We'll Always Have Christmas: A gorgeously uplifting Christmas romance

by Jenny Hale

  “Because Noelle underestimates herself. Face him, Noelle. You don’t have to know what to do, just face him. Keep facing him until he knows you so well that he wants nothing more than to help you. You are amazing, and he’s seen a little of that. Let him see it all. Be yourself and follow his lead. Talk to him. See what happens.”

  Even with her new jukebox playing music softly, Noelle wasn’t sleeping well. She couldn’t get a good night’s rest in this big house. Every night she tossed and turned. No vanilla coffee like Gram used to offer or music or evening out seemed to help. She got up and checked on Lucas—he was sleeping soundly, so she decided to take a walk through the house, trying not to think about all that she, Phoebe, Jo, and Heidi had discussed tonight at dinner. Perhaps a walk would clear her mind.

  She slid on her slippers and wrapped her bathrobe around her, running her fingers through her hair. Then she opened the door to her suite and headed out into the colossal expanse of the hallway. She passed a floral arrangement on a table that was easily four feet tall, with blooms in whites and greens—roses mostly, but with white oriental lilies mixed in. She leaned in and took a whiff—fresh, not silk. As she walked through the house, the rooms and hallways quiet, she was able to really take in its beauty. It was like some sort of storybook that had come to life. Everything was perfect. Anyone walking around would have no idea of the turmoil that filtered through this family.

  No closer to sleep, Noelle walked down to the hallway that held Alex’s family photographs and stopped to look at them. Now, knowing he’d taken them, they had a different feel, a more personal light. She looked at his grandmother’s smile and realized that it was directed at Alex, and the love in her eyes was so apparent. His grandfather’s face didn’t just look serious; it looked stern, focused, as if he were setting an example for his grandson with his stature.

  There was a creak and she turned, startled. William was in a pair of striped pajamas and moccasin slippers, holding his cane. “Can’t sleep?” he asked.

  “No. How come you’re walking around by yourself? I would’ve come to help you. You can’t sleep either?”

  “Nope. Not good at sleep these days. Too much on my mind.”

  “I feel the same way.”

  She peered up at the photos.

  “What in the world could be weighing on your young mind?”

  “Just because I’m young doesn’t mean I don’t have big life choices to ponder. I’m planning my future, you know. That’s a big deal.” She offered a half smile, but she knew he couldn’t see it so she allowed it to slip back to a neutral position. “Look at you: you had to deal with a major injury and a crush on a girl at only nineteen. Those are pretty big.”

  “You’re right.”

  Seriousness washed over her as they sat down on the hallway bench. It creaked with their weight and she wondered if it had been one of the antiques William or Elizabeth had purchased. “Would you tell me about when you met the woman again? You’d said you’d seen her…”

  William nodded.

  “Tell me what happened?” She liked William, despite what Alex said, and maybe the story would help her get to sleep. William was a wonderful storyteller. She thought about the kind of grandparent he could’ve been and couldn’t help but feel like he’d lost in that realm. She enjoyed hearing about this mystery lady.

  “I saw her for the last time after I’d met my wife, when Elizabeth and I had just started dating,” he said quietly. “We were out to dinner when I passed a woman, her smile and scent overwhelming my senses, jarring my memories of her. She stopped, recognizing me as well. We were obscured from the tables in the small hallway at the back of the restaurant—she was coming from the ladies’ room and I was making a business call on the pay phone at the back. We both just stared at each other for what seemed like ages and mere seconds simultaneously.

  “She offered a nervous smile and said, ‘How are you?’ but there were so many more questions behind those words. I told her I was fine, and she said she was there with someone. I remember nodding and telling her I was glad to see her. Then, something came over me—to this day, I don’t know why I said it—I said, ‘In a different world, I would kiss you right here, right now.’ I couldn’t believe that thought had actually come out of my mouth. It was so forward of me and not within my character—because I believe in treating a lady with respect—but I felt it in the depths of my soul. What surprised me was that she didn’t flinch. She just smiled that gorgeous smile of hers and said, ‘In a different world, I would let you.’ Then she left. That was it.”

