by Amy Clipston
“I’ll be right back.” Leroy kissed the top of her head and hurried to the door, where two paramedics, a tall man and a medium-height woman, stood on the back porch.
“Hi,” Leroy said, opening the screen door. “My wife is in labor. Would you please help us get to the hospital?”
“You bet.” The man turned to the woman. “I’ll get the gurney.”
“Okay.” The woman smiled at Leroy. “Hi. I’m Christine. Where is your wife?”
“She’s in the kitchen.” Leroy led her to Mattie. He stood close by as Christine spoke to Mattie, checking her vitals and asking her how she felt.
“Trevor and I are going to get you to the hospital as soon as we can,” Christine explained, squatting down beside Mattie. “You let me know if you feel any sudden changes or if the pain becomes unbearable.”
“Okay.” Mattie’s voice was barely audible. She looked up at Leroy with wide eyes. “Can my husband stay with me?”
“Absolutely. I’ll make sure he’s with you the whole time.”
“Good.” Mattie held up her hand, and when Leroy took it, she squeezed hard.
Mattie needed him. Leroy’s heart seemed lodged in his throat.
The male paramedic returned with a gurney, and soon Mattie was loaded up in the back of the ambulance. Leroy climbed in beside her, and she held out her hand to him once again.
“Leroy.”
“Ya.” He leaned down.
“Please don’t leave me.”
“I promise I won’t.” He brushed a wisp of her hair back from her face.
Her eyes glistened, and he hoped she wouldn’t cry. It would rip him to shreds if she cried. If only he could do more than just hold her hand.
“Ich liebe dich,” he whispered, relieved to tell her his true feelings at last. “And you are going to be a wunderbaar mamm. Think about all you have to look forward to. Soon you’ll be holding your boppli in your arms.”
“Danki.” A tear trickled down the side of her face.
Leroy wiped the tear away with his fingertip as the ambulance roared to life. Then he sat in a seat beside her and held her hand as the vehicle steered down the driveway toward the road.
“Mrs. Fisher,” a nurse said after Mattie was deposited in a birthing room at the hospital. “Let’s get you changed into a gown so we can do an exam.”
Mattie tightened her grip on Leroy’s hand as he looked up at her. Her eyes were still wide. In fact, they hadn’t gone back to their normal size since he’d helped her walk from the bathroom to the kitchen.
He pushed a golden lock of hair away from her face. “Do you want me to go and call your mamm?” He offered to leave to avoid her having to ask him to give her privacy. “Your parents should be up soon, and I know they’ll want to be here for the birth of their first grandchild.”
Mattie bit her lower lip. “Will you hurry back?”
“Of course I will, mei liewe.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be right back.” He crossed the room toward the door.
“Don’t take too long,” Mattie called after him.
“I promise I won’t.” Leroy rushed to find a phone in the lobby.
Leroy left messages for Mattie’s parents, Hank, and Joel. He made a quick stop in the restroom and then purchased a bottle of water from a vending machine before hurrying toward the birthing room where he’d left Mattie.
When he entered the room and found it empty, his stomach seemed to plummet toward his toes as alarm gripped him. He glanced at the clock on the wall. He’d been gone for only twenty minutes. Where had the hospital staff taken Mattie and why had they moved her in such a short period of time?
He rushed out to the desk in the hallway, where three young women dressed in hospital scrubs were working. One spoke on the phone, another typed on the computer, and the third wrote in a notebook.
“Excuse me,” Leroy said to the young woman dressed in purple scrubs with the notebook.
She looked up at him. “May I help you?”
“My wife, Martha Fisher, was in room five.” He pointed in the direction of the room. “I just left her there twenty minutes ago, and when I returned, she was gone.”
“What is her name again?” The young woman flipped through another notebook.
“Martha Fisher.” He repeated the name through gritted teeth and then took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his frayed nerves.
“She was taken into surgery. You can have a seat over there and someone will update you soon.” The woman gestured toward a waiting area with chairs, a table, and a television.
