by Amy Lillard
Until then, he had vowed to take care of her. Make sure that she had everything she needed and more. It was a vow he intended to keep.
No, there was only room for one woman in his life right now. And that was his mother.
So why did those hazel eyes of Sadie Kauffman’s rise to his thoughts at that exact moment? He pushed them away and concentrated on his cousin. “I’ve got everything under control.”
Logan looked at him with sympathy on his face. “You keep saying that, buddy. And maybe if you keep it up, we’ll all start to believe it.”
* * *
Logan left without the promise he wanted. He wasn’t happy about it, but Ezra could be as stubborn as Logan when he chose to be.
Ezra finished up the morning chores, then called the truck driver. If he had someone else take the animal into the slaughterhouse, then that was one less thing he would have to do. His driver assured him he could be there first thing Monday to pick up the beast. That left only a couple of days to decide which one he was sending. One, really, seeing as how the next day was Sunday.
But he had a nine-hundred-pound young bull that would fit the order nicely. Now he just had to cut him from the herd and put him in the holding pasture to await the truck driver.
The next call he made was to the slaughterhouse to let them know the bull would be arriving on Monday; then he called his butcher. He was as excited about the order as Ezra himself. They made arrangements for him to pick up the meat next Monday afternoon.
That was nine days away. Nine days until he got to see Sadie Kauffman again. He wasn’t sure why, but the thought sent his heart tripping in his chest.
Chapter Three
“Lorie’s here!” Sadie nearly squealed as the familiar orange car pulled up in front of the restaurant. It’d been over two weeks since she had seen Lorie, and she missed her terribly. But she knew that Lorie was happy, and that mattered most of all.
Impatient to wait on her sister to come into the restaurant, Sadie hurried outside without her coat.
“What a fantastic surprise,” she gushed as she rushed toward her sister. Lorie had barely made it out of the car before Sadie wrapped her in a warm hug. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
Lorie chuckled as Sadie pulled away. Then she tucked a strand of her long blond hair behind one ear. “I’m glad to be here too. Here.” She handed Sadie a sack, the kind that came from the grocery store.
“What’s in here?”
Lorie looped one arm through Sadie’s and led them back toward the restaurant doors. “Some stuff for Daniel.” Lorie knew as well as anyone that Daniel loved coloring almost as much as he loved Lorie herself. And every time she came to visit, she brought him different pictures to color, different coloring books, and different types of crayons that she bought in Tulsa. Bigger cities had so much more to offer than small Wells Landing.
“I didn’t know you were coming down today,” Sadie said as they hurried back inside.
“It was an unexpected day off. Zach is off doing his ‘war’ thing again. It wasn’t quite time for him to go yet, but he seems to like that so much that he volunteered for this exercise.”
Sadie stopped before they could reach the booth the family usually sat in. It was in the back, close to the office door. “You don’t think he’s going to completely join the army, do you?”
Lorie shook her head, and the lights glinted off her pale locks. “No, but he gets some kind of extra-credit pay if he goes. Since we’re having the wedding and everything, he took the opportunity to make an extra dollar or two.”
Sadie exhaled in relief. “Oh, good.” Not that she understood anything of what her sister just said. Only the part that Zach wasn’t going to be gone forever and get killed overseas in this war. And that was the most important part, as far as she was concerned.
The restaurant bustled with people. A tourist bus had come in earlier, though most everyone had been in and gone. Only a few slow eaters were left. Or maybe they were people who merely wanted to sit and drink coffee while everyone else went from shop to shop in the January air.
Sadie slid into one side of the booth and Lorie the other. She set the grocery sack for Daniel on the seat next to her. She’d give it to him as soon as he got home from school.
“Do you want some coffee?” Lorie asked.
“That’d be good.” Sadie shook her head. “You don’t work here anymore. I’ll get it.” Some habits died hard.
“I don’t mind,” Lorie said. But Sadie would hear nothing of it. She jumped up from the booth and made her way to the waitress station to pour them both a cup of coffee. How long had it been since she had sat with her sister and talked about nothing and everything all at the same time? She had missed Lorie so much in the months that she had been gone. And so much seemed to have happened. She couldn’t wait to tell her sister all about it.
She took the coffee back over to where Lorie waited and set the cups down in front of them. Lorie immediately added three packages of artificial sweetener to hers. But Sadie preferred vanilla creamer and nothing else. As stepsisters they shared a lot of qualities, but they were as different as two people could probably be. Lorie was adventuresome, fun-loving, outgoing, or was that just because now she’d found where she’d truly belonged in life? She had grown up thinking she was Amish, only to find out later that she was truly Englisch hiding out from her mother’s wealthy family, who wanted to take her from her father. All those relationships had been repaired. And her grandmother had ended up leaving Lorie a great deal of money.
“Wait, why do you need money for the wedding again?”
Lorie smiled. “Zach invested most of what Ellie left me. We have a small nest egg in the bank and then the rest of it’s in an IRA. We don’t want to spend any of that for the wedding, so this was his solution.”