  “You never crossed paths after that?”

  “No. But I knew that it was over because I’d read her last letter. I’ll let you read it.”

  “That’s so sad that you didn’t ever see her again,” she said.

  “Well, the woman I was with that night was Elizabeth. She became my wife, bore my child, shared my life. So maybe things happen for a reason.”

  “Did you love your wife?” She wanted to ask point blank to put to rest any assumptions Alex might have about this man.

  “I loved her so much. I still love her.” He turned his head to attempt to view the photo of her, but his disappointment was clear when he couldn’t make out the image. “The woman from the café is just an if-only. If only things had been different. But she isn’t my life. That life wasn’t meant for me. I have to believe that or I’ll drive myself crazy.”

  They fell into an easy silence after that but Noelle’s thoughts were on one sentence he’d said: That life wasn’t meant for me. Was she chasing a life that wasn’t hers? If having Gram’s bakery wasn’t the life she was meant for, she wouldn’t know her purpose. A quiet desperation filled her, telling her that no matter what, she couldn’t believe that to be the case.

  “Come back to my suite with me. I’ll let you read that letter,” he said. “Maybe it will help us sleep.”

  They headed back down the hallways together, walking slowly. William was using her more than usual for support, and she wondered if the late hour was making his muscles tired. She led him into the suite and he sat down on the sofa in the sitting room while she retrieved the last letter. When she got back to him, William had lain back, his head tipped as if he were looking at the ceiling.

  She opened the envelope and unfolded the letter.

  “I want you to know that I am always here. On that street corner, in that shop, in your heart if you’ll have me there. But I am no longer going to make myself available to you through letters hidden away, because it is time for me to move forward. You are the biggest surprise of my life so far, and if you and I aren’t meant for one another, then I cannot wait to see what’s ahead of me, because meeting you was already quite amazing. If there’s something bigger and better than what you and I had, then I want to race toward it with my arms open instead of shrinking back. I will never forget the time we had and it will remain in my heart forever. This is my final letter but I wish you nothing less than the greatest love the world has to give. I hope it finds you.”

  Noelle felt the prick of tears at such a heartfelt note. She turned to see William’s reaction but he’d fallen asleep. Even still, she thought she saw the tiniest hint of a smile on his lips, and she hoped that one day she could find someone who loved her as much as this woman had loved him and he, her.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The alarm went off and Noelle sat straight up in her bed. When she’d finally drifted off to sleep last night, she’d slept like a rock. Normally, she was up before her alarm, waking naturally at five o’clock. She only ever set her alarm as a precaution in case she accidentally slept in, which never happened. Until this morning. She padded out to find Lucas and get him ready for school, but his room was empty. She ventured into the sitting area and realized she was the only one in the suite. Where was he?

  Quickly, she rushed out to find him. She grabbed her phone and texted her mom to tell her she’d take him to school. She knew just where to go. With swift strides, she made
her way to the office and went in. But it was empty. She went into the main foyer—no one.

  “Lucas?” she called out quietly, but enough for her voice to carry. She sharpened her hearing and came up empty. “Lucas?”

  Jim came down the hallway. “Good morning,” he said with a smile. “Nice to run into you. Everything okay?”

  “Good morning. I’m looking for Lucas. He’s late for school. Have you seen him, by any chance?”

  “I believe he’s outside with Alex,” he said, pointing to the large window overlooking the grounds. “I saw them together earlier this morning.”

  “Oh.” She’d have to talk to Lucas about leaving the suite without her. What if he’d interrupted Alex while he was working? Not to mention that she didn’t want Lucas spending extra time with him. He wasn’t someone who was going to be around long-term, and she knew how much Lucas liked him. She felt the need to protect Lucas’s delicate heart.

