by Kira Saito
She had a point, I did feel beyond guilty, but I never meant for her to find out the way she had. “I’m sorry,” I muttered. “I’m sorry, but I never meant for any of it to happen. We all do things we’re not exactly proud of and the only thing I can say is I’m sorry. Besides, it’s not like I threw myself at him or anything. It was only a kiss. But I do…”
“I knew it”! She screamed. “You fell for him, even after you knew he was off limits!”
I turned my attention to the long shelves lined with sweet smelling herbs and fiery oils. Through clenched teeth, I muttered, “He’s not property. A person can’t be off limits. He can do whatever he wants with whoever he wants.” Honestly, I was tired of her acting like Lucus was a piece of meat. He wasn’t.
The room went disturbingly mute and I heard Sabrina take a deep breath.
Clutching the ingredients in my hand, I turned around to face her.
Her lower lip started to quiver. She was silent for a few seconds. When she spoke, her voice was low and composed, which, combined with her mud stained dress and face, was a little disturbing. “I know what you all think about me. You think that I’m a vapid, spoiled joke. You all do, including Lucus. This whole time he was nice to me but he was drooling over you. I feel like such a moron. That’s what you wanted, right? For me to look like a moron so you could look all superior. Argh! ”
Sabrina tugged on her hair and threw me venomous stares. As she did, I noticed that the mud she was covered in started to turn a pale pink that matched the color of her dress perfectly. Slowly but surely, the pink started to turn darker and darker until it was a sickening shade of red. I tried my best to ignore it but soon it started to drip off of Sabrina and trickled to my toes. I looked away and focused my attention to a jar of Devil’s Shoestring that sat on a shelf.
“That’s not true, Sabrina, you know I don’t think you’re joke, and neither does Lucus. He was being polite. He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything,” I said while still keeping my eyes firmly fixed on the jar.
“No. No. No! He wasn’t! He was protecting you until you got the guts to say something! This whole time you guys have been going behind my back and doing who knows what. That’s not fair; I came here to meet him. I invited you to come with me. How could you steal him from me? Why the hell does everyone always flock to you? Tony, Lucus and even Ivan!” she fumed.
“Steal him from you, really? He was never yours to begin with. And Ivan? You can’t honestly think there’s anything going on between us? He’s a major ass.” Kind of. I still think there’s hope for him, but whatever.
“Then why the hell can’t you even look at me! I slept with him, but he still insists on hanging around you! What’s up with that? Not that I care about him, but still. I don’t even know you anymore! I tell you everything, and all you do is keep secrets from me. You didn’t even tell me about Tony.”
Slowly, I took my eyes off of the wall. I know I was supposed to be hurt over Sabrina’s words, but at that second all I could think of was that Saturday Night Live skit What’s Up With That? The words kept repeating themselves over and over again.
What’s up with that? What’s up with that? What’s up with that? Oh my, this is getting even better than I expected. You two pathetic little girls are probably going to end up in a twisted murder/suicide over Prince Charming. Not the plan I had in mind, but hey, you insist on staying here. Is it really worth it?
“It’s not what you think. Nothing is what you think!” I had to tell her the truth about Lucus.
“Oh really? Then how is it?”
Wanting to come clean and get the whole Lucus thing off of my chest, I blurted out the words as fast as I could before they refused to come out. “Lucus is under a voodoo curse, he’s really 176 years old and the only reason he paid any attention to me when we got here is because I can help him get out of this house.”
Right after I said the words, I realized how ridiculous I must have sounded to her. I was only getting used to the whole idea myself, even after all the crazy things I’d seen. How did I expect her to fully believe what I was saying when a small part of me was still a little unsure of the whole thing.
Sabrina was quiet and looked at me with her bright blue eyes. A solid two minutes passed before she said anything. “Right, and Ivan is a vampire and Tony is a werewolf? Or wait, is Tony a shape-shifter and Ivan’s a fairy?”
