by V. K. Ludwig
But there would be no third time.
He’d said that, too.
The heartbreaking depth of all this made me stiffen against the soft cushion, so I put the mug back on the table and moved my joints around. The explanation thickened the air between us, but I was no less confused because… what to do with my new knowledge?
Katedo was as much to blame for the deaths of those females as I was for my parents’, but it was clear a bucket of ice cream and a few tears wouldn’t make him understand that. He’d carried this remorse with him for years. That wouldn’t go away in those few weeks his tribe was still here. Perhaps not even during my assignment.
Maybe there was more between Katedo and me. An interest that went beyond rut and heat. One he wouldn’t allow himself to act on out of guilt, throwing us into this limbo of a constant push and pull, which hurt me and likely agonized him.
I didn’t want that.
Not for him, and not for myself.
“I should probably go,” I said and rose. “It’s only my lunch break, and I need to go back to—”
“Look, Jessica!” Kam swished his tail through the water, letting a tiny wave ripple across the surface. “Did you see how I did that?”
My heart about melted. “I watched the entire thing.”
He ran back to us, almost falling over with how he giggled, and slipped back into his pants.
Neshta suddenly straightened in her seat, eyes shifting over my shoulder. “Healer Takay.”
Something cold sliced through me when I turned and found Takay smiling at me, and then a second time when I noticed that he was naked. “Oh, hey!”
“Hey.” His signature smirk tugged on his upper lip. “I only just returned from guard duty at one of the gates and meant to seek you out at the lab later.”
Guard duty sure sounded like a punishment. “Are you coming back as my assistant?”
He wiped pearls of water from his face. “Sevja assigned me back to med bay.”
“I’m sorry if I got you in trouble.”
“I should have held you tighter.” His attention drifted to Kam, who suddenly stood beside us, tail stiffly flicking behind him as his eyes ping-ponged between Takay and me. “Kamenji.”
Kamenji peeled his lips over his fangs, hissed, and walked off to sit with his amimi.
“What was that about?”
“Nothing.” Takay tortured his upper lip for a moment before he looked at me again. “Even if I’m not back at the lab, we can still spend time together, yes?”
An uncomfortable clench rummaged through my gut. Why? This thing with Katedo was a blasted mess, and it was better if I kept my distance. Takay was truly a nice guy. Even if it led to nothing, he could show me around Noja, and help me clear my head.
I nodded. “I guess.”
“Can I come to your quarters in two suns to pick you up?” he asked. “After my shift at med bay around six, I could take you to eat, like we talked about?”
A glance over my shoulder.
Perhaps I’d hoped Neshta would narrow her eyes at me. Give me some sort of indictor that there was a way through to her son. That it could become something, and not just turn out to be another pipedream of mine that would burst.
She smiled and nodded instead.
Against the stiffness in my facial muscles, I looked at Takay and struggled up a smile. “Sounds great.”
Ten
Katedo
Mother stood broad-shouldered in front of the okiti, the metal cooking bowl we used for a handful of special recipes, elbows flared wide to ward me off. Scents of charred meat and earthy nuts wafted through the warlord’s quarters, mouth-watering enough it had even lured Kamenji from his room. He sat on the tiled floor, dissecting a drone.
“When was the last time you cooked yeketem lalei?” A tap with my tail on Mother’s right hip for distraction, then I sidestepped to the left and snatched a piece of meat before she could slap my hand. “A decade? Two?”
She flung her tailclaw at me until I backed away, and sent a hiss after. “Can I not spoil my son with his favorite meal?”
“After almost twenty solar cycles?” That was nothing short of suspicious. “Why are you making so much? That’ll last us for suns, and Kamenji will only fuss when I tell him to eat the leftovers.”
“I hate leftovers,” Kamenji said as if on cue, tapping a screw with his tailclaw.
Mother let the wooden spoon clank against the bowl. “I meant to invite Jessica.”
Kamenji’s face lit up. “Really?”
