PS, I Love You: A Novel

by Cecelia Ahern

  “The student media ’wards were on last night and I won!” he yelled, and Holly heard what sounded like the entire carriage celebrating with him. She was delighted for him.

  “And the prize is that it’s gonna be aired on Channel 4 next week! Can you believe it!” There were more cheers this time and Holly could barely make out what he was saying. “You’re gonna be famous, sis!” was the last thing she heard before the line went dead. What was this odd feeling she detected running through her body? Was it … no it couldn’t … could it be that Holly was experiencing a sensation of happiness?

  She rang around her family to share the good news but learned that they had all received a similar phone call. Ciara had stayed on the phone for ages chattering like an excited schoolgirl about how they were going to be on TV, and eventually her story ended with her marrying Denzel Washington. It was decided that the family would gather in Hogan’s pub next Wednesday to watch the documentary being aired. Daniel had kindly offered Club Diva as the venue so they could watch it on the big wall screen. Holly was excited for her brother and rang Sharon and Denise to let them know the good news.

  “Oh, this is brill news, Holly!” Sharon whispered excitedly.

  “Why are you whispering?” Holly whispered back.

  “Oh, old wrinkly face here decided it would be a great idea to ban us from accepting personal calls,” moaned Sharon, referring to her boss. “She says we spend more time chatting on the phone to friends than doing business, so she’s been patrolling our desks all morning. I swear I feel like I’m back at school again with the old hag keeping her eye on us.” Suddenly she spoke up and became businesslike. “May I take your details please?”

  Holly laughed. “Is she there?”

  “Yes absolutely,” Sharon continued.

  “OK, well, I won’t keep you very long then. The details are that we’re all meeting up in Hogan’s on Wednesday night to watch it, so you’re welcome to come.”

  “That’s great … OK.” Sharon pretended to take her details.

  “Brilliant, we’ll have fun. Sharon, what will I wear?”

  “Hmm … brand-new or secondhand?”

  “No, I really can’t afford anything new; even though you forced me to buy that top a few weeks ago, I’m refusing to wear it on the grounds that I am no longer eighteen. So probably something old.”

  “OK … red.”

  “The red top I wore to your birthday?”

  “Yes, exactly.”

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  “What’s your current state of employment?”

  “To be honest I haven’t even started looking yet.” Holly chewed the inside of her mouth and frowned.

  “And date of birth?”

  “Ha-ha, shut up, you bitch,” Holly laughed.

  “I’m sorry, we only give motor insurance to ages twenty-four and older. You’re too young, I’m afraid.”

  “I wish. OK, I’ll speak to you later.”

  “Thank you for calling.”

  Holly sat at the kitchen table wondering what she should wear next week; she wanted something new. She wanted to look sexy and gorgeous for a change, and she was sick of all her old clothes. Maybe Denise had something in her shop. She was about to call when she received a text message from Sharon.

  HAG RITE BHIND ME

  TLK 2 U L8R XXX

  Holly picked up the phone and called Denise at work.

  “Hello, ‘Casuals,’” answered a very polite Denise.

  “Hello, Casuals, Holly here. I know I’m not supposed to call you at work but I just wanted to tell you that Declan’s documentary won some student award thingy and it’s gonna be aired on Wednesday night.”

  “Oh, that’s so cool, Holly! Are we gonna be in it?” she asked excitedly.

  “Yeah, I think so. So we’re all meeting up at Hogan’s to watch it that night. You up for that?”

  “Oooh, of course! I can bring my new boyfriend too,” she giggled.

  “What new boyfriend?”

  “Tom!”

  “The karaoke guy?” Holly asked in shock.

  “Yeah, of course! Oh Holly, I’m so in love!” she giggled childishly again.

  “In love? But you only met him a few weeks ago!”

  “Oh I don’t care; it only takes a minute … as the saying goes.”

  “Wow, Denise … I don’t know what to say!”

  “Tell me how great it is!”

  “Yeah … wow … I mean … of course … it’s really great news.”

