by Amy Lillard
She removed her prayer kapp and set it on her dresser, then took the pins from her hair. She sat cross-legged on the bed and began to brush through the tangles, thinking about everything that Chris had said.
She should be mad at him. So angry that she could hardly see straight. But she wasn’t. It just proved what she already knew. Chris had told Ezra that she loved him, and if he truly cared for her he would have come to see her before now.
She shook her head at the confusion of it all. She could hear Lorie say that was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. Sadie herself had told Ezra Hein that she didn’t love him, and he had believed her. So why would she think that he would now believe Chris?
But still those thoughts rattled around in her head as she tried to forget them.
She loosely braided her hair to keep it out of her face for the night. She knew Amish girls who slept with their hair completely unbound. But she tossed and turned in her sleep too much to leave her long tresses free.
She took out the little picture that she had won at the Easter egg hunt tonight and examined it once again.
How could Chris say that people couldn’t make a deal with God? Hadn’t she done that very thing? She had asked Him to help her save Daniel, and He had. She had been asking Him for signs for weeks to let her know that she was headed in the right direction, that what she was doing with Ezra wasn’t all bad, wasn’t against Him or the Bible. Instead she had gotten a fire and the fear that her brother could have died there.
She ran a finger over that elephant pressed beneath the glass and read the verse over once more.
Remember His marvelous works that He hath done; His wonders, and the judgments of His mouth; Psalm 105:5
God had performed a miracle in helping her save Daniel. She would always remember, but was this a sign? How else could she explain that out of all the gifts, she received the one that held so much meaning for her and Ezra?
And the scripture! One more reminder that God performed miracles every day. He didn’t have to be bargained with in order to answer prayers. Was He trying to tell her that He wasn’t holding her to the promises she’d made to Him in her hour of need?
The little picture frame had a stand on the back, so she propped it up on her nightstand and slid beneath the covers. She turned out the light and laid there in the darkness, her mind swirling as if it were the middle of the day.
Was this a sign or coincidence? Why was she so sure she had seen signs and this one wasn’t?
She loved Chris with all her heart. He had been her best friend for years, a companion and the one man she knew she could always depend on. He would make her a fine husband, a loving father to their children, but she also knew that as much as he cared for her, she was always his second choice. He wanted to leave Wells Landing. He wanted to travel. If he married her, there was no hope of that dream ever coming to pass. As of right now, one day he might be able to leave. He might have the opportunity to see some of this world that he dreamed about.
She couldn’t be responsible for holding him back.
It also occurred to her that as much as she was his second choice, he was hers.
She loved Chris, yet she loved Ezra twice that much. With Ezra her feelings were different, deeper. With Ezra she had found the romance she had always dreamed about. She hadn’t known it existed until him. It was the one thing she had dreamed about in life, the one thing she’d never thought she would find, and now she was going to give it all up.
She turned over in her bed and looked back at the little picture frame sitting on the nightstand next to her. God performed miracles every day. Babies were born and people fell in love. Why was she so convinced that he had not performed one of those miracles for her?
Chapter Twenty-Five
Sadie barely slept a wink all night. When she did, she dreamt of elephants and miracles and occasionally a fire that she could walk through without getting burned.
Her arm was still a long way from being completely healed. But it would always be a reminder to her of the miracle God had given her that night, the ability to find Daniel in a burning building and somehow get the both of them out alive. He had done that because she had prayed to Him. She loved him, and God was good. Not because she had promised to stay in Wells Landing and marry Chris Flaud.
In fact, her sleepless night made it even more apparent that she and Chris wanted different things from life, and neither one of them should settle for second.
* * *
The next morning, she pulled her favorite blue dress from the closet and shook it out. The last time she had worn it she had gone with Ezra to the zoo. She had broken so many rules for him, and so many more she had been unwilling to bend. But she knew, as she donned that dress and put her apron on over the top, there was a compromise somewhere. It was up to them to find it.
She wound her hair into a bob and pinned her prayer kapp in place. Then she brushed her teeth and skipped down the stairs, looking forward to the day more than she had in a long time.
Mamm and Cora Ann were already in the kitchen when she came downstairs.
“My, you’re looking chipper today,” Cora Ann said.
Mamm studied her with those knowing blue eyes.
“Did you have a good date with Chris last night?” Cora Ann asked, her voice filled with teasing.
“You could say that.”
All she wanted to do was go see Ezra, find out how he felt about her, not let him take her words, her lies, for the truth. She had to tell him that she loved him and then pray that God would help them find a way. After all, He worked miracles every day. Surely He could work one for them.
“Can you go get Daniel ready?”
“Ready?” Her confusion must’ve shown on her face.
Mamm frowned. “It’s Easter Sunday, and we have church.”
She had forgotten. How could she have forgotten? Immediately she felt ashamed, but managed to hold those feelings inside as she nodded. “Jah. Of course.” She ran back up the stairs to take care of Daniel, wondering when she would have an opportunity to talk to Ezra.
* * *
Easter Sunday. Ezra had always loved Easter. But today he had so much on his mind he could barely enjoy the sermon.
