Dare to Dream (Carolina Beach #1)

by C. A. Harms

  I gave him a look that I hoped displayed the disgust I felt for him, only he didn’t back down.

  “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

  “For what?” I snapped. “For my loss, or the fact you turned out to be a lying, cheating ass?”

  He flinched and I heard a surprised gasp at my side, but I refused to acknowledge it.

  “I understand that you loved my father. And showing up to express your sympathies is understandable,” I said, trying to keep my voice low. “But you and I have absolutely nothing left to say to one another. Because no amount of apologies will ever erase what you did. Loving my father also meant loving his daughter, not treating her like a fool. You chose to take things between us to a different level, then you couldn’t even refrain for one month before jumping into bed with one of your whores. So save your condolences, because I don’t want them.”

  I thought he would say more, and I could tell he wanted to, but he only nodded as he moved past me with his head hung in defeat. I took in a deep breath and did my best to slow my racing heart.

  The effort it took to remain standing beside my mother and the man that lay in the darkened casket at my side was almost unbearable. All I wanted to do was run so far away that no one would ever be able to find me; to a place where I could grieve until I had no more tears left to shed.

  One day I felt as if I had everything, and the next day it was all gone, leaving me empty and desolate. I had never in my twenty-five years of life felt so much pain as I did now. I was falling apart at the seams, and there was absolutely nothing that could hold me together.

  ***

  As days faded into weeks, I knew my father would be saddened by my current state. I’d allowed myself to fall into the vacant, gray area of grief where nothing meant anything to me. I had no particular goals and didn’t even care if I got up in the morning. I no longer even took the time to take care of myself. On most days I looked as if I had just rolled out of bed and slipped on a pair of shoes before leaving for work.

  Not that I really had to worry about my appearance for a customer service job in a call center, but my coworkers were beginning to look at me as if I was a homeless person.

  I spent little time socializing, and most people just left me alone. If I had to guess, I’d say they did it because they feared being the victim of my temper, which had an incredibly short fuse lately. I knew I was a ticking time bomb, but I didn’t care.

  I didn’t care about anything anymore.

  “Greer.”

  I didn’t even turn over in bed to look toward the door when my aunt whispered my name. I didn’t want to suffer through another heartfelt conversation where she insisted things would someday be better. It was a lie. Things would never be better.

  “Honey, I know you’re awake,” she added.

  Aunt Stella was a pushy little thing, all four feet, eleven inches of her. She may look tiny and harmless, but she had a fire inside her that surprised most people. She was a lot like her brother, my father, in that way. When they were growing up, he wasn’t just her savior, but her best friend. I knew she was grieving too, but she refused to let my mother or me fall into the depths of the darkness his death had wrought upon us all.

  “You don’t have to look at me, but you need to hear me.” The bed dipped behind me as she sat on the edge, and I stiffened when her hand rested on my hip. “Sweetheart, I know right now that nothing feels like it will get better. Your father was an amazing man, and there is nothing fair about him being taken from us all. But I have to believe he would want more for us than to sit in the dark and grieve day after day.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut to keep the tears building there from falling.

  “I remember the day you were born.” Her voice was shaky, and I knew she was fighting her emotions back too. “Steven was so proud, so heart-struck by his beautiful daughter. The tears of joy that fell from his eyes that day were some of the very few I ever saw him shed. And I will never forget what he said as he looked at your mother.”

  She paused, and I already knew what was coming, because I had heard this story often. I knew hearing it again now would gut me.

  “‘This was my purpose, the true reason I was given life. It was to meet you and create this perfect little angel,’” she said, and I could no longer hold back the tears no matter how hard I tried.

  “I think it’s time you begin to heal, Greer,” she whispered as she rubbed my back.

  Silence set over the room as I cried while the memories swarmed in my head. All the laughter and happiness I’d shared with my father rushed through me; all the silly times he set aside being an adult, just for a moment, so he could be a kid with me.

  I truly was a lucky girl to even be granted the short time I had with him. He was the gift, not me. He was the greatest, kindest man I’d ever known.

  “I talked to Uncle Mark, and I think I’m gonna take your mother back to Vermont with us.” I knew she’d ask me to join them, but I’d have to refuse. Going to Vermont meant being surrounded by people who would want to dote on me and continue to offer their soothing words. I just couldn’t take that, not yet. “His parents have a place in Carolina Beach, and we’d like to offer it to you to use as a getaway.”

  I turned to look at her then, shocked at her offer. “What?”

  “It’s vacant, more of a vacation home they rent out when they aren’t using it, really, but it’s beautiful. Fully furnished, within walking distance of the beach and the marina.” She brushed my hair aside and offered a smile. “It’s an escape, a place for you to go and find yourself again.”

  I was lost, and I think I had been even prior to losing my father, and his death had made me face that reality.

  “It’s a great neighborhood, full of not only vacationers but locals too. I’ve been there a few times, Greer, and you’ll love it,” she assured me.

  “I can’t just leave,” I told her. “I have responsibilities and a job.”

