by Lynda Aicher
She managed the usual forty-minute drive across town in a breezy twenty, thanks to the empty roads. There weren’t a lot of people out at 8:00 a.m. Christmas morning. Visions of family rooms buried under wrapping paper and gifts by a Christmas tree tugged at the longing she usually didn’t acknowledge. It was harder this year though, with Noah around but not.
Their relationship had stabilized to a close friendship that had included a few dinners out and ended with heavy kisses at her door but nothing more. He’d opened up more about his past, which she welcomed. She was starting to doubt though if he’d ever be ready to talk about his future. At least one with her.
Then again, Noah had never promised her anything, and it was her fault for wanting more than he could give. And that was one more thing she had to deal with on her own.
She tucked those thoughts aside and spent the rest of the morning preparing food for that afternoon. The group was converging on the hospital at three for Christmas dinner in Tyler’s room, and she had desserts to make, a few more presents to wrap and one more day to get through before she could crash.
*
Noah’s footsteps clicked a hollow echo as he walked down his hallway. The emptiness seemed more profound than usual. Maybe it was the day or just the fact that half his stuff had been moved to storage last week. Either way, it tapped out a code of loneliness that he was ready to be done with.
He stood at the edge of his living room to stare at the corner that had once held a grand Christmas tree every year. Back before he’d stopped celebrating the holiday. Before he’d stopped living.
With prodding from Cass, he’d been reminded of what it was he’d hoped to find with Beth and hadn’t. That family love that stuck together through good and bad. One that endured through changes and morphed with each bump that came along.
He was a part of a family like that. The Den family, and it humbled him. He wanted Liv with him though. She was part of their group now, but more than that, he was ready to love her.
Cass had been true to his word on making Noah find his own path to his healing. The twice-a-week sessions had been mentally and emotionally grueling. The schedule had been his doing though. Once he’d started the process, he’d been driven to finish it.
There’d been days when he’d almost quit. Days when the anguish of looking back had pulled him so far into the past he’d sworn there was no coming back. But he’d made it through, stronger and finally free.
He pulled a box from the inside pocket of his sports coat and stared at the red-and-silver wrapping. Would she understand what it meant? His pulse picked up every time he thought about her reaction. He’d barely eaten all day because his stomach was in too many knots to handle food as he waited for the afternoon to arrive.
On that thought, he tucked the box away, slipped his wool coat on and grabbed the bags stuffed full of presents waiting next to the door. His assistant had ordered all of the gifts, but he’d spent last night wrapping them himself. Celebrating holidays—that was another thing he’d stopped doing when he’d stopped living. Right along with gardening and friends and laughing.
Liv made him laugh. She’d also shown him how much he still cared for others. Loved others, even when he’d tried not to.
Life hadn’t stopped because he’d willed it to, and love hadn’t evaporated because he’d refused to acknowledge it. Both still happened.
He locked the door behind him, sucked in a long breath of freezing air and moved toward the future he’d denied himself for too long.
Chapter Thirty-One
The hospital staff had done their best to bring some of the holiday spirit to the facility. Decorated trees in the lobby and garland draped from the desks, accented with red bulbs or bows and twinkly lights helped but couldn’t erase the simple fact that every patient there would rather be celebrating the day at home.
Noah stopped at the nurse’s station on the ICU floor to drop off the handwritten thank you notes that included generous gift cards to the five nurses who’d been the primary caregivers for Kendra, Tyler and Jake. The gift basket overflowing with goodies that his assistant had arranged to be delivered yesterday was open on the corner, the contents spilling out.
He’d given Karen a seven-day vacation in Hawaii for her and her husband and a year-end bonus that had left her mouth gaping. She’d more than earned it. He’d officially closed down the office for the next week as well and gave all of his employees the week off with pay. It was all part of the living-again thing. Vacation was another one of those things he’d given up and was now reclaiming.
The nurses on the rehabilitation floor greeted him with warm smiles and big thank yous when they opened their cards. He had to chuckle at the pile of baskets lining the floor around that desk. Apparently, there were a lot of people who wanted to show their appreciation for the often thankless jobs they did.
The Christmas music reached him first, light notes of “Jingle Bell Rock” that drifted under the chatter and laughter that spilled from Tyler’s room. Other rooms had similar things going on, while some were quiet except for the drone of the television.
He stood in the doorway for a moment and soaked up the love that was visible throughout the room. Tyler wore an off-kilter Santa hat and a grin on his face as he joked with Seth about how cute he looked in his elf hat. Allie sat on the bed between the two men, arm in a sling but cast off, her own elf hat jingling when she laughed at Seth’s scowl.
Marcus and Quinn were by the window talking to Deklan and Kendra, the women cooing over the baby while the men gazed at the scene with expressions of adoration.
Jake was propped in the corner on his crutches, Cali at his side talking with animated hand movements to Carter over his upcoming gallery showing. Rock held a hand to the small of Carter’s back, and each slow stroke caused Noah’s heart to hitch. It’d been too long since he’d touched Liv’s secret dimples.