Argh, Ivan. If only I could tell you about Ivan! “Look, I don’t expect you to believe me, but how else can you explain what happened tonight?”
She threw her hands up in the air in total exasperation. “Blame it on the booze, this is ridiculous. I expected more from you, Arelia. After all we’ve been through together, a little honesty would be nice.”
“I am being honest! There are things that we can’t explain by logic. Things that are meant to be a mystery and this whole thing is one of them.”
“Bullshit! I said I would try to understand the whole voodoo thing and God knows I’m trying but lying to my face and telling me that Lucus is under some curse is an insult to my intelligence. And despite what all of you think about me, I do have a brain!”
“I never said that you didn’t have a brain! No one thinks that but you, obviously.”
“This blows, I’m out of here.” Sabrina opened the door and ran down the hallway and up the staircase.
“Erzulie, give me patience,” I muttered, as I ran after her.
Chapter Ten
Go Away!
Juggling what felt like a million ingredients, I ran right after her. A month ago I would have scowled and let her go, but slowly I was coming to understand that being a voodoo queen meant that I was essentially responsible for healing people. And as difficult as Sabrina was being, I knew that she was hurting. I knew how awful people could be when they were angry. I was one of those awful angry people, but I was trying to change that. Being angry all of the time was exhausting.
“Sabrina, wait!” I cried, as I ran after her up the stairs.
“Leave me alone!” she shouted without turning back.
“I’m not lying to you. Hear me out,” I said, as I stalked her down the hallway.
“No!” She opened our bedroom door and slammed it before I had a chance to step inside. “No! I can’t! I feel like an idiot!”
I could hear her muffled cries coming from inside. They started out slowly but increased into wild waves of hysteria that were kind of terrifying. I felt awful because I could have told her the truth but I was too afraid. That basically made me a coward and a liar. I didn’t want to be any of those things.
“Sabrina, please.” I knocked gently on the door. “Hear me out.”
“No, Arelia. No. If I can’t trust you, who can I trust? I have no one but you. You know that. I never thought that the one person I trusted most would ever lie to me. I guess I’m not good enough for the truth. No one cares about me, not even you, apparently.”
Her words were barely audible between her wails and moans. The last time I had heard her cry this hard was when we had found out that her sister had died. Her tone became increasingly hysterical as she continued. “I feel so alone. You don’t care about me. Lucus thinks I’m a joke, and even low-life Ivan’s been avoiding me like the plague. For once I want somebody to love me. Why doesn’t anybody? What’s wrong with me? I thought that Lucus did, but obviously I’m beyond deluded. Now, I don’t know what I’m doing here other than the fact I have absolutely nowhere else to go!”
“You know you’ll always have me. Please open the door,” I said, as I placed my hand on doorknob. To my horror, slowly but surely, the intricately carved antique handle started to change from a rusty brown color into a vivid shade of red. I pulled my hand away in repulsion only to see that it had already been stained. Beads of blood started to stream down from the top of the door and onto my muddy feet. Soon, the clean ivory walls started to glisten with fresh blood and I wanted nothing more than to make it all go away.
Rooms built on the
blood of others. How much blood was shed? How many lives were lost, and why should he get away with it?
“No. Go away. I can’t even look at you right now. I feel so pathetic.”
“You’re not pathetic. No one thinks that about you.”
“You do. If you had one ounce of respect for me you wouldn’t have let me make an utter fool of myself,” she fired back.
“Please let me help you,” I said quietly.
“No.”
I took a deep breath. “Do you remember when we were four and we were playing in the park next to your home?”
She didn’t answer. I continued to speak anyways. “And Dennis Cliffman said something super rude to me? Do you remember that?”
“So what! What does that have to do with anything?”
