Lost Love

by Kelly Elliott

Tilting her head, the grin grew wider. “I had four other brothers to take care of me.”

  I shook my head as I brushed her strawberry blonde hair from her face. “My little sister. A New York Times bestselling author.” She blushed again, and I kissed her on the forehead. “I’m so proud of you.”

  “Aunt Meli! Will you read me one of your books tonight before bedtime?”

  Amelia laughed. “How about we read one of my favorite bedtime stories instead?”

  Chloe pouted then smiled. “Is it about horses? Or cows? Or goats?”

  Turning to give me a questioning look, I replied, “Chloe is somewhat obsessed with the idea of living amongst the cows, horses, and goats.”

  Amelia walked up to Chloe and picked her up off the table. “Then I suggest we head down to the horse barn. I’ll introduce you to my favorite pony on the ranch. Stanley.”

  Jumping with excitement, Chloe turned to me. “May I go, Daddy? Please?”

  “Of course you can.”

  My mother kissed Chloe on the cheek. “Have fun and remember, Amelia, back to school night is tonight, and we’re heading there before dinner.”

  Amelia was about to say something when my mother shook her head. Frowning, Amelia glanced between our mom and me.

  Chloe broke out into a dance. “I’m startin’ kindergarten. I’m a big girl! I’m gonna go to school!”

  Everyone chuckled at Chloe’s outburst, everyone except for me. I groaned and shook my head. I wasn’t ready for any of this.

  “Amelia, why don’t you take Chloe to the barn,” my mother said.

  My sister took Chloe’s hand. “We’ll take a little tour and then head to the barn.”

  “Okay!” Chloe said as she turned back and waved to me. “Later, Dad.”

  I stumbled back and clutched my chest. “She called me … Dad. What in the hell? We’re hear five minutes and she’s grown up enough she thinks she can call me Dad?”

  My father hit me on the back. “Come on, let’s go make a drink and you call tell us all about your trip down from Oregon.”

  “Better make it a strong one,” I mumbled.

  I followed my father into the den as my mother wrapped her arm around me. “I’ve already registered Chloe at the school. They only need you to sign a few things and provide a copy of her birth certificate and proof of immunizations.”

  I hadn’t given my parents much notice before moving back to Texas. The divorce was quick and easy, and I’d gotten an offer on the house within three days of listing it. I’d given Kim half of the money I made on the house, even though she never put a dime of her money into it; it felt like the right thing to do.

  Kissing my mother on the cheek, I said, “Thanks, Mom. I appreciate you taking care of all of that.”

  She grinned. “I’m just so happy you’re home. Now if we can only get your sister Waylynn to move back.”

  Dad handed me a rum and coke, and I asked my mother, “Is everything okay between her and Jack?”

  My parents both frowned. Neither of them had liked Jack Wilson. In their eyes, he stole their oldest child away and forced her to give up her dreams. “She’s unhappy. I hear it in her voice when I talk to her. Amelia is going to New York in the spring. She’ll let me know if our Waylynn is happy or not.”

  I took a drink and laughed. “Sending in the spy, huh?”

  Mom lifted her brow and gave me an inquisitive look. My parents had seven kids. Each of us meant the world to them. If they had it their way, we’d all live on the ranch. Under one roof.

  Waylynn, my oldest sister, was supposed to be a boy. Dad was certain of it and had planned on naming his first son after his favorite country singer, Waylon Jennings. When the baby came out a girl, he insisted on keeping the name Waylon. Mom agreed to it but changed the spelling. After Waylynn came my brother Tripp. As a kid, he took everything seriously. One reason he makes a good lawyer. Next came my brother Mitchell and me. The twins in the family. The only thing we ever had in common was looking like each other and even then, there were differences. While he always does the right thing, I seem to be the polar opposite. My mother stresses day in and day out over his job as a Texas Ranger. Mitchell loves being a cop though.

  Then you have Cord. My bar owning, rebel brother. And the one person who knows my deepest, darkest secret. Cord’s dream was to open a bar and, to my father’s disapproval, he owns a country western bar in town. Of course, he still works the ranch when needed. It’s in all our blood and none of us could ever walk away from it.