Food was arranged buffet style on a line of rolling bedside tables along the wall, and that was where Liv was. Bent over, fussing with the arrangement, checking the silverware and plates then shifting the drinks around. A red sweater hugged her frame, the V-neck dipping low enough to show her cleavage. It was the most revealing top he’d ever seen her wear, and his mouth went dry at the sight.
A long black skirt swirled loosely around her legs with low-heeled boots finishing her outfit. The look was simple yet stunning, and the urge to stake his claim on her roared to life, just as it’d done all those weeks ago at the club.
“Whatcha looking at?”
Noah jerked around at Holden’s question.
Vanessa smirked at him and lifted her chin toward the room. “It’s a nice view, isn’t it?”
He looked back. “Yes. It is.”
“It’s about time you guys got here.” Liv greeted them with big hugs and cheek kisses. “Merry Christmas.”
The same ritual was followed around the room as he made his way in to set his bag of gifts beneath the little fake tree set up on another pilfered table by the closet. The pile was overflowing and spoke to the bond they had with each other.
They’d been close before, but the accident and media blitz wove their hold tighter than ever. It didn’t always work that way. All too often he’d seen the same situation drive people apart. Thankfully, in this instance with these friends, what could’ve shattered them completely had brought them closer.
“Food’s ready,” Liv said. “I think there’s enough to feed the entire floor.”
The laughs filled the room as comments and thanks were added.
Noah stayed to the side, not remotely hungry.
“Hey,” Vanessa said as she nudged his side. “What’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” A seed of apprehension weaved through his chest.
She studied him for a moment, eyes narrowing. “I’m not sure, but something’s troubling you. Is the press making trouble again? No.” She gave a firm shake of her head. “I would’ve heard about it. So what gives?”
&nb
sp; He smiled, touched at her concern. “I’m fine, V. Thank you, though.”
“Are you sure?”
“Very.” At least he hoped he would be. His gaze strayed to Liv, who now stood by Kendra to add her coos for the baby. The sun streamed through the window to highlight the blond hints in her auburn hair that was tucked behind her ear.
“She got to you, huh?”
Noah snapped his focus back to Vanessa. There was no hint in her expression as to how she felt about her statement. He hesitated then saw no reason to lie. “Yes. She did.”
It took a moment before a smile softened the firm line of her mouth. “Good.”
His brows winged up and he puffed out a short laugh. “I hope you’re right about that.”
She turned to eye her sister. “So do I.” The almost wishful note in her voice had him scrutinizing her now.
“What’s the catch?”
“Catch?” She tilted her head. Where he’d expected protectiveness, he found speculation. “There is none. Treat her right, and we’re good.”
He caught Liv staring at them, lips pinched in obvious unease. “I plan on it,” he told Vanessa, eyes still holding on Liv.
Deklan stepped up to them, and Vanessa slipped away. “How’s Kendra doing?” Noah asked the man before Deklan could drill him on anything.
The relief that flowed through his features was like a wave of renewal. “Good. Real good.” Gone was the haggard man who had refused to move from her bedside. It wasn’t exactly the old Deklan though. He was thinner now, and a bit of silver showed in the short hair near his left temple, but in some ways he seemed even stronger than before. “She has a ways to go with her therapy and still gets the headaches, but compared to what could’ve…” He squeezed his eyes closed and swallowed. “Yeah. She’s doing great.”
Their attention turned to the woman under discussion. Her hair was short now, cut into a stylish fashion that fit her athletic frame. A pink line ran across her temple and was visible even across the room as a reminder of how close she’d been to dying. She looked up, a smile sprouting when she saw them watching.
“Is she okay about losing her job?” he asked.
“Yes and no.” Deklan’s tone hardened. “The medical reason the school district gave was valid. We have no idea how long her recovery will take. It’s the underlying accusation that went with the dismissal that grinds me.”
“More media fallout?”
Deklan’s jaw went tight. His hand curled into a fist and he inhaled a long breath through his nose before he answered. “Yeah. Just like Allie.”
Noah dropped his gaze to the floor, regret tightening around his heart. Both women had lost their jobs as a result of their public association with The Den. “Sorry.”
“Not your fault.”
Deklan’s eyes spoke with an intensity of conviction when he met them that had Noah sniffing away the emotions that rushed to the surface. “It’s still wrong.”
“Agreed. But—” he tipped his head, “—we’ll get through it.”
Noah believed that, maybe for the first time in years. “Yeah. We will.”
The afternoon progressed in a flow of short conversations, warm smiles and the overwhelming presence of love. Family. Not by blood, but it was somehow deeper than that now. This was a family built by choice not obligation.
“All right, everyone,” Cali called over the chatter. “It’s time for presents.”
“Is my hot-rod-powered wheelchair under there?” Tyler asked, stretching his neck to look toward the tree.
“What wheelchair?” Seth countered, giving him a gentle shove. “You’ll be walking out of here.”
Tyler arched a brow before a devious grin spread over his lips. “Yes, sir.” Laughter burst through the room, and Marcus moved in to help Cali distribute the presents.
