Finding Hawk

by Brandy L Rivers

  He sighed. “You were shaken badly enough. Didn’t want you worried you needed to leave. Or that I’d share your secret. You’re safer here.”

  She didn’t want to argue, and she wasn’t ready to leave yet. “I picked the lock.”

  Chatan relaxed. “Full of surprises, aren’t you?”

  “I’m resourceful. I learned long ago that you can’t only rely on magic.”

  “True, but not many as connected to their magic have realized that.”

  “Keep in mind my mother taught me to rely on anything I can. She’s an excellent seer, but she can’t cast like I can. Not sure anyone can.”

  “You’re the only one we know of who has escaped the guys.”

  “Chatan, how do you know so much about all of this?”

  He sighed. “It’s a small town, and the Elders want us informed. They’re trying to stop it, but so far, they haven’t been able to catch anyone in the act.”

  She couldn’t help thinking he was hiding something. Was that why he left the other night? Why he came by with food so late? “Were you there the night they tried to take me?”

  “I was working.”

  “At the nursery?”

  He shook his head. “I have a few jobs. Some nights I work the night shift at the motel. I work at the nursery. I help where needed.”

  “You were there.” She turned to look out the window.

  “Fine, yes, I was there. I didn’t get there in time. I saw you leaving the parking lot.”

  She had a feeling that wasn’t the whole story. But she didn’t want to give up all her secrets, so why should he.

  “Do you really think I could stand by and let something happen to anyone?” he asked, a defensive note in his voice.

  “No. Sorry. Look, I’m worried about everyone here. If they find out I’m here, what will they do?”

  “It’s a town full of shaman, druids, and other casters. They’ll handle themselves.”

  She rubbed at her temples. “Just like all those people carted off? Why haven’t they come here?”

  “We’re protected. The wards keep her out, and she knows what would happen if she were to attack our people.”

  “But they’re still looking for me here,” she protested.

  “They won’t find you. Your car is a different color than you parked at the diner. It has a different license plate.”

  “Magic,” she answered.

  “Exactly. But you’ll stay safe here. You can hide. We’ll protect you.”

  “Fine, for now. I haven’t found what I’m looking for anyway.” But if they got too close, or she sensed Thanatos closing in, she’d leave in a heartbeat.

  “You found a friend. One who cares deeply for you.”

  So aggravating, and only because she felt it too. None of what she shared with Chatan made sense. She’d known him for a few days. That was it. And she felt more connected to him than she did her own mother. The thought of leaving him behind tore her up, but she’d do it to protect him.

  She needed to understand why they felt so deeply for each other in such a short time.

  “Why?” she demanded. “You hardly know me. What if I’m more trouble than it’s worth.”

  “You’re not. No one is. And if love were always easy, it wouldn’t be worth it.”

  Her eyes widened. She wasn’t even sure what that word meant, but she suspected that’s where she was headed and that scared the hell out of her. Especially if he was already there. “Don’t tell me you’re in love,” she whispered.

  “Didn’t say that. But what is growing between us could become love.” He blew out a breath. “Too forward?”

  Maybe, but she had to know. “Tell me something, Chatan. When I leave, and I will have to, what do you expect will happen to us?”

  “I’ll follow—if this keeps growing and evolving into what I think it will, I’ll have to follow my heart.”

  Her mouth fell open. No words came to her. She never expected that. But he didn’t understand what would come for her, eventually.

  He parked at his aunt’s house and took her hand. “Jace, listen to me. I’m not saying what this is, but I know you feel it too. It’s something I want to explore. Can you say you don’t?”

  “You don’t understand. You can’t. Something has hunted my bloodline for ages. There’s only a few of us left. And when I go, it will be to protect you and everyone else here, even if I don’t find what I’m looking for.”

  “What’s hunting you?”

  “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

  “Try me,” he countered.

  “No, I can’t. Look, I’m not afraid of Josephine or her goons. They’re all a bunch of assholes I could easily deal with. It’s not like I’m walking around the streets looking for trouble.”

  “I’m sorry. I never said you can’t handle yourself. I just worry. I’d worry for anyone, but you’re special.”

  “You don’t have any idea how much I wish you’d stop saying that.”

  “Tell me something, Jacinda. What do you feel for me? You feel what’s between us, don’t you?”

  Hysteria threatened to take over. What she felt was too much. “Damn it, Chatan. What do you want from me?”

  “You. And for you to trust me.”

  “I’m trying, but you’re still hiding something from me.”

  “Just like you’re hiding shit from me. And I get it. Whatever big bad is in your past, you don’t want to scare me off. But I got news for you. Nothing is going to scare me away. I’ve seen big and bad. Nothing you can tell me is going to shock me.”

  “Drop me off at my room, please.”

  “You’ll still come to dinner?”

  “I don’t know. You’re making all this so complicated.”

  “Jace, it’s not complicated. You aren’t safe beyond the reservation, at least until Josephine is stopped. You want me as bad as I want you.”

  She threw her hands up. He kept saying that, but then stopped before they got anywhere. “I really doubt that. You keep stopping after kissing me for a few seconds.”

