Princesses of the Ironbound Boxset: Books 1 - 3 (Barbarian Outcast, Barbarian Assassin, Barbarian Alchemist)

by Aaron Crash

  Tori knew she was being silly. Her ahmy and ooby loved her, and they wanted the best for her. As the thane of the Ruby Stonehold, her ahmer was in a tough position. A beardless daughter had people talking. Their family was powerful, and to keep that power, they had to play the political games. Actually, the fact that Tori’s family were descendants of Ordoon Thunderrock allowed her to stay home for as long as she had. And Tori’s grandfather on her mother’s side was almost famous in his own right. He was an advisor to the thane of the Grand Undergem Stonehold—that was the biggest Morbuskorian city of all and the Morbuskor race’s greatest secret. No outsiders knew where it was nor how big and magnificent it was.

  Regardless of their connections and fame, Tori knew her parents had to send her out into the world of the overtoppers. For the bigguns, a beardless dwab was invaluable...yes, invaluable, as a third or fourth wife.

  Watching Ymir and how easily he engaged with both Linnylynn and Jenny made Tori grin a bit. He was so confident, so strong, that it seemed he could handle anything the world threw at him. It was one of the reasons why Tori wasn’t so concerned about them crafting the Akkiric Rings. It was Ymir’s nature to question and to fight.

  The dwab adjusted her attitude a bit, got a smile on her face, and walked over.

  Professor Albatross smiled. She was pretty, with dark skin and lots of curls on her head. And yet, there was a certain erratic gleam in her eye. “Yes, I’ve heard of the Midnight Guild, and yes, they are interested in the occult. From what I’ve heard, though, they want to summon things into the world, dark things they can control. I find such things abhorrent. My interest is merely academic.”

  Jenny shook her head, mouth small. “Well, that’s just a special kind of stupid. This world is crazy enough without more demons in it. And everyone knows you can’t control demons, not for long.”

  The Moons professor tipped her head. “Happy Solstice to you, Tori. We long for the light.”

  “That we do,” Tori said. “But what you guys are talking about is dark.”

  “The practice of demon summoning is dark,” Linnylynn agreed. “Which is why I study the more theoretical aspects of it. For example, if there are demons in hell, and if they are sentient and evil, what does that mean for us in this world? Wouldn’t that mean we should come together as unhellish people? Historically, Therans have united to fight a common threat. Look at the Age of Discord. You are taking Nile Preat’s class this year, aren’t you?”

  Ymir nodded. “Last year I got a sense of the broader themes of Theran history. This year, we’re more focused on the Age of Discord. You were right, the people came together against the vempors, but in the end failed to stop the spread of the Akkridorian empire.”

  “Failed?” The professor squinted. “The vempor was slain. His empire broke apart.”

  Ymir raised his eyebrows. “That took two thousand years and the Withering. That is failure. And in some ways, things were better in the south under the empire versus what came after.”

  Tori noticed the smile on Linny’s face. “I feel the same, Ymir. Yes, there was war during the Age of Discord, but there was also prosperity under the firm leadership of the vempor. Could it be what we think of as hell isn’t hell? Perhaps the demons aren’t evil but have a more utilitarian view of things. Perhaps they have a better sense of order than we do. I’m not sure free will brings happiness to most people. I think most people want to be led.”

  Ymir laughed. “Try to put chains on the Ax Tundra clans. Those people, my people, need freedom.”

  Jenny let out a sigh. “Well, this has been an interesting chat, but this sounds too much like school, and I’ve schooled enough these past weeks. Professor, Ymir, you can talk all you want about this stuff. As for me? I’m gonna go be free. Tori, do you wanna be free with me and dance?”

  Tori was torn. She wanted to dance with Ymir, and yet he was talking with this Linnylynn woman about demons and the Midnight Guild and whatnot. It wasn’t just chitchat, obviously, and Jenny saw it. Ymir was getting information from the woman. Could she be the assassin? She sure sounded crazy.

  Dancing with Jenny alone might be fun, but then Tori saw Gatha, not at the dance, no, but at her table, with a book. “Jenny, I’ll come and dance in a second. But first, I’m going to see if I can’t convince Gatha to join us.”

