Another Generation

by Roberta Kagan

  Money was always tight this time of year. It was expensive to live in the city. When he and John were together, they had two salaries to live on but now Mark had only what he earned and he was barely scraping by. Besides that, he wanted to send Hanukkah gifts to his sisters, his mother, and his niece, so he had been saving every penny and picking up extra shifts at the restaurant. In fact, during the holidays he never sent any of his work shirts to the dry cleaners. Instead, he painstakingly ironed each of the button-down cotton shirts himself. However, this past week he’d been working extra hours and didn’t have time to go to the laundromat to wash his work clothes. Now he was out of clean clothes and he had to go because he needed something to wear to work that night. Mark went into the bedroom and started getting dressed. The laundromat is my worst nightmare. I would rather have a tooth pulled than go there today with all the slush on the streets. I am not in the mood for the holidays at all this year. I’m exhausted. I’ve been working so much and not getting enough sleep. I would call out sick from work tonight, but with Hanukkah coming I need the cash.

  After Mark was dressed in a heavy sweater, jeans, socks, and boots, he began filling his laundry bag with dirty clothes. I should change the sheets. It’s been two weeks. John would have died if we ever let the sheets go that long without changing them. But it’s just me alone now, and it’s such a big hassle to carry all this bedding to and from the laundromat. Besides that, I don’t know if I have enough quarters to do all these loads. John was so damn organized. He went to the bank to get quarters every Monday. Mark began rummaging through his pockets. There was a change machine at the mat but it was almost always out of order.

  “One, two, three, four . . . ” He was counting his quarters when the phone rang. Mark picked up the receiver.

  “Hello?”

  “Is this Mark Levi?”

  “Yes, this is Mark Levi.”

  “Hi! My name is George Finkelstein. I would like to speak to you and your partner John Fergeson about your musical. I’d like to talk to you about the possibility of producing and directing it at one of the larger theaters on Broadway. I have several important friends whom I am pretty sure would be interested as well. If you could contact Mr. Fergeson, I would like to make arrangements to meet with the two of you concerning this matter. Are you interested?”

  A Broadway theater? Our show on a big Broadway stage?”

  “Yes, of course, Mr. Finkelstein. When would you like to meet?”

  “How is today? This afternoon?”

  “Fine. Perfect. What time?”

  “One?”

  “I have to call John, but I am pretty sure he’ll be available.” Mark knew John would make himself available for an opportunity like this.

  “Good, I’ll meet you at the Theater Deli in Times Square.”

  Finkelstein hung up the phone, but Mark still held the receiver in his hand as he listened to the dial tone. Oh, my God. I can’t believe this is happening. It doesn’t seem real. This was our dream. But now I have to call him. How can I call him? How can I speak to him? I’m so afraid to call. What if he rejects me? No matter what, I have to call.

  Mark dialed the last phone number he had listed in his personal phone-book for John. The phone began to ring. I don’t even know if this is still his phone number. He could have moved. I would never know. Worse yet, he might be living with someone. What if some other guy answers? What will I say? Mark wanted to hang up the phone but before he had a chance to disconnect John answered.

  “Hello?” John said.

  The sound of John’s voice almost sent Mark to his knees. His heart was racing and he felt his throat close up. “John, it’s me.”

  “Mark?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Are you okay?” John sounded genuinely concerned.

  “Yeah. I’m better than okay. Listen.” Mark cleared his throat then quickly poured himself a glass of water from the sink in the kitchen. He took a quick sip.

  “Mark, are you still there?”

  “Yes, yes, I’m here. This guy called me today. His name is Finkelstein. I’ve heard of him. You probably have too. He’s a director, producer, and he wants to see the two of us to talk about having our musical performed at a big house on Broadway. Not off-Broadway. This is the real thing.”

  John was silent for several seconds. “Wow! When?”

  “This afternoon at one. He wants us to meet him at the Theater Deli in Times Square. Can you make it?”

  “Of course I’ll be there,” John said. “By the way, how have you been?” John asked.

  The slight tenderness Mark heard in John’s voice sent waves of love surging through him. “I’ve been okay. But I’ve been lonely. I’ve missed you,” Mark said.

  There was a long silence. “John, are you still there?” Mark asked.

  “I’m seeing someone, Mark.”

  “Oh.” Mark felt as if an atomic bomb had just fallen on him, blowing his entire life to bits in just seconds. “I’m glad for you.”

  “One o’clock today at the Theater Deli, right?”

  “Yes. I’ll see you then,” John said and hung up.

  Mark was heartbroken. All the joy he’d felt just moments earlier when he spoke to Finkelstein was gone. Now all he could think about was John with another partner and that made Mark feel like life was not worth living. He glanced down at the bag of laundry laying at his feet. I am just going to have to stop at a clothing store and buy a clean shirt for work tonight. Although I hate to spend the extra money, I don’t have time to wash clothes today. And, even worse, I don’t know where I am going to find the courage to sit across the table from John. I’m afraid that as soon as I see him I’ll start crying like a child. I can’t believe he’s seeing someone. This is a professional meeting today and yet I don’t feel professional at all. All I can think of is that I wish we were still together and that we were enjoying this business opportunity together. The memories I have of the two of us working on this show are some of the finest, sweetest memories I have of my entire life.