  He banged his hand on the steering wheel. “I’m trying to prove I want more than sex with you.”

  “I can’t stay forever, and you can’t come with me when I do leave. So maybe it’s best if I just stop spending time with you. You seem to want more than I can give you.”

  * * * *

  Chatan already knew he was playing with fire. He couldn’t fucking help it either. Nothing worth having wasn’t worth fighting for. And maybe she needed to be shown what he wanted.

  She was a grown ass woman and maybe the lack of experience wasn’t a problem. Jacinda knew what she wanted. And maybe if he gave her a piece of himself, she’d see they belonged together. Because he knew, without a doubt, that making love to her would bind them together in a way she wasn’t expecting.

  He felt it, knew it, and he wasn’t going to regret it when that bond slipped into place, especially if she wanted to hide what she was running from.

  Because even if he didn’t have all the answers, he knew people who could help get those answers and clear up the problem up for her.

  “I’ll drop you off at the motel, but I’ll be back to get you for dinner.” In fact, he’d be early, if Taryn and Loval didn’t think he was a complete moron for what he planned to do. Loretta—well, she’d likely tell him he was a fool, just like his father.

  He was nothing like his father.

  “Fine.”

  He pulled into the motel and she climbed out without looking back and shut herself behind the door. He growled in frustration and drove home.

  Everything had been so perfect. At least, he believed so. Maybe he was foolish. Maybe nothing was the way he imagined.

  Chapter 16

  “You smelled her?” Josephine demanded.

  Butch’s lips curved into an evil smile. “Yes. Smelled her in his truck.”

  “You haven’t seen her before. How do you know it wasn’t another woman?”


  “Never smelled anything like it. You all said she was powerful. I imagine that has to have a different scent than the people of Wanatoga.”

  “Good point,” she conceded.

  Mason sighed. “Chatan is definitely hiding something. Likely the girl.”

  “Then find her,” Josephine snarled. “It shouldn’t be that hard if he’s fucking the little bitch.”

  “She’s young,” Mason offered. “He’s too nice of a guy. If he thinks she’s a virgin, he’ll go the perfect gentleman route. She’s probably staying in that motel. Though what did she do with her car?”

  “Wish I could go to sniff out the magic,” Josephine hissed.

  “Why can’t you cross the border?” Mason asked.

  He had asked nearly every day for months. The answer was simple. It took many types of casters to create wards to protect their land from creatures beyond the realm of man. The spells kept anyone not of this world away from the reservation. And with her death and reanimation, she was no longer of this realm.

  There was a time that would have terrified her. Then Coltrain taught her about death and what came with it. And with the dagger, she could be stronger than she would have been in life. Her magic as a psionic was only useful if she could get close enough to someone to manipulate them. Now, she didn’t need contact to initiate that control. No, she only needed to be in the person’s presence. Very few resisted.

  So, Josephine lied. Mason, nor Butch, would ever understand her condition. Not fully. “I have no idea. However, they found a way to block my kind.” And by kind, she meant whatever Coltrain made her when he brought her back to life after five long years of being dead.

  “We’ll find her,” Mason assured.

  “Yes, you will.” She hoped sooner than later.

  * * * *

  Chatan paced the living room of his aunt’s house. He was going crazy letting Jacinda stew in whatever conflict was in her heart and head. And the more he thought about the plan, the more divided he became. Did he go to her, make love to her, claim her forever? Or did he let her come to her own decision with all the knowledge beforehand?

  “Spirits, are you going to calm your ass down?” Taryn demanded, stepping into his path.

  “I’ve pushed her away. Something I’ve been trying desperately to avoid. And I thought I was doing the right thing by not taking things past kissing. She’s never been with anyone, but she thinks that the fact I keep holding back is rejection. That couldn’t be further from the truth.”

  “You’re stupid, you know that?” Taryn smacked his arm. “She’s not a girl. She’s a woman. Lack of experience doesn’t mean she’s unwilling. And didn’t she say she never stays in one place long? You need to give her something to crave if you want her to stick around.”

  “I’m afraid if I start, I won’t be able to stop,” he admitted.

  She snorted. “You would if she told you to.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

  “Go over there. Bring her some flowers. Kiss her, touch her. If she doesn’t stop you, go ahead and take it as far as she lets you. And if you miss dinner, we’ll do it again.”

  Loretta stepped into the room. “That’s your advice?”

  Taryn turned toward her mother. “Yup. That or he lets her come to her own conclusions. And right now, she’s going to decide she’s being stupid and doesn’t need him. But, Mom, they’re already tied together. And if they complete that bond, well, she’s not going to want to run.”

  “You don’t know that, Taryn,” Loretta replied. “She may have something she wants to protect him from. Do you really want to put a bond in place that only hurts them both if she does have to leave?”

  “I’ll follow her. I already told you that. I don’t think anything can keep me from her now,” Chatan admitted.

  Loval chimed in. “Whatever you do, be careful. I agree, you need to do more to prove you want her. But I’m with Loretta. Until you know what’s hiding in her past, is it worth it to forge a connection so strong it hurts to pull away from it?”

  Chatan sighed. “Yeah, it might be. If she runs and never tells me why, I need to understand, and that will give me a way to follow. I need to go. Give me an hour, and I should be back.”

