Silence

by J. E. Taylor

  “We really danced in the graveyard. Wow.” I broke out in a soft laugh, and both of my friends joined me.

  “In our socks, no less,” Tina added.

  “We are all kinds of fucked up.”

  Silence Chapter 6

  New Year’s signaled a change in the dynamic of our little group. After seeing Pete and Tina intertwined in sleep, I pulled away and avoided his advances, choosing the friendship I had with Tina over the thrill of sneaking a kiss here and there. Pete and I remained friends, despite the wall I put up, and he left an open invitation for me to join him on his jaunts to Manchester. You can bet I took him up on those excursions; it served as an escape from the verbal diarrhea and a chance to shoot the breeze with Kim.

  As for skipping school, my brother paved the way for me by using, “oh, that’s gotta be a computer error” for the array of absentee disparities on his report card and I just towed the line. Who was I to upset the apple cart, especially since I was still bringing in passing grades despite my attendance record.

  When Pete and Tina broke up, he faded into the background. Beyond the near daily rides to Manchester, and Saturday nights at the skate park, he was scarce. We talked from time to time, but things just weren’t the same. The four of us seemed to float, finding alternate friendships beyond the party crowd.

  On one of the rare occasions I hadn’t skipped school, one of the girls from my creative writing class approached me.

  “Did you feel like hanging out after school?” Janet asked.

  I looked up from the paper I was working on and blinked. I didn’t know her well enough to hang out after school, and I leaned back in the chair, studying her and wondering about her motives.

  “Where do you live?” I asked after chewing on my bottom lip.

  “Skinner Road,” she answered and shuffled her feet. “I wanted someone to read my story before I hand it in,” she added, in no more than a whisper.

  At least the area she lived was on my way home and the fact she wanted me to take a look at her story first was flattering. I’d never shared my work before hand, and with some of the feedback I got from the teacher, having someone take a look might not be such a bad idea.

  “Okay.”

  “Meet me out front after school?”

  I gave her a nod and a smile and went back to the piece I was working on.

  After the last bell, I gathered my stuff from my locker and headed out front. Janet was waiting for me, along with a guy I hadn’t seen before. His curly dark hair framed his pale face, but his bright eyes matched his friendly smile, lighting up the area around both him and Janet. Her short cropped blond hair was such a striking contrast to his dark hair, and I didn’t know whether they were dating or not, but it certainly seemed like I was walking into an existing relationship.

  “Jamie, this is Matt. Matt, Jaimie,” Janet introduced.

  I started to extend my hand, but Matt just wrapped me in a warm hug.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” he said, and even his voice had a musical quality to it. Deep and rich, like a sweet chocolate bar.

  I was a little shocked at the sudden invasion of personal space, but his hug was even better than Pete’s, more like coming home to a warm snuggly bear, than a boy.

  “Nice to meet you, too,” I said when I found my voice.

  We headed down Loveland hill and at the intersection of Dart Hill Road, we crossed the main road and headed toward the direction of Skinner Road. Matt hesitated at the intersection of Skinner Road and glanced farther down Dart Hill before meeting Janet’s gaze.

  “Did you want to hang with us?” she asked, and even I saw the conflict in his eyes.

  “I should head home. I have a lot of homework and I have to start memorizing the script.”

  Janet nodded and his gaze dropped to mine. I tilted my head and I guess the confusion was clear in my expression because he smiled and reached into his bag, pulling out the play script for South Pacific, the musical the school was putting on this year.

  Matt was the first person I’d met who was in drama club, and I didn’t know what to think about him and his crooked smile. Instead of commenting, I gave him a nod and waved goodbye as Janet pulled me down her street.

  “Matt’s a nice guy, but he’s so straight.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He’s never had a drink or taken drugs in his life.” She glanced at me and gave me a grin. “You do party, right?” she asked, and her gaze suddenly became guarded when I made no comment one way or another.