Why had Chris Flaud come to his house to tell him that Sadie was in love with him? She had expressly told Ezra that she didn’t love him and that she was marrying Chris.
Of course Chris had verified that bit of information, telling Ezra that he would marry Sadie and give her the dreams she had always had in her heart. Dreams of having a family and living in Wells Landing. But was Chris telling the truth when he said that Sadie was in love with him and if he didn’t do something about it, Chris was going to marry her?
There was only one way to find out.
After church he helped his mom over to the truck, listening as the others around him talked about going home and their Easter egg celebrations that were about to take place. It’d been years since the Heins had anything truly special for Easter dinner. Ranching never stopped, and his mother wasn’t in good enough health that she could prepare a big meal by herself. Sometimes they found an Englisch restaurant and ate a nice meal out. But Ezra always felt a little guilty that whoever served them was having to spend Easter away from their family in order to allow him to celebrate. The thought didn’t sit well with him.
“Ellen?”
Ezra got his mom settled in the seat, shut the door behind her, turning to see who had summoned.
Billy Peters was headed in their direction.
Ezra and Billy had done business in the past. Billy had come by to get meat and other things. But this time he only had eyes for Ezra’s mother.
“Hi, Billy,” Ellen said.
Ezra nodded in the man’s direction as he reached out a hand to shake.
“I was wondering,” Billy started, looking from each one of them to the other, “I was wondering if you would like to come and have Easter supper with us.”
Ezra was abo
ut to say no, when Billy continued. “I mean, it’s at my brother’s house with his family, but I thought maybe . . .” He all but kicked the gravel beneath his feet. That was when Ezra knew. Billy Peters was interested in his mother.
Ezra blinked a couple of times to get the world back in focus. He wasn’t sure how he felt about his mom having a suitor. But that was his protective streak kicking up. His mother needed this. She needed to start over. Billy had been a widower for several years. And since his mother was newly widowed, then they had a lot more in common than they had before.
But more than anything his mother needed to get out of the house, and this looked to be the opportunity that Ezra had been praying for.
“Well, I appreciate that, Billy,” Ezra said. “I can’t make it, though. I’ve got too much to do on the ranch. But perhaps my mother could come?”
He thought Billy was going to collapse in the sidewalk in a puddle of gratefulness. “That would be great. That’d be fine. Is that okay with you, Ellen?”
His mother looked from him to Billy and then back again. Ezra gave her a small nod and a little wink to tell her it was okay. It was time to start over. She needed that. More than anything, she deserved it.
“I-I guess. If you’re sure that’s okay, Ezra.”
Ezra nodded. “It’s okay.” He had a few chores to do and then maybe he would head over to Billy’s place a little later and check in, pick up his mom.
He opened the door for her, and between the two of them, he and Billy got her out of the truck. Ezra lifted her wheelchair out from the back and set it up for her.
She sat down gratefully and shot Billy a trembling smile. She told Ezra bye, and Billy pushed her away. Ezra watched them go, a little hopeful, a little sad. This was a new beginning for them both.
* * *
Everything was done. Well, as much as everything could ever be done on the ranch. All the animals had been fed, the horses brushed down, the fences were all okay, hay was down, the books were caught up, and it was only four thirty. This should have been the time when he ran over to Billy Peters’s to check on his mother, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Sadie. Or rather, the words that Chris Flaud had told him. How Sadie loved him. How her pride or something had kept her from admitting that love and instead had her saying that she was going to marry Chris.
Ezra had been so hurt and betrayed that he hadn’t questioned her at the time. But he deserved an answer. He deserved to know why Sadie had pushed him away. Why she had picked Chris over him. It might not change anything in the world, but it was one thing he needed. He needed to know why she felt they could never be together.
Was it because he wouldn’t join the Amish church? Fine. He would join the Amish church. He would figure something out. That’s what people in love did. They didn’t run. So did that mean she wasn’t in love? That she ran straight to Chris to get away from him?
Ezra shook his head, but the thoughts kept coming one after another, each more confusing than the next. There was only one way he could find out the truth. Only one way he could learn what was in Sadie’s heart.
* * *
It was past five by the time they got back to their house. Easter Sunday church was always a little longer. There were decisions to be made about the upcoming season, the sermon to be held, lessons to be remembered, foot washing and communion. Sadie somehow managed during it all to push aside her feelings for Ezra and concentrate on the matter at hand. Somehow she knew that was what God wanted from her.
Maybe this was her sign. Maybe this was a test. To show her faith, to show her love for God and her fellow man before she and Ezra made their compromise.
Daniel had fallen asleep on the way home, and Sadie offered to bring him into the house. She loved the warm, soft weight of his body as she carried him up the stairs to his room. He stirred as she went to lay him on the bed.
“Sadie?”
“I’m here.”
“Promise me you’ll always be?” Daniel asked.
“Always. I’ll always be here for you.” Even as she said the words she wondered if she could uphold that promise, but she wasn’t about to tell him that she couldn’t be there for him. Because somehow she would find a way.
She removed his shoes and pulled the covers up over him, planting a quick kiss on his head before she started back down the stairs.
