A lot of things flashed across her face as she was obviously thinking hard abut things, then Bella just nodded. “Okay, but me first.” I nodded my consent, feeling oddly nervous myself. She took my coffee cup and placed both of them on the counter.
She grabbed both of my hands and walked backwards, dragging me out of the kitchen out to the couch and sat down with me, not releasing my hands. Her skin was so soft and hot against mine. “Can you remember your mother?” she asked, her eyes dancing in a distant memory.
I studied her as I responded, “Not really, I was only two when she passed, and I can't remember anything from that age. But I swear I have the vague recollection of my mother singing to me. Though it may just be a faded wishful dream. But whether real or not, it sort of insulated me whenever things got rough with my father. The idea that at least she loved me.”
She placed her forehead on mine and breathed out and whispered, “I'd like to think it was real.” Her eyes danced with reassurance, “Okay, your turn.” God, I could feel her hot breath on me I stared at her inviting lips while she watched mine. I'd like to think she felt the same pull as me, but she was probably just watching to 'hear' my question. “I'm just curious, they seem to calm you when you are nervous. Is there something special about those bracelets?”
Her breath hitched, and I saw fear in her eyes, bordering on panic, as she moved her head back, breaking our contact. I missed the contact already, my forehead getting cold.
She looked deeper into my eyes and slowly, silently reached out to place her hands on the group of bracelets on either wrist. She paused for a second, I wanted to end the game now, I had obviously struck a painful memory and I never wanted to hurt this divine creature.
I opened my mouth to speak, but she gave a warning glance then slid all the bracelets off. Taking a huge ragged breath she presented her inner wrists to me without a word. She had shame written all over her face, her eyes pleading and questioning as I looked down.
The ragged scars across her perfect skin could only be from one thing. I thought back to Sarina trying to vocalize it twice, but I didn't, couldn't, feel the enormity of it until seeing it with my own eyes. I could feel the threat of tears but I fought them off, smiling a comforting smile at her as I brought her wrists up to my lips and gently kissed the scars. “We all have scars Bella, some are on the outside, some are on the inside. But they are nothing to be ashamed of, they simply show that we survived, we persevered the pain and emotion that brought them about. They make us stronger.”
A tear rolled down her cheek but her face wasn't one of sadness, but one of gratitude. “Thank you. I was so afraid you would judge me.” She inhaled deeply then exhaled to wash away the emotion. I quickly responded, “I want you to remember, I could not, would not, ever judge you Bella. That is my promise to you.” Then I smiled brightly to lighten the mood, “Okay your turn!”
She glanced toward the stairs, and I drank in the curves of her face, the lines of her neck before she returned her blues to meet my brown, “Can you tell me about June's father?” Her lips twitched in a tiny smile as she said June's name. I didn't fail to notice that she hadn't put her bracelets back on.
This subject is one of my shames, but it is also what brought me the tiny light of my life upstairs, so I had no problems sharing with this woman, who has shown me her low point. “Well, that's part of why I quit touring. I had to get out of that life that was swallowing Mandy and replacing her with that damn 'Mandy Harris'. I had been drunk for months straight, partying with anyone, sleeping with anything that moved. Men, women, whatever, it was all the same. Just to drown out the old me, to not feel any more, to forget why I was so ashamed of who I had become. Who I let them make me. I never put up a fight.”
She was holding my hands again, thumbs gently stroking the backs of my hands looking at me intently. I caught a hint of her signature strawberry scent. “Then one day, in a sober moment, I realized that I was, late, by a couple weeks. The day I found out I was pregnant was terrifying. I wasn't scared for me, I was scared for my unborn child. I had become the monster from my childhood. A drunk, a lush, who didn't want to live in the real world, just like my father.”
I took a cleansing breath. “I have no clue who the father is. I swore on that day that I wouldn't subject my child to the lifestyle that was Mandy Harris. I would protect my little one from that life. I stopped drinking that day, and haven't since. I kept my pregnancy a secret and stopped touring. Nobody knows. I distanced myself from that life, even though they keep trying to suck me back in. That's why I'm back now, to find the me that I left behind.”
