Enlightenment for Idiots

by Anne Cushman

  But then I remember—I’ve got Lori and Devi Das and Ishtar and Ernie. I’ve got my zany, flaky mother. I’ve even got Matt, as much as anyone can have him. It’s not the family I imagined. But it’s real, and that counts for a lot. Because up close, nothing looks like it does when you’re imagining it from a distance. Not a family. Not India. Not a guru. Not a yoga pose. Frankly, I’m starting to think that even enlightenment probably isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be. I wonder if you don’t just sit there, at one with the universe, thinking, Is this what all the fuss was about?

  Speaking of enlightenment, I’ve started teaching yoga. I teach a couple of morning classes, plus a mom-baby and a prenatal. They’re going pretty well, especially since The Blissful Body started promoting me as “a senior student of the greatest yoga gurus in India.” Devi Das and Ishtar are going back to India next month—to Khajuraho, to start a tantric healing center for yoga students. Ernie’s going to take over Ishtar’s room as his office—amazingly, his business has really taken off since his clients started hearing Ari crying during their consultations. And Lori and Joe are getting married right after Christmas.

  A few weeks ago, I went to a support group for single parents and met this guy named Jacob. He has almost-two-year-old twins, a boy and a girl, and he looked like he hadn’t shaved or showered in a little too long. He told us that his wife had had severe postpartum depression, and he ended up doing pretty much all the child care while she lay in bed and cried for the first six months. Then she started to go to this meditation group that her Jungian therapist recommended, and things seemed to be looking up for a while. But right after the twins turned one, her meditation teacher went back to Nepal, and she went with him. She’s decided she wants to be a nun. Jacob’s still in shock. He says it would be easier if she’d run off with another man. Because how can you compete with the promise of nirvana?

  Our first date was at the park across from Grace Cathedral. We sat on a wooden bench eating Pirate’s Booty and watching the twins on the teeter-totter. Aradhana sat in the sand squealing and beating her shovel on her bucket, like she was watching the Cirque du Soleil. When I told Jacob I was writing a book about enlightenment, he got a little freaked out. But I told him not to worry, I’d had enough India to last me for a long time.

  Sometimes, I have to admit, I do find myself dreaming about it. I’ll be pushing Aradhana in her stroller through Golden Gate Park, watching a guy in a baseball hat throwing a tennis ball for a Labrador—and suddenly I’ll be sitting by the Ganges in Varanasi, watching the sun turn the river gold, breathing in the scorched fat of burning corpses. I’ll be standing in the produce section picking out cabbage, and I’ll be blasted by longing for smoky, sweet Indian chai, drunk from a unfired clay cup on the platform of a train that’s about to take me a thousand years into the past.

  But then Aradhana will bite my ear or yank on my hair, and I’ll come back.

  I’m not saying that you can’t find enlightenment in India. Maybe it was all around me the whole time. Maybe it was there in the bicycle-rickshaw driver fixing his wheel with a piece of twisted coat hanger, or the fruit seller slashing the top off a coconut with a machete, or the smell of the sewers, or the dripping juice of a mango. Maybe it was in the eyes of that dog I didn’t let myself rescue.

  And who knows? Maybe it’s here, too. That’s what my book says, anyway. On a good day, I almost believe it myself.

  I don’t know how you’re going to market “right where you already are” as a For Idiots destination. But I’m sure the PR department will come up with something. In the meantime, the fog is rolling in. My breasts are starting to tingle, which means that in a moment Aradhana will wake up and want to nurse. In about an hour, Lori is going to pick us up, and we’re going to have dinner at her house, along with Jacob and the twins.

  I don’t mean to give you the impression that I’ve worked everything out. I’m actually still worried about a lot of things. For instance, I’m worried that you won’t like the manuscript and I will have to take over Ishtar’s night job on the sex hotline. I’m worried that I’m going to screw things up with Jacob—that he’s just too nice and treats me too well, so I’ll break up with him to go out with someone who’s more like Matt. Or that secretly he is like Matt, and that’s the only reason I’m interested in him at all, even though I haven’t found that out yet.

  But right now, everything’s okay. There’s just the glow of the screen and the touch of my fingers on the keys. There’s a car alarm going off down the street and banana bread baking in the kitchen. There’s my mother downstairs, flipping through the pages of a magazine, dreaming of the lives she never lived. There’s Aradhana waking up, bubbling over with laughter, flapping her arms and legs and getting ready to crawl into her future.

  Okay, so I haven’t found enlightenment yet. But for now, maybe this is good enough.

  With best regards,

  Amanda

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  MY DEEPEST THANKS TO:

  The members of my writing group—Katy Butler, Doug Benerofe, and Stephanie Vollmer—for their encouragement and feedback. Shoshana Alexander, the grand guru of writing coaches. Rachael Adler and Janice Gates, for cheering me on through chapter-by-chapter installments while we raised our children together. My big sister, Kathleen, for her inexhaustible support and wisdom. Vikas Rustagi of the Indian Department of Tourism, for empowering my research. My agent, Lisa Bankoff, for her skill and vision. Shaye Areheart and Peter Guzzardi, my editors, for slimming down the manuscript so it fits into its yoga pants. My dharma friend Carole Melkonian (“Sister Bliss”). My beloved son, Skye. Lou Hawthorne, for being the world’s best father to Skye. And all the wonderful yoga and dharma teachers—too many to name—who have inspired and guided me on my spiritual path.

