The Ex-Files

by Unknown

  Rupert wanted me to call James immediately and say I had no interest in his scheme. I replied that I'd do it later.

  ‘It's best if you do it now,’ said Rupert.

  ‘No, I'll do it later,’ I said again.

  Rupert's voice grew icicles. ‘We'd greatly prefer it if you closed down things with James now.’

  We'd greatly prefer… Now and again Rupert really gets up my nose, especially the way he thinks every situation in life can be dealt with by referring to one of his rules. Well, I just don't think that's true.

  ‘I'll do it later,’ I said, for the third time.

  For one awful moment I thought Rupert was going to chuck me out of the Ex-Files for insubordination or something, but he just said, quietly, ‘All right, we'll leave it there – for now.’ I knew he was highly annoyed with me, though. Then he growled, ‘Hold your nerve, Danny.’

  ‘Don't you worry about me,’ I growled back.

  He left without another word – and I just feel more mixed up than ever now.

  3.45 p.m.

  Well, I've finally come to a decision about James's proposal. After Rupert left the rain roared down. And I was staring out at it, wondering if there was any truth at all in what James had said about Nicole and her new boyfriend, when the doorbell rang. It was Juliette. Now it's her turn to turn the screws on me, I thought. But she breezed in, shaking the rain off her hair and demanding a cup of coffee.

  She very quickly stretched herself out on the sofa. She was like a very sleek, confident cat. Drop-dead cool. I'd have just loved her as an older sister.

  I said to her, ‘I suppose you think I should forget about what James said to me, too?’

  She looked at me with her small, quick, clever eyes and purred, ‘Not easy to do. But yes, I think you'd be better concentrating on Leah. I hear last night was lots of fun.’ I felt my face burning with embarrassment. In all the drama today I'd forgotten all about that. And Gary hadn't called me with an update either.

  ‘She told me,’ went on Juliette in confiding tones, ‘she hasn't laughed so much for ages, as she did last night. I just knew you two would get on.’

  Very keen to change the subject, I asked, ‘Tell me if I'm being nosy, but are you seeing anyone at the moment?’

  ‘Yes, I am.’ Her eyes crinkled at the corners. ‘Want to know more?’

  ‘I'd love to know more,’ I replied.

  ‘Well, I've been seeing him for about two months… A very nice guy, only I don't think he's someone who's the answer to everything. I'm more realistic these days. But yes, we're having fun.’

  ‘Good for you,’ I said. ‘And what about Rupert? Is he?’

  ‘No, he's not seeing anyone. Says he's just too busy at the moment.’

  So he's using the Ex-Files to distract himself from his lousy love life. That nasty thought just whizzed into my head. I felt disloyal for even thinking it.

  ‘You and Rupert have never gone out together, then?’ I asked.

  ‘We're always being asked that – and no.’ Then she added, ‘But he's the only person I completely trust. By the way, I think he sees a lot of himself in you.’

  ‘In me?’ I exclaimed.

  ‘Definitely. For a start, you're both dreamers.’ She suddenly looked straight at me. ‘He really doesn't want you to make the same mistakes as him.’

  ‘And going along with James's plan – even out of sheer curiosity – would be an earth-shattering mistake, would it?’ I asked, with undisguised sarcasm.

  She said, quietly, ‘Well, let's consider the facts. James hates your guts and played a role in breaking you and Nicole up –’

  ‘A very big role,’ I cut in.

  ‘A new boyfriend turned up last night and the following morning James is round to you, saying this boyfriend is all wrong and he'll arrange for you and Nicole to reunite. I agree with Rupert, that doesn't feel right. I can't put my finger on what James is up to – but it could be he's so riddled with jealousy over the new boyfriend that he's bringing you back to provide some fireworks…’ She paused significantly.

  And that really was the most likely explanation. The least likely was that James was doing me a good turn. Martians will land on Earth before that's true.

  And James claiming Nicole wanted me back was his bait. He knew I'd be in a high fever of excitement after that. Then he could sit back and watch me fall into his trap. And afterwards, when I discovered that James had used me for his own devious purposes… still more pain and humliation for me. The whole experience would, no doubt, go on eating away at me for days afterwards.