  “Use the side entrance on the East wing,” Jim said. “Your boots are there and the snow is accumulating.”

  Noelle hurried to the door and let herself out. She hadn’t planned to be outside, and she didn’t have a coat, the air frosty, still dressed in her flannel pajamas. She crossed her arms for warmth. “Lucas?” she called as she faced a maze of hedges, all perfectly pruned and looking as though they’d been glazed in ice.

  “Hi, Mom!” Lucas called from her left. She turned to find him walking up beside Alex. “I found Alex in his office this morning. He’s been showing me how to use his cameras! We’ve been taking pictures together. Look at the photos I took!”

  Alex approached her cautiously, she could tell, and truthfully, she didn’t know how to act around him either. He was so likeable, and they’d been so close, but his actions regarding the bakery weren’t demonstrating the feelings she thought she’d seen. He hung back and allowed Lucas to keep the camera as he ran up to meet her.

  “Aren’t they cool?” Lucas said, holding out the camera. “Here’s the zoom lens and then there are all these little dials to change the perspective, like this one that shifts focus. See?” He could barely stretch his little fingers around the circular lens. “I took this one of the tree, and this one of the snowball I made. Alex and I had a tiny snowball fight.” He looked over at Alex, and she saw that look on Lucas’s face; it was the look he had when he was completely comfortable with someone, amused, and happy, all at the same time.

  “Wow,” she said, as she peered down at the photograph on the digital screen. It was really good. “I like that.” Her love for Lucas welled up, seeing his excitement. He was so happy here.

  There was a click, distracting her. Alex had snapped a photo of her and Lucas with another camera; he was looking at the small screen with a smile on his face. When he finally made eye contact, that cautious look returned.

  “Let’s go inside,” she told Lucas. “I’m freezing and you need to go to school.”

  “I’ll get us all some hot chocolate,” Alex said.

  “Lucas needs to get to school,” Noelle said with a loaded look, as he caught up with them and opened the door for her. The heat from inside gave her a shiver.

  Alex moved the cuff of his coat to view his watch. “He’s already late. What’s a few more minutes this close to the holiday?”

  She knew well and good that he remembered what she’d said about the two of them staying away from each other. Clearly, he’d decided to do what he pleased instead, which made her prickle with annoyance. If he really cared for her, he’d respect her wishes. “You and Lucas can have hot chocolate—quickly. I’m going to let William know I’ll be a little late because I have to take Lucas to school.”

  “Wait,” Alex said, grabbing her arm gently, the affectionate movement of his thumb making her weaker than she should be. “I need to ask you something.”

  She pulled away from him mildly. “Ask it.”

  “I will,” he said. “Over hot chocolate.”

  He was going to have his way no matter what. She followed him into the kitchen.

  With a brief whisper to one of the staff, he pulled out a barstool each for Lucas and Noelle, then climbed up beside Noelle on his own seat. It wasn’t long before all three of them were facing large white mugs with whipped cream, marshmallows, and a candy-cane swizzle stick.

  “What did you want to ask me?” she asked, as Lucas used his candy cane to fish out the marshmallows. He lifted one ever so gently into the air before it plopped back into the whipped cream.

  “I know you wanted to…” He looked at Lucas, considering his words. “…focus on your work, and I’d focus on mine,” he said, clearly as code for going their separate ways like she’d suggested. “But I want to go see my grandmother before I leave for New York. I’d really like it if you would go with me.”

  The shock of his request had made it from the pit of her stomach to her face, she could tell, because that uncertainty showed on his for just an instant. He looked down at his hot chocolate, pursing his lips in disappointment. “I just really want to see her and I can’t do it alone.”

  “Why don’t you ask William?”

  He ground his teeth, his jaw clenching in irritation. “I don’t want to see her with him. I want to see her with someone I enjoy being around because I might need your strength when I face her in that condition.”

