The Day My Husband Left: An absolutely gripping and emotional page-turner

by Amy Miller

  ‘Scarlet, he needs our support,’ said Heidi. ‘This was your dad’s wish. What don’t you understand about that? I’m doing this for your dad! In his memory! This is about Johnny as much as it’s about William! He wanted him to be a part of our lives. I’m trying to make that happen, for God’s sake! Didn’t you see that photo that William took of your dad when they met up? He was elated! He’d met his son! I’m trying to do the right thing.’

  Scarlet looked taken aback but was already picking up her bag and leaving with Frankie, who made a quiet apology.

  Heidi watched in dismay as her daughters left, followed by their friends and the neighbours.

  ‘I think I’ll take Rosalind home,’ said Tuesday.

  ‘Go ahead,’ Heidi muttered.

  Rosalind raised her hand in the air with a bemused ‘bye’ as Tuesday shepherded her out to the car.

  The only people remaining were William and Max, their argument now less heated. She opened the workshop door and saw William sitting with his head in his hands. Max was leaning against the table, arms folded.

  ‘I’ll take it from here, Max, thank you,’ said Heidi quietly. ‘You can get off home.’

  ‘I can wait,’ he said, but Heidi shook her head.

  ‘No!’ she snapped. ‘Just leave us alone, Max! Just get out! This is my business!’

  Max looked hurt, and Heidi immediately regretted her anger but didn’t have the energy to apologise.

  ‘I’m on my phone if you need me,’ he said quietly, collecting his coat and leaving by the back gate.

  ‘I don’t know what to say to you, William,’ she said to the top of William’s head. ‘You’ve ruined Zoe’s day. I wanted this day to be special. I desperately wanted Zoe to feel supported and loved. You’ve taken that away from her.’

  ‘You ruined my life,’ he slurred into his hands.

  Heidi clenched her teeth and made her hands into fists. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. I didn’t know what course your life would take, did I? How could I? I’m desperately sorry about all the bad things that have happened, but I’ve invited you into my life and welcomed you into my family. Why are you so intent on rejecting it?’

  William shrugged. ‘Well I’m sorry to have disturbed your cosy little life,’ he said.

  Heidi threw her head back and laughed maniacally. She felt unhinged.

  ‘It’s hardly cosy,’ she said. ‘My husband has just died after his second heart attack. My daughters have walked out. I’ve been desperately worried about you. Are you happy now?’

  ‘I know you’re disappointed in me,’ he said. ‘I don’t need to listen to this.’

  He stood and lurched towards her, shoving her out of the way. She stumbled backwards, watching him move to the windowsill. He picked up the musical trinket box and pulled out the drawer so the clown did its little dance while the music played.

  ‘You kept this pathetic thing all these years,’ he said. ‘Why?’

  ‘To keep you near me,’ she said, her voice cracking. ‘A memory of your birth.’

  ‘That’s rubbish,’ he said. ‘You didn’t even want to find me! It was Johnny who found me. He told me that when you fell pregnant, he wanted to keep me, but you weren’t having any of it.’

  ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about, William,’ she said through gritted teeth. ‘Seriously, you have no idea. Johnny and I were very young. We had no idea we’d get married years later. I believe that we did the right thing.’

  William glared at her then threw the box on the floor: the wood cracked, and the glass shattered. ‘This is meaningless,’ he said. ‘And you’re fake. Pretending to want to help me, when all you want to do is mould me into the right shape to fit into your life. Johnny met me alone because he knew that when you got involved, you’d try to change me. Isn’t that right?’

  She watched him step on the box and crush a piece of glass. Her heart cracked.

  ‘Just get out of here!’ she yelled. ‘I wish Johnny had never found you!’

  Her hand shot to her mouth.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, immediately regretting her outburst. ‘William, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean that.’

  But the words had been said – and they couldn’t be unsaid.

  He pushed past her, knocked over a chair and stormed out of the workshop, leaving the back gate swinging open. Heidi followed him as he ran towards the clifftop, where he scrambled over the low cliff barrier fence, trampling over sea pinks and yellow gorse to stand much too close to the edge of the cliff.

  ‘William,’ she said, climbing over the fence to join him. ‘Please come away from there.’

