by Amy Clipston
Her vision blurred as she glanced around Leroy’s dark bedroom and shivered. Why had she agreed to marry Leroy? She should have stayed at her parents’ house and asked them to help raise her child.
She groaned. But she couldn’t have raised a child in her parents’ one-bedroom cottage, and she didn’t want to be a burden to her sister and brother-in-law. Marrying Leroy was the best option, the only practical option for Mattie and her unborn child.
But if this was the best option, then why did it feel so wrong?
“I miss you, Isaiah,” Mattie whispered into the suffocating darkness. “Why did you have to leave me?”
A choked sob escaped Mattie’s throat, and soon she was crying into Leroy’s pillow as she yearned for Isaiah to come back to her.
Leroy stared up at the ceiling and blew out a deep sigh. The single open window did little to move the stifling air in the small, second-floor bedroom. On hot nights like this, he found himself wondering what it would be like to have a ceiling fan. If he had the time, he could try to invent a battery-operated ceiling fan, but then he would have to somehow convince the bishop to allow them in homes. Certainly other Amish families would buy into the idea and help persuade the bishop they were necessary and not too worldly.
Rolling to his side, Leroy pushed the silly notion away. He could survive the remainder of the summer sleeping in the spare room if he had to. In fact, he could survive it through the fall too. He hoped Mattie wouldn’t push him away for the entire fall season. Of course he would grant her all the time she needed, but he prayed it wouldn’t last until winter.
He swallowed a groan. He hadn’t expected intimacy so soon, but that’s what Mattie must have feared he wanted when he absentmindedly shrugged off his suspenders before finding his clothes. In fact, he wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea of their being in the same bed now either. Not when she was seven months pregnant. Yes, he had entertained the idea of their merely sleeping in the same bed together, but of course that still would be expecting too much intimacy.
There was a chance this marriage would never evolve to anything more than friendship. At best, they might live like roommates for the rest of their lives, and he would have to get used to the idea of sleeping in this bedroom. He bit back another groan at the idea. Well, if that was the case, then he’d clean up this room and make it livable. He’d given most of the furniture to Joel and Dora when they were married, so he’d have to get a couple of nightstands, a propane lamp, and at least one dresser for his clothes.
Leroy peered across the room at the row of boxes with things he had moved out of the room next door to convert it into a sewing room for Mattie. He had to make time to go through all those boxes and decide what to do with everything, but right now his priority was the harness shop. He would worry about the boxes and new furniture after the baby came.
The baby.
Leroy smiled. He couldn’t wait to be a father, and he would be a much better parent than his father had been. Leroy wouldn’t abandon his child or walk away when his family needed him most. Instead, he would be a pillar of support and love to his family. His child would never doubt Leroy’s love or dedication.
Names rolled through his mind. Had Mattie and Isaiah chosen names before Isaiah died? She hadn’t shared that information when they talked, and Leroy wasn’t comfortable asking.
In fact, Leroy was hesitant to mention Isaiah’s name to Mattie. She’d seemed so fragile today. This was the most emotional he’d seen her since the wake. It was as if she was on the verge of tears off and on all day. Leroy was certain he was supposed to take care of her and her baby, but today he seemed to repel her.
Was the prospect of intimacy the entire problem? Or did she realize too late that marrying him was a mistake? He smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand. He had been kidding himself when he thought she would want to live as his wife.
This is just her first night. Give her some time to adjust to this new life.
The voice echoed the same mantra he’d been mentally repeating all week—Give her time. Give her time. Give her time. He’d continue to pray for patience. He’d give her all the support she needed as they tried to somehow make a life together.
Leroy scrubbed his hands down his sweat-drenched face and again entertained the idea of a battery-operated ceiling fan. Maybe some cold water would help him until he invented that much-needed fan. Yes, that definitely sounded like it might do the trick.