Sadie nodded and took a sip of her coffee. “Chris is going to Europe.” The words seemed to jump from her brain out her mouth without any permission from her. She had been walking around with the secret for so long, it had been eating a hole in her. Now that she had her sister here, someone that she could trust and could talk to, she couldn’t keep the words contained.
Lorie stopped stirring her coffee. Spoon still in hand, she stared at Sadie. “He what?”
“He’s going to Europe.” There, she said it again.
Lorie seemed to recover from her shock and set her spoon to the side. “And what about the two of you?”
“Oh, you know.” Sadie couldn’t quite meet her sister’s dark brown eyes.
“No,” Lorie said. “I don’t know.”
“Well, it’s just that . . . He wants to travel and see Europe and he’s been saving his money and he’s going in June.” Even to her own ears the words sounded like nothing more than a flimsy excuse.
“And the two of you?”
“Oh,” she started brightly. “We’re going to get married when he comes back.”
“He’s joining the church?”
Sadie shook her head. “Next year. He’s leaving in June and asked me to wait on him to get back. Then we’ll get married.” And everything would be fine, she silently added.
But Lorie shook her head. “He said that? That he was coming back to marry you? And that you should wait for him to return?”
“Well, he didn’t say it exactly like that. He told me he was going and then he asked me if I would wait for him to get back.”
“That’s exactly that.” Lorie blew out a breath, stirring the hair that fluttered around her face. After years of wearing her hair put up in a bob and hidden under a prayer kapp, Lorie now wore it long and straight, framing her face and making her eyes look all the larger. “And you told him yes?”
“Of course I did.” What had she expected her to do? “Chris and I have been together forever. He’s the one I’m going to marry. What else would I do but wait for him to return?”
“Find somebody else and get married?”
Lorie made it sound so easy, but it was anything but
simple. “I can’t do that.”
She could almost feel the frustration rolling off her sister.
“But you can.” Lorie sat back in her seat, then leaned forward and grabbed Sadie’s hands. Lorie’s hands were warm against Sadie’s ice-cold fingers. Dread filled her.
“Sadie, you can’t let him lead you on this way.”
“He’s coming back. He’s only going to be gone a couple months.”
Lorie shook her head. “Do you really think he’s going to spend two months in the Englisch world and then just come back?”
Sadie nodded numbly, even though she knew in the deepest part of her heart that Chris wasn’t coming back. Not ever. As much as she wanted to believe he’d marry her, Lorie was right.
“What do I do?” Tears rose in her eyes. For years it had been her and Chris. Once he went to Europe it’d just be her.
“Tell him no. That you won’t wait.” Lorie’s words were quiet but held the force of a tornado, sending her thoughts whirling in her head. Tell him no? How could she tell him no when he was her best friend? How could her life be the same if Chris wasn’t in it? But then how was her life going to be the same when he went off to Europe seeing whatever sights?
“Trust me on this,” Lorie said. “The Englisch world . . .” She shook her head. “It’s not easy out there. And there are temptations. If he wants to go to the Englisch world so bad that he’s willing to fly to another continent . . . I got caught up simply going to Tulsa. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Unfortunately she did. It was time she faced the fact Chris was going to Europe. And despite his promises otherwise and her desire to believe that they were true, he would never come home.
“So what do I do?” Sadie asked, though Lorie had already given her the answer. She wanted her sister to say the words again. Maybe this time she could listen with her head instead of her heart.
“Tell him you aren’t going to wait. I can’t say it’ll be easy, but it’s necessary. Unless you want your heart broken in two.”
That was the problem, she thought. Since Chris’s revelation, her heart was already broken.
* * *
Sunday was an off Sunday. Sadie’s favorite. She loved going to church and she loved seeing everybody, but there was something to be said about taking time out to visit friends and family. And the only time the Kauffmans really had an opportunity to do that was on off-church Sundays.
She and Cora Ann made everyone breakfast that morning. Lorie had gone back to Tulsa, leaving her advice hanging around Sadie like a yoke around the neck of an ox. It seemed too heavy a burden, and she wasn’t sure she could carry through. But what choice did she have? Lorie was right. It wasn’t fair of Chris to live out his dream while she waited on him to return. If he didn’t return, where was her dream then? She had been taught her whole life to put others before herself. But in this case it was time to put herself in front of everyone else. As it was now, her broken heart could be mended, but much more of this and the breaks would be so severe she would never get it back together again.
After breakfast everyone cleaned up. Daniel sat down at the table to color some of the new pictures Lorie had brought for him, and Sadie made up her mind. She grabbed her coat and her scarf and her gloves, pulling each on with the force that none of the articles of clothing deserved.
“Going somewhere?” Mamm asked. She had settled down in the rocking chair and leaned her head back. It was one of her favorite things to do these days, sit and allow herself time to truly rest, maybe even think about their father and everything that had happened since he died last year.
“I need to . . . go over and talk to Chris.” That was an understatement, but she didn’t want to tell her mother that she was going over to tell Chris that she wouldn’t wait for him to marry her when he returned from Europe. She had promised not to tell his story, and she would keep that promise.
“Be careful,” Mamm said, then sat back in her chair and closed her eyes once more.