What the hell? There were never this many tears when I played this damn game before. She wiped my cheeks with her thumbs then her own and grabbed my hand again, like it was a lifeline that kept us both safe as we spoke. I smiled, drifting in the vivid blue orbs I was staring into. “My turn I guess. Why... why don't you sing anymore?”
She looked at me like it was the silliest question in the world. “I guess you wouldn't know this. I lost my mother two years back, three next month. She...” her breath hitched, “She... was the most loving person I have ever known, my reason to sing. It is as simple as that.” Bella smiled like it was only common sense.
Then she tilted her head reading me like a book, not seeing the surprise she expected and almost sighing out, “Sarina... potty training.” Shaking her head with an evil grin and a promise in her eyes to do serious damage to her blabbermouth sibling later.
“Okay little Miss Rocker 'I already knew that'” she grinned with mirth, “Can you tell me about Throw-Away? I mean, we can stop now if you want. I just want to know about the words. That song is so special to me. I have worn out three tapes of it over at Harmony.” Speaking more with her glittering eyes than her melodic tones could convey. Tapes? This girl is old-school.
“No, it's okay.” I breathed, “Well it was the only way I could express my childhood. I didn't mean anything to my only family, my father. He used me as a welfare check and food stamp meal ticket. I was just part of the trash waiting to be thrown away. But I refused to be a product of that life. That's when I found Harmony, and Mrs. Wellington. Even as a little child, she let me work the front counter in exchange for the lessons she knew I couldn't ever afford. She was more family to me than anyone. I owe her so much. Music saved me. Only for me to go down the rabbit hole again, when my music became tainted by the persona the studios crafted. That's what I put into the lyrics of that song.”
She looked lost in my lips, then looked back to my eyes. “Well, thank you for it. It echoed my childhood in other ways. I knew that I wasn't alone with those types of feelings, when I saw you pouring your soul into it on TV. Though I did have a loving family, the rest of the world can be extremely cruel. Children should never have to endure that.”
She laid her head on my chest, snuggling in but keeping my face in view. “Your turn.” It was all I could do to stop from hyperventilating, I inhaled her scent and I swear my entire being was humming.
She sat up and pulled a phone out of the cute little pocket on her sundress. I'm such an idiot, it was her phone vibrating. Wait what? Her phone? But she's... and then she checked the text message displayed on the screen. I almost face-palmed. I truly AM an idiot. She looked up. “Sarina wants to know when I'll be home.”
Oh crap! I echo my thought, “Oh crap! I already sent home the nanny, I didn't even think about getting you home, and June is asleep, I'd hate to wake her. You can use my car if you like.”
She cuddled back into me and started texting back, she smiled showing me the screen. [Staying at M's tonight. Havin 2 much fun gabbing. She'll get me home in the AM b4 I go 2 work.].
“If you don't mind?” she looked at me inquisitively. I gave her a reassuring nod and she hit send. I think I'm getting high off of her scent. A couple seconds later her phone vibrated again, glancing at it she gasped and blushed and put the phone back in her pocket before I could see the screen.
I looked at her, �
�Okay, let's see. Ah, I know. How is it possible that an incredibly gorgeous girl like yourself has never dated?” She blushed. Too cute! Insert chibi character here. I swear I could feel her body radiate more heat.
“Well, growing up, the kids in school were not very nice to me so I was never really attracted to anyone. I preferred to stay hidden.” she paused, “Then I sorta spiraled out of control for a while.”
Glancing down at her wrists, touching them with an embarrassed look, “Then when I finally rebuilt myself, from that point I found myself attracted to... well, let's just say, I've been waiting for someone that I can never have. But I'm happy.” she smiled warmly with her eyes.
“I'm sure you have tons of suitors pounding down the door for a chance to be with you.” I said, kind of far away in thought. She matched my drifting tone, “Well they try, but they aren't...” Her mood changed quickly to silly. “It is quite humorous when some of the guys and girls, that used to cause me such pain when we were children, try!” Her quick laugh sounded almost like music. Wait, did she say guys AND girls? Shut up me! Concentrate!