He pushed himself up from the bed and started down the hallway toward the stairs, passing the sewing room and the remaining two bedrooms, one of which stored Mattie’s baby furniture and supplies. The other bedroom held more random boxes that needed to be stowed in the attic.
He shook his head as he started down the stairs. Mamm accumulated a lot in her lifetime, but how have I accumulated so much on my own? He had boxes full of his mother’s unfinished sewing projects, material, favorite puzzles and games, and books. But he also had a multitude of keepsakes from his childhood, everything from rocks he’d collected to paraphernalia for keeping snakes and turtles as pets.
One of his drivers had told him about a television program about hoarders, who apparently were people living in homes overcome by possessions they didn’t even need. Some of the people featured on the program made narrow pathways between all the piles so they could move through the rooms of their houses. Was he becoming the Amish equivalent of a hoarder? Perhaps Mattie could save him before their home consisted of a sea of boxes with only pathways leading them through the rooms.
A grin turned up the corners of Leroy’s lips as his bare feet came into contact with the cool linoleum floor of the family room. He took a step and then stopped short when he heard a quiet noise coming from the downstairs bedroom. Leroy held his breath and listened. Had he imagined the sound?
When he heard it again, he moved to the bedroom door and listened. Why was he spying on his wife? Perhaps she was praying and having a private conversation with God. If so, then he should be ashamed of himself for listening in.
He heard the noise again, but this time it sounded loud and clear. Mattie was crying. No, she wasn’t crying; she was sobbing.
Leroy cringed and a pang of regret crashed through him. He lifted his hand to knock on the door and then stopped, his arm freezing in midair. He couldn’t possibly barge into her room and try to force her to open up to him. If Mattie had wanted to talk to him, then she would’ve asked him to stay instead of agreeing for him to go upstairs to sleep.
Still, guilt crawled up on his shoulders and sank its claws into his back. Perhaps he never should have proposed to her. Yet he hadn’t forced her to marry him. He made the offer to help care for her and the baby, and the only condition he requested was that they would remain friends if she said no. She took her time considering it, and then she had even chosen their wedding date.
He folded his arms over his chest and swallowed a sigh. If only it were that simple. He definitely had to be responsible for her current misery. He had never seen her as cold and distant as she’d been today, both at the wedding and when they arrived home. He’d tried to tell himself everything would be fine, but now he had to admit that anguish and anxiety had been radiating off her as they drove to the house, and it only became worse when they walked inside.
Give her time. Give her time. Give her time.
It was the best advice for him to follow. Leroy had to shove himself away from her door and grant her privacy.
He padded toward the kitchen to get a glass of water. He would be the most patient, understanding, and loving husband he could be. No matter how much Mattie pushed him away, he would continue to shower her with emotional support.
And maybe, just maybe, one morning Mattie would wake up and realize she loved Leroy and wanted to make their marriage real.
CHAPTER 3
MATTIE INHALED THE DELICIOUS AROMAS OF COFFEE AND bacon. Why was she dreaming about breakfast food? And what was that noise? Had her stomach just rumbled or was that
part of her dream?
She rolled over and sighed. Maybe she was just hungry. After all, she hadn’t eaten much yesterday at the wedding since her stomach was a knot of nerves.
The wedding.
Her eyes flew open and scanned the room. Where was she? The bedroom looked familiar, but she couldn’t place it.
Wait a minute.
She was at Leroy’s house. She was Leroy’s wife.
What time is it?
Mattie sat up and gasped when she looked at the clock on the nightstand. Almost eight thirty! It was her job to get up and cook for her husband so he could get to work on time. She wouldn’t blame Leroy if he was furious with her. What a horrible way to start off her new marriage!
She shot out of bed and pulled on her robe before pushing her feet into her slippers. Glancing in the mirror attached to one of the dressers, she saw the hair falling past her waist was a tangled mess of golden waves. She pushed a brush through it and then hurried through the family room toward the kitchen. Her stomach gurgled again as she breathed in the succulent smells of breakfast. Leroy hadn’t been exaggerating when he insisted he could cook.