That piece of meat lodged in my throat for a second before I struggled it down with a painful swallow and a pound against my chest. “Jessica is joining us for this meal?”
After I’d kissed her, pulled her onto my half-exposed cock, kneaded her breast, then dropped her onto the chair and left her without even an explanation? How could she possibly accept an invitation after this cowardly retreat of mine? I deserved nothing but her anger.
Mother shook her head. “No, she will not join us, but my memory is not as it used to be, so I forgot and cooked too much.”
What started as an exhale of relief drained my lungs until no air remained, making room for that void in my chest to expand. To swell and darken my core with… with what? Disappointment?
Many times these last few suns, I’d walked by the lab, wanting to explain. Warlord or not, I was not above apologies, but Jessica would be a fool to accept one a second time. With the way I felt drawn to her, I would likely tell her that my actions and lack of control were inexcusable with one breath, and repeat it all with the next.
So I’d stayed away.
I leaned against the counter, arms folded in front of my chest. “What did she say when she declined your invitation?”
“Oh, I never invited her,” she said, and not even a muscle twitched in her face when she added, “Healer Takay asked her out to share a meal with him before I had the chance.”
Violent heat coiled up my spine, and not even a tug on my collar offered relief. “And she accepted?”
“Yes.”
As she should.
He would give her what she wanted. What she deserved. Drive his tailclaw through her ribs and produce the deepest hum for their souls to connect, all while touching those hips I’d gripped, kissing those lips I’d tasted, feeling the wet—
I sucked in a gulp of air.
By Mekara, I’d forgotten to breathe.
I opened the top button on my shirt, my neck itchy from this suffocating anger at the idea of another male claiming her. “Did she appear happy about his courting?”
“No,” Mother said, which lured a shameful sense of pride into my chest, as if I had a right to be favored by Jessica. “She seemed mostly embarrassed. You know how humans and Vetusians are when it comes to baring bodies for all to see.”
Now that heat sizzled somewhere around the base of my horns, refusing to go away when I scratched there. “Jessica was bare?”
Mother rolled her eyes. “Of course not. He was.”
That should make it better but, somehow, it didn’t. Not after Jessica had tended to each of my scars, her touch so soothing I’d wanted it to reach deeper. Seep through puckered skin, ruined flesh, and reach that dark, quiet void within my chest.
“He wants to claim her,” Kamenji said, the drone abandoned as he stared at me with an expectancy that quickened my pulse. “I hissed at him.”
“Which was aggressive and bad manners,” Mother said.
Yes, it was.
I gave him a good-job nod.
Had I been there, chances were I would have done the same in an uncontrollable bout of breeding aggression. But I hadn’t. Oh no, I was busy hiding, and now she was about to spend time with another male. One whose ignorance and stupidity had almost gotten her injured.
“You should have invited her, amimi.” Kamenji pulled his knees against his chest and rested his chin in the gap between. “I like Jessica.”
As did I.
More than
I should.
“Well, there is nothing to be done now,” I said, rolling my shoulders in an attempt to lessen the tension. “I doubt she would change her plans if we asked her to join us instead.”
“Probably not.” Mother stirred the meal with all the patience in the universe, as if I wasn’t a crooked breath away from stabbing my claw into the wall. “He will pick her up in half an argos.”
By Mekara, half an argos was very soon indeed. There was no way I could make it to her quarters, ask her to join us, and somehow squeeze in an apology to even stand a chance at her saying yes.
Unless I walked very fast.
But even then, she would turn me down if she was smart. Jessica had been abandoned by her husband and, from the little she’d told me, rather unexpectedly. I hadn’t been a shining example of predictability with her, and she had every right to close her door in my face.
She probably would.
Unless I made certain she didn’t.
I took Kamenji’s hand and pulled him onto his feet. “I need your help.”
He stumbled behind me as we exited our quarters. “With what?”
“We’re going to get Jessica.”
