he’d never seen Anton be any other way.
“What about—”
“I saw them all.” Anton reached up and tugged the brim of Jimmy’s new Glaciers baseball hat over his eyes. “Now be quiet and let the rest of us nap.”
“Aww, man.” Jimmy swung around in his seat and slumped down, arms crossed in a sulk. “You’re no fun.”
His friend, the one who seemed to be attached to Jimmy’s hip, gave him a nudge. “I thought Grenick’s fight was awesome.” That was all it took to get Jimmy going again.
Noah chuckled under his breath and leaned back in his seat to absorb a moment of somewhat quiet. It’d been nonstop organized chaos since he’d arrived at the youth center early that afternoon. He’d basically stepped back and let Liv do her magic, following her directions to ensure no one sneaked away, got lost or caused trouble—none of which happened.
He tracked Liv as she made her way down the aisle, her new Glaciers jersey littered with signatures down the back. She stopped to talk here and there, admired an autographed hat, giving her complete attention to each child before she finally plopped into the empty seat next to him. Her deep sigh was one he understood.
“Long day,” he said, his voice low. Her scent rushed over him, sending a jolt of longing that he had to smother.
“Very,” she agreed, brushing stray hairs out of her eyes. “But dang, that was so great for them. Most of these kids won’t get a chance like that again. Heck, most kids period don’t get to see the locker room and talk to the players before the game.”
“It was really nice of the Glaciers to do this.”
“Yeah. It was.” She covered a yawn and closed her eyes for a moment. “Now to get them all unloaded and home before they pass out from exhaustion.”
His soft puff of laughter was barely heard over the drone of the road. “Them or you?”
“Both,” she answered, eyes still closed, head wobbling with the motion of the bus.
“I’ll drop off the kids who need rides from the center. Save them a walk home in the dark.” The extent of how tired she was clearly displayed when she let her guard down like this. It almost clung to her, weighing her shoulders down and showing in the slack lines of her face. That spot in his chest that she’d wormed her way into ached to be there for her like she was for everyone else. “Just tell me what you need and it’s yours.”
She reached out blindly to find his hand and lace their fingers together. That was her only answer, but it was more than he’d expected. He held on both figuratively and literally.
Her warmth spread through his palm to steal the chill from his fingers and remind him of what he could have. How was she still there? Why? Those questions were a never-ending circle in his subconscious that drove him to keep seeing Cass. He wanted to be whole for her, to be the person she deserved before he asked her to come back—if she still would.
He was thankful for the dark bus and her closed eyes because he didn’t think he could keep his expression from showing everything he was feeling. The small touches like this or the hugs she still dispersed freely were the encouragements that kept him focused on the end-goal of them. They were both torture and heaven though. He longed to say fuck it and tell her he was fine and ready to build something with her, but he couldn’t lie to her. Or himself.
“Stop doubting me,” she said, eyes still closed.
His brows shot up in silent inquiry that she couldn’t see. He shook his head and leaned over to press a kiss to her head, lingering as her scent filled him. “You’re a mind reader now?”
“It’s part of my job requirement. Didn’t I tell you that?”
“I should’ve known.”
“Ms. Liv!”
The shout from the front of the bus had Liv jerking to a stand in an instant. The unmistakable sound of someone vomiting tore through the bus a second later. Shrieks and the frantic movement of kids fleeing from the area pinpointed where the sick child was located. Liv shoved up the aisle, calling out orders before he could process what to do.
Joan tossed Liv a backpack she’d carried the entire day and had a roll of paper towels out, along with some plastic gloves and a plastic bag in record speed.
“Ewww.”
“That’s so gross.”
The mass exodus from the front of the bus had the kids crammed into the back with Noah. Shit. He gagged when the sour stench hit him and quickly opened a window, cold air be damned. He was reaching for the second window when another kid let it go. Double Shit.
More screams pierced the air, along with groans and curses that he didn’t have the will to correct. Not when he was thinking the same thing.
“Noah.” He turned to Liv’s call. Reflexes had him catching the bag that was tossed at him before it nailed him in the face. “Towels, bag and wipes are in there.”
Was vomit worse than blood? One shallow inhale, and he turned on autopilot to deal with the now-crying kid who happened to be on his end of the bus. The boy was Jimmy’s friend and to Jimmy’s credit, he hadn’t bailed like the rest of the kids who were clustered in two groups, one in the middle between the two vomiters and the other at the very back of the bus.
“Can you let me in there, Jimmy?” he asked, donning the rubber gloves he’d found in the bag. Thank God Liv was prepared.
“I’m not leaving him alone.” The defiant tilt of Jimmy’s chin was a dare to Noah to make him. One that he had no desire to deal with.
“All right. Here.” He held out a wad of paper towels.
Jimmy eyeballed him with the hardened edge of mistrust that was too old for someone so young. The quick snatch of tissues from Noah’s hand said the same. Going from that, Noah settled back and handed Jimmy stuff as he needed it. The way he took care of his friend, whom he kept calling Danny, showed it wasn’t his first time doing so.