  “I don’t know…” She wanted to be supportive but at the same time, it was a very personal thing he was asking her to do, and probably something he should be doing with family. Not to mention she’d put her foot down. How could he expect her to do something like visit his grandmother when he was literally ripping the bakery out from under her? The idea that he’d put her in this position was maddening.

  “You must not remember our last conversation as well as I do.”

  “I do,” he said, nodding in defeat.

  A tiny part of her was screaming to tell him she’d go with him. Her heart ached for him, and she could hardly bear telling him no, but what did he expect? She locked eyes with him, refusing to answer.

  With a deep breath, he must have comprehended her dilemma. He stood up and turned to Lucas. “I’m taking this with me to my office. I’ve got work to do, buddy.” He held up the mug and winked at Lucas. As he left, his gaze lingered on Noelle just a little longer than she was comfortable.

  The whole way to school and back, she got more agitated, thinking about how Alex was putting her in a terrible position because she felt bad for not going with him, but to her family he was Enemy Number One.

  “Alex asked me to go see Elizabeth,” she said to William when she returned. “I told him he should go with you, not me.”

  “I wish he would,” William said, emotion in his words.

  “Have you tried to talk to him?”

  “He won’t talk to me.” William stood up from his sofa, shuffling toward the window. He bumped into a side table, steadying himself with his cane, his agitation clear. He was obviously torn to pieces over his grandson’s refusal to make amends with him, and Alex failed to notice. She felt awful for poor William.

  “I’ll try to talk to him,” she said. “Let’s get your medicine and then I’ll see if I can change his mind.”

  Noelle hadn’t wanted to be involved in all this but the truth was that Alex wouldn’t listen to William—she knew that. And for some ridiculous reason he’d listen to her. So, when she left William’s suite, she went down to his office to convince him to talk to his grandfather.

  With resolve, she pushed open the closed office door and walked in, clicking her way across the room. Alex was on the phone, his head down, his hand poised over a notepad, but his eyes on her. She had her game face on.

  “I’ll have to call you back,” he said. Then he hung up, set his pen down and waited.

  Alex was frustrating her more than she could stand, and she wanted to set things straight right here, right now. “So William didn’t show you affection when you were a young boy. That was terrible. But now, he’s an old man. An old,
broken man. He misses your grandmother so much it brings tears to his eyes to even mention it, and you refuse to be the better person and take him with you to see her.” There. Take that.

  Alex stood up. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “How so? Because I’ve spent enough time with William to know that he loves his wife and he wants to see her, but, just like you, seeing the shell of a woman with whom he’s spent his life, who doesn’t recognize him, is heartbreaking. You’re being awful, Alex.”

  Still composed, he walked around to the other side of his desk and looked down at her. “I am being awful?”

  “Yes.” She was standing her ground. He couldn’t push her around like he had everyone else in his life.

  “What if I said that my grandmother told me one night when she knew the Alzheimer’s was getting the better of her and it might be her last lucid moment that she’d always feared my grandfather had been in love with someone else? He never loved my grandmother, Noelle. And she deserved that love. She was amazing.”

  “He loved her. He told me. He also told me about that other woman. That was before he’d met Elizabeth. We all have relationships that end. Why is he being held to this one? Let it go.”

  “My grandmother said she saw him talk to another woman in a restaurant once. She’d never told him that she’d seen him, but she had. She said that, from what she could hear, he made it pretty clear to this other woman that if things had been different, and he’d been allowed to see her, he would have. My grandmother was devastated. Her family had already consented to her marriage to my grandfather, and in those days, it was her duty, given her upbringing, to marry him. And she really did love him, so by that point she couldn’t leave. She tried to be the best wife she could be, but in the back of her mind, she was always competing with that mystery lady she’d seen that day.”

  Noelle put her hand over her mouth, the stories coming together. “Elizabeth saw them,” she whispered. William and the woman had both been there with other people but Elizabeth overhearing them changed the situation.