  I realized now why Rupert was so insistent about not calling James. He and Juliette wanted to save me from going back to feeling angry and miserable all the time. I was just too emotionally involved to see through James's ruse at first.

  That James must think I'm a right mug, falling for a plan like that,’ I announced to Juliette. ‘I'm going to call him right now.’

  It was quite a brief conversation. I merely informed him I wasn't interested in what he had planned. He sounded surprised, even shocked. He'd expected me to fly back.

  And if it hadn't been for the Ex-Files I'm certain I'd have done just that.

  I'm going to leave any further investigations into James's plot to them. I also realize now there's no chance of Nicole and me ever getting back together. I sort of knew it before. But now I see the hopelessness of it all so clearly.

  It's over forever.

  PART THREE

  Beware the Relapse

  BELLA

  Chapter 13

  WEDNESDAY 19 AUGUST

  It was a total surprise.

  I thought I was just going to the Copper Kettle this evening to update Rupert on how I was doing. But when I arrived at the café there was a CLOSED sign on the door, which gave me a jolt. Then Kathleen opened the door and grinned at me. ‘Thought we needed a bit of privacy tonight,’ she said in a conspiratorial tone.

  It was completely empty except for Rupert and a girl called Zoe, who's the year above me at school. Everyone knows her – she's always being sent out of assembly for laughing – bright-eyed, vivacious and something of a party animal. So it was quite a shock to find her sitting in the Copper Kettle, chatting with Rupert.

  He beckoned me over.

  ‘You know Zoe, don't you?’ said Rupert. Without waiting for me to answer he went on, ‘She's the one who put us on to your case.’

  She said, ‘I heard all about what Andrea was up to with your boyfriend when you were on holiday… What a rat-bag, eh?’

  I nodded and smiled.

  ‘I got so mad about it all, didn't I, Rupert?’

  ‘Kept on and on about it,’ he said. ‘She said if anyone needed the support of the Ex-Files, it was you.’

  I couldn't help blushing.

  Then I said, ‘So you must be one of these investigators Rupert's always telling us about?’

  ‘I am indeed, but I like to fly below the radar so no one realizes I'm picking up all the news.’

  And who would have thought lively, light-hearted Zoe had been leading this double life? It must be quite exciting really, spying for the Ex-Files. ‘Well, thank you very much for recommending me,’ I said to Zoe.

  ‘No, no, it's at times like this you need the Ex-Files… I mean, that's what it's all about.’

  ‘And Zoe's invited here today,’ announced Rupert, ‘because it's a special occasion.’

  ‘Is it?’ I asked. ‘In what way?’

  ‘You'll find out,’ he said with a gleeful smile. ‘And Kathleen's going to join us because she's in the Ex-Files, too… an honorary member.’

  ‘A very ancient one,’ said Kathleen, coming and sitting at Rupert's table. It was quite a squash now and I wondered what exactly was going to happen next.

  ‘Got a few questions for you,’ said Rupert.

  ‘Question one: have you, at any time in the past two weeks, called Luc?’

  ‘No,’ I said at once.

  ‘You get a massive ti
ck for that.’ And he ticked this form he had in front of him. ‘Have you emailed, texted or written him a letter?’

  ‘No, no, no,’ I said. ‘Do I get three ticks for that?’

  ‘Now you're just getting greedy. In the last two weeks have you ever stood outside his house or hung about in the bus shelter (he flashed a quick smile at me after saying that) opposite Andrea's house?’

  ‘I can truly say I haven't.’

  ‘Doing very well,’ he announced, ticking another box. ‘Have you ever tried to meet him accidentally on purpose?’

  I hesitated.

  ‘Ah,’ he cried.

  ‘No, really, I haven't. I did see Andrea yesterday… but that really was totally unplanned. I just bumped into her.’

  ‘Tell us exactly what happened,’ said Rupert quietly and I could sense everyone moving in more tightly around me.

  ‘I was in town, on my way back from my Pilates class and I saw Andrea coming towards me. I thought, I shan't swerve away from her. I've done nothing wrong.’

  ‘Too right,’ murmured Zoe.