Mamm and Cora Ann were in the kitchen when she got back to the first floor. They were getting together an evening snack, leftovers from the day before, cheese, crackers, and pickles. They usually ate so much after church that a small snack was all they needed on Sunday nights. That would hold them over until breakfast the next day.
“Is he still asleep?” Mamm asked.
Sadie nodded. “I think so. He stirred, but I think he’ll sleep for another hour or so.”
“We better not let him sleep that long. Maybe give him another half an hour, then wake him up. Otherwise he might not sleep at all tonight.”
“Mamm? A word?” Sadie asked.
Her mamm looked at her, then turned to her sister. “Cora Ann, why don’t you go on upstairs and put on a different apron?”
Cora Ann looked as if she was about to protest, then decided not to. She gave them each a quick nod, then hurried out of the kitchen.
Sadie waited until her footsteps had faded to next to nothing before turning back to her mother. “I know it’s Sunday. But I need to take the buggy out.”
“It’s more than Sunday. It’s Easter.”
“I understand that.” Sadie nodded. “But this is important. Really important.”
“This doesn’t have anything to do with that Mennonite boy, does it?” her mother asked.
Sadie sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. “This has everything to do with that Mennonite boy.”
Mamm gestured toward the table, giving Sadie a nod. They both sat down.
“Do you love him?” Mamm asked.
“Jah. I do. More than anything.”
“Does he love you?” Mamm asked.
“Jah. I believe he does,” Sadie said.
Mamm closed her eyes for a moment. Long enough that Sadie thought she might be deep in prayer. Then she opened them again and leveled that serious blue gaze on Sadie. “I can’t tell you how hard it was to lose Lorie. I felt like part of my heart had been cut out when she went to live with Zach Calhoun. But it taught me a few things. Love is powerful. And it’s hard to understand. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.”
“First John chapter 4, verse eight,” Sadie said.
Maddie nodded. “I have to believe that if you love him and he loves you, that it’s from God. And I don’t know what the answer is, Sadie. I want you to be Amish. I want you to stay here so I won’t have to shun you.” She held up a hand as Sadie started to protest. She fell silent to let her mother continue. “Bishop Ebersol is a fair man. I don’t believe that he wants anything but the best for his people. And if the best is for you to marry Ezra Hein and become a Mennonite—” She closed her eyes as if garnering strength. “Then that is what you should do. We’ll work out the rest from there. Somehow it’ll all be okay.”
Tears welled in Sadie’s eyes. “Oh, Mamm.” She came around the table and knelt in front of her mother, wrapping her arms around her. She laid her head on Mamm’s chest, listening to the thump of her heart beneath her ear. “I love you so much. And I would do nothing to disappoint you.”
Mamm kissed the top of her head and set her away. “I know that.”
Together they stood, and Mamm wrapped Sadie in a warm hug. “Now—” She wiped the tears from Sadie’s cheeks with the pads of her thumbs. “Go tell your Mennonite how you feel.”
Sadie squeezed her mother a little tighter, then all but ran to the door. She would hitch up the buggy and . . . How was she ever going to get to Taylor Creek in a buggy?
Who had a car and would drive her all the way to Taylor Creek on Easter Sunday?
No, she wasn’t going to let this stop her. I
t was a minor setback. She loved Ezra. And she thought that he still loved her. At least he did before she stomped all over his feelings. With any luck and God on her side, he would love her still. She had to get to him. She had to tell him the truth. And she would find a way. Even if she had to drive into Wells Landing, borrow one of the bikes from Esther Fitch, and pedal her way to Taylor Creek.
She grabbed the bridle and placed it on her mare’s head. Then she led her out into the bright spring sunshine. It was a crazy plan. But it was the only one that she had. Maybe by the time she got into Wells Landing, something else would occur to her. But she needed to be in motion. She needed to have things set to do. She had to do something or else she felt like she might lose her mind.
She heard the engine before she saw it, that blue truck turn down her driveway. Her heart stuttered in her chest. Her mouth went dry, and she almost fell to her knees at the sight. Ezra!
She stood stock-still and waited for him to come closer. He parked the truck and cut the engine, then got out. His eyes immediately sought her. And she stayed as still as she could, afraid that he might be some weird mirage, and he would disappear if she made the slightest movement.
He cleared his throat, then started toward her.
Her heart beat faster. What was he doing here? She could only hope. But she was afraid to allow herself the dream that he had come for the two of them.
He stopped in front of her, that familiar smell that was only Ezra surrounding him, that clean smell, the detergent, aftershave, and outdoors. “Are you going somewhere?” he asked.
Sadie nodded. Unable to find the words at first. “Jah . . . I mean, jah.”
“Do you need a ride?”
Were they really talking about this? Sadie shook her head. “I was coming to see you.”
“Yeah?”
Sadie nodded again. “I didn’t mean any of it. All that stuff I said to you.” She shook her head. “I didn’t mean any of it. I was just so afraid.”
“Then why?”
Sadie took a deep breath. She wanted to reach out, touch him, but she kept her hands wrapped firmly around the mare’s bridle. “That night. That night of the fire.” She shook her head. “I had to go back and get Daniel. When we left the restaurant, he wasn’t with us.”
