PS, I Love You: A Novel

by Cecelia Ahern

Holly gave her a friends a big hug and a kiss and made her way into her quiet, empty house. There was a horrible musty smell inside and she moved to the kitchen patio doors to let the fresh air circulate.

  She froze just as she was turning the key in the door and stared outside.

  Her entire back garden had been relandscaped.

  The grass was cut. The weeds were gone. The garden furniture had been polished and varnished. A fresh coat of paint gleamed from her garden walls. New flowers had been planted and in the corner, underneath the shade of the great oak tree, sat a wooden bench. Holly looked around in shock; who on earth was doing all this?

  Twenty-nine

  IN THE DAYS FOLLOWING HER return from Lanzarote, Holly kept a low profile. Holly, Denise and Sharon were all keen to spend the next few days apart from one another. It wasn’t something they had talked about, but after living in each other’s ears every day for a whole week, Holly was sure they all agreed it would be healthy to spend some time apart. Ciara was impossible to get hold of, as she was either working hard at Daniel’s club or spending time with Mathew. Jack was spending his last few precious weeks of summer freedom down in Cork at Abbey’s parents’ house before he had to go back to school, and Declan was … well, who knew where Declan was.

  Now she was back, she wasn’t exactly bored with her life, but she wasn’t exactly overjoyed either. It just seemed so … nothing and so pointless. She’d had the holiday to look forward to, but now felt she had no real reason to get out of bed in the morning. And as she was taking a time-out from her friends, she really had nobody else to talk to. There was only so much conversation she could have with her parents. Compared to last week’s sweltering heat in Lanzarote, Dublin was wet and ugly, which meant she couldn’t even work at maintaining her beautiful tan or appreciate her new back garden.

  Some days she never even got out of bed, she just watched television and waited … waited for next month’s envelope from Gerry, wondering what journey he would take her on next. She knew her friends would disapprove after she’d been so positive on holiday, but when he was alive she’d lived for him, and now that he was gone she lived for his messages. Everything was about him. She had truly believed that her purpose in life had been to meet Gerry and enjoy all their days together for the rest of their lives. What was her purpose now? Surely she had one, or perhaps there had been an error in the administration up above.

  Something that she did feel she should do was to catch the leprechaun. After further interrogation of her neighbors she still knew nothing more of her mystery gardener, and she was beginning to think the whole thing had just been an awful mistake. Eventually she had herself convinced that a gardener had made a mistake and that he was working on the wrong garden, so she checked the post every day for a bill that she was going to refuse to pay. But no bill arrived, of that variety anyway. Plenty of others arrived and she was running out of money fast. She had loans up to her eyeballs, electricity bills, phone bills, insurance bills, everything that came through her door was a bloody bill, and she hadn’t a clue how she was going to continue paying them all. But she didn’t even care; she had become numb to all those irrelevant problems in life. She just dreamed the impossible dreams.

  One day Holly realized why the leprechaun hadn’t returned. Her garden was only tidied when she wasn’t home. So she got out of bed early one morning and drove her car around the corner from her house. She walked back home and settled down on her bed and waited for her mystery gardener to appear.

  After three days of Holly repeating this behavior, the rain finally stopped and the sun began to shine again. Holly was about to give up hope of ever solving her mystery when she heard someone approach her garden. She jumped out of bed in a panic, unprepared for what she should do, even though she had spent days planning. She peeped over her windowsill and spotted a young boy who looked about twelve years old walking down her drive tugging a lawnmower along behind him. She threw on Gerry’s oversized dressing gown and raced down the stairs not caring what she looked like.

  She pulled open the front door, causing the young boy to jump. His arm froze in midair and his finger hovered just over the doorbell. His mouth dropped open at the sight of the woman in front of him.

  “A-ha!” Holly yelled happily. “I think I caught my little leprechaun!”

  His mouth opened and closed like a goldfish’s; he was clearly unsure of what to say. Eventually he scrunched up his face as though he were about to cry and screamed, “Da!”