“I remember how you took the chocolate ice cream cone out of his hand and smashed it against his forehead and then pulled his hair. To this day I still remember the shocked look on his face. You did exactly what I wanted to do but was too chicken to. When I saw you trying to get with Lucus, maybe a small part of me was jealous- okay, a huge part of me- but I knew that I would never have the guts to actually, well, go for him, so I let you. But then things kind of happened…”
“That’s such a lame excuse Arelia! Lame! Lame! Lame! You always think that no one will understand. The truth is you were only protecting yourself.”
“I don’t know what more I can say besides sorry. I’m not perfect, but neither are you. You have to trust me about the curse and the graveyard and believe that what I’m telling you is for your own good. Please.”
“Why should I believe you now? Why? After you basically lied to my face and made me look like a massive idiot! Go away. I don’t want to talk right now. Maybe later, but not now.”
“Sabrina, listen to me, later could be too late. You need to take this bath now.”
“Go away!”
As I stood alone in that dim, seemingly endless, blood-filled hallway and listened to Sabrina cry through the door, I felt absurdly tired and defeated. Maybe some things were better left alone and it was immature of me to think that anything I did would actually make a difference. If Lucus had been trapped at Darkwood for all these years, maybe he was meant to be here. If anything happened to Sabrina, I would never forgive myself. She was right, I was only protecting myself. If should have told her about Lucus earlier.
That’s right, baby. Get on with your life. Things will never change. There’s no point in trying. What the hell is the point of being here? There is no hope for the damned. He deserves it and maybe so do I. Take the princess and leave.
Maybe Ivan was right. As much as I was fighting it, I couldn’t ignore the feeling of emptiness and confusion that was starting to take a hold of me. Just when I had resolved to suck it up and fight for what I wanted, things seemed to get even more complicated. Making resolutions was infinitely easy but carrying through with them was an entirely different story.
I let out a giant sigh and placed the ingredients on the floor and dropped to my knees. The blood dripping from the walls started to swim down the hallway in a lazy but determined stream. Under the dim hall light it was thick and ghastly. Oddly, I wanted it to swallow me whole and carry to some place that was far away from Darkwood.
I placed my bloody palms over my face and tried my hardest not to cry out of sheer frustration. At that second, I didn’t want to be strong or heroic. All I wanted was someone to wrap me in their arms and tell me that everything was going to okay. That somehow this whole mess would be over and there would be some cliché light at the end of the tunnel moment for all of us.
My temples ached madly as I tried to block out Ivan’s incessant rambling and philosophical musings. Every angry, hateful and spiteful word he said was quickly draining me of my will.
“Arelia!” I heard Lucus’ voice call my name from down the hall, but I refused to pull my hands away from my face for fear of what I might see.
Secure arms wrapped around me from behind and the curtain of anxiety that gripped me started to slip away. Still, I couldn’t open my eyes. Lucus didn’t say anything. Instead, he simply held me, as nasty drops of warm blood splattered onto my head in a furious stream.
“I have to calm Sabrina down,” I said. “She needs to take a bath because whatever happened out there was plain strange and who knows what it’s capable of. I need to help her.”
Lucus stood up and gently knocked on the door. “Sabrina, please let me explain.”
“Stay the hell away from me!” Sabrina shrieked.
“Please let us help you. I swear, Arelia never meant to hurt you. It was all my fault, you can put the blame on me. Hate me. Be angry, but please open the door.”
“You’re such an ass! Go away! Of course you’re going to defend her.”
I had to smile as I watched Lucus plead with Sabrina. It was actually pretty entertaining.
As if by some ominous force, above us, the hall lights flashed and then went dead. Great.
“The electricity always seems to come and go with summer storms,” whispered Lucus, as he grabbed the ingredients off the floor. He took my hand and pulled me up. “Come on, we’ll help her, but let me help you first.”
“But…” My body refused to move, as I heard Sabrina’s shrieks grow louder and more agitated.
“Give her a few minutes.”
“We need to help her now.”
“Come on, stubborn one.” Lucus’ voice was firm and unwavering. “Let someone help you for once.”