The rest of the night went like that, questions back and forth, until we were exhausted and she fell asleep with her head on my chest on the couch. It was like watching an angel sleep. I didn't want to disturb her, so I watched her breathe until sleep overcame me.
***
I woke up later, because my personal heater was missing, the reassuring weight of her head on me, her body curled into me. I looked around the dark room searching for her, then heard something upstairs. It was a sweet sound, as I went up the stairs I could see a faint light coming through the cracked open door of the nursery.
I stayed in the hall and peeked inside to see Bella sitting in the chair giving June her bottle. Anabella radiated nothing but love for my baby to soak up. Bella was softly humming. It was perfect. It could have been a harp from the heavens.
“There we go, Squirt.” she said softly as she put the empty bottle down and shifted June to her shoulder and gently started burping her. Her nose crinkled, “Somebody made a little stinky in their diaper, now didn't they? Maybe I should call ya Lil Stinker instead?” she giggled in a way that silver chimes would envy, and continued softly, “Let's get you cleaned up and back to bed shall we? A growing girl needs her beauty sleep.”
I moved back down stairs and to the couch to wait, with a goofy smile plastered on my face. It is official, that woman whom I just met, already owns a little piece of me. Evil, evil temptress. I closed my eyes when I heard her coming down the stairs and tried to keep from hyperventilating again as she snuggled back into me, my living heater returning. Not long after, sleep claimed us both again.
Chapter 4 – Breakfast
The sun slowly creeped up, peeking through the windows, warming my face, waking me with its brightness. I gently shook Bella awake. She stretched like a cat, curling her toes. With little talking, but lots of shared glances and smiles, we took turns showering in the bathroom, and getting ready for the new day.
Then after I threw on a clean set of clothes in my room, then prepared some bottles in the kitchen and stocking the diaper bag, we got June up, fed and cleaned. Add one tiny pink dress, and we were heading out the door to the car, and the unimaginable horrors of getting a squirming and bubbling infant strapped into a child seat.
I took a moment to savor the crisp morning air, telling the promise of fall's approach to the Pacific Northwest. Marveling at the dew on the lawn of my yard, and how it flowed into the lawns of my neighbors, like a lush green wave. Contrasting the cream stucco and chocolate trim of my house.
One rocker chick cussing about how they built those damn things for rocket scientists, and one giggling temptress accomplishing the task with ease later, we were off to the Rand house. I mean really, all those straps and the seat-belt and the bracket-y thing, what the heck was the factory thinking? I had no clue how it all worked, but apparently it's just a single buckle with a button, judging by what miss hottie smartypants just did. Anabella texted our progress to her sister.
I reached over to switch on the radio but visibly hesitated. Bella rolled her eyes and slapped my hand away, then turned the radio on. I saw her other hand drop over the speaker in the door as she started bobbing her head to the beat. “Ow!” I feigned pain. She laughed, “Never hesitate around me, M.” I felt a little sheepish, like I was back in school. I have so much to learn from this girl.
It never occurred to me that I didn't even think twice about the fact that I was about to reveal my happy little secret in a pink dress, to the rest of her family. I'm sure I told you that I can't help but like them.
She guided us to a charming two story country cottage style house that looked exactly as I imagined for this family. The deep hunter green and contrasting white trim were a point and counterpoint capped by the rounded and swooping tan roof. The front door was a rich dark red, prominently punctuating the front of the house on the little covered porch. It looked like something out of a storybook with all the flowerbeds filled with color. Hardy red tulips and smaller white flowers, I didn't know the names of, making a mockery of the colder weather of the coming months.
I parked behind the white minivan in the false pebble driveway, the sealant had a gleam to it that made the embedded pebbles look almost wet. We disembarked to the cussing and laughing process of extricating June from that damned cursed device cradling her in the back seat. I mean, how the heck does the damn button release for Bella and not me? I was just about shut the door, but spotted something on the seat. Diaper bag! Got it! Go me! Hey, shut up!