  The swamp woman rolled her eyes. “Good luck with that.” She kissed Ymir on his cheek and then went strolling into the Throne Auditorium.

  “Happy Solstice, and even us Morbuskor long for the light,” Tori said. With a wave, she left Ymir and the Moons professor.

  The wide little woman walked over and plopped herself down at Gatha’s table.

  The she-orc closed her book. She gave Tori a long look, and for the life of her, the dwab couldn’t figure it out. “What, Gatha? You’re looking at me like I’m iron pyrite.”

  “Why aren’t you doing that dance business in the auditorium?” the she-orc asked.

  “I was heading there. I was wondering if you’d like to come with me. We could dance a bit, get a little sweaty, drink some beer. They have that good festival beer.” Tori smiled and waggled her eyebrows.

  “I don’t go to the festivals,” Gatha said. “But I like getting sweaty. Is your Heat upon you?”

  “No Heat. No Inconvenience.” Tori felt the air turn awkward. Even if she had her lust, her first choice was Ymir, her second Lillee, and her third Jenny. Those people had already seen her naked, and yes, Gatha had too, but she was fourth in line. The she-orc had made it clear she wanted to be first.

  This was why monogamy was so much easier, and why the Inconvenience was so gosh-me-underground inconvenient.

  “You know, you could try some of the Amora Xoca,” Gatha suggested. “That might give you the Inconvenience. Then you and I could be together. That would be a festival for me. That would also get us sweaty.”

  Tori winced. “I know, Gatha. I’ve been a bit worried that I won’t get my Inconvenience again. At the same time, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. Would you still be my friend?”

  The she-orc frowned. “So you won’t try Ymir’s xocalati?”

  “Actually, Jenny’s magic helps with the sexy part. And I’m engineering the Knowing Lore and funding some of the logistics. It’s all of our candy.”

  “Then why not try it?” Gatha asked.

  Tori found herself wanting to talk more about demons and history—that would’ve been easier than discussing this sex stuff. “It’s complicated, Gatha. What if it works? What if I like it too much? What if I flunk out because I can’t stop, you know, all the nose rubbing?”

  Gatha gave her an impish smile. “We wouldn’t let that happen.”

  “We?” Tori asked.

  “We,” the she-orc agreed. “Me, Ymir, those other women.”

  “So you’re with us now?”

  Gatha’s green skin took on a darker hue. “Well, as much as I can be. I’m still...I’m still not ready.” She swallowed and glanced away.

  Tori scooted off her seat and went over. She took Gatha’s hand and pulled her out of her chair. “Come dance. Come and be with us. We can save Ymir from Professor Albatross. We don’t need to talk about this uncomfortable stuff.”

  The she-orc furrowed her brow. That white hair was pretty, even though it was a bit wild. Her red eyes were cast down. It was clear Gatha was conflicted.

  Tori tried to help. “Maybe you read up here instead of the Scrollery because you wanted a little company. Maybe you wanted to get an invite to the dance. Can you dance?”

  Gatha shook her head. She didn’t say anything. There was no growling or snarling, though. That was a good sign.

  “You’re so athletic, you’ll be fine,” Tori said confidently. She pulled the she-orc along, which probably looked a little funny. Gatha towered over the dwab, muscled and fierce, and there was Tori, in her flouncy blue dress and her good boots, pulling the Gruul warrior along.

  Gatha picked up dancing well, and when Ymir joined them, they coul
d do every dance, from duos to trios to the quadrilles, even to the quinnies, though they had to invite a sixth person for the sensios.

  Tori thought maybe it was just fine if she never had her Inconvenience again. At some point, Gatha would find the courage to find comfort and nose rubbing with Ymir and the other princesses.

  And yet, the dwab liked the passion she felt, that slippery feeling of letting her body overcome her good sense. It wasn’t a very Morbuskorian attitude to take, but it was the honest truth.

  For Tori, that night ended in the early morning hours, when she was too tired to keep up with Gatha, sweaty and smiling. Of course the she-orc liked the physical exertion, and Ymir clearly loved that someone could keep up with him and Lillee. Jenny took breaks, but she was also so smiley.

  When Tori left, Gatha did too, and they hugged before going their separate ways. Gatha would return to her little room in the Sunfire housing, and Tori wound up back in her room in the Zoo, listening to Ribrib snore.