“Surgery?” Leroy’s body thrummed with renewed worry and anxiety. “Why?”
“I’m not sure, but I will contact the nurses and see if I can get more information.”
“But she wanted me to stay with her.” His voice rose, and the workers nearby turned to look at him. “She wanted me to hold her hand. You don’t understand. I have to stay with her. I promised I would be right back. You have to tell me where she is so I can be with her.”
“I’m sorry. You can’t go into the surgery room.” She pointed to the chairs again. “You can have a seat for now. Would you like something to drink?”
Leroy held up the bottle of water. “I have a drink. Thank you.” He walked past the bank of chairs and stared out the window at the dark clouds and steady raindrops. This has to be bad. They wouldn’t have whisked her away unless she was in danger.
Leaning his head against the cool glass, he closed his eyes. Please, God, please keep Mattie and the boppli safe. Please lay your healing hands on her and the boppli and give the surgeons strength and wisdom. Please, Lord, take gut care of her. I can’t possibly live without her by my side.
“Leroy!” Ruth rushed toward him. “How’s Mattie? How’s the boppli?”
Leroy turned as Mattie’s parents approached. A tiny thread of relief moved through him. He was thankful not to be alone anymore. “I don’t know much of anything. A nurse came out for a few seconds and told me there were complications, but that’s all she said she was able to tell me. All I really know is that Mattie’s in surgery. I haven’t heard how she is.”
For more than an hour, he’d paced and stared out the window, waiting and praying for news about Mattie and the baby. The anxiety was eating away at his insides, and all he could do was pray for her.
“I don’t understand.” Ruth looked at Mose and then back at Leroy. “Did she have to have an emergency caesarian section?”
Leroy clenched his jaw. “I don’t know.” He explained how he’d left to make phone calls and then returned to the birthing room only to find she was gone. “The nurse promised to bring me news when she had it, but she hasn’t returned.”
“We’ll sit with you.” Mose patted Leroy’s shoulder. “Do you need something to eat?”
“No, danki. I can’t eat.”
“Let’s sit down.” Mose pointed to nearby chairs. “I’m certain everything will be just fine.”
“Ya, I agree.” Ruth’s smile seemed forced. “My friend’s dochder had complications with her first child, but everything turned out just fine.”
Complications. What if Mattie or the baby weren’t fine? What would he do then?
Have faith and pray.
“I talked to Lizzie,” Ruth continued. “She and Al are on their way. They should be here shortly. Did you call Tillie and Hank?”
“Ya.” Leroy fiddled with his empty bottle of water, which crackled in protest. “I imagine they will come too.”
“Oh, gut.” Ruth rubbed her hands together. “We can all celebrate the boppli together.” She reached over and squeezed Mose’s hand. “We’re going to be grandparents. Can you believe it?”
“No. I don’t feel that old.”
He and Ruth chuckled at the joke, but Leroy couldn’t find the strength to smile. His mind was tied up in worry as he sent more silent prayers up for Mattie and the baby.
Mattie glanced around the operating room. Her mind was fuzzy, and the pain in her
abdomen and lower back was unbearable. What was happening?
A sea of people dressed in green scrubs rushed around her as monitors beeped and clicked. A young woman with big, green eyes stood at Mattie’s side and whispered words of encouragement to her, but the words were garbled by the chaos around them.
Mattie picked up words now and then, such as “losing too much blood,” “unresponsive,” and “critical.” Someone else hollered, “Nuchal cord!”
She didn’t know what it all meant or what was happening to her. Maybe she had fallen asleep in the ambulance and she was just dreaming.
“Hang in there, Mrs. Fisher.” The young woman beside her squeezed her arm. Her tone was too happy, as if she was forcing her pleasantness.
What was going on?
“Stay with us, Mrs. Fisher,” someone near her feet said. “Be strong for us.”
Mattie tried to nod, but her strength was nearly gone. She wanted to sleep. She needed sleep.
She could try to be strong again another day.
Maybe tomorrow.