  The baby boy in the family was Trevor. He grew up to be one hundred percent my father’s son. Loves the ranch. Loves being on top of a horse…and a woman.

  Last but not least, Amelia, the baby in the family and what my father likes to call his gift from God. My mother was told she wouldn’t have any more kids after a hard pregnancy and delivery with Trevor. But two years later, our baby sister was here. She is the apple of my parents’ eye.

  “Steed, did you hear anything I just said?”

  My eyes lifted to my mother. “What was that, Mom?”

  “Is Chloe excited for school?”

  “Yes. I had to explain to her that the school wasn’t going to be like her pre-school. It’s going to be smaller.”

  My mother lifted her brows and asked, “Well how big was her pre-school?”

  I laughed. “Mom, I lived in Portland, Oregon. Hundreds of thousands of people live there. How many people live in Oak Springs? Six hundred?”

  “We’re getting closer to twelve hundred. If you count the outskirts of town,” my father said as he took a drink.

  Lifting her glass to her lips, my mother gave me a smirk that hinted she was up to something. “I have a feeling Chloe is going to love Oak Springs elementary much better than she would love some overcrowded school in Oregon.”

  I sighed. “I hope so. Hopefully Mrs. Bagnet isn’t still the kindergarten teacher. That woman was mean as hell.”

  My father and mother exchanged glances. Dad acted like he was about to say something when my mother cut him off. “Oh, no, she retired four years ago. We have a new kindergarten teacher who’s been there a few years.”

  “Thank, God,” I mumbled as I finished off my drink.

  Chloe walked between my mother and Amelia as we made our way down the long hall. I couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at my mouth. I hadn’t been in these halls in a long time. A small part of me panicked, thinking I’d see Paxton. It had been her dream to become a teacher, but I made it a habit to never talk about her. My mother had tried to get me to tell her what happened, but if I told her the truth, she’d hate me. I made her vow to never talk about Paxton after my mother told me Joe Miller’s mother said he and Paxton were close to becoming engaged. I guess they had started dating their senior year at Texas A & M.

  That little bit of information is what sent me into Kim’s bed and threw me into a depression that lasted for months. It was part of the reason I asked Kim to marry me. I was running from the past desperately. After that one conversation about Paxton and Joe, I never asked about her again, and if my mother brought her up, I’d threaten to end the call. She quickly learned it was a subject I didn’t want to breach.

  “I can’t wait to meet my teacher!” Chloe said. “I hope she’s pretty!”

  Amelia laughed, and my mother replied, “Oh, she’s very pretty. You’re going to love her, Chloe.”

  “Mom, do you know who the teacher is?” I asked as they rounded the corner and slipped into the classroom before answering. I stopped to let another family go first. The guy seemed familiar, but I couldn’t place him. We stared at each other for a moment before we both let it go. When I walked in, I quickly scanned the room. It was cuter than any of the pre-school classrooms Chloe had been in. I grinned when I saw the reading nook. When my eyes landed on the beanbag chair, a memory of Paxton hit me so hard it took my breath away.

  “One day when I’m a teacher, I’m going to have a special reading area for my students. One where
they can curl up in a beanbag chair and get lost in the words of a book.”

  “What grade do you want to teach, Pax?” I asked, holding her in my arms as we looked at the stars.

  “Kindergarten. I think that’s where my calling will be.”

  I took a few steps back. My head spun and my heart slammed against my chest.

  Oh, holy fuck.

  When I turned around to search out my mother, Paxton’s blue eyes met mine. We stood there for a few moments, staring. Her brown hair was pulled up in a ponytail with a few loose curls hanging down. My eyes swept over her body. The young girl I fell in love with had turned into a beautiful woman. The most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on.

  Paxton seemed totally stunned to see me, just as I was stunned to see her. I thought I saw a smile start to form at the corners of her mouth, but then it pulled into a frown. She headed my way, and I had the urge to cover my balls when I saw a dark look in her eyes. Her last words to me—that she would cut off my dick and shove it down my throat—flashed through my mind.