Mattie stopped before she got to the doorway to the kitchen and sucked in a deep breath. She had to pull herself together and try to behave like an eager, hardworking, dutiful wife. If Leroy was upset with her, she would be strong and not cry. Instead, she would tell him he was right, and she would do better tomorrow.
With her spine erect, Mattie walked into the kitchen. Leroy was standing at the stove with his back to her, flipping eggs in a skillet. He was clad in the trousers and short-sleeved, gray button-down shirt he’d taken from his bedroom the night before. She took in the breadth of his shoulders, his strong, muscular back, and his height. When they were children, she and Leroy had briefly been the same height, but when he turned seventeen, he shot up to nearly six two, towering over her by several inches.
She glanced at the table and found platters with bacon, sausage, and toast in the center. The table had been set for two—complete with dishes, utensils, and mugs.
Guilt drenched her. Why hadn’t she gotten up on time to make breakfast for him?
Because you cried until after one in the morning!
A grating sound drew her attention back to the stove, where Leroy scraped the eggs onto a platter. He turned and met her gaze, and she sucked in another breath, bracing herself for his displeasure. But to her utter shock, he smiled at her.
“Gude mariye, sleepyhead.”
“I am so sorry.” She walked toward him. “I forgot to set the alarm. I promise you it won’t happen again. I’ll set the alarm for six tomorrow, and I’ll make sure your breakfast is waiting—”
He held up his hand to silence her, and she closed her mouth.
“Just calm down, now. Everything is fine.” He frowned, placing the platter on the counter. “I hope I haven’t given you the impression I expect things run on a set schedule. You need your rest, so I’m froh you slept in.” He pointed toward the table. “And I hope you’re hungry. I wasn’t sure what you like to eat for breakfast, so I just whipped up a few things. Do you like hash browns? I can put them on too.”
“I think this is more than enough, but danki.” She reached for the platter of eggs. “Would you like me to put this on the table?”
“Sure. I’ll get the kaffi.”
She set the platter on the table and took a seat. He poured coffee into the two mugs before sitting down across from her.
After a silent prayer, they began serving themselves. An awkward silence filled the kitchen, hanging between them like a dense fog. For the first time in her life, Mattie had no idea what to say to Leroy. They didn’t even have wedding plans to discuss anymore. It was as though they were strangers or merely acquaintances, and marrying him had somehow driven a wedge into their formerly close friendship.
“How did you sleep?” His voice seemed to echo in the otherwise silent house.
“Fine. Danki.” Although her eyes were focused on her plate, she was aware of the weight of his stare.
“Was the bed comfortable? That mattress is ancient. We can replace it. In fact, we can go shopping for a mattress tomorrow if you want to.”
She peeked up at his brown eyes, and they seemed to plead with her to talk to him. His expression was somehow desperate, and it confused her. What was bothering him? Was he upset after all, if not about breakfast, then about sleeping upstairs last night?
“The mattress was fine. Danki.” She buttered her toast. “How did you sleep?”
The corners of his mouth tipped up. “Do you think the bishop would approve battery-operated ceiling fans for our haus?”
She blinked. “What do you mean?”
“Never mind.” He scooped egg into his mouth.
“So it’s hot upstairs,” she said, now surmising what he meant. More guilt weighed heavily on her shoulders.
She had no right to steal the downstairs bedroom. After all, this was his house, and it had been in his father’s family for three generations. It was the house where he and Joel had been born and had grown up, even after their father abandoned the family when Leroy was five and Joel was three. Leroy’s uncles had paid all the bills for his mother, enabling the family to stay in this house.
After Joel married Dora, they built a house on Dora’s father’s farm. Since Dora was an only child, Joel was slated to take over the dairy farm when Dora’s father retired. Leroy stayed behind to care for their mother. And now this was Leroy’s house.
