No Second Chances

by Marissa Farrar

  I needed to remember that the only reason he wanted me around was out of guilt. He felt guilty for what had happened back then, and he felt guilty because he was probably grossed out at the idea of my stump. He certainly didn’t want to be around me out of any kind of romantic notion, and I wouldn’t be able to handle it if he was.

  Who the hell wanted to date a girl who only had one leg?

  ***

  Later that morning, my dad took an unexpected trip out to the store, so I had the house to myself. It didn’t happen often, and I was enjoying the peace and quiet. It wasn’t to last, however, as my doorbell sounded. My heart did a stupid little skip and hop. Would Cole come to the house to see me? No, I chided myself. Why did he seem to always be at the front of my mind lately?

  “Coming,” I yelled toward the front door, knowing it took me longer than normal to haul myself out of the couch, and then get to the front door. Like an elderly person, I managed to stand, using the edges of the seat to half pull, half push myself up. I did my lurching walk, hoping whoever it was hadn’t given up and left already.

  I opened the door and my mouth dropped in surprise.

  Two women and a boy of about seven stood on my doorstep. Both women plastered on wide smiles as they saw me.

  “Gabi, hi!”

  My gaze moved from one to the other in surprise. “Jasmine,” I said. “Taylor. I wasn’t expecting to see you.”

  Jasmine gave an apologetic smile. “I know. Sorry for dropping by unannounced. We should have called first, but we heard you were back in town and we just happened to be in the area.” She held her hands out either side of her. “So here we are.”

  “Yeah, so here you are.” I stepped back, freeing the doorway. “Please, come in.”

  “Oh, only if you have time,” she chirped. “We wouldn’t want to interrupt.”

  I silently observed that they already had interrupted me, but I didn’t say anything. I also noticed how Taylor had remained silent so far. I guessed she wasn’t sure how to figure out the situation yet either.

  “Mom?” the boy said suddenly. “Is this the lady who only has one leg?”

  Taylor’s perfect lips parted and she clamped her hand over the boy’s mouth. “Oliver!” Brushstrokes of pink painted her throat.

  Mom? So Taylor was a mother now? She must have gotten pregnant young. I did the math and relaxed slightly. She hadn’t been that young.

  I forced a smile at the boy, Oliver. “Yes, I’m that lady who only has one leg.”

  “Cool!” he mumbled from behind Taylor’s hand. “Can I see it?”

  “Oliver!” she exclaimed again.

  I laughed. “It’s fine, honestly. Though I’d rather not start flashing on the doorstep. The neighbors might complain.”

  Taylor laughed a little, too, and I felt a fraction of the awkwardness dissipate between us.

  “Come in, please,” I said again.

  I led them into our compact living room, and they both took seats on the couch, Oliver perching on the armrest.

  “Can I offer you a drink? Coffee? Something cold, perhaps?”

  “Oh, no, we’re fine,” said Jasmine, but I could tell what was behind her words. She probably didn’t want the invalid shuffling around after them.

  “So, how have you both been?” I asked, sitting in the comfy chair opposite them. “It’s been a long time.”

  “Yes, it has.”

  I’d kept in touch with Jasmine sporadically over the years, but I hadn’t had any contact with Taylor, and Jasmine had known not to mention her.

  I turned to Taylor. “So, you’ve been busy.” I glanced at her son.

  “Umm, yeah, Ollie has definitely done that.”

  “I’m bored,” the boy complained. “There’s nothing to do here.”

  “Sorry,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “I don’t have any kids’ toys or anything. I glanced out of my window. “You’re welcome to play in the yard, though. My old treehouse is still out back. Hopefully it isn’t completely rotten by now.”

  Taylor looked relived. “Yes, that would be great, thanks.”

  She shooed the boy out the back, and then, after making sure he wouldn’t fall through the floor of my old treehouse, came and sat back down again. “That’s better. We can actually talk now.”

  “So, really,” Jasmine said. “How are you?”

  I shrugged. “I’ve been better, I guess.”

  “So the rumors are true?”