  “Oh, try not to sound too enthusiastic, Holly,” she said sarcastically. “Anyway, I can’t wait for you to meet him, you’ll absolutely love him. Well, not as much as I do, but you’ll certainly really really like him.” She rambled on about how great he was.

  “Denise, are you forgetting that I met him already?” Holly interrupted her in the middle of a story about how Tom had saved a child from drowning.

  “Yeah, I know you have, but I would rather you meet him when you’re not acting like a demented woman hiding in toilets and shouting into microphones.”

  “Look forward to it then …”

  “Yeah, cool, it’s gonna be great! I’ve never been to my own premiere before!” she said excitedly.

  Holly rolled her eyes at her friend’s dramatics and they said their good-byes.

  · · ·

  Holly barely got any housework done that morning, as she spent most of the time talking on the phone. Her mobile was burning and it was giving her a headache. She shuddered at the thought. Every time she had a headache it reminded her of Gerry. She hated to hear her loved ones complaining of headaches and migraines and would immediately launch herself at them, warning them of the dangers and how they should take it more seriously and go see their doctors. She ended up petrifying everyone with her stories and they eventually stopped telling her when they felt ill.

  She sighed loudly; she was turning into such a hypochondriac even her doctor was sick of the sight of her. She went running to her in a panic over the tiniest little things, if she had a pain in her leg or a cramp in her stomach. Last week she was convinced there was something wrong with her feet; her toes just didn’t look quite right. Her doctor had examined them seriously and then had immediately started to scribble her prescription down on a slip of paper while Holly watched in terror. Eventually she handed her the piece of paper, and scrawled messily in that handwriting only doctors can perfect, was: “Buy bigger shoes.”

  It may have been funny, but it cost her forty euro.

  Holly had spent the last few minutes on the phone listening to Jack ranting and raving about Richard. Richard had paid him a little visit, too. Holly wondered whether he was just trying to bond with his siblings after years of hiding from them. Well, it was too little too late for most of them, it seemed. It was certainly very difficult trying to hold a conversation with someone who hadn’t yet mastered the art of politeness. Oh, stop stop stop! she silently screamed to herself. She needed to stop worrying, stop thinking, stop making her brain go on overdrive, and she certainly needed to stop talking to herself. She was driving herself crazy.

  She finally finished hanging out the washing more than two hours later and added another load into the machine and turned it on. She switched the radio on in the kitchen and blared the television from the living room and went back to work. Perhaps that would drown out the whinging little voice in her head.

  Seventeen

  HOLLY ARRIVED AT HOGAN’S AND pushed her way through the old men in the pub to make her way upstairs to Club Diva. The traditional band was in full swing and the crowd was joining in on all their favorite Irish songs. It was only seven-thirty, so Club Diva wasn’t officially open yet. Looking around at the empty club, Holly saw a completely different venue from the one she had been so terrified in a few weeks earlier. She was the first to arrive and settled herself at a table right in front of the big screen so she would have a perfect view of her brother’s documentary, not that the place would be so crowded that anyon
e would stand in her way.

  A smashing glass over by the bar made her jump and she looked up to see who had joined her in the room. Daniel emerged from behind the bar with a dustpan and brush in his hand. “Oh, hiya, Holly, I didn’t realize anyone had come in.” He stared at her in surprise.

  “It’s just me, I came early for a change.” She walked over to the bar to greet him. He looked different tonight, she thought, inspecting him.

  “God, you’re really early,” he said, looking at his watch, “the others probably won’t be here for another hour or so.”

  Holly looked confused and glanced at her watch. “But it’s seven-thirty, the show starts at eight, doesn’t it?”

  Daniel looked confused, “No, I was told nine o’clock, but I could be wrong …” He reached for that day’s paper and looked at the TV page. “Yep, nine o’clock, Channel 4.”

  Holly rolled her eyes. “Oh no, I’m sorry, I’ll wander around town for a bit and come back later so,” she said, hopping off her stool.

  “Hey, don’t be silly.” He flashed his pearly whites. “The shops are all closed by now and you can keep me company, that’s if you don’t mind …”

  “Well, I don’t mind if you don’t mind …”

  “I don’t mind,” he said firmly.