“You can have your room back. I’ll sleep on the sofa.”
“No. You will not sleep on that lumpy old sofa. I’m fine. I was just teasing you.”
“Oh.”
She searched her mind for something else to say. “What do you normally eat for breakfast?”
He lifted his mug. “I’m not fussy, really. Eggs and toast are fine. Sometimes I make pancakes or waffles.”
“Okay.” Mattie made a mental note. “Do you come home for lunch?”
Leroy nodded while chewing.
“What do you eat for lunch?”
He pointed toward the refrigerator. “There’s lunch meat in there. I bought plenty of groceries, so if you feel like you want to make something different, just help yourself.”
Mattie studied him. How did Leroy manage to run a business and a household alone? “So you’ve been doing your own grocery shopping, and you cook. But does Dora or Tillie do the cleaning?”
Leroy laughed, covering his mouth with his hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh. No, I don’t ask Dora or Tillie to help me. I do it all.” He swirled his fork in the air. “That’s why the haus is never perfect.”
She glanced around, not finding any visible dirt. “It looks gut to me.”
“Well, since I’m the only occupant, I’ve always cleaned up after myself. I also do laundry once a week. Believe it or not, men can figure out how to use a wringer washer too.”
“Oh. Do you need me to do laundry today?”
“Not unless you want to. You can do whatever you’d like today. I thought you might want to unpack and get settled.”
“Okay.” She bit into her toast. Leroy had spent the past three years as a bachelor in this big, quiet house and managed all the chores by himself. Did Amish women flirt with him at the grocery store, offering to help him with his shopping? Did they offer him recipes and cooking tips?
“What’s on your mind?” Leaning forward, he raised his eyebrows.
“I was just wondering where you learned to cook.”
He pointed toward a book on the end of the counter near the sink. “That was mei mamm’s favorite cookbook. I always helped her cook when I was a kid, and then I took over when she was too frail to manage meals herself. I guess you could say I’ve learned a lot through trial and error. I can handle most basic recipes, but I don’t attempt anything too complicated.”
“Oh.”
“Did you pack a cookbook?” Leroy buttered a piece of toast.
&
nbsp; “Ya, I did toss a couple of cookbooks into one of my boxes. I’ll have to go through the book boxes and see which ones I brought. I can’t remember what I grabbed.”
Leroy scooped the remnants of his scrambled egg onto his spoon. “I was thinking you might want to make your mother’s raspberry pie.”
“Ya, I can do that if you want me to.”
“I’d love it. The raspberries come back every year whether I want them to or not. Your mamm used to ask for them, and I’d love it if you made a pie.”
“I can make you a pie or two. I have her recipe box in one of the cartons I packed. She gave them to me as a wedding gift.”
“Great. Like I said earlier, you can redecorate the haus any way you want. In fact, I have the baby’s furniture up in one of the bedrooms. Feel free to get that ready. Just promise me you won’t do any heavy lifting. I can help you move furniture tonight or tomorrow.”
“Okay.” She needed to take his focus off her and her list of things to do around his house. “How is the harness shop coming along?”
“It’s going well. We’re almost done painting. Once we finish that, we have to finish building the displays.” Leroy’s grin was wide. “It seems like just yesterday that Hank and I started working as apprentices for his onkel. We’ve wanted to own a shop since we were teenagers. It’s actually going to happen.” He filled her in on all the plans as they finished their breakfast. She tried to pay attention to the details surrounding the grand opening, but her thoughts wandered with memories of Isaiah.
When they were finished eating, Mattie pushed her shoulders back and sat up straight. It was time for her to move past her grief and be a responsible Amish woman. She had to make the best of this situation.
“I’ll do the dishes.” She stood to gather up their plates and utensils. “You can go get ready to go to the shop.”
“Danki.” He gave her another tender expression before disappearing from the kitchen.
Mattie carried all the dishes and platters to the counter and then filled up one side of the sink with hot, frothy water.