  He sat down, his legs dangling over the edge. Her head swam with vertigo. All it would take was a slight movement. Gingerly, she sat down next to him.

  ‘You don’t understand,’ he said. ‘You don’t understand what it’s like to be rejected by so many people. It makes you feel worthless. And I keep on making mistake after mistake.’

  ‘William, you’re not worthless,’ she said, taking hold of his hand. ‘Please, I beg you, let’s talk this all through. Life isn’t straightforward. My life hasn’t been straightforward either. There are things in your life that you’re not happy with, but you can’t go on blaming people for them your whole life. That’s self-indulgent. Self-pity is your worst enemy.’

  He clenched his jaw. ‘Self-pitying. And you wished Johnny hadn’t found me,’ he said. ‘Home truths, eh?’

  Heidi bit into her lip until she tasted blood. ‘Sorry, but I think you…’ she started. Rain began to fall. And in the blink of an eye, his hand was no longer in hers.

  Thirty-Three

  Heidi lay on the bed, grief pinning her to the mattress like a stone. Night had thrown a dark blanket over the garden, which was exactly as she’d left it earlier – the potato salad crusting over, the crisps soggy, pavlova shrunken, deserted drinks.

  She hadn’t even swept up the broken glass. Apart from the sound of her breathing, the house was silent. In her mind, she played out the afternoon’s events. One moment William’s hand had been in hers. The next, he’d jumped up and climbed back over the barrier fence, shouting at her to leave him alone. Beneath the cliff edge, the dark water had swirled, and for a split second, she imagined leaping off and plunging into the water. Instead, she had followed William. Climbed over the barrier fence and moved to safety, watching him walk off into the distance, before she returned home feeling wounded and drained. Ignoring the detritus in the garden, she had grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass and floated upstairs to bed.

  Hours later, a large full moon shone directly into her bedroom – a beautiful sight – but she couldn’t move under the weight of all the mistakes she’d made. Her life as she had previously known it had slipped through her fingers. Evaporated. Seeds blown from a dandelion. And it was all her own doing. Her own stupid fault. Why had she said that awful thing to William? It wasn’t true. She didn’t wish she hadn’t found him. But she felt angry with him. Why had he ruined Zoe’s party? Why had he got so drunk and smashed her precious box? He was locked into a negative headspace, like a walnut in a hard shell. And what about the way she’d spoken to Scarlet? She hadn’t meant to be so hard on her – Scarlet was in pain too. She’d lost her dad and was trying to protect their grieving family. Tuesday and Max had received the sharp end of her tongue too – she’d really blown it with everyone.

  Sighing, she turned onto her side, picked up her mobile and scrolled through her photos, pausing at one of Johnny. She longed to talk to him. Craved his reassurance, his smile, his warm touch. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, trying to figure out what to do. Was her family broken beyond repair?

  Moments later, her phone pinged with a message – a reply from Zoe.

  ‘I’m fine, Mum,’ it said. ‘I feel perfectly fine. I’m going to stay here for a few days as I’m being waited on hand and foot!’

  Heidi fell into a pit of despair. She should be waiting on her daughter hand and foot. She should be preparing the
bedroom ready for the baby’s arrival. She so wanted to find a suitable chair, similar to the rose chair she’d so loved, for in front of the window, so Zoe could sit there with her baby in her arms. Instead, she was in the middle of a mess.

  Tapping out an upbeat reply, she also messaged Scarlet, apologising for her tough words. Scarlet replied with a couple of kisses, but no words. That was no surprise – she was angry and hurting. There was nothing from William.

  Heidi felt desolate and closed her eyes, waiting for sleep to come, hoping to dream of nothing.

  She spent the next few days worrying so much, she was incapable of doing anything useful, and the days and nights merged into one. She made calls to Zoe, to check up on how she was doing – and was pleased to hear she was feeling fine. Scarlet and Rosalind called her, but she didn’t pick up. Instead, she sent a text after they’d left a voicemail, saying she’d call them tomorrow and that she was busy trying to catch up on things, and that there was nothing to worry about. ‘Let’s move on,’ she tapped out, though she hadn’t moved anywhere in days.

