by Amy Lillard
“You’re probably the last person I thought I would see here.”
“Can I talk to you for a moment?” Chris asked.
Ezra wanted to tell him no, to get off his property and never come back. Chris had won, and now Sadie belonged to him. There was no sense coming to gloat. “I don’t think we have anything to talk about,” he said instead, quite proud of the fact that he kept his temper in check when he wanted to do anything but stand there calmly and listen to the sound of the man’s voice.
“I think we do.”
Chris turned to the Englisch man, realizing at once that he was ex-Amish. There was something about people who left the Plain faith and went to the Englisch world. Most people couldn’t see it, but anybody who lived that kind of life could tell right away.
“Ezra Hein.” He reached out a hand to shake. The man took it in his firm grasp.
“Luke Lambright.”
“So?” Chris asked.
Why couldn’t he tell him to leave? Ezra thought. Why couldn’t he tell him to get off his property and never come back? But he couldn’t. Something in him, no doubt his good raising from his mom, wouldn’t let him. “Say what you came to say.”
“I understand that you don’t like me.”
Ezra choked on a laugh. That was an understatement.
“I understand,” Chris continued. “But I’m here to tell you that you have no reason to be jealous of me. Sadie still loves you.”
Those razor blades started again, tearing his heart to such small ribbons that he didn’t think he could ever put it back together again. “I think you should leave now.”
“Hear him out,” Luke said. “He came a long way to tell you this.”
Not to mention the bravery.
Ezra reluctantly nodded. The best thing was to let Chris have his say, then tell him to leave. Then Ezra could go about the process of healing once more.
“She doesn’t want to marry me. I don’t know why she says she does.” The sadness in the man’s eyes confirmed that Chris was telling the truth. His lips trembled, and he pressed them together for a moment before continuing. “I thought I should tell you that. Because I’m going marry her if you don’t.”
Ezra stared at him for a second. “I don’t understand.”
“Sadie figured out a while back that she was my second choice. I wanted to travel, but then my brother was badly injured. He’ll never walk again, and I’m stuck on the farm. I promised Sadie long ago that I would marry her when I could. I’m staying in Wells Landing, and I can marry her. Then last night I realized I’m her second choice.
“She doesn’t want to travel to Europe, she wants to be married. That’s all she’s ever wanted. I’ve known this since we were children. All she wants to do is be married and have children of her own. If you don’t marry her, I will, because if nothing else, that’s one dream I can give her.”
* * *
Ezra watched the two men pile into the shiny red car to pull out of the driveway. After they left, he continued to stand there trying to assimilate what Chris had said to him.
Chris was going to marry Sadie and make her dreams come true even though he thought Sadie loved him, Ezra.
He couldn’t quite wrap his mind around it. Or what he could do about it.
Sadie had flat out told him that she didn’t love him. That she loved Chris and she was marrying him. Though Ezra had no idea why she would say such a thing only to have Chris turn around and say the exact opposite.
Ezra rubbed his fingers against his temples as a headache throbbed there. This was beyond confusing. It didn’t help that he loved Sadie more than anything in the world. He would do anything to fix whatever it was that happened between them. But he hadn’t known what there was to fix. Was Chris trying to play him for some kind of fool by telling him that Sadie really loved him?
The car had long since disappeared down the road and yet Ezra still stood in the same place, staring at nothing. He shook his head and climbed back onto the four-wheeler. He pulled it into the barn, vowing not to give this whole ordeal a second thought. It was one more way to keep his broken heart in one piece.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Sadie spent Saturday morning watching Daniel and the other children in their Amish community hunting Easter eggs in the budding cornfields on the Millers’ property. Some eggs were filled with candy, some had money, and others had coupons. A free ice cream at the drugstore, a cookie from Esther’s bakery, even a free child’s meal with the purchase of a regular entrée at Kauffman’s Family Restaurant. Of course that had been donated long before the fire, and Sadie hoped that whoever received one of those was patient enough to wait until they were completely rebuilt.
Mamm was hoping to have everything settled soon, and the insurance money would pay shortly after that. Then they had a little more cleanup before they could begin the rebuild and restoration. With any luck and God on their side, they were hoping to open again by September.
After a fun-filled morning of searching for eggs, Sadie took Daniel home for a nap and waited for Chris to pick her up for their afternoon on the Miller property.
First was the traditional picnic at Millers’ Pond. Everyone sat around and talked, wishing the water was warm enough to actually get in. They sang songs and played games, corn hole and horseshoes, and waited for it to get dark enough for their glow-in-the-dark Easter egg hunt.
They had spent part of their afternoon tying glow sticks into knots and stuffing them in plastic Easter eggs, which in itself was a fun challenge. But there were also other eggs that weren’t glow-in-the-dark that would be hidden by the volunteer crew of church members. Those eggs were the ones that Jonah had told her about. They were tied to the donated prizes. The trick was finding the right Easter egg when you had no idea which one was the right one.