  I nodded and lifted the leg of my pants. Both women grew pale. Taylor put her hand to her mouth. I was shocked to see tears in Jasmine’s eyes.

  “Oh, my God, Gabi,” my old best friend said.

  “It’s okay.” I didn’t know why I felt the need to reassure them, but I did. “I’m alive, and that’s the main thing. The soldier I was stationed with when this happened didn’t make it. He had a young family and everything.”

  Taylor shook her head. “That’s awful.”

  “Yeah, it was, but I’m a lot better now.” The truth was I’d used the thought of Tom’s death to pull me through the hardest times. Even in the early days, when I’d felt like there was no point in fighting any more, I reminded myself of him, and how he would have given anything to have survived with only a lost limb. If our positions had been reversed, he would be here now, holding his baby daughter and kissing his wife. He’d have been able to see his little girl grow into a woman, and would have happily walked her down the aisle on her wedding day, thankful for his prosthetic leg.

  The thought of him caused tears to threaten, so I glanced away, not wanting them to see my weakness, and knowing they would never truly understand.

  “So what about you guys?” I threw back to them. “You have a kid now, Taylor. That’s amazing.”

  “Yeah, he is. Ridiculously hard work, but wonderful. Boys are a different species, I swear.”

  “So, are you married?” I asked, sneakily trying to find out who Oliver’s dad was without directly asking the question.

  She laughed. “Oh no, thank God. I hooked up with Lawrence Knight when I came home on Spring Break in my last year of college, and managed to get pregnant.”

  “Lawrence Knight?” I remembered the slender, dark haired boy from school.

  She must have heard my surprise in my tone.

  “Yeah, he filled out some during his late teens—shot up and out like a football player. When I told him I was pregnant, he took off, and his parents moved not long after. I could probably have tracked him down if I’d tried, but I wasn’t going to chase him. He knew how to get hold of me if he wanted, but he didn’t even bother. Oliver doesn’t miss what he didn’t know, though I do wish he had a father figure around at times, especially now he’s getting older. He could do with someone to rough and tumble with, you know?”

  I nodded, as though I did. “So did you drop out of college?”

  She shook her head. “Nah, I managed to graduate, though I did so with a bump. Then I moved back home with my folks, and I’ve stayed ever since.”

  “What about you, Jasmine?”

  She smiled. “I’m still running Mom and Dad’s business. They couldn’t keep it up after Mom had her stroke, and I couldn’t leave them like that anyway.”

  “Wow, so much responsibility, both of you.” Who would have thought my beautiful, carefree friends would have ended up back in the same town, both living normal day-to-day lives. I’d been sure Taylor would have ended up in Los Angeles, living the life of a movie star or model, and Jasmine would have ended up in New York, doing something cool like fashion designing or editing a magazine.

  I wasn’t sure why I was surprised. It wasn’t as though my own life went to plan. What was it I had wanted to do, anyway? I was sure I’d entertained dreams of studying English and writing, but they now felt as airy-fairy as the dreams I’d held of being a princess when I was five.

  “So,” said Jasmine, shifting in her seat and glancing toward the floor. “Have you seen Cole since you’ve been back?”

&nbs
p; I stiffened. “Only in passing.”

  Her eyes widened, focusing on me now. “Did he talk to you? What did he say?”

  “Nothing, really. Just being polite.”

  “I hear he’s working at Frankie’s now.”

  I gave a nonchalant shrug, trying to pretend I didn’t care. “It’s none of my business what he does with his life. He screwed it up enough when he was eighteen. I didn’t intend on letting him drag me down then, and I certainly don’t intend on allowing him the chance to do the same now.”

  I looked over to Taylor, who had taken a sudden interest in Oliver still playing outside. She got to her feet and wandered over to the window, watching him the whole time, though I knew it was only an excuse so she didn’t have to look at me. I was tempted to ask if she’d seen Cole at all, if she’d been to visit him, even, when he’d been in jail, but honestly, I didn’t want to know. All of that was in the past now. By the fact she had Oliver, she’d obviously moved on. It was only a stupid teenaged crush. We all made mistakes back then. I couldn’t hold hers against her.