I marveled at the clean neighborhood, all the yards well maintained, as we walked up the short curved pebble path from the driveway, and up the single step to the dark red side door that matched the front. A cute little half moon roof overhang designed to keep the side entry dry was a nice touch to the dwelling.
Bella pushed open the side door and we walked into a wall of heavenly smells in the kitchen. The most recognizable were that of savory bacon and ham, it made my mouth water. Scrambled eggs and hash browns were heaped into serving dishes, toast stacked neatly and sliced on the diagonal, all on the white marble counter next to the stainless steel stove.
Before I could register what was happening around me, a tiny red bolt streaked in and attached itself to Anabella's leg, “Auntie Ana!” Bella looked down with that thousand watt smile “Hi, ladybug!”
I look around, the kitchen was larger than I would have expected, with a large island dividing the cooking area from the large carved walnut kitchen table that dominated the space. A colorful blue and red playpen sat next to the table. All of the appliances were gleaming stainless steel. The cabinets and pantry were a rich, dark walnut that contrasted well against the counter and the appliances. The satin nickel cabinet knobs were shaped like little bunches of grapes.
Sarina smiled from the stove, taking a pan off the burner, moving over to us quickly with wide eyes as she saw June in my arms. “Hi Mandy! And who is this adorable creature?” she asked with nothing but smiles and sparkling eyes.
Before I could speak, Bella chimed in, “Sar and Zo, let me introduce to you, June Elizabeth Squirt Harris.” Sarina arched an eyebrow toward me, “Can I assume that 'Squirt' is a recent addition to her name?” Then tilting her head toward Anabella in a humorously accusing manner. “Anabella Marie West, how could you not have texted me about this last night?” Bella held her hands in front of her, feigning innocence. “Not my secret to tell sis.”
Wait, West? Then I recalled the kids at the store calling her Miss West, I hadn't caught that before. I thought their last name was Rand. Oh duh, Sarina married a Rand. I couldn't believe that with all our talking last night, Bella's full name never came up.
The elder redhead smiled. “You ladies have impeccable timing. Breakfast is served.” She held her arms out toward June questioning me with her smile. I handed over my precious cargo and Sarina placed her in the playpen with Eve.
We sat at the table wit
h four place settings already laid out. Evil girls with their evil texting. The large white plates reminded me of the ones at Dave's Diner, and the silverware was elegantly plain but substantial. Cloth napkins were at each setting, making me wonder if they were making a special effort because I was here or if this is how they prepared for every meal.
Carafes of grape and orange juice in the center of the table with a porcelain white butter dish and salt an pepper shakers that looked like the ones from the diner as well. The expanse of the table was rapidly being filled by the serving plates full of savory breakfast-y goodness, by the industrious girls. A pot of delightful smelling coffee was the crowning touch.
We all sat in the antique looking, walnut carved chairs, and I was again surprised by a tiny red firecracker jumping up into my lap instead of in her own seat. We all just chatted and laughed on various topics, nothing in particular, just sharing the time together. Sarina, with a look on her face that I couldn't decipher, was repeatedly stealing glances at Anabella when the younger sister wasn't looking.
Now, like I said before, I'm sick of the food I've been subjected to while I've been on the road. This home cooked breakfast literally melted in my mouth, culinary heaven. I would have licked the plate clean if it wouldn't have embarrassed me. The scrambled eggs were so fluffy they were almost not there, the toast and ham simply delectable. Wait, ham?
“Where's Ham?” I blurted, making sure to swallow before speaking. Sarina chimed in, obviously entertained that I'm using Bella's nickname for Dave. “He has to open the shop for breakfast, can't leave the masses hungry and all, you know. We open from 6:00am to 2:00pm daily, except Sunday. It works out really well because we usually have the whole afternoon to ourselves on days I don't work, like today.”
Music of the Soul 1, 2, & 3 Starter Bundle Page 4