Yes, being strong tomorrow sounded like a good plan.
“We’re losing her!” someone yelled.
Mattie’s vision blurred, and the room spun. She closed her eyes, and then everything went black.
CHAPTER 11
LEROY WALKED OVER TO THE RECEPTION DESK WITH GROWING frustration and worry.
“Miss.” He tapped his finger on the desk as the young woman looked up at him. “It’s been two hours, and no one has told me what’s happening. Would you please check on my wife? Her name is Martha Jane Fisher.”
“Mr. Fisher?”
Leroy turned toward Dr. Sheppard’s voice. She stood at the far end of the desk, and his stomach dropped when he saw her hazel eyes were red and puffy, as though she’d been crying.
Oh no. His chest seized with panic. Please, God, let Mattie and the boppli be okay. Please protect them.
“May I speak with you in private?” Dr. Sheppard pointed to a conference room.
“Of course.” Leroy turned toward the reception area to where his family looked on, their brows furrowed and their faces contorted with concern.
Leroy was grateful everyone had come to sit and wait with him. Ruth, Mose, Tillie, Hank, Joel, Dora, Lizanne, and Al were all huddled together in a corner and had kept the conversation going during the past hour. Hank and Joel had worked to keep the mood light by sharing funny stories of their youth, and Leroy had even chuckled a few times.
But now dread pooled in the pit of his gut as he followed Dr. Sheppard into the small conference room.
“Please have a seat.” She pointed to a table and closed the door behind them.
“Is Mattie okay?” His tone was thin and shaky as he sank onto one of the four hard wooden chairs.
She took a deep breath and stepped toward him. “Your wife will be fine.”
“She will be?” Renewed frustration surged through him. “I’ve been waiting for two hours to get some news. When we arrived at the hospital, I left her in a room for twenty minutes, and when I came back, she was gone. No one has told me anything except to say she was rushed into surgery with complications.”
His hands shook. “I need to know what’s going on, and I want to know now. Please, give it to me straight.”
“I’m sorry no one has kept you informed.” She sat down and rested her elbow on the table, then suddenly wilted, resembling a tired woman instead of a confident doctor. “Everything happened so fast, and we were doing all we could to save both Mrs. Fisher and the baby.”
“To save them?” Tears stung his eyes.
“Your wife lost a lot of blood, and we almost lost her. She’s received two units of blood, and she’s going to be fine. She’s just very weak.” The doctor worried her lower lip as if choosing her words with care. “I’m sorry, but the baby didn’t make it.”
“What?” He gasped as tears streamed down his cheeks. “We lost the baby?”
“Yes. I’m so sorry.” She sniffed and wiped away a tear. “A team of doctors and I worked on him, but there was nothing we could do. The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck twice. He suffocated before she even went into labor.”
He wiped at his tears, and she handed him a nearby box of tissues. “How is Mattie?”
Dr. Sheppard paused again, and her eyes misted. “I haven’t told her yet. She’s still under sedation, and I thought you would want to be with her when I share this devastating news.”
He nodded. “Yes, I do want to be there.”
“I know this is a lot to process, so I understand if you need time before we go together to tell her. Take all the time you need, and I will take you to see her when you’re ready.”
Leroy cleared his throat. “I need to tell her parents first. They’ve been just as worried as I’ve been.”
“I understand.” She touched his hand. “I am so sorry. Please know we did all we could. When things like this happen, it reminds us doctors that we’re only human. There’s only so much we can do, but it still hurts us deeply. Losing a patient is a devastating loss to me, but I know it will never compare to how you and Mrs. Fisher feel. You have my deepest condolences and my prayers.”
“Thank you.” He brushed away another tear. “Thank you for saving Mattie.”
She rubbed his arm. “I wish I could’ve done more. Have the nurses find me when you’re ready to see your wife.”
He followed the doctor out to the waiting area, where Ruth and Mose rushed over to him, their brows creased.
“What happened?” Mose asked.
“How’s Mattie?” Ruth wrung her hands. “How’s the boppli?”
