by Amy Lillard
“Why do I have the feeling that something is terribly wrong?” Chris asked as they walked.
The lump in her throat prevented her from responding. She needed to get herself together, and quick, or she would never be able to do this.
He took her gloved hand into his as they walked, and Sadie heaved a big sigh. She stopped. “Oh, Chris.”
“What is wrong, Sadie?”
The concern in his voice was her undoing. She pulled her hand from his and wiped the back of her gloves against her cheeks. “I’ve been thinking about this, and I . . . I have decided that I cannot wait for you to return from Europe.”
His eyes grew wide. “What? Why?”
“I love you, and I can’t continue to do this. I can’t pretend that you’re coming back from Europe when we both know that you’re not.”
A wrinkle of confusion creased his brow. “I promised that I would.”
“It’s a promise that you cannot keep. I’ve seen what the Englisch world does to people. Look at Lorie and Luke. How many others have left and never come back?” Over the years they had lost several friends, mostly ones older than them who hit the end of their rumspringa and decided that the Englisch world was the place to be. She couldn’t say it happened a great deal, but it happened often enough that it scared her to her core. “Lorie only went to Tulsa. You’re going to Europe.”
“But you said you would wait for me.”
Sadie shook her head. “I can’t promise that any longer. You’re living out your dreams. You’re going to Europe to see whatever is there that you think you need to see. All I want to do is get married and have children. That’s what every Amish girl wants. It’s what we are raised to want—to get married and have children, start a family and bake cookies and churn butter.”
“I know for a fact that you’ve never churned butter in your life.”
“Will you be serious?”
“I don’t want to. I don’t want to hear any of what you’re saying.”
Sadie took a deep breath. “You’re asking me to put off everything I want in life while you live your dreams. And I can’t do that.”
Chris propped his hands on his hips and breathed out his nose. His nostrils flared, and she knew he was upset. Perhaps she had hit on the truth of the matter.
“So you’re throwing away everything that we’ve built these years,” he said.
“I’m the one throwing it away? You’re the one going half the world away. And for what? To see a bunch of ruins and a big metal thing in the middle of France?”
Chris dropped his chin to his chest. The action prevented her from seeing his face, but she could tell by the tense line of his shoulders that her words had struck home. Slowly he raised his head, his gaze searching for her. “I love you.”
“Enough to cancel your trip?” Her eyes fluttered closed, and she shook her head. “Don’t answer that. That wasn’t fair. We both know the truth.”
“And what is that?”
“That this means more to you than I do.”
He opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off with a wave of her hand. “You don’t have to defend yourself. You don’t have to lie to me and tell me that that’s not true. Because I know that it is. We’ve been through too much together for you to start that now.”
Chris only nodded. She wasn’t sure if that or the haunted look in his eyes was worse. She blinked back tears, determined to see this through without shedding another one. “I love you too. Always have. You have been my best friend for years, the one person I always knew I could count on.”
“But not anymore?”
“We have different goals now.”
“But you love me.”
Sadie shook her head. “I do. But sometimes love isn’t enough.”
Chapter Four
“He said he was coming in today, right?” Cora Ann asked for what had to be the fifteenth time since she had arrived at the restaurant after school let out.
“That’s what he said.” Sadie bit back a sigh. Not because Cora Ann was pestering, but because she was as anxious for Ezra Hein to arrive with the bison meat as Cora Ann was. Albeit for entirely different reasons.
She thrust those thoughts to the tiniest corner of her mind. Just because he was handsome to a fault didn’t mean she could go all loopy. Or maybe Chris’s surprise revelation about traveling to Europe had her not looking at things clearly.
Surely that’s what it was.
“He’s here,” Cora Ann whispered, her excitement apparent even with her soft tone.
Despite Sadie’s assurances to herself that she had no reason to be excited at the prospect of seeing Ezra Hein again, her heart tripped over itself.
Mouth dry as ash, she looked toward the door of the restaurant.
A hefty truck driver pushed through the door of the restaurant, invoice in hand. “I got two hundred and fifty pounds of bison meat here. I need someone to sign for it.” He waved the papers toward Sadie.
She managed to get her feet into motion and stepped from behind the waitress station. She hoped her disappointment didn’t show on her face. Not that she cared what the driver thought, but she didn’t want Cora Ann to pick up on the fact that she was anticipating seeing someone else this afternoon.
Quit being stupid.
But Cora Ann was too wrapped up in asking questions about the meat to notice Sadie.
She signed the form and passed it back to the driver.
“You can see for yourself when I wheel it in,” he told her, effectively dodging all of Cora Ann’s questions about marbleization and the ratio of fat to lean meat in the ground product.
“You can bring it through the back,” Sadie instructed the driver.
He gave her a nod, then tipped his hat toward Cora Ann.
The teen smiled, then spun on one heel to head through the kitchen to the delivery door.
“Cora Ann.” Mamm called from her place in the restaurant’s cramped office. “I need you to clean the restrooms. Now.”
Her sister stopped in her tracks, her shoulders drooped. “Can it wait until after they deliver the meat?”