He wiped off the boy’s face and hands with tender care then grabbed wipes from Noah and cleaned him again. Murmured words of comfort were dabbled in between Danny’s sniffles.
Noah was trying to get as much of the puke off the floor as he could when Liv appeared in the aisle.
“Are you doing okay, Danny?”
“He’s good,” Jimmy answered right away. “We’ll clean it up. Sorry.” There was a desperate note to his voice that sent more warning signals over Noah’s nape.
“Hey.” She nudged him, and Noah got out of the way to let her edge in next to Jimmy. The boy watched her with a leery expression. “No one’s in trouble. Not here. You know that.” She seemed indifferent to the vomit still spread over both of the boys’ jeans as she leaned in to rub Danny’s arm. “It’s all right, Danny. These things happen. No one’s mad, okay?”
When the boy launched himself across Jimmy to throw himself into Liv’s waiting hug, Noah had to swallow hard against the lump that formed in his throat. The care that Liv took to reassure the boys sent another rush of warmth through him.
She gave out so much love to everyone, and it wasn’t superficial or pretend affection either. Liv’s was an honest caring he’d rarely seen. Maybe it was his line or work or simply his misfortune of acquaintances in his life, but it raised his appreciation for how much Liv had warmed and changed not only his life, but everyone she touched.
It also reaffirmed his conviction that he had to be completely free of his past before he could move forward with her. He was getting there, slowly. He just hoped she was still there when he was
ready.
*
Liv took the clothes out of the drier and sorted them into four piles, one for each kid who’d been covered in vomit, along with her own. The quiet surrounded her and she selfishly toiled longer than needed as she tried to absorb a bit of the peace. The day had been a huge success, one the kids would remember for a long time. Her, too, but for different reasons.
She scooped up the kids’ clothes and absorbed the lingering warmth, along with the flowery scent left over from the drier sheet as she headed back to her responsibilities.
“That’s not how you do it, Mr. Bakker,” Jimmy was saying when she got to the room where the kids were waiting. Jimmy picked up the game piece and showed Noah where to move it. “You go over here after drawing that card.”
Liv leaned against the doorjamb and smiled around the crack that was slowly splitting her heart in two. Noah had been wonderful with the kids all day. A huge help also.
He’d been everything she’d imagined he’d be. Patient, stern when needed, a sounding board for play debates, a calm presence in the chaos of the kids’ excitement. And being with him in that environment had shown her exactly what she didn’t have, but ached to claim. Him.
Noah scratched his head. “You sure about that?”
Jimmy nodded, but Danny was squeezing his lips together, trying hard not to laugh. Mackenzie, the initial vomiter, was curled up under a blanket, watching with solemn eyes.
“Because I think I’m being bamboozled.”
Jimmy patted his chest. “From me? Never.”
His best friend lost it then, his laugh bursting out from behind his hand.
Noah arched a brow and looked pointedly at Danny. “Something tells me you have a bridge to sell me, too.”
Jimmy leaned in, all serious. “Don’t tell anyone, but I have this one in Brooklyn I can get you for a steal.”
Noah leaned back, his deep laughter filling the room and wrapping around Liv to taunt her once again with the change that was slowly evolving in him. One that hadn’t required anything from her—except space.
Could she really wait indefinitely for him? Their lives were continuing on separate paths that only occasionally crossed now. Was she crazy to say she would wait when there was no guarantee he’d ever come back to her? If you love something… Right.
Jimmy’s grin about split his cheeks. The kid flourished under any kind of praise, even laughter when he was going for the joke like now.
“How do you know that line?” Noah asked once his laughter died down.
Jimmy shrugged. “Bugs Bunny reruns on cable. My dad will only let us watch the classic cartoons. Says the new stuff is all a bunch of sh… Crap.”
“I got clean clothes,” Liv said, stepping in before the moment got awkward. “Go get changed and I’ll take you home.” The three were currently wearing borrowed clothes Liv kept on hand for reasons such as this.
The kids scrambled out of the room to change and Noah started putting away the board game he’d been playing with the boys. She helped him gather up the cards, pinning her frustrations on the long day.
“Thanks for sticking around,” she said to him.
He shot her a smile. “No problem.”
“Did the other kids get home okay?” He’d driven home three of the older ones whose parents hadn’t come to pick them up. Most likely, they weren’t even home.
“Yes. They’re all fine. I watched each one enter their home and waited for a light to come on.”
“Thank you for that, too.” She settled the lid on the game and put it away on the shelf. “You don’t have to wait around. I’ll lock up and take these three home.”
He was standing when she turned around, arms lifted over his head in a long stretch that went with his yawn. He dropped his arms to his side and shook his head. “I’ll see you out and follow you to their homes. I don’t like you going there without backup.”
“What?” She scowled at him. “It’s fine. I can handle it. I contacted Mackenzie’s and Danny’s parents, and Jimmy’s staying at Danny’s so it should be fine.”
“Should be fine.” Noah repeated as he stepped closer. “That’s enough to guarantee I’ll be following you.”
The urge to defend her abilities was countered by the logic of backup and her lack of energy to fight him. “If you insist,” she finally said, fatigue dragging her words down. “I’ll go grab my stuff.”