  “Sweetheart, you hate your job.” She tilted her head to the side and smiled wider, daring me to argue. “You have the means to walk away and take some time to find yourself. It’s yours for a month, longer if you need it.”

  She was right. Just recently I’d found that my father made sure my mother and I would be taken care of if anything should ever happen to him. Though of course I would have gladly given back the money if I could have him here with us instead, I was thankful for it. That was just the kind of man he was.

  But could I do this? Could I pack up and leave everything behind in search of the person I know was inside of me? The person who had been hidden for so long?

  I looked at my hand when she pressed something into my palm.

  It was a key.

  “Your mother and I plan to leave this weekend, and I hope you’ll be ready to leave then too. Take this opportunity, sweetheart. Please, you need it. And we both know I’m right when I say your father would want so much more for you than being this lost girl I see before me.” Tears pooled in her eyes as she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my cheek.

  Without another word, she rose from the bed and left the room without looking back, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

  Chapter 4

  “I want you to take all the time you need,” my mother whispered as she held me close. “Don’t worry about me, or anything else for that matter, and focus on you.”

  The strength of her embrace surprised me. Her ability to remain strong in light of her current loss gave me the hope that I, too, would be able to find my own way. I always knew my mother was the glue that held our family together. I guess I was wrong to think that after losing my father, we would both fall apart. Her strength was inspiring.

  “I love you, Greer, and I’m gonna miss you,” she said, still holding me tight. “But you need this escape, and I need one too. Let’s find our way. It’s what your father would have wanted for us.”

  Every time she mentioned him, I struggled to hold back the tears. I guess I was still trying t
o accept that he truly was gone. It seemed so unreal. All I could do was nod, fearing I would break all over again if I attempted to speak. I stepped back from her hold and offered her a smile. She and my aunt stood side by side as I looked back over my shoulder toward the airport entrance.

  This was it, the start of my search to find myself and to move away from the dark path I’d found myself on.

  I only hoped it led me in the right direction.

  ***

  The flight from St. Louis to Myrtle Beach was long, and the two stops and layovers made it even longer. When we landed, I was happy to once again have my feet on the ground, but being stuck at the car rental counter was weighing heavily on my patience. I still had ninety miles to drive before I reached the beach house. I just wanted a long, hot shower and a comfy bed, so now was not the time to get trapped behind a man that I swear was asking every possible question known to man. The poor kid behind the counter looked as if he was barely holding on to his own patience.

  I think we both sighed in relief when the guy finally signed the rental agreement and took the keys.

  “I’m so sorry about the delay,” the clerk said with a forced smile as I stepped up. “How can I help you?”

  I fought the urge to laugh. “You can take a moment to finally breathe through the irritation, because I wanted to throat-punch the guy too.”

  The clerk’s shoulders sagged in relief as he realized he didn’t have another unpleasable customer before him. “Thanks.” He shook his head with a laugh. “It’s times like these I wish I would have taken my father up on his offer to work for him.”

  “Oh yeah?” I said with interest. “Why would you work in a car rental department at an airport instead of working for your father anyway?”

  He arched a brow, leaned in a little closer, and wrinkled up his nose. “My dad owns Port-a-Cycle.”

  “Porta-a-what?” I asked, in confusion

  “Portable potties.” He shivered in disgust. “I’d say the occasional annoying-as-hell customer is much better than transporting and cleaning up other people’s crap for a living.”

  I pressed my lips tightly together and hoped I could contain the laughter bubbling up inside of me, but with the way he was still looking at me with wide eyes and a wrinkled-up nose, well, it was just impossible.

  “Go ahead and laugh it up,” he insisted, and I did.

  I’m sure I looked like a deranged lunatic, but this was the first time I’d laughed in days, and it felt wonderful.

  “I’m sorry,” I tried to apologize through tears that were in no way related to my recent sadness. “I don’t mean to laugh, really I don’t.”

  “It’s the same reaction I get each time I share the story, so no offense, really. Humor is a good look on you.” He couldn’t have been much over twenty and had a chubby, childlike face, but the compliment felt just as amazing as the laughter had.

  “Thank you, William,” I said, taking a moment to finally read his name tag. “I haven’t laughed in days, and it felt great, so I should be thanking you.”

  ***

  Arriving in Carolina Beach, I took in the gentle breeze through the open windows of my rental car. It was refreshing to be away from the city that smelled of exhaust and the jumble of odors from all the restaurants that lined the streets.

  I slowed the Nissan Sentra as I turned onto Birmingham Avenue and carefully looked over each house for the number on the directions my aunt had written out for me. Pulling into the driveway of the quaint home that was built above a two-stall garage, I took in the wrap-around porch and the double red door. In my opinion the blue siding clashed with the other homes surrounding it, but it also made the house unique.

  I placed the car in Park and took a moment to look around at the area and the neighboring homes. The sun was setting and soft light glowed from nearby windows. The street was peaceful, with no horns blaring or people yelling for their children to come inside. And for the first time since I left home, I believed what my aunt had said: this could be my place of peace, where I finally found out who I was.

