Psychology of Submission

by Livia Grant

  "Then it's a date. I'd love to take you to one of my favorite spots in the city. I haven't been there in a long time. It will be a treat for me, too."

  "Sounds good. What should I wear?"

  "Something casual. I'll meet you in the lobby at six?"

  "Six. Sounds good, Sean."

  For the briefest of seconds, he looked like he might lean in for a kiss, but thought better of it. Instead he just brushed her arm with a quick pat goodbye before turning to head down the hallway.

  A date. I came all the way to Chicago for a real, live date. I didn't see that coming.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Sean looked at the reflection staring back at him in the mirror. When did he get that pepper-grey hair at his temples?

  Figures I'd notice it today when I finally take the plunge and ask a woman out on a date.

  Traci Jackson. Whether she knew it or not, Traci had got him to do something he hadn't done in over eighteen years–go on a first date.

  He was still shocked at the sudden turn of events. He hadn't been contemplating dating again. Jerilyn died only two years ago, and he'd kept himself busy since he lost her. He wasn't sure what got into him today when he'd blurted out the invite, but even with a few hours to reflect, he was still happy with his impromptu decision. The memory of Traci's beautiful brown eyes lighting up at the suggestion of dinner had him counting the hours until it was time to see her again.

  The knowledge that he'd made the right decision didn't make him any less nervous. At least he wasn't socially inept. His career had made sure of that. He knew he could show her a good time in his new hometown. There were a ton of interesting things to do in Chicago, especially in the summer time. He wasn't sure he'd ever get used to the brutal winters, though. Having grown up and lived in Arizona most of his life, he was unprepared for the climate changes in his new city.

  Thank God I live in the hotel and don't have to go outside every day unless I choose to.

  Sean wandered to the expansive glass window of the living area of his suite. It had been one of the things he'd negotiated into his hiring package when he'd moved here. He wanted to live on-property, in part, because he knew he had a lot of work ahead of him and he didn't want to waste time commuting. He also knew if he bought a house here, he'd have to buy out in the suburbs to be closer to his previous in-laws. He had no desire for that.

  Remembering his little 'smoking in the ladies restroom' problem had him questioning if he'd made the right decision. He knew there wouldn't have been any smoking going on after school at his in-laws.

  "Dad. Are you here already? I stopped by your office, but Shirley said you'd already come upstairs for the day. Are you sick?"

  Ah, the little smoker was home right on schedule. She'd dodged him last night by staying overnight at her best friend's house. She wasn't escaping today. Sean took a deep breath, hoping this went well before turning to greet his little girl.

  "Ash. I'm glad you're home. I have a few things I wanted to talk to you about."

  He was happy to see panic in her eyes. During these last few weeks, his only daughter had been slipping into a deeper rebellion. It had reached the point where he'd worried she didn't care what he thought any more. Her panic told him she at least cared about what he had to say.

  She remained silent as he approached her. "Everything is fine, honey. I just wanted to talk. I missed you last night. Did you have fun at Trisha's?"

  She released the breath she'd been holding. "Sure. We watched movies until midnight."

  "On a school night? You know better."

  "Hey, Trisha's house. Trisha's parent's rules."

  "Oh, so that's how that works. Why doesn't Trisha ever stay over here?"

  He loved to see his daughter's face light up. "Dad. Everyone knows your rules are always the strictest. No one wants to stay here."

  "I think I need to call Trisha's mom."

  "Fine. Humiliate me."

  "I see you're as melodramatic as ever. How was your day?"

  "Okay. Good actually."

  "Good? That's a nice change. Anything special happen?"

  "Not really. Just... I don't know. I've felt a little bit better the last few days. It's hard to explain."

  Sean watched her carefully, happy to catch a glimpse of the old Ashley. The happy-go-lucky kid she'd been before... well, watching people you love die does have a way of putting a damper on life. He wasn't sure of the reason for her change of heart, but he was grateful for it, nonetheless. Should he let the smoking go? He didn't want to ruin her precarious recovery, but he just couldn't ignore it. That wasn't going to help either of them.