Noah cupped her neck to stop her, his kiss a surprise that caught her with her mouth open. His lips were gentle though, each touch filled with caring that ripped at the last of her restraint. She clutched at his shoulders, need flushing her with impossible cravings, and let him take what he wanted. It was nothing more than the sweet pecks and licks he’d started with and at that moment, the tenderness was more devastating than a passionate plunder.
“Ms. Liv. Oh, wow. Yuck.”
Liv jerked away, her stomach cramping at both the loss and the inappropriateness of her actions. She covered her mouth with the back of her hand and spun around to face Jimmy. All she saw was his shoes as he sprinted back down the hall.
“Dude. You don’t want to go in there.”
“Why?” Danny asked, his voice faint.
“They’re kissing!”
“Eww.”
Noah snorted behind her, and she covered her anxiety with laughter and said, “I guess kissing is worse than vomit.”
“Sounds like it.”
“For the record, I disagree with their assessment.”
He tilted her chin up and placed one more chaste kiss on her lips that almost broke her. “Me, too.”
She pulled into her apartment complex an hour later, worn out and running on fumes. It was so tempting to turn back around and head down to Noah’s. She stubbornly shifted the car into Park and pointedly removed the keys from the ignition.
Noah would come to her when he was ready. And if that never happened, she’d deal. It would devastate her, but she would deal. She had no choice except to truly walk away, and that would hurt even worse than it already did.
Chapter Thirty
Liv rolled to a sitting position and groaned to the sound of “Silent Night” lamenting from somewhere. She ground her palms into her temples until the throbbing behind her eyes turned to a dull ache. Taking a chance, she blinked her eyes open and mentally cursed the brightness. Of course her dad would open the curtains. It was his way of poking at her for overindulging.
Her dad’s annual Christmas Eve party was one for the legend books and hadn’t mellowed at all with his age. Friends, family, acquaintances new and old were invited. She had to attend, but she definitely didn’t have to drink so much.
She groaned again and unglued her tongue from the roof of her mouth to try and swallow away the rancid taste that threatened to have her running for the bathroom. Never again. She made the same promise every Christmas morning and conveniently forgot it by the next Christmas Eve.
Aren’t I allowed to let loose once a year? Apparently her father didn’t think so.
A check of her phone showed she had to get moving anyway. She had food to prepare—just the thought made her stomach roll—and places to be later. She stumbled to the bathroom, splashed water on her face and used her finger to rub a layer of scum off her teeth. Pain relievers came next, the ones she never left home without. Especially this past month.
December had passed like it always did in an almost constant string of task and events. Christmas shopping, decorating, baking, cards, church pageants her kids were in—name it and she’d done it. Top that off with a sudden onslaught of winter in the form of above-average snow and below-average freezing temps, and she’d been ready to say goodbye to Christmas long before it’d arrived.
Not that anyone knew that. Smiling, she’d seen to everyone and everything that had been placed in front of her. Thank you cards had been made and mailed to the Glaciers before the Christmas gift making had begun. Sally had tackled the clay project after a local pottery shop donated supplies and off
ered to fire the projects. Joan had been in charge of paintings and drawings, and Liv had a not-so-brilliant idea to teach anyone who wanted how to knit. Scarves ended up being the sole gift created in that group. On the upside, the recent weather made the gifts really appropriate.
She opted to get coffee on the way home and was zipping up her coat when her dad came in.
“Merry Christmas, Nessie girl.”
Her grin was forced, but he didn’t seem to notice. The nickname was one only her dad could get away with. She welcomed the big bear hug from the man who exemplified the term. “Merry Christmas to you, too, Dad.”
He let her go, scratching at the stubble on his jaw. “Are you taking off already?” He tugged the waist of his sweatpants over his belly. Ones she was willing to bet had never been used for exercising.
“I’ve got other places to be today.” She gathered up her bags and leaned in to give a kiss on the cheek to placate him. “It was another good party. Is Aunt Jean coming over to help clean later?” If not, then Liv would be back tomorrow to do it. Her dad would probably live in the grime before doing it himself.
“She said she was.”
“Is anyone else still here?”
“Two of your cousins are still crashed in the guest rooms.”
And that explained why she was on the couch. “There’s a breakfast casserole in the fridge. Heating directions are taped to the top.” He might’ve been living alone for over twenty years, but the man had never learned to cook.
“Thanks.” He gave her a patented Delcour grin and wink. “You always take care of me.”
Yeah, she did. “Someone has to.” It definitely wasn’t going to be Vanessa, although her sister did pay for his monthly cleaning service. The banter was the same as usual, but it hit her wrong that morning. The irritation at being responsible for her grown dad had to be due to her headache and sour stomach, and that was her fault, not his.
She bid him goodbye before she said something she’d regret, grabbed her bags and headed out the door. The bitter cold froze her nose hairs when she inhaled and help to clear her head as she crunched over the snow-covered drive to her car. She’d stopped thinking of the SUV as Noah’s weeks ago. Right or wrong, she’d grown used to the luxury. Still, she’d have to give it back…someday.