  Holly looked up and down the road in search of his father and decided to squeeze as much information out of the boy as she could before the adult reached them.

  “So you’re the one who’s been working on my garden.” She folded her arms across her chest.

  He shook his head wildly and gulped.

  “You don’t have to deny it,” she said gently, “you’ve been caught now.” She nodded over at the lawnmower.

  He turned around to stare at it and yelled again, “Da!” His dad slammed the door of a van and made his way over to her house.

  “What’s wrong, son?” He wrapped his arm around the boy’s shoulders and looked at Holly for an explanation.

  Holly wasn’t going to fall for this little charade. “I was just asking your son here about your little scam.”

  “What scam?” He looked angry.

  “The one where you work on my garden without my permission and then you expect me to pay for it. I’ve heard about this kind of thing before.” She put her hands on her hips and tried to look like she couldn’t be messed with.

  The man looked confused. “Sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about, missus. We’ve never worked on your garden before.” He stared around at the state of her front garden, thinking the woman was insane.

  “Not this garden, you landscaped my back garden.” She smiled and raised her eyebrows, thinking she had caught him.

  He laughed back at her. “Landscaped your garden? Lady, are you mad? We cut grass, that’s all. See this? This is a lawnmower, nothing else. All it does is cut the bloody grass.”

  Holly dropped her hands from her hips and slowly placed them in the pockets of her gown. Maybe they were telling the truth. “Are you sure you haven’t been in my garden?” she squinted her eyes.

  “Lady, I have never even worked on this street before, never mind your garden, and I can guarantee I won’t be working in your garden in the future.”

  Holly’s face fell. “But I thought—”

  “I don’t care what you thought,” he interrupted. “In future, you try to get your facts straight before you start terrorizing my kid.”

  Holly looked at the young boy and saw his eyes fill with tears. Her hands flew to her mouth with embarrassment. “Gosh, I’m so sorry,” she apologized. “Just hold on there a minute.”

  She rushed into the house to get her purse and squeezed her last fiver into the boy’s chubby little hand. His face lit up.

  “OK, let’s go,” his dad said, turning his son around by the shoulders and leading him down the drive.

  “Da, I don’t wanna do this job anymore,” the boy moaned to his dad as they carried on to the next house.

  “Ah, don’t worry, son, they all won’t be as mad as her.”

  Holly closed the door and studied her reflection in the mirror. He was right; she had turned into a madwoman. Now all she needed was a house full of cats. The sound of the phone ringing pulled Holly’s eyes away from her image.

  “Hello?” Holly said, answering the phone.

  “Hiya, how are you?” Denise asked happily.

  “Oh, full of the joys of life,” Holly said sarcastically.

  “Oh, me too!” she giggled in response.

  “Really? What’s got you so happy?”

  “Oh nothing much, just life in general,” she giggled again.

  Of course, just life. Wonderful, wonderful, beautiful life. What a silly question.

  “So what’s happening?”

  “I’m calling
to invite you out for dinner tomorrow night. I know it’s short notice, so if you’re too busy … cancel whatever it is you have planned!”

  “Hold on and let me check my diary,” Holly said sarcastically.

  “No problem,” Denise said seriously and was silent while she waited.

  Holly rolled her eyes. “Oh look at that, whaddaya know? I appear to be free tomorrow night.”

  “Oh goody!” Denise said happily. “We’re all meeting at Chang’s at eight.”

  “Who’s we?”

  “Sharon and John are going and some of Tom’s friends too. We haven’t been out together for ages, so it’ll be fun!”

  “OK then, see you tomorrow.” Holly hung up feeling angry. Had it completely slipped Denise’s mind that Holly was still a grieving widow and that life just wasn’t fun for her anymore? She stormed upstairs and opened her wardrobe. Now what piece of old and disgusting clothing would she wear tomorrow night, and how on earth was she going to afford an expensive meal? She could barely even afford to keep her car on the road. She grabbed all her clothes from her wardrobe and flung them across the room, screaming her head off until she finally felt sane again. Perhaps tomorrow she would buy those cats.