  The dwab did a little engineering before she went to bed. They were going to do the next cook on Solstice Eve, when the school, the market, and everything was closed down. Tori would have her machines ready. Everything would be ready for the biggest and most ambitious xocalati project yet.

  That made her happy. Laugh now. Cry never.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  IT WAS THE END OF DECEMBER. The night had come, Solstice Eve, and their cook room was ready. Ymir would be glad when this latest batch of the Amora Xoca was taken care of and they had the xoca powder ready to sell to Ziziva—not that they’d made any kind of deal yet.

  A fog filled the alleys of the Sea Stair Market. The ocean smelled strong. The rain had taken a break for ten minutes, which was a gift.

  Jenny stood outside the door to the Librarium Annex with her arms crossed. She’d been in a foul mood all night.

  Ymir strode down the alley. He’d cast an Obanathy cantrip at the head of the street, so if people didn’t know about the little lane, they wouldn’t be able to find it. He’d cast other spells in the annex to hide them from mystical eyes. The fewer people who knew about their business, the better.

  He met Jenny at the door, and she frowned at him. “Not sure why that fucking she-orc is here. I mean, Gatha’s fine, I’m fine with her, and I trust her, it’s just that...” The swamp woman’s voice fell away.

  Ymir kept his patience. He hadn’t expected Jenny to be so dramatic about the she-orc’s involvement. “What’s the issue?” he asked sharply.

  His tone sparked even more ire from Jenny. “I’ll tell you what the issue is.” Her blue eyes flashed. Her inky curls had been piled high on her head and secured with a collection of black bands. “Gatha ain’t the easiest person to get along with. We didn’t need her. And she thinks she knows everything.”

  “The extra hands can help us,” Ymir insisted. “She does know a lot. And she’s looking for friends.”

  Jenny raised a finger. “No. I’m gonna stop you right there. This is a business. Mixing business and pleasure is never a good idea. So, just no.”

  Ymir put a fist to his forehead. “It’s too late, Jenny. And you liked her all right when we were dancing at the Winter Solstice Festival.”

  “I’ll dance with anyone,” the swamp woman insisted. “And if I’m in a mood, I’m not too concerned about who I kiss. This is different.”

  Ymir didn’t need to win the fight. Gatha was already upstairs. Jennybelle had to vent about it. In the end, the woman was very political—she’d spent her life growing up in a cesspit of intrigue, scheming, and murder.

  To ease things, though, the barbarian would have to appeal to her logic as well as her emotions. “For one, getting to the second floor is easier if we go through the first floor. There are those back steps, but we’d have to go all around that one back alley and that takes us too close to Ziziva’s shop. We don’t want her knowing what we’re doing here.”

  “Not after what you said.” Jenny sighed. “All the fairies at the school working together? And that fucking professor totally thinks you don’t remember what she said.”

  “Still wondering what a butter hole is.” Ymir grinned.

  Jenny wasn’t in the mood. “Fine, so Gatha wanted friends, and we have to deal with her because it makes things easier.”

  “And it means a lot less work for you. Gatha is strong and willing to work. She is smart. She knew about the hyoid bone and the vinegar.”

  Jenny’s face darkened further. “Let’s not talk about the Yellow Scorch Ring. I have to admit, I’m having second thoughts about these Akkiric Rings. After what you said about the Akkir Akkor, maybe they are demons.”

  “Maybe they aren’t,” Ymir said. “You know I don’t like magic. You know I wouldn’t willingly help demons do anything. The Veil Tear Ring was dangerous, but we used it to stop Hayleesia Heenn. We can use it again.”

  “Tori or Lillee can.” Jenny let out a shaky breath. “If anything happens to either of them, it would hurt me. But fine. You’re right. And it’s not like on the Swamp Coast we’re prissy when it comes to black magic.”

  “This is not black magic,” Ymir said firmly. Then he had to smile. “At least we don’t think it’s black magic. I have to admit, getting the neck bone of a dead sorcerer has made me consider a few things. However, all of this fucking magic feels like evil shit to me. It’s just the flavors of the shit that differ.”