  I grinned and that seemed to make her even angrier.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked in a low voice.

  “I’m here because—”

  She grabbed my arm, digging her nails into my skin, and pulled me into a large supply closet. With a look of pure anger, she shoved her finger into my chest. “How dare you show up here. You have got some nerve, Steed Parker. You’re lucky I’m not holding scissors or I’d make good on my threat.”

  I swallowed hard and tried to take a step away, but bumped into something.

  “Get out of my classroom.”

  “Hey, wait one second, Paxton. I didn’t even know—”

  She shook her head. “Don't make a scene. There are people we went to high school with out there, Steed. I’m begging you to please leave.”

  Yes. That’s who that was.

  “Manny Patterson. That’s who that was.” I said snapping my fingers when the realization hit me.

  Opening the door, Paxton stepped out and softly said, “Please leave.” Her voice broke, causing my chest to tighten. My eyes searched the room. A few people were staring so I quickly stepped out of the supply closet with Paxton following me out. “I don’t know why you’re here, but please leave. I can’t do this. This is my job, Steed. Please.”

  Before I had a chance to explain, Chloe ran up to me. “Daddy! Daddy! Come look at my desk. It’s so pretty!”

  I bent down and smiled. “I’ll be right there, pumpkin. I’m talking to an old friend.”

  Chloe glanced up and gasped. “You’re beautiful. Are you a princess?”

  I watched Paxton’s anger melt. She gazed lovingly at Chloe even though I could see the hurt all over her face. “No, sweetheart. I’m Ms. Monroe, the teacher.”

  My heart dropped as Paxton confirmed what I had already known.

  My eyes swung over to my mother. She was smiling at us. She knew. She fucking knew.

  Fuck. My. Life.

  “Daddy! Did you hear that? Your friend is my kindergarten teacher!” Her arms wrapped around my neck as I stood. My entire world came to a stop as I watched Paxton’s eyes fill with tears.

  Damn it. Fucking hell this is not how I wanted to tell Paxton about Chloe.

  “Daddy?” she asked as her voice shook. Chloe turned to face her.

  “We moved here from Oregon. It rains there all the time. Daddy said I can have my very own goat and ride a cow!”

  Paxton stared at Chloe for the longest time. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest I was sure everyone in the room could hear it. The memory of Paxton’s cries filled my head so loudly I wanted to cover my ears and run until I couldn’t hear anything. Couldn’t feel anything.

  Like I did ten years ago.

  Finally, Paxton let out a small chuckle. “It does rain a lot in Oregon. And a goat? How exciting is that? Chloe, why don’t you head on over to your desk. There’s a surprise in it for you.”

  I set Chloe on the ground and watched as Paxton bent down to my daughter. She studied her face and blinked back tears. “I’m so happy you’re here, Chloe. I can’t wait to get to know you. Welcome to Oak Springs.”

  With a huge grin, Chloe wrapped her arms around Paxton’s neck. “Oh, thank you Ms. Monroe! I’m going to go find my surprise.”

  Jetting toward her desk, I glanced down to Paxton who was still bent down. Her hand covered her mouth as she tried to keep her emotions in. She stood slowly and faced me.

  “I’m so sorry, Paxton. I had no idea you were the teacher. I’d have come and talked to you first had I known. I’d never just spring this on you. I hope you know that.”

  Her chin trembled before she lifted it higher and cleared her throat. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to talk with the other parents. Please … um … take a look around the classroom. Up at my um … the um … my desk there are a few examples of what we’ll be working on the first week of school. There’s also a supply list so please pick that up before you leave.”

  She paused for a moment before she regained her composure. “Feel free to sign up for volunteering or have your wife. It’s much appreciated.”

  I took a step closer to her. “Paxton. There is no—”

  She shook her head and a devastated expression moved across her face. It felt like someone had punched me in the gut. “Stop. Please don’t. I can’t do this right now. I can’t.”