  Almost a week passed by and she still hadn’t cleaned up the garden. Lying in bed late one morning, she bolted upright when she heard Walter calling her from outside. Clients weren’t supposed to come to the house – only the workshop – but he banged on the kitchen door for so long and called out her name at the top of his voice that she worried something awful had happened to Rosalind. She ran downstairs and opened the door, still wearing her dressing gown, her hair sticking up like a hedge on her head.

  ‘What’s going on?’ he said, gesturing behind him at the remains of the party, then noticing the mess in the kitchen. ‘Are you sick? Does your mother know?’

  The look of concern on Walter’s face squeezed Heidi’s heart. She forced herself to smile.

  ‘I’m not sick,’ she said. ‘Can I help you? Is my mother okay?’

  ‘She’s perfectly well,’ he said. ‘Are you okay?’

  She nodded. ‘I will be. I’ve just lost track of time. I need to get on with… I’ll be fine.’

  ‘Mrs Eagle,’ he said again. ‘I really do need that chair looking at – the one I talked to you about. Perhaps you could spare the time? As I said, I need it quite urgently.’

  He looked at her with such kindness and gentleness, a tear dripped down her cheek. She swiped it away.

  ‘My dear girl,’ he said. ‘I don’t know what’s gone on here, but here’s my penny’s worth. My generation never talked about their feelings, but I always found that keeping busy helped me. When Lily, my wife, was younger, she was always there, ready to catch me when I fell. And I did fall, several times over. Now she’s poorly, you know, with dementia, I’m there for her. Everyone needs that really, don’t they? Someone to catch them, should they fall. Do you have that?’

  She thought of William and that he felt nobody was there for him. Heidi’s throat was thick with the need to cry. She managed to nod and offer Walter a small smile.

  ‘So,’ he said, straightening up. ‘When you have time to pick up my chair, that would be very helpful. I’d love to take it next time I visit Lily.’

  ‘Visit?’ said Heidi. ‘Has she… where is she?’

  ‘I couldn’t carry on looking after her at home,’ he said. ‘She’s gone into a care home, overlooking the sea. It’s very nice, but she needs her chair… that’s why I asked for your help.’

  Heidi pulled the band from her wrist and tied back her hair.

  ‘Of course,’ she said. ‘I’ll pop in tomorrow.’

  Walter raised his hand and staggered out of the garden, crunching on the glass as he went.

  ‘Thank you,’ he said.

  ‘Careful,’ she called after him as he slipped out of the gate. ‘Thank you.’

  She surveyed the rotting mess in the garden, the state of the kitchen, and though she felt completely overwhelmed by it, Walter’s presence and seeing the place through his eyes shocked her into action. She pulled on an apron and a pair of rubber gloves and started to tackle it. There were unopened bottles of wine on the side that guests had brought. Cards for Zoe and Leo. Two bunches of flowers that had wilted. Heidi blushed at the waste.

  Taking bin bags out into the garden, she picked up the pieces of broken glass and plates of moulded food and cleared up the remains of the party. As she worked, she thought of the broken musical trinket box on the workshop floor – and tears flooded her eyes.

  ‘I can never throw it away,’ she whispered. ‘I’ll fix it.’

  Slipping into the workshop, she carefully picked up the pieces. The hand-painted wood case was cracked, the glass shattered, but the clown was still intact – and, pulling out the drawer, the music still played.

  Laying out the pieces on the worktop, she located the tools she needed, the wood glue and measured the glass she would need to replace. Fully concentrating on the box, she didn’t hear the back gate open and jumped when Tuesday stuck her head around the workshop door.

  ‘Thought you’d be in here!’ she said. She was dressed in a sundress covered in red apples. It was impossible not to smile at the sight of her.

  ‘I’ve been calling you,’ she said, walking straight over to Heidi and hugging her. ‘What’s going on?’

  Heidi hugged her back. ‘I’m sorry. I just needed a few days to lick my wounds. I’ve made a bit of a mess of things. I’m sorry about how I was the other day.’

  ‘That’s okay,’ said Tuesday. ‘I was pretty short with you too. But I think we need to talk. Do you?’

  Heidi nodded. ‘Come inside,’ she said. ‘But I warn you, it’s not pretty.’