Noah’s admiration for the young man grew every day. Tyler had already been through three operations to repair the extensive damage to his leg and hip, yet his attitude had remained mostly positive. The brace for his collarbone had been removed last week, and his arm cast had been replaced with a removable plastic one that gave him more upper body movement.
“I hope I have his outlook if something like that ever happens to me.”
Noah’s smile was automatic as he met Liv’s eyes. His awareness of her hadn’t faded since he’d arrived, so he wasn’t surprised by her approach. His entire side seemed alive with energy that sparked whenever she was near. “I pray nothing like that ever happens to you.”
“Me, too.”
Tyler rested against Allie now, his eyelids drifting low. He was still on heavy pain meds, but at least his leg was out of the traction device that had kept him completely immobile for two weeks after his second surgery.
Noah leaned in, the subtle scent of her berry shampoo filling him with memories and longing. “Merry Christmas, Vivian.”
Her smile was instantaneous, lips close enough to kiss. “Merry Christmas, Noah.”
“These are yours.” Marcus held out a stack of gifts to Liv before Noah could say anything.
“Wow. Thanks.” She took them from Marcus, her look of wonder endearing. “I didn’t expect anything.”
Marcus scowled. “Don’t be silly.” He left without another word and missed Liv’s soft inhale. Noah didn’t though.
Her gift was suddenly a lead weight in his pocket. He was waiting to get her aside later. Take her somewhere quiet so he could give it to her in private. Watch her reaction and hope. God, hope so damn much that her words held true.
“You’re part of this family now,” he told her. She nodded, but her lack of verbal response left him uneasy. Did she really question that?
He accepted his stack of gifts from Cali, and the chaos of tearing paper followed by exclamations of thanks and shared jokes kept him from pushing Liv on her doubts. Hopefully, she’d understand how integral she’d become to all of them, especially him, as soon as he got her alone.
*
“This is beautiful, Liv.” Allie sent her a huge grin as she wrapped the angora scarf around her neck. The dark brown shade accentuated her coloring exactly as Liv had hoped it would. “I can’t believe you made all of these.”
“Thank you,” Liv said, pride glowing warm within her. She’d been nervous over what everyone would think of her homemade gifts. “I’m glad you like it.”
“I love it.”
“Mine, too,” Quinn added, stroking the royal-blue yarn of her scarf. Even from across the room, Liv could see how the color matched her eyes, making them pop.
A ripple of the same sentiment followed, cementing Liv’s smile in place. She eyed the group, now half-buried under brightly colored wrapping paper, bags and discarded boxes. It was perfect when it shouldn’t be.
Clustered into groups were the individual units that made up the whole. Each couple—or threesome—sat next to each other, laughing and sharing as they opened each gift before lifting the item to show everyone else.
She’d ended up next to Noah almost by default, yet it’d seemed expected by everyone. Somewhere over the last few months, the two of them had become the last couple to join the group. Only they weren’t a couple, not really.
Her smile slipped from her face, but she willed it back in place. The noticeable lack of a gift from Noah shouldn’t hurt. She’d had no expectations that anyone would get her anything. That wasn’t what Christmas was about. It should be enough just seeing everyone enjoy the gifts she’d given them.
It should be.
“This is gorgeous, Noah.” Cali held up a colorful shawl in deep purples and greens that happened to match the sweater set she was wearing, almost like he’d planned it.
She’d been aware of him since the moment he’d stepped into the room. The small space had made it impossible not to know where he was. She’d carried on conversations with others, laughed, joked and listened to their tales, all while a part of her brain tracked Noah.
“Thank you, Liv.” The quiet words next to her fo
rced her to look at the very man she was trying so hard to let go of. He held up the navy sweatshirt with the words Life is Good on the front. It definitely wouldn’t go with the rest of the clothes in his closet. He ghosted his fingers over the words. “It’s getting there, isn’t it?” His raised brow, combined with his half smile, tripped her heart into a rapid beat.
“It’s something to remember,” she said, hoping he understood how she’d meant it.
He carefully folded the sweatshirt and set it next to the red scarf she’d made for him. “It is.”
Sitting next to him, pretending everything was fine when it was but wasn’t, took more effort than she had left. Her reserves were depleted, and there was no refill button in reach on a night that didn’t seem to be ending anytime soon.
She busied herself stuffing the discarded paper into a bag for recycling just to get away from her thoughts of Noah. The gifts she’d received were all neatly packed into her reusable bag. Everyone had been overgenerous in their giving. Gold earrings she could wear at work, a gas card, which had made her laugh, even a new smartphone, which had left her speechless. The imbalance weighed on her conscience as she gathered the trash into overflowing bags.
“You don’t have to do that, Liv.”
She waved Carter off. “There’s not enough room for it and us in this room.”
He laughed and jumped in to help. They soon had it all corralled into multiple bags they lined up in the hall to take down when they left. She sat the last bag down, turned back to the room and stalled.
Night had arrived to darken the window, which allowed the Christmas lights around the room to sparkle brighter. A quietness had settled over the space with everyone admiring their gifts or talking softly to those beside them. It was intimate, each group an integral piece of the whole.