“Cora Ann.” Mamm’s voice held a beat of warning. She did not like being questioned. If Sadie had to guess, she would say that it was her greatest shortcoming. But Sadie figured her rigid attitude came from years of trying to produce the best food in three counties.
“I wanted to see the meat when they bring it in.”
“Cora Ann, leave the men alone and let them unload. The meat will still be here after the bathrooms are cleaned.”
“Yes, Mamm.”
They didn’t normally clean the bathrooms at this time of day. Sadie figured that Mamm was trying to keep the anxious thirteen-year-old out from underfoot.
She shot Cora Ann a sympathetic smile and went to let the men in the back.
She knew Cora Ann was excited about starting the recipes with bison meat, but the actual shipment of meat was a little on the disappointing side. And not just because Ezra was nowhere to be seen.
The driver brought the meat in large, wax-coated cardboard boxes, stacked four high on a dolly and stamped with the name of Ezra’s ranch. Sadie lifted the lid off one box, peering inside to see individually wrapped parcels.
“That’s the ground meat.”
Sadie let the box top drop, then turned toward that familiar voice. “Ezra!”
“I was wondering if you would be here.”
He was?
She wanted to say something clever and charming like “where else would I be?” but the words stuck in her throat. “Jah.”
Great. Very clever. Very charming. He probably thought she was just a dumb Amish girl. And right now he wouldn’t be far from the truth.
“Yeah.” His brown eyes sparkled. “So? Does it pass the test?”
Sadie nodded, though she had no idea what bison meat was supposed to look like and it was still wrapped in white butcher paper and completely hidden from view.
Ezra gestured toward
the stack of boxes behind her. “That’s the boneless round. These are the packages of ground. Each parcel is two pounds. Or thereabout.”
“Terrific.” Sadie nodded, realizing that any time she had with Ezra was slipping through her fingers. “I, uh . . .” She had nothing to say to keep him close for a while longer. She wanted to know him a bit better, find out about his ranch. His ranch! “So you have ostriches?”
Ezra nodded. If he thought the question strange, he didn’t say. “We have five now. Four hens and a cock.”
“Oh.” Maybe not the best question to ask to spark up a conversation. Sadie shifted from one foot to the other, searching for something more to say.
Ezra smiled. “Would you like to come out and see them sometime?”
“Yes! I mean, that would be interesting. It doesn’t sound like a typical ranch.”
“It’s definitely not typical.” He scooted the bottom of the dolly out from under the stack of boxes. It scraped against the floor as he moved.
What now? Should she give him a business card so he would have her phone number? But she had already done that. Maybe a new one in case he lost the other one? That seemed a little desperate, and no matter how badly she wanted to spend a little more time with Ezra, she couldn’t bring herself to be that bold.
“How about this weekend?” Ezra asked.
Sadie straightened her shoulders so she didn’t deflate with relief. “That would be gut, jah.”
“Saturday morning?”
She made a face. “I have to work until three.”
“Saturday afternoon it is, then.” He smiled and his whole face lit up.
Sadie ducked her head, hoping her blush wasn’t as obvious as it felt. “Saturday afternoon.” She would have to get a driver to go all the way out to Taylor Creek, but she had a feeling it would be completely worth it.
“Should I pick you up at three?”
She shook her head. “I can find a way out there. As long as you give me directions.”
“I can come get you.”
“I don’t want to be a bother,” she said.
Ezra smiled. “It’s no bother. See you Saturday.”
“See you Saturday.”
“He’s cute.” Cora Ann spoke from behind her. If Sadie hadn’t been so wrapped up in watching Ezra let himself out the back door, she might’ve jumped in surprise. As it was she nodded.
“Hefty much, he is,” she murmured.
“What?”
“I mean, I suppose. If you like guys like that.”
Cora Ann stared at the door where he had disappeared. “What’s not to like?”
“Well, he’s Mennonite, for one.” Even as she said the words they seemed silly somehow. Was that the worst thing she could think of to say about the man?
“That doesn’t take away from his cuteness,” Cora Ann said. “You just can’t go around marrying him,” she teased.
Like that was going to happen.
* * *
What followed had to have been the longest days in Sadie’s life. She tried not to think about it too much, about how he was coming to pick her up like it was a real date instead of her going to visit his ranch. She couldn’t think about it in terms like that. He was Mennonite, and as silly as it sounded, there was a world of difference between Mennonite and Amish. So nothing more would come out of Saturday afternoon but a friendship. She was okay with that. There was something about Ezra that made her want to know him better. And if friendship was all they could have, she would take it. She scooped up ice out of the bin and dumped it into one of the amber-colored plastic glasses they used for tea.
“So have you told Mamm yet?” Melanie sidled up beside her, dropping her voice so that only the two of them could hear. It was Friday afternoon. Only one more day before she saw Ezra again.
“No.” Sadie shrugged. Telling Mamm made it feel like she was doing something wrong. And there was nothing wrong with driving out to the ranch to see Ezra’s animals.
Then again, how would Mamm feel about her riding out to the ranch with a man she barely knew?
“Melanie,” Sadie said, shooting her sister the sweetest smile she could muster. “Would you like to go with me?”