  Could I?

  “It’s okay, Taylor,” I said, addressing the elephant in the room. “We’re both grownups now. There are far more important things than us fighting over Cole Devonport when we were kids.”

  She spun to face me and bit her lower lip. “Oh, are you sure, Gabi? I’ve been feeling horrible all these years, and then when I found out what had happened to you …” Her gaze flicked down at my leg, and I knew the real reason for her concern. She probably hadn’t given me a second thought since high school, but now I was back and with a leg missing, that busy old train called The Guilt Trip had taken her on a ride.

  But I’d meant what I’d said. Life was too short to hold ten-year-old grudges. We’d been kids, and I was sure we all would have done things differently with a little more life experience in the bank.

  So you’re willing to forgive Taylor for how she acted back then, but you won’t forgive Cole?

  I shoved the annoying voice which had piped up in my head to the back of my mind.

  “Of course,” I said with a smile. “Let’s start over fresh. I know I could still use some friends in this town.”

  Her face brightened and she brought her hands clasped against her chest as though she hugged herself with pleasure. “Thanks so much, Gabi. You always were the one who had her head screwed on.”

  The front door clicked open and everyone turned to the sound. A couple of seconds later, my dad’s head poked around the door. His eyes widened as he saw us all there, and then he stepped into the room.

  “Girls,” he said, as though we were all still teenagers. “How good of you to come and visit Gabi.”

  Jasmine smiled. “It’s our pleasure, Mr. Weston.”

  “Look at you, all grown up. I know you’ve been around town, but I never really knew what to say.”

  “No problem, Mr. Weston.”

  He waved a hand. “Oh, call me Bill now. You’re all grown women. I can’t have you talking to me as though we’re not equals.”

  A yell and a cry came from the back yard.

  “What on earth was that?” I exclaimed.

  Taylor jumped to her feet. “Shit, Oliver!”

  We all rushed to the back door. Oliver was on his feet, but clutching his arm.

  I bit my lower lip. “Is he okay?”

  Taylor had rushed over to her son, and had her arm around him. “Yeah, he’s okay. Just slipped as he was climbing down.” She gave a tight smile. “Guess that was our cue to leave.”

  “Sure he’s going to be all right?”

  “Yes, it’s only a bruise. He’s a boy. A day doesn’t go by where he’s not injuring himself in some way.” Taylor ruffled her son’s fine blond hair, so like her own.

  I saw them all to the front door.

  “Well, I hope we’ll see you around,” said Jasmine. “Maybe we could meet for coffee sometime?”

  “Or wine?” said Taylor, and we all laughed.

  “Sounds like a great idea,” I said. And it did. Though I’d had comrades during my time in the Army, and we’d been close, it wasn’t the same as having girlfriends. There was always a certain amount of watching what you said, being a woman in the Army, joining in with the banter, while still wanting everyone to take you seriously.

  I liked the idea of having friends again.

  Chapter Eleven

  Gabi - Eleven Years Earlier

  “What the hell is going on with you and Cole?”

  The accusation chased me up the school hall as I was hurrying to get to my next class on time.

  I blinked in surprise and turned to find Taylor behind me, her hands on her hips, her lips pressed together in a hard line.

  “Sorry?”

  Her nostrils flared as she stared at me. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

  I glanced either side of me, as I noticed other students had started to get an inkling that something was about to go down. They were like piranha fish—just a hint of blood being spilled was enough to get them circling. “Seriously, Taylor. I have no idea.”

  “Then why have I got people telling me that you two are acting cozy as anything, walking around with your arms around each other?”

  The penny dropped. Someone must have told Taylor about Cole putting his arm around me in the hall the other day.

  “He put his arm around me while we were walking. He was just being friendly—I promise there’s nothing going on.”

  “Really? So he doesn’t call me, and then he’s seen all over you? What am I supposed to think?”