  Mark arrived at the deli at five to one. He asked the hostess if a Mr. Finkelstein had arrived and had been seated.

  “Let me check,” she said, looking at a white pad of paper. The restaurant was crowded with people. “Yes, he’s in the back. Come with me.”

  “By the way,” Mark said. “There is another man who will be joining us. When he gets here can you please show him to the table?”

  “Of course,” the hostess said with a thick New York accent.

  But Mark need not have worried about John finding them. John was already seated with Finkelstein. At least John didn’t bring his new boyfriend, Mark thought as he sat down next to John. There was no place else to sit. He felt the warmth of John’s body beside his and it made him uncomfortable. But at the same time, he wished with all of his heart that he could just brush John’s hand in that old familiar way and know that he and John were still on the same side.

  It turned out that George Finkelstein had a host of influential friends who were interested in the venture. They had all seen the show off-Broadway and were impressed.

  Mark was both thrilled and miserable at the same time. His dream of having one of his productions done on a legitimate Broadway stage was coming to life right before his eyes and the only person he really wanted to share his happiness with was sitting beside him. But, although they were sharing their success, John was now unattainable as his partner.

  “Can I take your order?” The waitress had flaming red hair and a tattoo of a rose on her neck.

  “I’ll have a turkey sandwich on rye with mustard,” Mark said.

  “I’ll have the Cobb salad with no onions, honey mustard dressing on the side, no croutons,” John said.

  Mark knew exactly what John would order. We know each other so well it hurts. John always ordered the same thing whenever they went to the Theater Deli. It makes me feel nostalgic just to hear him place his order in a restaurant. I am a real sad case.

 
Mark was so lost in thought about John that he didn’t notice that Finkelstein didn’t order anything but a cola.

  As soon as the orders were placed, George Finkelstein immediately began talking business. It seemed that he had a lot to say and was in a hurry to go somewhere.

  Both men listened quietly as Finkelstein laid out all the details.

  John was polite to Mark but their eyes never met. They both managed to keep their gaze leveled straight across the table at Finkelstein.

  Finally, after Finkelstein explained everything he had planned for the show and what he expected as far as a contract, he turned to the two men. “NU? So, what do you think?”

  “I say yes. I’m in,” John said.

  “Me too,” Mark agreed.

  Then, for the first time, John turned toward Mark and their eyes connected. Mark felt his heart skip a beat. He wasn’t sure if he saw pity or love as John looked at him.

  “Then we’re all set,” Finkelstein said. “I’ll have my lawyer get in touch with both of you within the next week to draw up the papers.” He took a fifty-dollar bill out of his pocket and laid it on the table. “I’ve got an appointment. I have to run. You two stay and have lunch on me.”

  Just as Finkelstein left, the waitress brought the food. Mark didn’t know what to do. Should I go and sit on the other side of the table? Should I stay here? Oh John, please don’t have your food packed to go. Sit here with me, even if it’s just for a half hour. Let’s share our joy about this accomplishment.

  Thankfully, John didn’t ask to take his food to go. And Mark didn’t have a chance to move before the plates were placed in front of them.

  “Do you want me to move across from you?” Mark asked.

  “No. It’s all right.”

  “What do you think about this whole thing with Finkelstein?” Mark asked.

  “I think it’s going to be everything we always dreamed of,” John said.

  “Yeah, minus one important thing.”

  John turned to look at Mark. “You mean us?”

  “Yeah,” Mark said. Then he added, “I can’t help tell you this again. I really miss you. I’ve missed you every day since you left. Without you, it’s impossible for me to be happy. And you know what? Not only do I want you more than anything in the world, but I need you. I can’t remember the last time I did the laundry or changed the bed. I’ve been eating moldy food . . . ”

  The lunch crowd was starting to go back to work. Outside the window, the Salvation Army Santa Claus was ringing his bell.

  “Wow,” John said.

  “I’m sorry,” Mark said again, shaking his head. He felt that he had made things very awkward. “I should never have said all that. I know you are seeing someone and that rant was really uncalled for.” He cleared his throat and then continued. “I’m going to have my food packed to go. I think it’s probably best.”

  Mark raised his hand to get the waitress’ attention but John put his hand on Mark’s arm and pulled it down. “Don’t go,” John said. “The truth is . . . I’ve missed you too. Josh, the guy I’m dating . . . he’s a great guy but, well, he isn’t you. There’s only one you, Mark.”

  Mark felt the tears form and spill down his cheeks.

  “And there’s only one you, John,” Mark said.

  “Maybe we should have the food packed to go,” John said. “And we can take it back to our old apartment where we can talk.”

  “I’d like that,” Mark said.

  “You know I still love you,” John said.

  “This contract on our show makes me happy. But nothing in this world could make me happier than hearing you say those words. I love you too, John. From the day we first met, I loved you. And, I never stopped loving you. Never.”