Finally darkness fell and the hunt was on. Chris grabbed Sadie’s hand, and together they flew through the thicket of trees looking for the glow-in-the-dark Easter eggs along with the special ones. It was fun and more of a couples competition to see who found the most. Everyone was racing around, having a great time. Sadie did her best to let her guard down and not think too much about anything except the right now.
Chris had been acting a little strange all day. She caught him watching her as if she was about to grow a second head or something equally weird, and he didn’t want to miss a single minute of it. She had to ask him twice why he kept looking at her like that. He smiled and turned away. She wondered if he had a surprise in store or a problem afoot.
“There’s one!” She wasn’t sure who hollered out, but the egg was gone in an instant.
“Sadie, you need to keep your flashlight pointed at the ground or you’re never going to find one of the special eggs.”
“Right.” She aimed the light down and went back to her search.
“Okay,” Chris started, “you find the special egg, and I’ll collect the glow-in-the-dark ones. Deal?”
Sadie nodded. “Okay. Deal.”
She tried to point out a few of the glow-in-the-dark eggs as they walked along, but Chris kept fussing at her to keep looking for the eggs that didn’t glow.
“I found one!” She wasn’t sure how she found it. It was lying on the ground in between two tree roots, a pretty little yellow egg just waiting for her.
She snatched it up and went back to where Chris stood. “Are you looking for one too?”
Chris held up an egg with a smile on his face. It was blue and didn’t glow. “I’ve already got mine.”
“Are you ready to go back?”
Around them everyone was still running around gathering up the glow-in-the-dark eggs. But as far as Sadie was concerned, the night was a success.
“If you are,” Chris said.
Together they walked back to the Easter egg starting point, and had their glow-in-the-dark eggs logged. Sadie knew they wouldn’t win that part of the contest. But it was more about fun than anything. “Go on over to that wagon there,” the girl behin
d the entry table said. “They have all the prizes. Give your regular egg to them.”
Sadie nodded and headed over to where she had indicated.
She handed her egg to the man at the wagon. He popped it open and took out the folded piece of paper with the number on it. Then he gave them both a nod and headed to the back of the wagon. He returned a few moments later with a small picture frame. He handed it to Sadie and took Chris’s egg from him, popping it open as well to find what prize Chris had won.
Sadie looked down at the small frame she held in her hands. It was an interesting picture. Brown, orange, and tan. Or at least it looked to be that way in the darkness. She shined her flashlight on it to get a better look. And nearly gasped when she noticed it was an elephant.
The Bible verse on it read: Remember His marvelous works that He hath done; His wonders, and the judgments of His mouth; Psalm 105:5
Sadie stared at the picture as Chris got his prize and came to stand next to her. “What did you get?” Chris asked, for the first time truly looking at it.
Sadie shook her head. “Nothing. Just a little framed thing. What did you get?”
Chris showed her what he had gotten, a tin filled with cookies from Esther’s bakery.
“Yum,” she said, hoping that she sounded at least a little interested. But the picture of that elephant and the quote from the Bible that had accompanied it captured all of her attention.
“You want to trade?” Chris asked.
Sadie trailed her finger over the smooth glass, tracing the outline of the elephant underneath. “No. I’m fine.”
Chris smiled at her. “I’ll share.”
Sadie tried to muster a grin of her own, but instead it was stiff. She hoped that the darkness would keep her secret. “I can’t share back. Are you okay with that?”
“Of course,” he said. “Anything for you.”
* * *
The Easter egg hunt had been great fun, but Sadie was tired by the time they loaded up into Chris’s tractor and headed back to her house. Still, she had had a good time though the Bible verse on the elephant picture seemed to be a part of her every thought. Surely it wasn’t some kind of sign from God? What were the chances that it was merely a coincidence?
She had no idea, but she was having trouble believing it regardless of her lack of facts. Of all the animals to get, she got an elephant, and for all the Bible verses that could have been quoted, she had to get one about the beautiful works that God makes.
“Did you have a good time tonight?” Chris asked as they chugged along.
Sadie nodded, trying to act as if nothing was wrong. Yet she felt anything but normal.
She had made up her mind to marry Chris, yet there was a part of her that wanted to run to Ezra, wrap her arms around him, and never let him go. Still, she had made her choice. She had made her decision. And she had to see it through.
“Jah.” She felt like she needed to say more, but the words wouldn’t come.
“Good,” Chris said. “I’m glad.”
His words seemed almost strange, like there was something in between them that she had yet to figure out. But with her mind turning in circles, it was hard for her to make out even the smallest truth.
“Would you like to come in?” she asked as he pulled the tractor to a stop in her driveway.
“Nay,” he replied. “But I would like to talk to you for a minute.”
Was this it? Was this the time when he broke up with her because he knew that she loved Ezra? What would she do then? How would she keep her promise to God if Chris turned her away?
She took a deep breath to steady her racing thoughts. “Okay,” she said.
Chris turned off the tractor and followed her up to sit on the bench next to the front door. They stared out over the cool spring night, and Sadie let the sounds of the evening wash over her: the chirp of the birds, the horses in the barn, even a bobwhite called from somewhere along the edge of her property.