  Thirty

  HOLLY ARRIVED AT THE RESTAURANT at eight-twenty, as she had spent hours trying on different outfits and ripping them off again. Eventually she settled with the outfit that she had been instructed to wear by Gerry for the karaoke just so she could feel closer to him. She hadn’t been coping very well over the past few weeks; she had had more downs than ups and was finding it harder to pick herself back up again.

  As she was walking toward the table in the restaurant her heart sank.

  Couples “R” Us.

  She paused halfway there and quickly sidestepped, hiding behind a wall. She wasn’t sure she could go through with this. She hadn’t the strength to keep battling with her emotions. She looked around to find the easiest escape route; she certainly couldn’t leave the way she had come in or they would definitely see her. She spotted the fire escape beside the kitchen door, which had been left open to clear some of the smoke. The moment she stepped out into the cool fresh air she felt free again. She walked across the car park, trying to formulate an excuse to tell Denise and Sharon.

  “Hi, Holly.”

  She froze and slowly turned around, realizing she had been caught. She spotted Daniel leaning against his car smoking a cigarette.

  “Hiya, Daniel.” She walked toward him. “I didn’t know you smoked.”

  “Only when I’m stressed.”

  “You’re stressed?” They greeted each other with a hug.

  “I was trying to figure out whether to join Happy Couples United in there.” He nodded toward the restaurant.

  Holly smiled. “You too?”

  He laughed, “Well, I won’t tell them I saw you if that’s what you want.”

  “So you’re going in?”

  “Have to face the music sometime,” he said, grimly stabbing out his cigarette with his foot.

  Holly thought about what he’d said. “I suppose you’re right.”

  “You don’t have to go in if you don’t want to. I don’t want to be the cause of you having a miserable night.”

  “On the contrary, it would be nice to have another loner in my company. There are so very few of our kind in existence.”

  Daniel laughed and held out his arm. “Shall we?”

  Holly linked her arm in his and they slowly made their way into the restaurant. It was comforting to know she wasn’t alone in feeling alone.

  “By the way, I’m getting out of here as soon as we finish the main course,” he laughed.

  “Traitor,” she answered, thumping him on the arm. “Well, I have to leave early anyway to catch the last bus home.” She hadn’t had the money to fill the tank in the car for the past few days.

  “Well then, we have the perfect excuse. I’ll say we have to leave early because I’m driving you home and you have to be home by … what time?”

  “Half-eleven?” At twelve she planned on opening the September envelope.

  “Perfect time.” He smiled and they made their way into the restaurant feeling slightly reinforced by each other’s company.

  “Here they are!” Denise announced as they made their way to the table.

  Holly sat beside Daniel, sticking to her alibi like glue. “Sorry we’re late,” she apologized.

  “Holly, this is Catherine and Thomas, Peter and Sue, Joanne and Paul, Tracey and Bryan, John and Sharon you know, Geoffrey and Samantha, and last but not least, this is Des and Simon.”

  Holly smiled and nodded at all of them.

  “Hi, we’re Daniel and Holly,” Daniel said smartly, and Holly giggled beside him.

  “We had to order already, if you don’t mind,” Denise explained. “But we just ordered loads of different dishes so we can all share them. Is that OK?”

  Holly and Daniel nodded.

  The woman beside Holly, whose name she couldn’t remember, turned to her and spoke loudly, “So Holly, what do you do?”

  Daniel raised his eyebrows at Holly.

  “Sorry, what do I do when?” Holly answered seriously. She hated nosy people. She hated conversations that revolved around what people did for a living, especially when those people were complete strangers that she had just met less than a minute ago. She felt Daniel shaking with laughter beside her.

  “What do you do for a living?” the woman asked again.

  Holly had intended on giving her a funny but slightly rude answer but suddenly stopped herself as all the conversations around the table died down and focused on her. She looked around with embarrassment and cleared her throat nervously, “Em … well … I’m between jobs right now.” Her voice shook.