He fell in step right there, and gripped my hand tighter than he had in a long time. “Really?”
“Really.” At least, that was the plan. “There’s a good chance she will want to say no. That’s where you come in.”
Keeping up with my long, hurried steps couldn’t have been easy, but he trotted beside me with eagerness and a wide smile on his face. “What do I do?”
I ushered him along the many hallways of Noja, ignoring the blur of faces as my people dipped their heads at me. “You’ll ask her to join us for dinner. She might not outright refuse, but she’ll likely come up with reasons to decline. It’s your job to convince her to say yes.”
“How?”
“By being the charming boy we both know you can be,” I said, and turned into med bay. “That, and relentless begging.”
Jessica would turn me down, no doubt, but she would never say no to Kamenji. Her eyes had brightened when she’d watched him dangle from the ceiling, their shared giggles heartwarming. The same look had come over her face when I gave her the drawing, which she truly kept above her desk.
That thought sneaked a smile onto my lips.
“What are we doing here?” Kamenji asked. “Jessica lives at the west quarters.”
“She does, but there’s something else we need to do first.” I made certain he saw how I tapped my temple. “Strategic interference, Kamenji.”
I scanned med bay for healer Takay, and found him disinfecting one of the restoration tubes. With a rag in his hand, he wiped down the foam mat, his horns carried high and a smile lining his face.
Not much longer.
“Healer Takay.” I stepped up before him, acknowledging the dip of his head with little more than a twitch of my lips. “You will report for guard duty on the northern gate.”
His head flinched back, nothing but a small jerk before a frown creased his brow. “This night?”
“Is there a problem with that?”
He pursed his lips, his spine too straight for my liking. “My urizayo, I was planning to dedicate this night to zoy’ati, courting the woman.”
The fact alone that he had the guts to object let my nostrils flare with a seething rush of anger, but such was the way of my kind. I might have been his urizayo, but different rules applied when it came to females, stripping away all titles until a male was left with nothing but strength and skill.
I might have been a broken male, maimed by life and dehorned. But putting him in his place? I could still do that just fine.
Angling my tailclaw behind me, I hissed loud enough I drew the eyes of other healers to us. “Eshja gra adem.”
She is mine.
A selfish lie forced across my lips by an onslaught of utter possessiveness. Jessica might not have been mine, but she wouldn’t be his either.
For a moment, I half expected him to hiss back with how the tendons on his neck shifted, until Kamenji lifted his tail. He hissed at him through gritted fangs, so forceful it was nothing but a sharp whistle of aggression that filled my core with undiluted pride.
Healer Takay’s jaws clenched, but he dipped his head. “Yes, my urizayo.”
With this threat eliminated, we took our time as we strolled to Jessica’s quarters.
I swung one arm around Kamenji’s back. “That was a nice hiss.”
He gleamed up at me like he used to once. “Did you see how I flicked my claw?”
I nodded. “Yes, I saw. A terrifying display.”
When we reached Jessica’s door, I lifted my hand toward the ID scanner to announce myself, but thought better of it. Instead, I lifted Kamenji up so he could do it. Better chances of her actually answering.
“Remember,” I said and held his gaze, “Charming and relentless begging, yeki?”
“Yeki.” His little fingers nervously brushed his hair between his horns. “She’ll like our courting.”
Not sure which word caused that tug at my gut: our or courting.
The door swooshed open.
My stomach tightened.
Jessica stepped outside wearing a gorgeous white dress, brown eyes first narrowing on me, then softening on Kamenji. “What are you doing here?”
Kamenji clasped his hands behind his back, straightened his small horns, cocked his head slightly, and said, “You look beautiful! Like a vision from Mekara.”
Jessica’s cheeks bunched against her eyes. “Why thank you. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?”
“We cooked yeketem lalei for you,” he said. “And we want you to join us for this meal.”
Her smile eased some, but Jessica was too kind to lose it entirely, and scanned the hallway instead. “Well, um, I was actually waiting for someone. He should have picked me up a good while ago, though.”