  Jenny laughed, her mood lightening a bit. “And there you have it. The barbarian shows his true colors by literally talking shit. Fine. But Gatha not only drives me crazy by being a know-it-all, she can’t stop herself from staring at my tits. And she’s so combative. Will she only like me if I beat her ass?”

  “That worked for me.” Ymir took Jenny in his arms. Holding her felt good, and she smelled good. He loved the feel of her breasts pushed up against him. “If you beat her in a fight, she might join us in bed.”

  “No, she wants Tori. She tries to hide her glances at me. With Tori, though, she is downright lecherous. Why isn’t Gatha joining us in bed? Not that I want her to.”

  Ymir kissed the swamp woman’s soft hair. The tendrils tickled his nose. “She’s been hurt before. Something happened with her and her family. Now she can’t let herself get too connected to us. I don’t understand, and I don’t have to. What will be will be.”

  “The Axman cuts a path for us all,” Jenny murmured. “But the bastard don’t care if we walk it or not.”

  “His job was to hew us a way. The rest is up to us. The Shieldwoman will help us if she can. As for the Wolf? He is there to chase us and to laugh at us and to cause mischief.” Which made Ymir wonder if the Wolf hadn’t directed his entire life. Or maybe the Wolf just decided to take a big piss on Ymir by sending him to face the Lonely Man.

  “The Wolf moon returns our dominist year here,” Jenny said. “We call it the Reveler’s Moon. Our first two years here have been dramatic. I can’t imagine the shit that’ll go down then.”

  That made Ymir laugh a bit uneasily. “Come. We don’t need to keep watch. We’re not doing anything illegal, and my cantrips should hide us. Let’s go see how Tori’s Knowing Lore is doing.”

  Ymir led her through the door. Jenny turned and locked it tight. They both took off their storm cloaks and hung them on hooks with a drying tray underneath.

  Gatha had rebuilt her shelves. With Tori’s help, they had cleaned out the water and mud. In a short time, Gatha had already replaced many of the books. She’d made some copies herself of her favorite titles.

  Jenny stopped and picked up one with a simple paper cover. She read the title, “Young Maidens in Lust and in Love.”

  Opening it, she showed Ymir some illustrations. “Those are Lillee’s drawings. So Gatha has our elf drawing dirty pictures for her? With how much the orc likes her porn, you’d think she’d want to suck your uht every night.”

  Ymir was surprised Lillee had agreed to help Gatha. The elf hadn’t mentioned anything. He wondered why.

&nb
sp; His princesses did like their secrets.

  He took the book out of Jenny’s hand and replaced it on the shelf. “Gatha reads her smut because it can’t hurt her. It’s easier to dream of lust and love than to invite real people into your bed. You know that.”

  “Depends on if you don’t give a fuck about the people.” Jenny laughed like it was a joke, but she was being dead serious. She sobered. “Don’t you bad-mouth smut or masturbation. Sometimes it’s just nice to be able to wander off into your fantasies, by yourself, without worrying about what other people think.”

  That made Ymir chuckle. These women were horny creatures, all right.

  They crossed the room, which was clean and spartan, and up the steps to the second level, which had been transformed into a factory. Near the steps was a ladder that led to the roof. He’d thought to use it to dry the xoca, but the weather wasn’t going to help. Tori said they didn’t need the roof because she had it all under control.

  On the left side of the room was the machinery that harvested the beans from the pods. The machine cut into them and removed the pulp, which contained the beans. That pulp was dumped into the topless fermentation boxes where the beans would turn from purple to red.

  Tori had built a mechanism that automatically raised the boxes to the ceiling and dumped them onto a long, flat stone slab with Sunfire heaters underneath. That’s where the xoca beans were dried before roasting. The entire slab lifted to the back of the room where the beans were slid onto a conveyor belt that sorted out the bad ones and only took the best. Those were roasted in the back using more Sunfire magic.

  Again, more machinery cracked and winnowed the roasted beans and rolled them to the right side of the room and into a bin. From there, Tori had improved on her original design to both grind and press the nibs. Tori had paid workers to increase the size of the fireplace and the stove until they had almost as much cooking space as the kitchen in the feasting hall. They’d cook the xocalati on the new stove by adding vanilla, cream, and beet sprinkles as well as the xoca butter.