  I gathered my bag and began the climb toward the front door. As I walked up, the view only became more beautiful. The soft breeze grew, the clean smell of the ocean filled my lungs, and I took in a deep breath of it. I bypassed the door and began circling the porch, which seemed to go around the home’s entire perimeter. White wicker furniture sat in the open space on the back patio. It was the kind of furniture I’d always pictured when I thought of a beach home. Something about it had summer and sun written all over it. A screened-in area just off the back of the house with a table and four chairs created the perfect setting for outdoor dining. I could see myself falling completely in love with this place.

  I heard the sound of a small child’s laughter and walked to the edge of the deck to peek over the railing. I found myself smiling at the scene before me. The setting sun cast a soft glow over the trees, highlighting the property that sat behind mine. Our backyards butted up against one another, giving each yard a full view of the back of the house in front of it. I watched as a tall man in the yard held a small girl high in the air, dipping her from side to side as she spread her arms out to her sides and kicked her legs in excitement. A second girl danced and twirled in circles beside him, mimicking his movements.

  It was so sweet, and it reminded me of times I’d shared with my own father. I stood in the growing shadows relishing in the happiness they obviously shared.

  It was beautiful.

  Chapter 5

  Darren

  “More, Daddy,” Violet squealed as I continued to dance around my backyard with Vivian at our side. “More,” she laughed.

  And I gave her more. I would give either of my girls anything they wanted if it meant being blessed with their smiles.

  One thing I learned from Lynn’s death was to never waste time on the things I couldn’t change, but to focus on making happy memories that would last a lifetime and banish the sad times. I wanted my girls to have so much happiness in their lives that they would focus less on the loss of their mother and instead remember what little time they did have with her.

  I won’t lie and say there weren’t rough times after Lynn passed, because there were. There were times when I blamed everyone in my path for the loss I felt, and times when I crumpled and those around me feared I couldn’t take care of the two daughters Lynn and I shared.

  My girls and I lost her shortly after Violet was born, and it shocked everyone who knew us. One moment she was driving down the street, and the next she was gone. The aneurism took her fast and left everyone devastated, but eventually I picked myself up and made a promise to the memory of my wife. After saying words of anger and grief, I stood in my backyard looking up at the empty sky and swore I would love and protect our daughters. I vowed they would be happy and healthy no matter what it took from me.

  Now here I was, drowning in glitter and lace, but I smiled and laughed alongside them because I wouldn’t change it for anything. They were my girls, and I had no problem sitting back and allowing my sweet angels to paint my toenails. I didn’t give two shits about the strange looks I received when flashing my pink toes on the beach. I wore it proudly.

  I lowered Violet to the ground and bent over, taking a moment to catch my breath. Being a single father at the age of twenty-nine to two girls under four was exhausting.

  “My turn,” Vivian insisted, and I chuckled. I knew I wouldn’t get away with not giving her a ride of her own. She wouldn’t allow it to happen; she never did.

  I gripped her waist and tossed her up over my shoulder, and she giggled as she grabbed the back of my shirt. Spinning in circles, I felt myself get dizzy and stopped before we both toppled over.

  Lowering her back to the ground, I refused to let go of her completely as she tried to regain her balance. Violet laughed, calling her sister silly. I loved seeing the two of them like this. The love they shared for each other was amazing, and I imagined them being the best of friends as they g
rew older. They were my joy and my sole reason for surviving and for working as hard as I did. I owned my own construction business, which gave me the freedom I needed to spend as much time as possible with my daughters. I worked my ass off to build a reputable name for my business, and I would continue to do so, ensuring my girls would have everything they needed in life and more. My own needs and desires were the least of my worries. Vivian and Violet would always come first.

  I saw movement on the deck of the house behind ours and looked up to see a young woman hidden partially by the darkness. The property was usually vacant, except when random vacationers occupied it from time to time, so I assumed she had decided to rent it out for a week or two.

  She must have sensed me watching, because she quickly backed away into the darkness before disappearing around the side of the house.

  ***

  I woke as sunlight streamed in through the solid glass wall of my bedroom. I truly loved sunrises and sunsets and had passed that love on to my girls, who enjoyed sharing them with me. Their bedrooms, like mine, had wide windows that welcomed the morning sun daily.

  I stretched my arms up before placing them beneath my head as I continued to watch it rise higher and higher, soaking in the energy of its rays.

  I remained in this position until I heard the cheerful giggles of my girls as they moved toward my bedroom. It was our morning ritual. They would climb into my bed, one on each side, and snuggle in close. We would talk about our dreams from the night before, and their imaginations would then run wild with the ideas those dreams had kick-started in their young minds.

  It was by far my favorite way to start the day.

  “Can we have waffles?” Vivian asked out of the blue, making me smile. She was my little Betty Homemaker. She was barely four years old, but hand the girl a cleaning rag and a broom and she went crazy. Making breakfast was her own form of heaven. She was just like her mother that way.