I stepped closer to her, and the way her pupils flicked to me but never quite reached my eyes didn’t go unnoticed. “Sometimes, work rosters change with little notice.”
Now her eyes snapped to me, before she rolled them with a not-again-Katedo kind of sigh. “Are we talking rosters for guard duty?”
“Yeah, those,” I said, trying to suppress a grin, and placed my hand onto my son’s shoulder.
A little squeeze.
Whatever my obvious inaptitude when it came to Jessica, Kamenji made up for it with a long, drawn-out aaaaawwww, posture rounding and all, followed by, “Puuu-leeaaase?”
Dammit, my son was good.
He didn’t get that from me.
“We would be honored to have you as our guest,” I said and, after three endless seconds, she finally held my gaze, captivating me all over again. “My mother will be there, too.”
She fumbled with a rebellious strand of curls and tucked it behind her ear, her lips slightly parted as if she had so many questions. As did I. If her heat hadn’t brought me here, what then? And why had the last few suns been utter torture with how I’d missed her laughs, her smiles, her closeness?
I had no answer.
All I knew was that the thought of another male in her proximity evoked a rage in me I’d only experienced twice before. Three times, if one counted the sun where I’d carried her to my quarters, hissing at every male daring to take her from me.
“Well…” A small sigh before she checked her com for the time. “I’m actually pretty tired.”
I took another traitorous step toward her, challenging this promise I’d made to myself to never claim a female again, potentially dooming her to harm and me to heartbreak. “Puuu-leeaaase?”
Eleven
Katedo
Laughs and excited chatter resonated my quarters as we sat gathered at the table, and the okiti steamed away at the center. Wooden bowls clonked whenever we dug our fingers into the yeketem lalei, a dish traditionally eaten with one’s fingers.
The meal had been wonderful, filled with stori
es of the many places Jessica had visited with the Healers Beyond Solar Systems. Of course, Mother had contributed stories of my childhood. Mostly embarrassing ones. Like when I’d gotten my horn stuck between two boulders in a desperate attempt to scratch it. But it had made Jessica giggle, so all was well.
“Look, Jessica.” Kamenji suckled the grease from his fingers before he held them up, the digits woven with streaks of purple, red, and ochre. “Do I have it on my face?”
The same colors framed her smile, blending nicely with the rich tones of her skin. “You might have gotten some on your horns as well.”
“Peel of inum root, vasani berry juice, and ground leaves of gushti vi Mekara gives the meal its color,” Mother explained. “Something that keeps us grounded. Something that nourishes our bodies. And something that connects our souls within Mekara. Together, it makes us one.”
When Kamenji, Mother, and I lifted our arms, our fingers intertwining to form a circle around the table, Jessica was quick to join. The moment she placed her hand into mine, a tingle burst from my palm, spreading up along my arm until it slackened my joints.
Almost on reflex, I let my gaze search for hers and, when they locked, I said, “One tribe. One family. One within Mekara.”
“One within Mekara,” Mother and Kamenji said in unison, and Jessica’s voice followed after a minor delay.
To my left, Kamenji’s hand slipped from mine. Endless seconds passed when I held on to Jessica’s a while longer, holding it a bit tighter, stroking my thumb over her knuckles. Her fingertips curled against my palm in answer as we lowered our arms.
Our hands eventually parted so reluctantly, it put a satisfied curve onto Mother’s mouth. She’d planned this all along, hadn’t she? Had goaded me into a situation where I had no other choice but to act on instinct rather than reason.
I was glad she had.
It felt good to have Jessica back with us at my quarters. With no heat to cloud my thinking, her presence didn’t rouse tension in me this time, but a sense of joy. Things I hadn’t noticed before now crept into my awareness. How her generous laughs sparked flickers of brightness within that shadowed core of mine. How she lifted that veil of worry from me, turning this moment a little bit more colorful, a little less dull than the ones of the last few solar cycles.