  CHAPTER FIFTY

  Summer 1996

  Mark bought plane tickets to New York for his mother, both of his sisters, little Julie, and his sister Haley’s boyfriend Warren. The play was a hit and he wanted his family to come and see it. He was doing well financially and so purchasing the tickets was a gesture he was pleased to make.

  At first, Eidel resisted. She said she didn’t like to fly but Mark was very convincing. Finally, it was arranged and everyone, including Eidel, agreed to come.

  Mark and John’s show had been playing on Broadway for almost a year by then. It was so popular that it was very difficult for the general public to buy tickets. The play won several Tony Awards, and even the toughest of critics gave it rave reviews.

  Mark was excited that his family was coming to see the production. He and John had moved back in together and recently purchased a brownstone that was large and spacious. They had plenty of room for everyone to stay with them.

  John spent days getting things just right for the arrival of Mark’s family. He even called Haley and asked what kind of cereal Julie liked for breakfast. Just like John, Mark thought. He always wants everything to be perfect.

  Over the past year or so, John had grown to be a part of Mark’s family. He and Mark were earning enough money now to make several trips to Chicago to visit. John got along very well with the Levis. He was even on friendly but formal terms with Warren, who had gotten very serious with Haley. John told Mark that sometimes his own insecurities made him uncomfortable around Warren. Warren reminded him of the boys who had been athletic and popular in his high school. “That type of boy teased me relentlessly when I was young. Let’s face it; I wasn’t the typical high school teenage boy. I was already studying to be a dancer and in the high school theater group. I never had a date and didn’t go to prom. And there were guys in school who made it their job to notice things like that and then use those things to make your life a living hell,” John said.

  “I remember the guys like that—the ones on the football team. They treated me pretty badly when I was kid too. But we can’t judge Warren by how he looks. Just because he looks like he’d be Mr. popularity, doesn’t mean he’s a jerk. After all, he’s never been disrespectful to either of us,” Mark said.

  “I know. And he does seem to be a nice guy. It’s just that he reminds me of all the stuff I had to overcome in high school. It’s not his fault. He’s never done anything wrong.”

  “And he’s great to Haley and Julie. That’s a plus too.”

  The only family John had left was his eccentric mother who was now on a retreat in India. She traveled often and was emotionally unavailable to John. His father died several years ago in a motorcycle accident and recently he lost his only sister, who had been his best friend, to breast cancer. So he was happy to become a part of Mark’s family.

  Abby was still his favorite. Maybe in a way, she was a replacement for the sister he lost. John knew that with Abby, he could be himself completely and she would never judge him. He had seen Abby at her worst. John could still remember when she would come to New York to see Mark before she reconnected with her mother and sister. She was always involved in some toxic relationship in those days. He’d been worried about her. Many nights during her visits, Abby and John would stay awake talking while Mark was at work. She would tell John how she could never seem to find a man who treated her like she had any value. He still remembered her saying, “Maybe it’s because I don’t value myself.”

  Those words haunted him. He and Mark had several conversations about Abby back in those days. They were both afraid that she would come to a bad end. When the phone rang late at night, they looked at each other before answering, both of them secretly praying that it was not a police officer calling to tell them that Abby was dead. John was glad that after Dovid’s death, Abby found a way to get off the dangerous roller coaster she was riding. It was good that she had made peace with her mother and Haley, and they all seemed to be thriving. However, he couldn’t help but notice that Abby refused to date anyone. Haley told Mark that Warren had introduced Abby to several of his coworkers, but after one date Abby refused to see them again. Haley also said that Abby was invited on dates by professors and college students they met at the muffi
n shop but Abby always declined. Mark asked John what he thought about all of it.

  “She’s scared of getting involved. The men in her past were nightmares. Let’s face it, Mark. That last one could have killed her. He was dangerous. I can’t say I blame her in a way,” John said.

  “But don’t you think she’s lonely?”

  “I don’t know if she is or not. But I know you, Mark, and I know what you’re thinking and it’s probably not a great idea.”

  “I wanted to introduce her to, Brian, the actor who took over your role as Captain when you wanted out of the play. He’s straight.”

  “That’s what I thought you were thinking,” John said.

  “And you don’t agree that it’s a good idea?”

  “Abby can take care of herself. I don’t think she’s going to like him. He’s arrogant.”

  “You don’t like him because he is playing the part you played.”

  “And you think he’s better than I was?”

  “I didn’t say that, John. You were wonderful, but you wanted out of the play.”

  “Wanted out of the play . . . hmm. I did it for a solid year. Six nights a week, twice on Sundays and twice on Wednesdays.”

  “I am not being critical of you. I’m glad you’re not in the cast anymore. It was too much. We had no time to enjoy the money we were earning.”

  “Well, you sounded like you were being critical.”

  “Of you? Never,” Mark said, putting his arm around John.

  “It was fun doing the show at first. Then it got to be overwhelming.”

  “And I missed you all the time. You were never home. I’m glad you gave up the show. You really don’t think I should introduce Abby to him, do you?”