  "So Jimmy found evidence of smoking in the ladies room down on the ballroom level again. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you young lady?"

  Sean watched his daughter closely. He saw guilt flash in her eyes, but there was more there. Ashley squared her shoulders and looked him straight in the eye before answering.

  "Yes, it was me, but I've quit now. I threw all of the cigarettes I had away yesterday and I promise you, I won't be smoking ever again."

  "As heartwarming as your confession is, I think that's what you said the last time we had this discussion. You remember. The time I grounded you for a month and you called me the world's meanest dad."

  "Oh yeah, that. Well, I didn't mean it. I mean there have to be a few dads worse than you." She smiled at her cheeky response. The smile socked him in the gut. It was her mother's smile. Sean had a moment of panic. What the hell had he been thinking asking another woman out on a date? He was a married man, wasn't he?

  "Dad? Is everything okay? I was just joking."

  They never talked about her anymore. Jerilyn's death had been the elephant in the room for months. He used to think he was doing the right thing not to talk about her constantly with Ashley. Sean didn't want to make her sad. In that moment, he knew he'd made a mistake and he needed to be honest with the most important woman in his life now–his daughter.

  "I was just thinking about how much your smile reminds me of your mom."

  Fuck. Sorrow flooded her eyes. Her words through her tears surprised him.

  "Thank you for talking about her, Dad. I've been thinking about her a lot lately and it just... well... I don't know. I thought you didn't want me to mention her anymore because it just made you sad."

  "Oh, Ash. I'm sorry if you felt like you couldn't talk about your mom. I never meant for you to feel that way. I just know that it makes you sad sometimes and I didn't want to keep bringing it up if you were unhappy."

  "I get it, and at first maybe not talking about her helped, but not anymore. In fact, I've been thinking about it. Where are all of our picture albums and my baby movies? I was talking with a friend yesterday and she told me that watching movies of mom might help me feel close to her again. I've been missing her a lot and I think that would help."

  Sean felt like an ass. He should have been helping his baby girl through their loss better. They had packed away most of their memories when they moved into the hotel. At the time, he had rationalized that their place was small and they didn't have room for everything. The truth was he had known that looking through a lifetime of memories would rip open wounds that he wasn't ready to deal with. Now, several years later, the memories didn't seem as scary.

  He put on a smile. "I think that's a great idea, Ashley. We have all the photo albums and home movies boxed up and in storage out in Grandma and Papa's basement. What do you say we bring them back here the next time we go out to visit?"

  "I'd like that."

  When did his little girl get so grown up? He saw a maturity in her eyes that felt new. He remembered Traci and said a silent prayer, hoping Ashley was ready for the conversation they were about to have.

  "There was something else I wanted to talk to you about, honey. Something surprising happened today."

  "We won the lottery?"

  "Sadly, no. Not that surprising." Sean took a deep breath before continuing on. "I met a
very nice lady who's here at the hotel for a conference. We were talking and well... I sort of asked her out to dinner tonight."

  Ashley's eye grew wide, yet she hid her emotions well. It was hard for Sean to get a read on how she felt about her Dad going on a date.

  "I don't know, Dad." She paused for effect. "That might be more surprising to me than winning the lottery."

  Relief flew through his body at the grin on his daughter's face. He realized after his impromptu invitation that he really should have talked to Ashley first. She was the most important person in his life now and he didn't want her upset. The look on her face told him he shouldn't have worried.

  "Honestly, I surprised myself. I didn't even think about it before I blurted out the invitation. It was quite comical I'm sure. After all, it's been eighteen years since I asked your mom out on our first date. I'm a little rusty."

  "Did she say yes?"

  "Yeah."

  "Well then, I guess you didn't screw it up too bad."

  He chuckled. "Thanks for the vote of confidence there, kiddo."

  "No problem. Glad I could help. Seriously, Dad, I think it's great. When do I get to meet the mystery lady?"