  ‘So I said, “Oh hi, Andrea,” very confidently but with a little air of mystery too. She was very embarrassed more than me, really. But she said she liked my new hairstyle and told me to call her sometime. Of course, hell will freeze over first (everyone laughed). And then I went off and felt this little glow of pride because I hadn't tried to find out anything about her and Luc.’

  ‘Excellent,’ said Rupert and there were murmurs of agreement. ‘You have also successfully completed all your assignments, so it is my great pleasure to tell you that you have passed, totally successfully, Phase One of your course. We have a certificate, but also –’ at this point Kathleen jumped up – ‘we do have a cake which Kathleen has made in honour of this momentous occasion.’

  She returned holding a chocolate cake, with one candle right in the middle.

  ‘Now, how did you know I love chocolate?’ I said. ‘Don't tell me, Rupert, you've got someone investigating the favourite foods of all your clients?’

  ‘That's it,’ laughed Rupert. ‘For weeks our investigators have been following you into all these sweet shops…’

  In the middle of the cake-eating, Juliette arrived. She'd been out on an emergency and later she, Zoe and Rupert went into a bit of a huddle. Rupert called over to Kathleen, ‘Show Bella all your paintings and tell her who did them all.’

  Of course, I'd noticed the paintings of the mountains and beautiful countryside in the Copper Kettle before and I'd guessed Kathleen had painted them, even though she hadn't signed any of them, just put her initials right in the furthest corner.

  But I didn't know the pictures were all of Killarney in southern Ireland, where Kathleen had grown up. She spoke with such affection of all the places she had painted, and then said, ‘But I think my favourite painting is of the Blarney Stone… and you'll see where I've put that one.’ She pointed. It was right above where Rupert sits. ‘Now is that appropriate or what… that boy can talk, can't he?’

  I agreed he could. ‘I was one of the very first people he helped, you know,’ said Kathleen.

  Then, without any prompting, she started telling me how her husband of seventeen years had just walked out on her one day. ‘He left me a little note by the bread bin,’ she said. ‘Wasn't that thoughtful of him? He said he'd met someone else now – and he was sorry about that…’

  ‘How awful,’ I said.

  ‘It's what people do to each other,’ she replied, in a dull, toneless voice. ‘But I don't miss him one little bit now. Me and my mum –’ I suddenly remembered an older, very smart looking lady I'd noticed putting out menus as reverently as if they were hymn sheets – ‘are happy and snug here… and, of course, I meet all Rupert's… I was going to say patients but that's not what you are, is it?’

  ‘Sometimes I feel as if I am,’ I said, smiling.

  She threw up her chin and declared, ‘I'll tell you what we all are: a clan. The clan of the broken-hearted; how about that?’

  Then she sped off to get us some complimentary tea and coffee and later everyone drank a toast to me. Yet I felt suddenly apprehensive. Did all this celebrating mean the Ex-Files had finished with me now? I really didn't want that to happen. ‘So am I all cured, then?’ I asked, dolefully.

  For a moment no one spoke; they all just smiled rather sadly at each other. ‘I'm afraid not, Bella,’ said Rupert gently. ‘In fact, one day, just when you're least expecting, it will strike…’

  ‘What will?’ I asked.

  He frowned for a moment. ‘We call it the “big relapse”. And every single person has to go through it. It'll come right out of the blue as well. You might have had a whole week without even thinking about him… then, just when you drop your guard, wham!’

  ‘So what starts it off?’ I asked.

  ‘We do have a detailed fact sheet on this topic,’ he said.

  ‘I thought you might,’ I said, with a teasing smile. ‘Just tell me what starts it off.’

  Rupert considered for a moment. ‘Well, the funniest little things can jog your memory and take you right back to your time with him.’

  ‘Then you'll start going all soft on him again,’ said Juliette.

  ‘That's when you're in very grave danger,’ went on Rupert, cheerfully. ‘But don't worry, we'll see you through it.’

  ‘And how long does the big relapse last?’ I asked.

  Rupert considered. ‘Five or six days is about the average.’

  ‘Oh, mine was much longer,’ murmured Juliette.

  ‘Show off,’ smiled Rupert.

  ‘Well, nice to have something to look forward to,’ I said.