  He hurried out the door, a plan in place.

  Chapter 17

  She thought about leaving when she first stepped into the motel room. Tempting, but she didn’t want whatever was between her and Chatan to end without a word.

  He was right. There was something powerful growing between them. And yes, that scared the hell out of her. But if she was ever going to be with anyone, she wanted it to be someone she felt comfortable with.

  And most of the time, he was it. And her discomfort had everything to do with her own doubts and hang-ups.

  Jacinda considered walking over there and apologizing.

  Too early. She didn’t want to be stuck there if the apology didn’t go as well as she wanted. The thought of spending the rest of the time in Wanatoga avoiding Chatan unnerved her. She craved more time with him.

  But then he kept throwing the word love around and making it sound like they’d wind up together forever. And maybe they were meant to be together, but it was so fast, and she didn’t know where things would go.

  The doorbell rang and she pushed herself to a stand and marched to the door. She wasn’t sure what to say to him, but maybe he realized he had pushed too hard.

  She threw the door open and he stood there with a sad smile and a bunch of lavender roses.

  Her mouth fell open. She’d never seen that color on roses. Their scent wrapped around her. “Were these from your garden?”

  “Yeah.” He looked through his lashes at her.

  Jacinda melted. “Come in.” She hurried to her room and grabbed a mug out of her box. She morphed it into a vase and hurried back to the kitchenette to fill it.

  He took the ceramic from her and set it on the table, placing the flowers in it. “I’m sorry. I’m a fool around you. I can’t help it. You’re what I want, Jacinda. And if waiting until I think you’re ready isn’t right, then I’ll change tactics. But you have to tell me if I go too far for you.”

  “What?” she whispered, staring into the intensity of his gaze.

  “Just tell me you feel something stronger than friendship for me. It doesn’t have to be love, doesn’t have to be forever, but give me something.”

  “I do feel strongly for you. I can’t put it into words. That scares the hell out of me.”

  “What do you want from me?” he asked, his tone low as he closed the distance. “Do you want everything? Or just to feel how much I need you?”

  Jacinda gulped. “What do you mean?”

  “How much proof do you need I want a whole lot more than a kiss from you? How far do you want this to go, right here, right now?”

  She looked up at the ceiling and sighed. “Just tell me why you keep stopping.”

  “I thought you might not be ready. But you’re an adult, you can make that decision for yourself. So, you tell me. Are you ready for me? All of me?”

  “You’re still making this sound like it’s forever.”

  “Could be. I’m not saying it is. I’m saying it could turn into that. Is that so bad, Jacinda? Does the thought of being with me every day really seem so horrible?”

  “No,” she whispered.

  “Then what’s the harm in seeing where this goes?”

  A million thoughts hit her at once, but one voice stood out. Her mother’s, telling her love was the most important thing. And if she didn’t open up, how was she supposed to find it?

  “No harm.” Not in the moment. Later, well, she’d deal with that when she got there. Jacinda let her eyes travel down, until she got to the straining bulge in his pants. Yeah, she affected him the same way he affected her. Why hadn’t she noticed that before? Maybe she wouldn’t have doubted everything so damned much.

  “I want more than a kiss.” Jacinda met his gaze and reached up to wra
p her hand around Chatan’s neck. “Please.”

  “If you get uncomfortable, tell me to stop. I never want to frighten you, Jace.”

  She kissed him, needing to feel something more than longing. He pulled her tight, one hand on her lower back, sealing her against his body.

  “I want to touch you, all of you,” he murmured, reaching for the hem of her dress.

  “Only if I get to do the same to you,” she answered, pulling his shirt up, over his head.

  Her dress followed as his hands glided over her skin. The calluses teased her senses. He trailed his hands over her stomach, her sides, her ribs, her back. She held his head to hers with one hand, deepening the kiss as she explored the dips and flat planes of his muscles with the other.

  He made the sexiest growling sound at the back of his throat as he brought his hands around her front, up to cup her breasts over the bikini top. Letting him go, she got rid of that in a hurry, needing to feel him on her.

  He picked her up and carried her to the couch, where he laid her down. His stare seared her. Chatan bent to capture one tight peak between his lips as he ran his tongue in circles around her nipple.

  The wet heat radiated through her in throbbing pleasure. He stoked the fire deep inside with his attention. He teased the other nipple with his thumb and forefinger, making the ache between her legs that much stronger.

  Jacinda slipped her hand between them and worked his pants open so she could delve inside. She found his hard length and gasped when she realized just how big he was. Not that she had anything to compare him with, but he was certainly bigger than she anticipated.

  She stroked him slow but firm, hoping she was doing it right.

  His eyes flickered with energy as he looked up and caught her attention. “Keep that up, and we may go past the point of no return.”

  “Don’t want to return. Don’t want to stop. Please don’t stop.” No, she needed more from him.

  He kissed down her ribs, moving out of reach of her hand as he pulled her bottoms down her thighs and slipped them off. Then he pushed her legs further open. Her eyes closed as he took a long lick at her core. His hair brushed her thighs as he explored with his tongue.