  "Never. She's just in town for a few days before heading back to Denver. It's perfect. She's a really nice lady. I can go out with her and practice and even if I make a complete and utter fool of myself, it'll be fine since she's leaving town. I won't have to face her day after day with the object humiliation of a failed date."

  "Come on, Dad. You aren't going to screw it up that bad. I mean, you mingle with people all the time for your job and you don't embarrass yourself. I'm sure you can make it through a dinner without acting like an ogre."

  "We'll see, won't we?"

  Traci reviewed her reflection in the mirrored door of the elevator on her trip down to the lobby. She'd changed her clothes several times, settling on a flowered sundress she'd thrown into her suitcase at the last minute. The sleeveless arms and plunging neck and back showed a bit more skin than she felt comfortable with for a first date. Considering it was either this or a business suit or jeans, the decision was easy. She could kick herself for not bringing more casual shoes and hoped they wouldn't have to do too much walking or her feet were going to be killing her by the end of the night. Troy would give her shit if he were here, considering the amount of time his wife and sister spent admiring shoes.

  She spotted him almost immediately as the doors slid open. Sean. He was standing near the front desk, speaking with several uniformed employees. Traci took the opportunity to observe him in his element and liked what she saw. You could tell a lot about a manager by how his employees reacted to him. Traci could see the general manager was well respected.

  She'd spent the afternoon trying to remember the details of what he looked like. It was a shame she had been in such a panic when she'd met Sean because all she seemed to remember clearly were his sexy grey eyes that matched the wisps of greying hair contrasted against his dark hair that she found herself wanting to touch for some reason.

  The other clear memory she had was the unexpected warm throb deep in her core that his touch had stirred.

  It had been a long time since she'd felt the zing of attraction to a man and it had surprised her enough that she'd hastily agreed to go on a date with someone she barely knew. She suspected her brother wouldn't be happy, considering she knew next to nothing about Sean. Yet, she justified that a luxury hotel like The Royal Oak wouldn't have an axe murder or serial rapist as their general manager.

  As she observed from afar, she got a better look at his broad shoulders filling out his sports jacket. He'd changed to a pair of casual jeans and taken off his tie, opening his dress shirt collar to allow a peek of his dark chest hair. She was a sucker for a man with a sexy five o'clock shadow on his strong jaw. Something must be wrong with her, because in that moment, stranger or not, her only thought was of how that scruffy beard would burn her cheek when they cuddled later.

  I've been reading way too many romance novels. I barely know the guy. I only said yes to avoid going to the conference dinner tonight.

  When he spied her waiting, his face lit up with a broad smile—the kind of smile that made her grateful she'd said yes.

  Sean disengaged from the group he was conversing with and walked towards her. A case of nerves had her grounded to the spot. Traci didn't know what to expect, so she was happily surprised when he reached to take both her hands in his, leaning in to give her two European style kisses, one to each of her cheeks.

  "There you are. I was hoping you weren't having second thoughts and ditching me."

  "Are you kidding me? I'm really looking forward to tonight, although I did have a moment of panic when I realized that we've pretty much spent about ten minutes with each other to date. I think that has to be a new record for me."

  Traci linked her hand through his offered crooked right arm. She could feel his well-toned forearm through his jacket. She had to focus to keep her mind from slipping into daydreams of how hard that muscular arm might deliver a spanking.

  "Oh, I don't believe that for a minute. A beautiful lady like you must have guys throughout Denver falling all over themselves to ask you out."

  Traci didn't try to contain her chuckle. "Not quite. And..." She hesitated, realizing she'd been less than honest with him earlier. "I grew up in Denver, but I moved a couple of years ago to a small town nearby Denver and Boulder. Let's just say there isn't a lot of dating material for me back home."

  He glanced at her as they walked out into the sunshine. "Well, I guess this is my lucky day then. I thought I'd take you to my favorite restaurant out on Navy Pier. Do you like sushi?"