  “Well then, I’ll stay so,” she said, happily hopping back onto her stool again. Daniel leaned his hands against the taps in a typical barman’s pose. “So now that that’s settled, what can I get you?” he said, smiling.

  “Well, this is great, no queuing or shouting my order across the bar or anything,” she joked. “I’ll have a sparkling water, please.”

  “Nothing stronger?” He raised his eyebrows. His smile was infectious; it seemed to reach from ear to ear.

  “No, I better not or I’ll be drunk by the time everyone gets here.”

  “Good thinking,” he agreed and reached behind him to the fridge to retrieve the bottled water. Holly realized what it was that made him look so different; he wasn’t wearing his trademark black. He was wearing faded blue jeans and an open light blue shirt with a white T-shirt underneath that made his blue eyes twinkle even more than usual. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to just below his elbows. Holly could see his muscles through the light fabric. She quickly averted her eyes as he slid the glass toward her.

  “Can I get you anything?” she asked him.

  “No thanks, I’ll take care of this one.”

  “No, please,” Holly insisted. “You’ve bought me plenty of drinks, it’s my turn.”

  “OK, I’ll have a Budweiser then, thanks.” He leaned against the bar and continued to stare at her.

  “What? Do you want me to get it?” Holly laughed, jumping off her stool and walking around the bar. Daniel stood back and watched her with amusement.

  “I always wanted to work behind a bar when I was a kid,” she said, grabbing a pint glass and pulling down on the tap. She was enjoying herself.

  “Well, there’s a spare job if you’re looking for one,” Daniel said, watching her work closely.

  “No thanks, I think I do a better job on the other side of the bar,” she laughed, filling the pint glass.

  “Mmm … well, if you’re ever looking for a job, you know where to come,” Daniel said after taking a gulp of his pint. “You did a good job.”

  “Well, it’s not exactly brain surgery,” she smiled, bouncing across to the other side of the bar. She took out her purse and handed him money. “Keep the change,” she laughed.

  “Thanks,” he smiled, turning to open the cash register, and she scorned herself for checking out his bum. It was nice, though, firm but not as nice as Gerry’s, she decided.

  “Has your husband deserted you again tonight?” he teased, walking around the bar to join her. Holly bit her lip and wondered how to answer him. Now wasn’t really the time to talk about something so depressing to someone who was only making chitchat, but she didn’t want the poor man to keep asking her every time he saw her. He would soon realize the truth, which would cause him even more embarrassment.

  “Daniel,” she said softly, “I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, but my husband passed away.”

  Daniel stopped in his tracks and his cheeks blushed slightly. “Oh Holly, I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” he said sincerely.

  “It’s OK, I know you didn’t.” She smiled to show him it was all right.

  “Well, I didn’t meet him the other night, but if someone had told me, I would have gone to the funeral to pay my respects.” He sat beside her at the bar.

  “Oh no, Gerry died in February, Daniel, he wasn’t here the other night.”

  Daniel looked confused. “But I thought you told me he was here …” He trailed off, thinking he had misheard.

  “Oh yeah.” Holly looked down at her feet with embarrassment. “Well, he wasn’t here,” she said, looking around the club, “but he was here,” she put her hand on her heart.

  “Ah, I see,” he said, finally understanding. “Well then, you were even braver the other night than I thought, considering the circumstances,” he said gently. Holly was surprised by how at ease he seemed. Usually people stuttered and stammered their way through a sentence and either wandered off or changed the subject. She felt relaxed in his presence, though, as if she could talk openly without fear of crying. Holly smiled, shaking her head, and briefly explained the story of the list.

  “So that’s why I ran off after Declan’s gig that time,” Holly laughed.

  “It wasn’t because they were so terrible by any chance?” Daniel joked, then he looked lost in thought. “Ah yes, that’s right, that was the thirtieth of April.”

  “Yeah, I couldn’t wait any longer to open it,” Holly explained.