  I was starting to get exasperated now. “Taylor, I haven’t done anything wrong. He even asked me to meet him for lunch, and I said no partly because I was already meeting you guys, but also because I didn’t want to upset you.”

  I’d said the wrong thing. Her expression dropped. “He asked you to eat lunch with him?”

  “Err, yeah, but just in a friendly way. There’s nothing going on,” I said again, sounding like a broken record.

  “I thought you said he’d asked us to the band practice the other day because he liked me?”

  I realized I’d given her the wrong idea then, too. “Well, no, not exactly. I said he’d invited me to band practice and told me to bring some friends if I wanted. I assumed he was just using me to get to you. I mean, all the guys at Willowbrook High try to hit on you.”

  Her eyebrows shot up her forehead. “No, they don’t!”

  “Yeah, they do. What’s not to like?”

  “I could say the same thing about you.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Oh, please.”

  “Anyway, I’m not talking about lots of guys. I’m talking about one guy who I thought liked me, and now apparently likes my BFF instead.”

  I threw up my hands. “He doesn’t like me! He just invited me somewhere, and then I stopped him and asked him a question, so he put his arm over my shoulders while we walked. None of that is definitive proof of someone liking someone else.”

  She didn’t look convinced, and I had to admit, a thread of doubt had even started to weave its way inside me. Why had he invited me to his band practice if it hadn’t been to hit on either Taylor or Jas? Was it just that he’d spotted me sitting on the grass, with my skirt too short and riding up my thighs, and I’d looked like an easy target?

  My face heated. Shit. Did he think I was easy? Had someone else said something?

  The total opposite was true, but you never knew what sort of stories were going around the rumor mill. But yet, if that was the case, why did he barely acknowledge me at practice the other night? Did Cole think flirting with a girl’s friend was one way of getting her attention?

  “Hello?” Taylor said, continuing our argument. “I think you’re kidding yourself. But if you don’t even like the guy, maybe you can move out of the way for someone who actually does?”

  What was she asking me? That I shouldn’t have any contact with Cole so she could step in? There wasn’t even any
thing to step into, yet for some reason the thought of giving Taylor the green light made me uneasy. Taylor always got what she wanted, and the idea of her getting Cole suddenly twisted me up inside.

  She must have noticed my hesitation or recognized the expression of doubt I felt sure was on my face.

  “You do like him, don’t you? Jeez, Gabi. So you’re going after my leftovers now? How about coming over to my house and going through the trash as well?”

  I felt like she’d slapped me. “What?”

  “You heard me. These aren’t exactly the behaviors of a best friend, Gabi!”

  And with that, she spun on her heels and stormed off down the hall.

  People were sniggering behind their hands, exchanging glances and whispering to each other. I’d just about had enough of being the hall gossip for the time being. I’d spent most of my high school life being invisible, and I didn’t want that to change any time soon.

  It seemed as though if Cole Devonport was in my life that was exactly what would happen.

  Chapter Twelve

  Gabi - Eleven Years Earlier

  To delay going home, I’d spent most of the evening studying in the library.

  When eventually I forced myself back to the house, I discovered the front door wide open. I paused, my heartrate instantly picking up, climbing into my throat. It wasn’t like my dad to leave the door open. Did we have an intruder? I knew he was off tonight, and I thought he’d be catching up on some sleep after working nights for the last few shifts.

  Then I realized his vehicle was missing from the driveway. He must have gone out, but then why would he have left the front door wide open? Security was normally one of his things.

  “Hello?” I called out, not sure if I wanted a response or not. If a burglar was currently trashing our house, it wasn’t as though he was going to answer me.

  I entered into the entrance hall. “Hello?” I called again. “Dad?”

  The place felt empty, no sense of life coming from within its walls. I hurried into the living room, every inch of my being alert for any sound. Ears straining, nostrils flared, muscles tensed for fight or flight. Even my skin felt as though it were hyper-sensitized, as though I might be able to feel the movement of someone in the air before I heard it. This was a safe neighborhood, and rarely did we hear of a break-in, but there was always a first time.