  ‘It's not always that bad,’ cried Zoe.

  ‘Yes, it is,’ said Rupert firmly. ‘But the good news is, once you've come through this stage your ex's power over you just seeps away. So look on it as another stage in your recovery… and we'll be with you every step of the way.’

  THURSDAY 20 AUGUST

  The sun woke me up early, slithering through the curtains. After a few days of winds and heavy rain the sunshine was back with a vengeance. In fact, it was so hot I gasped when I went outside, just as if I'd stepped into a scalding bath. I lay in the back garden listening to the radio, with Tilly snuggled up beside me.

  Then I must have drifted off to sleep because I didn't hear the doorbell – neither did Tilly. I was woken up by Tilly growling softly, and peered up at a tall figure looming over me.

  I gave a start and then heard a familiar voice say, ‘Yeah, it's me again.’

  My eyes seemed stuck together and for a moment I wondered if I was completely awake. I sat up, blinking. There was something dream-like about Rupert suddenly appearing like some sort of heavenly messenger in my garden.

  ‘You didn't answer the door but I heard the radio so I decided to try the back,’ he said. ‘We felt your life would be so incomplete without this.’

  I gazed blearily at the certificate he handed me. It said: CONGRATULATIONS, BELLA, YOU HAVE PASSED PHASE ONE. Then, in tiny letters at the bottom, was written: The Ex-Files.

  He explained, ‘We make it fairly enigmatic, just in case it should fall into the wrong hands… but I thought you might like to keep it somewhere private.’

  ‘Yes, I would, thank you.’

  He bent down to pat Tilly, who was now dancing excitedly all around him. For once he wasn't in his suit. He was wearing black jeans and a very pale, blue shirt, which matched his eyes.

  ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’ I asked.

  ‘No, I can't stop.’ He gave a quick, little embarrassed smile. ‘Just been up to the college to get my A-level results, actually.’

  ‘Oh, how did you get on?’

  ‘Passed them,’ he said shortly.

  ‘Hey, well done, and do you wish to reveal your grades?’

  ‘Three As, actually,’ he said shyly.

  I grinned. ‘Show-off. No, well done, you must be really chuffed.’

  ‘Well, better lat
e than never, I suppose. I'm just on my way back to tell my nan and grandad.’

  I remembered Juliette saying how Rupert lived in a cottage with his grandparents: his mum was dead (and that made another little bond between us, I felt); his dad was still alive but worked mainly abroad and Rupert hardly saw him – though he regularly sent Rupert large cheques, apparently.

  Funny how I prized every piece of information I could find out about Rupert. I'd store it all away and think about it afterwards. Something else Juliette had told me flashed into my head.

  ‘So you'll be able to go to Birmingham University in October, then?’

  ‘Looks like it,’ he agreed.

  And suddenly I blurted out, ‘But what about the Ex-Files?’ Immediately I thought what a selfish question to ask. And anyway, I wasn't especially bothered about the Ex-Files – it was just me I was really thinking about.

  ‘Don't worry,’ he said. ‘When the time comes Juliette is ready to take full responsibility. She believes in the Ex-Files just as much as me.’

  ‘Yes, right,’ I agreed, feeling ashamed I'd even asked that at his moment of triumph.

  After he left I followed him in my mind to his house. I pictured him there with his grandparents clustered round him, anxious to hear how he'd got on. They'd be so excited when they found out his results…

  Then I started imagining another scene: the end of September when Rupert leaves for university. And I suddenly realized just how much I was going to miss him.

  DANNY

  Chapter 14

  FRIDAY 21 AUGUST

  3.00 p.m.

  I blame Nicole for what's just happened.

  If she hadn't rung me seconds before I was due to meet Leah… well, none of this mess would have started. And now events have taken a definite turn for the worse: Gary only wants to finish meeting up with Leah.

  He says things are getting too intense. ‘She keeps asking me about my feelings. He made a face. ‘I'm the wolf of the pack… and I don't want to turn into a care bear. I'll leave that to you.’

  He's supposed to be having a pizza with her this evening. I assumed he was going to break it to her then. But now he wants to cancel the meal and just send her an email saying he'd rather not meet up with her again for a while. He says it's kinder that way.