  Reading Group Guide to

  ENLIGHTENMENT FOR IDIOTS

  by Anne Cushman

  Amanda is an almost-thirty would-be yoga teacher who pines for spiritual awakening—almost as much as she pines for unavailable men. Eking out a living writing “For Idiots” travel guides, she jumps at the chance to leave her boyfriend troubles behind and travel to India to write a guidebook about finding enlightenment. The ensuing pilgrimage is both touching and laugh-out-loud funny, as Amanda learns that yoga can’t protect its practitioners from their own human failings. Her illusions about spiritual practice are shredded as she meets a string of eccentric teachers in the chaos of India. And when Amanda discovers two months into her journey that she’s pregnant, she’s forced to grapple with impossible options. She realizes that no matter how far she travels, she can’t get away from the pain, passion, comedy, and chaos of her own life.

  Discussion Questions

  1. In the Prologue, Amanda says that her memory of her father leaving is “the pose that’s buried within all the poses that came after.” What does she mean by that?

  2. Amanda says of her relationship with Matt, “Its very unsatisfactoryness—the sense of always being a little hungry—was what marked it as love.” And she repeatedly turns down the chance to be with Tom, the reliable partner who offers her warmth and security. Is romantic love necessarily part yearning? How does this view of love compare with the view offered by Anjali, the Indian woman Amanda meets on the train to Haridwar? Which view do you most relate to, and why? How does Amanda’s own understanding of love change over the course of her journey?

  3. What is the purpose of the yoga pose instructions that punctuate every few chapters of Enlightenment for Idiots? How do they relate to the themes—and plot points—of the chapters that surround them? Who do you think is giving these instructions—Amanda? Her “inner teacher”? An invisible yoga master? When you read the story, were you tempted to actually do the poses? Why or why not?

  4. Every chapter of Enlightenment for Idiots begins with a quote from a famous spiritual master. How do these quotes support—or counterbalance—the story? Did any particular quotes stand out for you? Why?

  5. In Ri
shikesh, Amanda meets Devi Das, a barefoot sadhu from Kansas who refers to himself as “we.” He becomes her mentor, guide, and traveling companion. Is Devi Das an authentic spiritual seeker? Is he wise or delusional? Did you expect him to become Amanda’s boyfriend? Were you relieved or disappointed that he didn’t?

  6. After discovering that she is pregnant, Amanda chooses to continue her journey through India, despite the obvious risks. Why does she make this choice? Do you think she made the right decision? Why or why not?

  7. Looking for awakening, Amanda meets a whole string of spiritual teachers and samples everything from a silent meditation retreat to a tantra party. Are these teachers and practices authentic? Or fraudulent? On the train to Varanasi, Devi Das tells her, “Even if the teacher is a fraud, the teachings can still be real.” Do you agree or disagree? Who was your favorite of Amanda’s teachers? Who was your least favorite? As Amanda is giving birth, all the spiritual teachers appear to her, giving advice and encouragement. What has she learned—or not learned—from each of them?

  8. When Matt learns that Amanda is pregnant, he bolts. Afterward, sobbing in the ancient meditation cave of the Buddha—who also left the mother of his child—Amanda wonders if the Buddha was “just another guy who was afraid to commit.” Do you think that spiritual renunciation is a form of running away from life? Why or why not?

  9. In the instructions to Reclining Bound Angle Pose, the mysterious yoga teacher says, “Go into the temple of your own pelvis and bow down before [the Mother Goddess’s] altar. But don’t be surprised if what appears is your own mother instead.” Discuss Amanda’s relationship with her mother. How does it affect the choices she makes in her life? Does it change over the course of the novel?

  10. By the end of the book, Amanda has formed a new—though unconventional—family. She writes, “It’s not the family I imagined. But it’s real, and that counts for a lot. Because up close, nothing looks like it does when you’re imagining it from a distance.” Do you agree with her? Do you have a “family” that’s as close—or more—to you than your biological one?

  11. How has Amanda’s understanding of enlightenment changed by the end of the novel? How has yours?

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  ANNE CUSHMAN is a contributing editor to both Yoga Journal and Tricycle: The Buddhist Review and the coauthor of From Here to Nirvana, a seeker’s guide to spiritual India. Her essays have appeared in the New York Times, the San Francisco Chronicle, and O, the Oprah Magazine, and on Salon.com. They have been anthologized in Best Buddhist Writing 2004 and 2006; A Woman’s Path: Best Women’s Spiritual Travel Writing; and other books. She codirects the Mindfulness Yoga and Meditation training program at Spirit Rock Meditation Center in California. This is her first novel.

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