“I went to see Ezra yesterday.”
Sadie turned to him, surprised. Of all the things he could have said, that was maybe the least expected.
“You did what?”
“I went to see Ezra.” Chris said the words as if he was reciting the weather.
“Why would you do something like that?”
“Well,” Chris started, “I felt like I had some things I needed to talk to him about.”
She quirked one eyebrow as high as it would go, hoping to show her feelings on the matter. He should’ve never gone to talk to Ezra. And he should’ve never gone without her. “What kind of things?”
“You.” He took her hand into his, rubbing her fingers between his. “See, I know he’s in love with you.”
Sadie shook her head in protest, but he cut her off. Not allowing her to speak, he continued. “And I know that you love him. Though I don’t know what’s keeping the two of you apart.”
“Chris, I—I don’t know what to say.”
Chris shook his head. “There’s nothing to say, Sadie Kauffman. I’ve known you long enough to know that you love Ezra, but for some reason you’re marrying me.”
She opened her mouth to say something, but no words would come. She shut it again and waited patiently for him to continue.
“You told me once that you wanted to have a family. That was the whole of your dreams. Have a family, get married, buy a house, and live happily ever after here in Wells Landing.”
Sadie nodded, still unable to speak.
“After Johnny got hurt . . . I knew I would be here in Wells Landing with you.”
Sadie swallowed hard as she listened to his words. She had no idea where he was going with this conversation, and she was a little afraid to find out.
“I’ll stand by my promise until the end of time. I love you. You’re my best friend. But I wanted you to know that I went to Ezra and told him that if he didn’t want to lose you forever, then he had to make his move.”
“Why would you tell him something like that?” Sadie jumped to her feet, stalking toward the porch railing. She whirled around to face him, propping her hip against the rail behind her as she glared at him across the dim porch.
“Because it’s true.” He shook his head as she started to speak. “You and I both know it’s true, so quit lying about it. I can live with that. I made a promise to you, and I will keep it forever. You’re a good girl, Sadie Kauffman, and you deserve a good husband. But you also deserve love and the most happiness you can get. I believe that love and happiness is going to come from Ezra Hein.”
“What makes you think he wants to marry me?”
“I don’t. And I don’t know what happened to you at the fire. After that you started acting all crazy, pushing some people away and holding others closer. I don’t know what’s in your head. But I do know this. I know that you love him. And I’m pretty sure that he loves you. As much as I will do anything in the world for you, you deserve a chance at that as well.”
“Wait.” She shook her head. “I don’t understand. Are you going to marry me or not?” Her patience was wearing thin, her heart pounding in her throat.
“Of course I am. I wanted him to know, in case he wanted a chance with you.”
Sadie shook her head. “He doesn’t want a chance with me.” If he had, he would’ve never let her tell him the things she had that afternoon. How she didn’t love him, how she loved only Chris. Ezra didn’t love her. Not enough.
Not that it mattered.
“I made a deal with God,” Sadie said.
Chris stood, took one of her hands into his, and pulled her back to the bench. “You made a what?”
Sadie swallowed hard, trying to find the words. “The night of the fire. I made a deal with God. I told Him that if He would help me find Daniel in that building, then I would do what I was supposed to do. I wouldn’t go against everybody’s wishes. I would stay here, I would marry you, and I would be a good Amish girl.”
“You don’t think you’re a good Amish girl?�
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Sadie pleated her fingers in the skirt of her black dress. Her sisters and Mamm had already gone back to wearing their colors. But somehow Sadie didn’t feel right putting on those bright colors when she felt such a sadness in her heart.
“You’re one of the best Amish girls I know. You’re kind and loving. You would do anything for your friends and family.”
Sadie couldn’t meet his gaze. She stared down at her fingers all wound up in the black fabric.
“I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this before, but you don’t make deals with God.”
Sadie desperately wanted to meet his gaze, see if his words were sincere, but she couldn’t bring herself to. What if he was saying that to make her feel better? What would she do then?
“But I did,” she whispered. “I asked Him to do something for me, and He did. I told Him that if He helped me, then I would do something for Him in return.”
“Marry me?”
“Not that exactly, but I suppose it was part of the package.”
“Sadie, I would marry you tomorrow if the church would let me. Even knowing what I know now. I would love you and cherish you for the rest of your life. But you deserve the most happiness in the world. And I think that’s a happiness that you won’t ever find with me. I think the only person in the world who can give you that is Ezra Hein.”
* * *
Thankfully everyone was in bed when Sadie let herself into the house. Since Lorie and Melanie had moved out, she and Cora Ann had their own rooms, though Sadie would have given just about anything to have Lorie in that bedroom beside her. She sure could use her sister’s wisdom and advice about now.
Sadie let herself in her room and turned on the propane-powered lamp, then prepared for bed. She undressed and put on her nightshirt, the one that Ezra had bought her at the zoo. A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as she thought about that day. It had been such a wonderful time. She hadn’t known then that things could turn so bad. Then she hadn’t known the fear of losing Daniel.