Reluctantly, I let him led me away from the bedroom door and down the hall and into the familiar spacious bathroom.
I was the worst best friend ever.
Chapter 11
The First and Last Time
In the bathroom, the cool marble floor felt fresh, innocent and soothing against my dirty feet. The large French window was ajar and I could hear vicious raindrops as they mercilessly beat the ground below. I inhaled the alluring smell of damp earth as it mixed with the sweet smell of roses, jasmine and lilies. As the vivid aroma wafted into the bathroom, it filled me with a sense of uncharacteristic alleviation and pure, simple joy.
I realized that the strangest thing about Darkwood was the constant feeling of conflict that it gave me. One second it would present me with a side so ugly that I was sure it was the most horrible place on the planet. But then, it would lure me back in with its effortless beauty and otherworldly charm. In many ways, Darkwood was kind of like a bad boyfriend who was ridiculously good-looking. Darkwood was a Tony.
“Luckily, there are candles,” said Lucus, as he headed towards the deep tub and pulled aside the wine-red silk drapes. He quickly lit the thick candles surrounding it. As he did, I was startled by what I saw. There was something vastly eerie about the way the china white bathtub glowed as dozens of flames danced around it. In an otherwise dark room, it appeared utterly haunting. As candle light illuminated Lucus’ mud stained face, he was a vision that was ghostly but still undeniably romantic.
A lock of dark hair fell over his left eye and rested on his cheekbone. He turned on the tap and examined the ingredients that he had laid on the ledge of the tub. It looked like such a normal, everyday thing to do, preparing a bath. I wondered if he knew how to make iced coffee or change a flat tire. Did he know how to drive? Did he like cupcakes? Lucus caught me staring, our eyes met, and he gave me a slight smile. He scratched his forehead and with uncertainty grabbed some red brick dust.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?”
He glanced at me through lowered lashes and there was a short silence before he responded. “No,” he admitted reluctantly.
“You really are a mopey prince who’s been locked up in a big old tower,” I quoted Grand-mere as I walked over to where he stood and took the dust from him and mixed it with the right amount of salt and oak leaves. “That’s how it’s done,” I said playfully, as I threw it into the water.
He shrugged and turn
ed towards me. “I’ve always had everything done for me; sometimes I suppose I can be a bit useless,” he said, as he placed his arms around me and drew me close. I could smell hot peppers and rum on his breath.
See queen, even he thinks he’s useless and worthless, why can’t you just see that already?
“I don’t think you’re useless,” I said, as I tried to ignore Ivan’s rambling.
“That’s exactly how I felt out in the cemetery. Powerless,” he said, as his glance held mine.
I shook my head. “If it wasn’t for you, I’m pretty sure Sabrina and I would still be out there bitching at one another. At least she’s semi-safe in the bedroom.”
Murder/suicide is what I predict for you two.
He was quiet for a moment and his face went dark and reflective. The sound of running water became unbearably loud, and I instinctively braced myself for bad news. “If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t be here at all. You wouldn’t be putting yourself in danger for my sake. What happened to Sabrina tonight is my fault. Everything that is happening to you is my fault.” He let out a low sigh. “I’ve realized that I’m being awfully selfish by asking you to stay. I had no right to place you in this position. My ghosts, sins and burdens shouldn’t be yours to carry. You belong in the land of the living. Not here. Only the dead and the damned belong here.”
“No. Don’t say what I think you’re going to say,” I said.
He took a deep breath. “After what’s happened over the past few days, it’s clear that this is no place for you. The spirits and ghosts are so much stronger here, and who knows what they’re capable of doing, especially when a powerful queen is around. I’ve interrupted your life and your friendship with Sabrina. I never intended to do any of that. If Louis is really bound in flesh and bone, I can understand why he would be furious with me, but you don’t deserve any of his rage, you’ve done nothing to deserve it. I think it’s best that you leave…”