“Mattie lost a lot of blood, but she’s going to be okay.” He paused as his body shuddered with raw agony. “But the boppli didn’t make it.” His voice cracked. “The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck, and he suffocated.”
“Ach no!” Ruth’s eyes misted over with tears. “No, no, no!”
Mose encircled Ruth in a hug as she sobbed.
Leroy’s eyes flooded with more tears as everyone else rushed to gather around them, all asking questions at once.
“Let’s give him a chance to talk,” Joel said.
Leroy took a deep breath and told the story again. Lizanne and Dora sobbed in their husbands’ arms, but Tillie approached Leroy as she wiped away her own tears.
“How are you holding up?”
When Leroy shook his head, she pulled him into her arms, and, leaning down, he cried on her shoulder as Tillie rubbed his back.
“I’m so sorry.” Hank’s voice was soft by his ear. “I knew something had happened when you called me, but I didn’t realize . . .”
“It’s all right.” Leroy stood up straight. Tillie handed him a tissue, and he wiped his eyes. He had to force himself to be strong. “Danki, Tillie.”
“You need to go see her.” Tillie’s brown eyes shimmered with tears. “Hank and I will take care of everyone else. You go take care of your fraa.” She squeezed his arm. “She needs you.”
“Danki.” Leroy took a deep breath and walked over to the reception desk. “Dr. Sheppard said I should let you know when I’m ready to see my wife. Would you please tell her I’m ready now?”
“Mrs. Fisher?”
Mattie blinked her eyes open and stared up at a fluorescent light. She scanned the unfamiliar room just enough to realize it was a hospital room. She turned to her side to where Dr. Sheppard stared down at her, her lips pressed into a thin line. Leroy stood behind her, his dark eyes glistening with tears. Had he been crying?
Recognition filtered through her confusion, and she remembered everything that happened up until when she passed out.
“What’s going on?” She attempted to sit up.
“Please, Mrs. Fisher, just relax.” Dr. Sheppard placed her hand on Mattie’s arm.
Leroy came around to the other side of the bed and touched her shoulder. The pain in his eyes sliced through her.
Something was wrong. Dread gripp
ed her and her hands shook.
“Where’s my baby?” Mattie’s voice trembled. When the doctor didn’t respond, she repeated the question, looking at Leroy. “Where is mei boppli?”
Dr. Sheppard’s eyes shimmered with tears. “I’m sorry, but your baby didn’t survive.”
“What?” Mattie asked as confusion settled over her. And then the doctor’s words echoed through her mind, and understanding shoved away her confusion.
Mattie gasped as terror and horror lanced through her chest, squeezing her lungs and stealing her words for a moment. “No, no, no!” she managed to say through a strangled breath. “You don’t mean that. My baby has to be okay! You’ve made a terrible mistake.”
Leroy sniffed and rubbed her arm as tears traced down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Mattie.” His voice was thin and reedy.
Dr. Sheppard rubbed her fingers over her reddened eyes. “He was stillborn. The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck.”
“No,” Mattie whispered as tears flowed from her eyes, dripping from her cheeks to her blue gown. She looked up at Leroy. “It can’t be true.”
He swallowed a sob.
“He suffocated in the womb. We tried to bring him back, but we couldn’t.” She looked away for a moment, then met Mattie’s eyes again. “When we were delivering the baby, your incision tore because he was so big, and the arteries to the right and left of your uterus ruptured too. You lost so much blood so fast that we almost lost you as well. Thankfully, we noticed the tears quickly, and we were able to save you.”
Sobs tore from Mattie’s throat as she drowned in grief. This had to be a nightmare. This couldn’t be real. She’d lost Isaiah and now their son was dead. No, no, no!
Certainly God wouldn’t take both her beloved husband and their innocent son. What had she done to deserve this? How could she live when both her precious Isaiah and Jacob were gone?
Why, God, why?
Tears gushed from Mattie’s eyes like a waterfall as agony shook her body to the core.