  Tuesday made a pot of tea while Heidi cleared away the last of the dirty dishes and they moved into the living room, taking a seat on the Chesterfield sofa. Tuesday poured the tea.

  ‘This is so presumptuous of me,’ she said, putting the teapot down. ‘I think that’s the problem here, isn’t it? I’ve just barged my way into your life, and you haven’t really had a say in the matter, have you?’

  Heidi opened her mouth and closed it again. Then she leaned her head back and sighed.

  ‘Tuesday, you’ve been an absolute delight,’ she said. ‘My mother – our mother – is clearly enamoured by you, which is wonderful.’

  Tuesday stayed quiet for a moment and took a sip of her tea. Then she said, ‘If we’re to be real sisters, I think we need to be really honest with each other. Go on – tell me how you really feel.’

  Heidi smiled and nodded. ‘I think you’re great,’ she said. ‘I really do. Everyone does. I suppose I just feel that my mother has opened up to you in a way she hasn’t with me. You seem to have got so close in such a short space of time.’

  Heidi gave Tuesday a wobbly smile. Tuesday reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze.

  ‘I don’t think she treats me like a daughter,’ said Tuesday. ‘I think she treats me more like a younger sister – and perhaps that’s where the confusion is. She spends most of the time talking about you and your girls. I don’t have any intention of taking your place, Heidi. Don’t forget I have my own parents, who I love very much.’

  ‘Oh, Tuesday, I know that – of course I do. I guess I’ve been feeling a bit jealous. When you first came into my life, I thought you and I could become close, but then you and Mum got close first. It’s childish, I know. I was excited about us being sisters.’

  Tuesday inched along the Chesterfield and gave Heidi a hug.

  ‘I’d love to spend more time with you,’ she said. ‘But you have so much going on. I didn’t want to get in the way. I’m sorry how I spoke to you about Max too. It’s your business. You’re the one with the history and the friendship. It’s nothing to do with me.’

  Heidi laughed gently and shook her head. ‘Max is my friend and will never be any more than that,’ she said. ‘I think you should ask him out. Go on a date. You might have fun together. Honestly, you have my blessing. Johnny has only just gone and I could never imagine having a relationship with anyone else. I just need to concentra
te on the girls and on William, but I’ve wrecked everything.’

  ‘You haven’t wrecked anything,’ said Tuesday.

  ‘I told William I wished I’d never found him,’ Heidi said. ‘He’ll never speak to me again.’

  Tuesday twirled the ring on her finger round and round.

  ‘Rosalind wrote to me years ago telling me not to get in touch ever again,’ she said. ‘It broke my heart. I thought that was it – over, dreams smashed. But look at us now. Never say never. Try again, if that’s what you want to do. We all need to give each other second chances. Second. Third. Possibly fourth.’

  Heidi nodded. ‘That’s not what Scarlet would say. She’s more of a “one strike and you’re out” type of person.’

  ‘I think she’ll surprise you,’ said Tuesday. ‘I think she needed to hear what you said at the party too. You’ve done all of this for Johnny. She knows that underneath. She’s just being protective of you.’

  Heidi nodded, feeling suddenly utterly exhausted. She yawned and stretched her arms above her head.

  ‘You look like you haven’t got out of that dressing gown in a week,’ said Tuesday. ‘Why don’t you go and get showered while I finish off in the kitchen with those last few bits and pieces?’

  Tuesday picked up the teapot and carried it into the kitchen. In the shower, Heidi could hear her singing along to the radio outside and a little ray of sunshine shone into her heart. Letting the hot water run over her face, she knew what she had to do. She had to ask William for a second chance.

  Thirty-Four

  ‘No, he’s moved on,’ said Ian, William’s old ‘flatmate’. ‘He hasn’t been here for ages. Left a pair of socks here. But no sign of the man himself. You could ask Martha.’

  Heidi sighed. ‘I rang her,’ she said. ‘She hasn’t seen him either, or heard from him, which is strange. I’m worried. Do you think he’d… he’d… do something stupid?’

  Ian shook his head. ‘No,’ he said. ‘His mum, she… He wouldn’t do that to Freddy. No way.’