Melanie grimaced. “I can’t. Noah and I are supposed to go to his parents’ for supper.”
Sadie sighed. It had been like that since Melanie had gotten married and Lorie had moved off to the Englisch. She supposed she could call Ruthie or one of the other girls. But on a Saturday afternoon, they more than likely had plans with their boyfriends and husbands and wouldn’t care to go look at ostriches in Taylor Creek.
“Hey,” Melanie said. “Why don’t you take Daniel with you? He would love that.”
Why hadn’t she thought of that? Taking Daniel was a great idea. Not only would he be able to see animals that he had never seen before, it would get him out of the restaurant for the evening.
Since Lorie had left and Melanie had gotten married, it seemed that their baby brother spent way too much time sitting in the booths coloring pictures. Sadie knew that he was happy simply being close to them, but Daniel was the sort that was happy no matter where he was. He could find joy in the smallest thing, the beat of the butterfly wings, the breeze on his face, and being alive. Some called him special needs; Sadie just thought he was special. She smiled to herself. “That’s a great idea, Melanie. Thanks.”
“I want to go.” Cora Ann came up behind them, bouncing up on her toes with excitement. “That’s the ranch where we got the bison meat, right?”
“The very same.”
“Please, please, please, Sadie. Please let me go.”
She couldn’t have said no to that even if she had wanted to. But having Daniel and Cora Ann along for the trip to Taylor Creek would certainly deter any objections her mother might have about her going there with Ezra.
“He’ll be here at three tomorrow,” Sadie said. “You have to make sure you’re ready to go. Okay?”
The smile that spread its way across Cora Ann’s face was the biggest Sadie had ever seen. Maybe even bigger than the one she had when Mamm finally agreed to let them serve bison meat dishes in the restaurant. “I’ll be ready.”
Cora Ann danced off, humming a little under her breath.
Melanie shook her head. “That girl.”
Sadie agreed. Cora Ann was at that strange age. Thirteen was hard on girls. She was half woman, half child and hadn’t figured out where she fit into either world. She ran around the restaurant acting like their father, too grown up for her own good. And then there were the times like this when she danced and smiled and wanted to do nothing more than go look at ostriches with her sister and her brother. It made Sadie realize how young she still was.
“Go where?”
Sadie whirled around, one hand pressed to her beating heart. “Mamm! You scared me.”
“Apparently. Where are you going?”
This was the moment Sadie had been dreading. Not that she had been avoiding it or anything. In fact, she had hoped to avoid the matter altogether, slip out tomorrow, get in Ezra’s car and head off to Taylor Creek without her mamm being any the wiser. It was a foolish thought at best, and now that Daniel and Cora Ann were along for the ride, she would have to come clean and tell her mother everything.
She pressed her hands to her waist and smoothed down her black dress. “To Taylor Creek.”
Mamm raised one eyebrow. “To the Mennonite community?”
“Jah.” Sadie knew the one word wasn’t going to appease her for long. “Ezra Hein,” she started, “he’s the man who brought the bison meat.”
Mamm nodded. “I’m aware of who he is. What I need to know is why you are talking about him now.”
“His family has a ranch in Taylor Creek. All exotic animals. And he invited me to come out and look around.”
“And you’re doing this tomorrow?”
“Jah.”
Mamm’s stare was steady, and Sadie was barely aware that Melanie had slipped off sometime du
ring the conversation.
“And who is going to be with you?”
“It’s not like that. But Cora Ann and Daniel are coming too. Cora Ann wants to see where the bison meat comes from, and I thought Daniel would enjoy himself.”
Mamm nodded. “I think he would enjoy that very much.” She smiled, and relief filled Sadie. “Just make sure you’re not out too late.”
* * *
Ezra pulled his pickup truck to the front of Kauffman’s Family Restaurant and cut the engine.
This was not a date. Not really. Just a girl who wanted to come look at the ranch, and he was picking her up so that she could. That’s all there was to it. Two people spending the afternoon together. That wasn’t really a date, was it?
He slipped his hands over his hair just in case and let himself out of his truck. Regardless of whether it was a date or not, he couldn’t sit out front and wait for her to come to him. Plus, he was about fifteen minutes early. Nothing like being excited over seeing a girl again.
The smell of fried chicken and biscuits met him as he pushed into the restaurant. He scanned the room looking for Sadie, but she was nowhere to be seen.
The restaurant was practically empty. Just a few stragglers snacking on coffee and pie. A young Amish boy sat in one booth, his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrated on the box of crayons and the picture on the table before him. Ezra could only assume that he was somehow kin to the Kauffmans, though he looked nothing like Sadie. Whereas her hair was dark, this little boy was blond, as was the girl who approached.
“How many in your party?” The girl couldn’t have been more than thirteen, but she spoke with the ease and maturity that said she had done this a lot.
“Actually,” he started. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her that he was Ezra, and he had come to pick up Sadie. But she turned her blue eyes to his with a small gasp.
“You’re Ezra.”
He nodded. What else could he do but stand there and watch politely as she hopped up and down happily in place?