  I couldn’t help but chuckle. Did I party. If there was a picture of a party girl in the dictionary, it would be mine. “What makes you think that?” I asked, enjoying the sudden case of the jitters Janet seemed to be experiencing.

  She opened her mouth and then closed it before she sent me a sly gaze. “You’re pulling my leg, aren’t you?”

  I gave her a smirk and then started laughing. “Just a little.”

  The relief painting her features along with the nervous laugh got my curiosity budding.

  “Did you really want me to read your story?”

  “Yes. And I wanted someone to party with. Most of my friends are so darned straight, and you just seem like you’d be fun to party with.”

  I wasn’t sure if she was serious or not, and I raised my eyebrows, slowing my step.

  “I don’t have many friends,” she blurted out, and then stared at the sidewalk.

  “And you thought...”

  Her gaze jumped to mine, the plea in her eyes masked something deeper underneath. Janet was older than I was, but she seemed almost mousy, even with her taller stature. The way her eyes kept dropping away from me piqued my curiosity.

  “I thought if I hung out with you, I might be able to grow a backbone.”

  Her muttered answer wasn’t what I expected, nor was the slight scar on the side of her neck that I never noticed in class, and I reached out, grabbing her arm before she turned away completely.

  “Are you the one they threw through a window?”

  Her hand jumped involuntarily to her neck, and she met my gaze. Her lower lip sucked into her mouth and she gave one simple nod.

  “Shit.” It’s all I could think of to say and her eyes dropped. “And you want to get high.”

  She laughed, meeting my gaze again. “Yes. I’ve got some hash and instead of just smoking myself into oblivion again, I figured I’d share. Matt doesn’t smoke, so...”

  “I’m always up for getting high.” I smiled and we headed toward her house.

  “FEEL LIKE WATCHING rehearsal?” his voice purred in my ear and I turned, meeting Matt’s gaze. His blue eyes rivaled Rob’s and his hugs were the best this side of the Mississippi. He had ventured out into the quadrangle. A space I tried to keep separate from my newly acquired group of thespians.

  I stiffened as the bitch squad renewed their verbal spam efforts and his eyes drifted in their direction, the crease of confusion between his eyes deepened, and instead of explaining, I just nodded.

  “I’d love to,” I said and tossed my cigarette to the ground, corralling Matt into the building and away from the slaughter. Before the doors closed, I cast a glance toward my regular group of friends, sending a small see you later wave to them. I got a few nods back in response.

  “What was all that about?” Matt asked, pulling my attention back in his direction.

  I stared at the naive soul in front of me and just shrugged. If he hadn’t heard about the bitch squad or the fact that they were my tormentors, I was not going to enlighten him. I liked having some autonomy from being that girl.

  Worry flashed in his gaze as he looked back toward the courtyard. “Those are the same girls that hurt Janet, right?”

  “You’ll have to ask her.” I started to walk away, and he stopped me with a hand on my arm. I met his gaze.

  “You’re...”

  That girl. Fuck. I rolled my eyes before he could finish, and I had the sudden need to get out of there and get high. �
��Yeah.” Was all I said, and when his eyes widened and he huffed out a breath, I thought he looked a little star struck. I couldn’t help the chuckle that cropped up.

  “Come to rehearsal,” he said nodding toward the auditorium. “Then we all can walk home after.”

  “Fine,” I sighed, and headed in search of my next fix.

  Rob caught me at my locker. “Who was that?” Even his tone oozed jealousy.

  I met his gaze and gave him a raised eyebrow. “A friend. Why?”

  He just stared me down and started to turn away, but he stopped and turned towards me. “We haven’t seen you around a lot lately,” he started and gave me that half-hearted roll of his shoulder.

  “I’m sorry. I’ve just been busy.” Skipping school, hanging with the theater kids, anything not to be in school or in the general flow of school. “You feel like skipping class?”

  He tried to suppress the smile, but didn’t do a very good job of it. He knew my M.O. almost as much as Pete and Mia did. Skipping meant partying and I was always coercing others into delinquency.