  Spinning on her heels, she walked toward another family. I watched as she smiled big and bright and introduced herself as if I hadn’t just shattered her world…again.

  My mother’s happy expression was now replaced with one of confusion. Anger swept over my body. I walked to where she stood with Amelia.

  “Why didn’t you tell me Paxton was the kindergarten teacher?”

  She shrugged. “You forbid me to speak about her.”

  “I need to speak with you in private, Mom. Now.”

  Leaning over, I kissed Chloe on the cheek. “Daddy and Grammy have to go talk grown up talk. Aunt Meli is right here okay?”

  She was searching through her desk, looking for her surprise. “Okay, Daddy.”

  I followed my mother out of the room and down the hall. The town of Oak Springs was small enough still that kinder through twelfth grade was on the same campus. The high school was separated by a small breezeway. When we finally came to a deserted area, I lost my self-control.

  “What were you thinking? Why in the hell didn’t you warn me Paxton was the teacher? Mom! I wasn’t even sure she lived here in town!”

  Pinching her brows, she placed her hands on her hips. “Do not talk to me in that tone young man. You’re the one who said no one was to talk about her. That you didn’t want to know what she was doing or where she lived. I was only going by your wishes. Now I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but you were meant to be together.”

  I raked my hand through my hair. “Goddamn it, Mom. Why did you do this?”

  She slapped me on the back of the head. “Do not use the Lord’s name in vain.”

  I dropped my hands to my knees and dragged a few deep breaths. My emotions were all over the place. The moment I saw those eyes, my stomach dropped and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her and beg for her forgiveness. She looked at me with such hate that all I could feel was fear and regret. Guilt. Add that shit in there too. Lots of it.

  Then the sadness in her eyes about dropped me to the floor. All I seemed to do was hurt her.

  “Steed, I don’t know if you had a fight or what it was that caused you to run away to Oregon, but think of this as a second chance.”

  I held up my hand to stop her from talking. “Mom, don’t. You have no idea what you’re trying to do.”

  “You both loved each other so much. Don’t you remember the plans you two made together? You were both going to go to Texas A & M. Then move back home and build a life together. You talked about marriage and kids.”

  “Please stop,” I begged.

 
She kept talking and my stomach cramped. I could no longer understand her words. The only thing I heard was Paxton crying.

  Louder. And louder, until it became so deafening I yelled out. “Stop!”

  Mom jumped. “My goodness, Steed, what has gotten into you? I think you’re tired from that drive.”

  I couldn’t stop the words before they slipped from my mouth. “Did you ever think the reason I left was pretty damn big, Mom? I was gone for ten years!”

  “You were being stubborn. It’s a Parker trait,” she said.

  I shook my head. “No, Mom. Paxton was pregnant and lost the baby the day before graduation.”

  Her eyes widened in shock and her hand clapped over her mouth.

  I covered my face and let out a loud grunt before looking at her. “When she told me she was pregnant, I told her I didn’t want to be a father. That we were too young, and that it was going to ruin our lives.”

  Her hand dropped to her side as she whispered, “Oh, Steed. Please tell me you didn’t ask her to—”

  “No. But I told her I couldn’t be a father, which was just as bad. I avoided her for a week after she told me. Then she lost the baby, and I … I was so relieved. She screamed and yelled and told me she hated me and never wanted to see me again. I didn’t know what to do. Cord said she needed time.”

  Anger moved across my mother’s face. “Cord knew?”

  “He was the only one who knew.”

  The anger on her face quickly fell to horror. “You left her alone to deal with losing your child?”

  Old guilt ripped through me newly. My mother was staring at me for the first time in my life with disappointment in her eyes.

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  She turned away. I closed my eyes and wished like hell I could travel back in time. I’d have done things so differently. I would have held Paxton in my arms and told her everything would be okay. That we would get through it together.

  Instead, I ran like a coward. I walked onto the football team at Oregon State and played for them for four years. Never once coming back to the only woman I ever loved.

  “That’s why you never came home?” She turned and looked me in the eyes. I stood there in silence. “Answer me, Steed Parker.”