Cora Ann jumped up from the table where she was coaching Daniel on his coloring and ran to the door. “I’ll get the horse for you.” Next to restaurant work, Cora Ann loved animals most. Sometimes Sadie wondered if she knew where all the meat she cooked actually came from. But she wasn’t going to remind her.
“Thank you, Cora Ann.” Her sister ran out the door and Sadie went back up to her room to get something that Chris had given her long ago. If they weren’t going to be a couple, then she felt like she should give it back.
Under her bed in the shoebox she kept there with all her little mementos was a paperback copy of a book called Gulliver’s Travels. It was a silly book really but Chris had wanted her to read it, wanted her to keep it. Maybe he wanted her to understand his love of travel in the adventure that could be found there. But Sadie wasn’t the adventuresome one in the family. That was Lorie, and though Sadie kept the book because Chris had wanted her to, it was time to give it back.
She tucked it under one arm and made her way back down the stairs.
“I’m going now,” she said.
Mamm didn’t move, so Sadie didn’t disturb her. Cora Ann would tell her later if she needed to know.
The buggy was ready to go when Sadie set foot on the porch.
Cora Ann smiled. “Be careful now.” She sounded so much like their mother that Sadie almost laughed.
“I will.” Tears rose in the back of her throat. This was going to be so hard. And she wasn’t sure she was up for it. But when would she ever be ready to tell her best friend in the world that she didn’t support his dreams? She might not be saying those exact words, but the meaning was still the same.
Her thoughts tumbled and jumbled around inside her head as she drove over to the Flaud residence. She passed the many fallow fields and ones planted with winter wheat as she drove, but nothing kept her attention more than her mission. She could do this. Right? And it was the only way. Right? And it had to be done. Right?
She pulled her buggy to a stop toward the side of Chris’s parents’ house. It was a typical Amish farm, at least for these parts. Two or three pieces of heavy farm equipment stood off to one side, their green and yellow color a splash against the bare winter trees. Chickens pecked in the yard, white domestic geese strutted around, and every so often she could hear their milk cows low from the barn.
She hadn’t even made it out of the buggy when Johnny, Chris’s younger brother, tripped down the porch steps. As usual, he had a bright smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. For two brothers so very alike in looks, they were miles apart in personality. Chris was more introspective and quiet, some might even say stern, whereas Johnny was full of life and something of a jokester.
“Sadie! What brings you out today?”
Like she could actually answer that. “I came by to say hi.” That might possibly be the dumbest thing she had ever said. “I mean, is Chris here?”
Johnny scratched his head as if to say where else would Chris be, then nodded toward the front porch. “He’s in the house. You want me to take care of your horse?”
Sadie had no idea how long she would be there. It could take minutes or hours. She still had to gather her courage to actually tell Chris, so it might be better if the horse was turned out to pasture. Just in case.
“That would be gut. Thanks.”
Johnny smiled and took up the reins before unhitching the mare.
Sadie headed toward the front door. The journey seemed to take forever, yet went by in an instant.
“Go on in.” Johnny had that perplexed note in his voice again, but Sadie couldn’t say anything. She opened the door and went inside.
The Flauds’ house was so different than her own. Maybe because at twenty, Johnny Flaud was the youngest member of their household. The two boys had one older brother, Joshua, who had long since married and moved across town.
For their small community he was more like city Amish. He worked for an Englisch company, had a driver take him to work every day, an
d had no farm to speak of. Not even his own animals to get milk and eggs from. As far as Sadie was concerned he was as close to being Englisch as a person could get and still remain Amish.
“Sadie.” Chris’s mother came out of the kitchen. In a flash she had wrapped her in a hug and squeezed her tight. Guilt swamped Sadie. This woman had never been anything but kind to her, and yet she was holding secrets for her son. Secrets that a caring mother would want to know.
“I brought some cookies.” Sadie held up a small container of cookies that she’d packed that very morning. Oatmeal raisin. Chris’s favorite.
“Danki. Would you come in and have some with us?”
Sadie shook her head. She felt so guilty keeping Chris’s plans a secret that she didn’t think she could sit down at the table with his mother and not spill the truth. “I’ve come to talk to Chris.”
His mother made her way to the stairs, calling up, “Chris? You have a visitor.”
Before she could even sit down, Chris appeared from the upstairs bedrooms. He wore a scowl on his face that remained firmly in place until he caught sight of her. Then it burst into the best and sweetest smile she had ever seen. It was that smile that kept her hanging on. And that smile that would be her downfall if she didn’t fortify her heart right now.
“Can you come talk to me for a little bit?” she asked.
Confidence turned to confusion on his face. “If you want me to.”
“I want you to,” Sadie said. I need you to.
“In here?” He motioned toward the living room to the left of where they stood.
“Not exactly. Can we walk?” She needed to get him out of the house and away from all the ears that could listen in on a conversation that was best not heard by anyone save the two people who had the most at stake.
“I’ll get my coat.”
In no time at all, she and Chris were walking across the field behind his father’s house, the one with the little pond that she loved to come to so much. It seemed to be their special place, this little pond, but today they hadn’t brought a quilt for a picnic or even food to share. Today was about something wholly different.