  “Unfortunately, I have a test,” he said. “But I’ll take a rain check.” The warning bell rang like he’d timed it, and he backed away a few steps before turning and taking off at a jog so he wouldn’t be late to class.

  I SAT IN THE EMPTY seats and stared at the stage in awe. The rehearsal was flawless and the voices we harbored within these school walls were as good, or better, than the original cast of South Pacific. If I had any sort of voice, I might have tried out, but I couldn’t hit a tune if it was two feet in front of my face and the size of a ten-foot brick wall. The talent humbled me, and the fact they let Janet and me watch the rehearsal was even more special.

  Matt shined; he could project his voice like nothing I had ever heard and when they finished, we stood and clapped.

  “You got some serious pipes,” I said as we stepped outside. He grinned and slung his arm over my shoulder, giving me a little squeeze.

  “You both are coming to opening night, right?”

  I know I wouldn’t miss it for the world. “I’ll be there,” I said and Janet gave the same emphatic nod I was engaged in.

  “Good, and I’d love it if you both would come to the party afterwards.”

  “Sure,” both Janet and I said, in tandem.

  “SO, WHAT’S THE DEAL with you and Matt?” I asked as I sat on Janet’s porch with her hash-filled pipe in my hand. I inhaled and handed her the pipe, holding the smoke in my lungs. The slow spread of numbness started and I exhaled slowly.

  “We’re just good friends.”

  “And he’s never had any of this?” I asked when the pipe came back my way.

  “No. But I’d kill to see him high. I think Mr. Einstein would be hilarious under the influence.”

  I grinned. “Ever make hash brownies?” I joked.

  Her eyes got so wide I thought they’d fall out of her head. “That’s a brilliant idea!” She was on her feet in seconds and she stepped into her kitchen rummaging around the cabinets until she came to the back door with a package in her hands.

  I laughed at the Betty Crocker brownie mix in her hand.

  “We have to do this,” she said.

  “At least wait ’til after the show. We don’t want to screw up his head before the performance.” Even though I was trying to save him from our rotten influence, I couldn’t help but be curious as to how he would react.

  Janet’s reference to Einstein wasn’t that far off. Matt was a genius, gifted with a sweet disposition along with a smile that would someday melt hearts. Not to mention a voice of gold. As much as I was interested in taking him for a walk on the wild side, I did not want to screw up the friendship with a stupid stunt like hash brownies.

  OPENING NIGHT CAME the week before the Junior Prom and I don’t recall ever seeing the auditorium so full.

  The performance was as flawless as each and every rehearsal, and we couldn’t have been more proud if we had been on the play bill officially. I hadn’t seen the cast in full make up, so when we stepped into the after-party, the close up view was shocking. From the audience, they looked normal, but close up the make-up was stark, with sharp highlights and shadows.

  Of course, the party wasn’t the drunken fest I was used to, it was soda and chips and conversations, and I thoroughly enjoyed being someone other than that girl.

  The following Monday, Janet and I sat in her kitchen while our special batch of brownies baked.

  “Are you sure?” I said, and her grin was infectious. The toothpick in her hand came out clean and she pulled the batch onto the counter to cool.

  “Give him a call,” she nodded toward the phone and I crossed, dialing his number.

  As curious as I was, I hesitated. “What if he gets pissed?”

  Janet waved at me. “He will get over it. You know you want to see him high.”

  I pressed my lips together in a smirk. I did and I wanted him to enjoy it. “Okay.” I agreed and dialed his number. When he answered, I invited him down to Janet’s house for newly cooked brownies.

  He showed up within fifteen minutes in his normal t-shirt and jeans, and Janet placed the plate of brownies on the table along with glasses of milk. We all dug in.

  The first bite wasn’t what I expected. Having smoked hash, I could tell the chocolate was laced with it, it gave it almost a smoky flavor, but it wasn’t nasty by any means. Matt pulled the brownie away after his first bite and a crease appeared between his eyes.