  "I love it. Our town might be small, but we have a great sushi place. I haven't made it to the Ginger Paddle for a while."

  "Interesting name for a sushi place. Sounds like they do it spicy."

  Traci's heart raced, knowing there were many double meanings for a restaurant named the Ginger Paddle in Corbin's Bend. "Yes, I'd say. They like it hot." She tried to hide her sly grin.

  "We're less than a mile from the pier. The weather is great. I thought we'd walk."

  "Sounds good, although we may need to take a cab back if my feet start to hurt. I didn't bring shoes to be out walking far."

  He glanced down to see her three-inch high sandals. "So you're not as tall as I thought you were. I had you pegged for 5'9", only a couple inches shorter than me."

  "Nope. I'm only 5'6" barefoot. Not too tall. Not too short."

  "I think you're just right." The smile on his face seemed genuine and it eased her fluttering nerves.

  The summer evening sun was at their back as they turned down the tree-lined city street towards the lake. They sauntered along, easily sharing typical small talk and stopping to window shop along the way.

  After stopping to admire the wares at their third shoe store, Sean observed, "I see you're a connoisseur of shoes. Some kind of fetish I should know about?"

  The comment was flirtatious and Traci's tummy flip-flopped when he turned his grin on her. It'd been a long time since she'd had a man making her the center of his attention. "You caught me. My brother, Troy, says I have an obsession. I prefer to think of it as a healthy admiration."

  "Well, as long as you don't have to take a second mortgage to pay for them, I'd say you're probably okay. You just have the one brother?"

  "Yep. We're a small family, although he just got married about a month ago, so I'm excited to have a sister. Hallie likes shoes even more than I do, so I'm at least no longer the focus of Troy's shoe scorn."

  She liked the sound of his chuckle. It was deep and rich. Traci's heart beat faster as Sean reached to take her hand in his as they resumed their stroll. It was such a simple thing to hold hands. It certainly wasn't her first time, yet she couldn't shake the feeling that today felt different. She told herself she's just been feeling so alone lately that she's reading more into it than she should.

  I can't let myself e
ven consider this is anything more than a casual dinner with a man I'll never see again.

  Traci had learned her lesson well the year before. She'd never regretted anything more in her life than her one-night stand with Robert. Even a year later, she still had trouble looking herself in the mirror when she thought about her error in judgment. Since Sean lived in Chicago and she lived in Corbin's Bend, she needed to remember this date wasn't going anywhere other than a possible steamy goodnight kiss.

  "So, you didn't mention your folks."

  Traci tried to keep her response lighter than she felt. "Troy and I lost them twelve years ago. I'd just graduated from high school. Their plane went down in Central America. They loved to do mission work at a clinic every few years. Troy and I had even gone down with them once a few years before."

  Sean stopped them in the middle of the sidewalk, forcing a rambunctious family following behind to reroute around them. The sincerity shining back at her alarmed her. "Traci, I'm so sorry for your loss. To lose both your parents without warning like that must have been devastating. Thank goodness you weren't with them on that trip."

  "Thanks. I was just grateful Troy hadn't been with them. I don't think I could have made it if I'd lost him, too."

  He held both her hands supportively. "You sound close."

  "We are. Even more now. He spent many years in the Air Force so I didn't see him as much as I'd like, but he recently retired and moved to Corbin's Bend to be near me."

  "Wow, that's great that he would relocate."

  Traci smiled a knowing smile. "Yes, initially he moved to be near me, but once he met Hallie on a visit there, well I'm sure that played into his decision as well."

  She was painfully aware that she couldn't tell her new friend the fact Corbin's Bend was a haven for spankos had played a major role in her brother's choice of living arrangements as well. The chances of Sean understanding the dynamics of Corbin's Bend were slim and considering they'd never see each other again, it was pointless to risk his ridicule.

  She turned the subject around as Sean resumed their walk to Navy Pier. "How about you? Have you always lived in Chicago?"