  The woman’s lips began to twitch and she scraped a piece of bread from between her teeth rudely.

  “What is it that you do?” Daniel asked her loudly, breaking the silence.

  “Oh, Geoffrey runs his own business,” she said, proudly turning to her husband.

  “Oh right, but what is it that you do?” Daniel repeated.

  The lady seemed disconcerted that her answer hadn’t been good enough for him. “Well, I keep myself busy all day every day doing various things. Honey, why don’t you tell them about the company?” She turned to her husband again to divert the attention from herself.

  Her husband leaned forward in his seat. “It’s just a small business.” He took a bite out of his bread roll, chewed it slowly, and everyone waited while he swallowed so he could continue.

  “Small but successful,” his wife added for him.

  Geoffrey finally finished eating his bread. “We make car windshields and sell them to the warehouses.”

  “Wow, that’s very interesting,” Daniel said dryly.

  “So what is it that you do, Dermot?” she said, turning to look at Daniel.

  “Sorry, my name is Daniel actually. I’m a publican.”

  “Right,” she nodded and looked away. “Awful weather we’re having these days, isn’t it?” she addressed the table.

  Everyone fell into conversation and Daniel turned to Holly. “Did you enjoy your holiday?”

  “Oh, I had a fabulous time,” she answered. “We took it easy and relaxed every day, didn’t do anything wild and weird.”

  “Just what you needed,” he smiled. “I heard about your near-death experience.”

  Holly rolled her eyes. “I bet Denise told you that.”

  He nodded and laughed.

  “Well, I’m sure she gave you the exaggerated version.”

  “Not really, she just told me about how you were surrounded by sharks and had to be airlifted from the sea by a helicopter.”

  “She didn’t!”

  “No, not really,” he laughed. “Still, that must have been some conversation you were having to not notice you were drifting out to sea!”

  Holly’s face blushed a little as she recalled that they had been talkin
g about him.

  “OK everyone,” Denise called. “You’re probably wondering why Tom and I invited you all here tonight.”

  “Understatement of the year,” Daniel mumbled, and Holly giggled.

  “Well, we have an announcement to make.” She looked around at everyone and smiled.

  Holly’s eyes widened.

  “Myself and Tom are getting married!” Denise squealed, and Holly’s hands flew up to her mouth in shock. She did not see that one coming.

  “Oh Denise!” she gasped, and walked around the table to hug them. “That’s wonderful news! Congratulations!”

  She looked at Daniel’s face; it had gone white.

  They popped open a bottle of champagne and everyone raised their glasses as Jemima and Jim or Samantha and Sam or whatever their names were made a toast.

  “Hold on! Hold on!” Denise stopped them just before they started. “Sharon, did you not get a glass?”

  Everyone looked at Sharon, who was holding a glass of orange juice in her hand.

  “Here you go,” Tom said, pouring her a glass.

  “No no no! Not for me, thanks,” she said.

  “Why not?” Denise huffed, upset that her friend wouldn’t celebrate with her.

  John and Sharon looked at each other and smiled. “Well, I didn’t want to say anything because it’s Denise and Tom’s special night …”

  Everyone urged her to speak.

  “Well … I’m pregnant! John and I are going to have a baby!”

  John’s eyes began to water and Holly just froze in shock in her seat. She did not see that one coming either. Tears filled her eyes as she went over to congratulate Sharon and John. Then she sat down and took deep breaths. This was all too much.

  “So let’s make a toast to Tom and Denise’s engagement and Sharon and John’s baby!”

  Everyone clinked glasses and Holly ate dinner in silence, not really tasting anything.

  “You want to make that time eleven o’clock?” Daniel asked quietly, and she nodded in agreement.

  After dinner Holly and Daniel made their excuses to leave and nobody really tried to persuade them to stay.

  “How much should I leave toward the bill?” Holly asked Denise.