  But being as polite as he was, he put on a smile and took another bite without saying anything against the odd taste. When he opted for a second one, I traded a smile with Janet.

  We stopped him from taking a third and Janet packed the brownies away before we had any more ideas of gorging ourselves on the laced confection.

  Matt’s eyelids blinked like his brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders and he offered us a crooked smile, licking his lips.

  “Do you have any water or something?” he asked, but the question came out in a pace slower than his normal speech pattern. “Do you feel weird?” he asked as Janet stood to retrieve drinks for all of us.

  I gave him a shrug and traded a glance with Janet before I glanced back at Matt. “Just a little, but that’s to be expected.”

  His puppy-dog head tilt pulled laughter from both of us.

  “The brownies are laced,” Janet said, setting a glass of water down in front of each of us.

  His jaw dropped and for a moment, alarm traced his features and then his mouth closed and his eyes narrowed, but instead of speaking, he sucked down the water. “That’s not funny,” he finally said and licked his lips again.

  We both sat quietly at the table and I had no idea what was going through Janet’s mind, but I felt about two inches tall. As amusing as this played out in my mind, his getting aggravated with us never really entered the equation.

  “I’m hungry,” he spouted in the silence and glanced at the two of us before the silly stoned grin surfaced. “You drugged me, you better feed me.”

  I hadn’t seen anyone move as quickly as Janet did, but I was right behind her and Matt leaned back in the seat, his grin one of both being high, and seeing the two of us jumping when he said jump.

  We placed chips, dip and soda on the table, and then all dug in.

  “I should be mad,” he muttered, glancing at the two of us.

  I bit my lip and dropped my gaze. He had every right to be. In retrospect, I wouldn’t blame him. Who wants drugs slipped to them, but at least we came clean instead of sending him off on his merry way.

  “We just wanted you to party with us,” Janet said, and it sounded as pathetic as I anticipated.

  I brought my gaze up. At least he didn’t accuse me of being the mastermind. While I did coerce my friends to skip school with me, I never forced anything on them. “I’m sorry,” I said.

  “I just wish you had given me the option.” He leaned back and crossed his arms. “But it’s not bad. At least, not wh
at I expected.” His gaze flicked to Janet. “How long does this last?”

  Even high, he was still well spoken, and the only indications I saw that gave a clue he was feeling the effects, were his bloodshot eyes and the constant need for something to drink.

  The philosophical debate on free will ensued, and by the end, the twinkle was back in his eye and his dimple appeared again. I left when he left and he walked me to the main intersection, stopping and waiting for the light to change so I could cross.

  “What possessed you to go along with Janet?”

  I turned and met his sharp gaze. “I thought it would be amusing.” I leveled with him.

  “Was it?” He crossed his arms.

  “A little,” I admitted and his lips pressed against a smirk and then he rolled his eyes.

  He shifted and kicked the curb gently before meeting my gaze. “Well, I guess this is probably a good time to give you my news.”

  I waited, raising my eyebrows when he didn’t continue.

  “We are moving to Coventry.”

  My heart squeezed, and I stared into his bright blue eyes, hating the fact that mine watered up. I think my chin must have started that telltale tremble, because his gaze softened and he stepped in, wrapping me in a hug.

  “We’ll keep in touch. I promise,” he whispered in my ear.

  I hugged him back, but didn’t speak for fear of my voice cracking. As friends go, I loved Matt, and the thought of not having him near rubbed my skin raw. But he was right, it wasn’t like he was moving across the country.

  “You just need to promise me you’ll stay out of trouble,” he added and pulled away.

  I laughed and wiped the stray tears away. “But trouble’s my middle name.”

  Silence Chapter 7

  Summer had been a whirlwind of sleepovers between Kim’s house, in Manchester, whenever we wanted to party all night, and my house, in Vernon, when we wanted a change in scenery or wanted to go skating. In between, we made the trek to the beaches in Rhode Island. We played and partied and serial dated, breaking hearts all summer long. By the time the school year rolled around, Kim and I had become inseparable.