  “Hmmm … when’s the next one?”

  “July,” she said excitedly.

  “So I won’t be seeing you on the thirtieth of June then,” he said dryly.

  “Now you’re getting the gist,” she laughed.

  “I have arrived!” announced Denise to the empty room as she swanned in, dolled up to the nines in the dress she had worn to the ball last year. Tom strolled in behind her, laughing and refusing to take his eyes off her.

  “God, you’re dressed up,” Holly remarked, staring her friend up and down. In the end Holly had decided to just wear a pair of jeans, black boots and a very simple black top. She hadn’t been in the mood to get all dressed up after all, especially as they were only sitting in an empty club, but Denise hadn’t quite grasped that concept.

  “Well, it’s not every day I get to go to my own premiere, is it?” she joked.

  Tom and Daniel greeted each other with hugs. “Baby, this is Daniel, my best friend,” Tom said, introducing Denise to Daniel. Daniel and Holly raised their eyebrows at each other and smiled, both registering the use of the word “baby.”

  “Hi, Tom.” Holly shook his hand after Denise had introduced her and he kissed her on the cheek. “I’m sorry about the last time I met you, I wasn’t feeling very sane that night.” Holly blushed at the memory of the karaoke.

  “Oh, that’s no problem,” Tom smiled kindly. “If you hadn’t entered then I wouldn’t have met Denise, so I’m glad you did,” he added, turning to face Denise. Daniel and Holly shared a mutually pleased look for their friends, and Holly settled down on her stool feeling very comfortable with these two new men.

  After a while Holly discovered she was enjoying herself; she wasn’t just pretending to laugh or finding things mildly amusing, she was genuinely happy. The thought of that made her even happier, as did the knowledge that Denise had finally found someone she really loved.

  Minutes later the rest of the Kennedy family arrived, along with Sharon and John. Holly ran down to greet her friends. “Hiya, hun,” Sharon said, giving her a hug. “You here long?”

  Holly started laughing. “I thought it was on at eight o’clock so I came at half seven.”

  “Oh no.” Sharon looked worried.

  “Oh, don
’t worry, it was fine. Daniel kept me company,” she said, pointing over to him.

  “Him?” John said angrily, “Watch yourself with him, Holly, he’s a bit of an oddball. You should have heard the stuff he was saying to Sharon the other night.”

  Holly giggled to herself and quickly excused herself from their company to join her family. “Meredith not with you tonight?” she boldly asked Richard.

  “No, she’s not,” he snapped back rudely and headed over to the bar.

  “Why does he bother coming to these things at all?” she moaned to Jack while he held her head to his chest and rubbed her hair, playfully consoling her.

  “OK, everyone!” Declan stood on a stool and announced to the group, “Because Ciara couldn’t decide what to wear tonight, we’re all late and my documentary is about to start any minute. So if you can just all shut up and sit down that would be great.”

  “Oh, Declan.” Holly’s mother admonished him for his rudeness.

  Holly searched around the room for Ciara and spotted her glued to Daniel’s side at the bar. She laughed to herself and settled down to watch the documentary. As soon as the announcer introduced it, everybody cheered, but they were quickly hushed by an angry Declan, who didn’t want them to miss a thing.

  The words “Girls and the City” appeared over a beautiful nighttime shot of Dublin city, and Holly became nervous. The words “The Girls” appeared over a black screen and was followed by a shot of Sharon, Denise, Abbey and Ciara all squashed beside each other in the back of a taxi. Sharon was speaking:

  “Hello! I’m Sharon and this is Abbey, Denise and Ciara.”

  Each of the girls posed for their close-up as they were introduced.

  “And we’re heading to our best friend Holly’s house because it’s her birthday today …”

  The scene changed to the girls surprising Holly with shouts of “Happy Birthday” at her front door. It returned to Sharon in the taxi.

  “Tonight it’s gonna be just us girls and NO men …”

  The scene switched to Holly opening the presents and holding the vibrator up to the camera and saying, “Well, I’ll definitely need this!” Then it returned to Sharon in the taxi saying: