Beefcake

by Jenna Jacob

  It was time to put the past where it belonged and climb back into the saddle again.

  Names of women who’d eagerly welcome him into their beds and between their thighs slid past his eyes. He imagined their faces…the shapes of their naked bodies…the sounds of their voices as they screamed in pleasure. Yet not a one aroused him in the slightest.

  With a heavy sigh, he shoved the phone away and allowed memories of Ivy to flood his mind. Instantly, his cock thickened and grew stiff.

  “Figures you’d wake up now…traitor,” he groused, looking down at his crotch.

  Grabbing his hat off the ground, Noble launched to his feet and stormed to his truck.

  When he returned to his house, his dad was sitting in the recliner, thumbing through a hunting magazine. Norman lifted his gaze from the page and shot Noble a quizzical expression. “That sure didn’t take long.”

  “Nope.”

  “Don’t tell me you’re losing your stamina,” he teased.

  “Not hardly.” Noble dragged out his cocky attitude and smirked. “Just tired. It’s been a long week. I’m heading to bed.”

  “You feeling okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m fine.” Liar. “Night, Dad.”

  “Night, son.”

  Noble strolled down the hall, stripped off his clothes, and climbed into bed. It was nearly three in the morning before he finally gave up, gripped his cock, and stroked himself off to visions of Ivy writhing and screaming.

  Two weeks after Doc Knight informed her the rabbit had died, Ivy leaned against the counter in the kitchen. While the scent of butter, cinnamon, and yeasty breads filled her senses, she stared at the screen on her cell phone, struggling to find the courage to call home. She absently caressed her hand over the visible baby bump at her belly. Thankfully, the apron she wore during business hours hid her delicate condition, though that wouldn’t be the case much longer.

  Nibbling her lip, she vacillated on whether or not she could wait another week…or six, before informing her folks they were going to be grandparents. Her damn wonky hormones had her crying at the drop of a hat lately. She didn’t want to fall apart over the phone when she heard their startled gasps and disappointed sighs.

  “Stop being a wuss and just get it over with,” she spat, chiding her procrastinating self. “It’s not like you’ll be able to hide the truth much longer, from them or anyone.”

  Especially Gina.

  Ivy set her phone down and pinched the bridge of her nose.

  Every day Gina continued to come into the shop, dissecting her with a stare that grew more and more penetrating, as if trying to probe deep inside Ivy’s brain to uncover the reason their easy relationship had suddenly turned so brittle. And every day, heart heavy with guilt, Ivy would paint on a placid smile as she danced around the beastly elephant in the room…that only she could see.

  The buzzer on the wall behind her pealed, alerting her that someone was at the front door, and nearly startled her to death. She glanced at the timer before hurrying out of the kitchen and into the main floor of the shop.

  Willy, the brown-clothed delivery driver who had started regularly dropping off her orders, stood outside the front door with two large boxes leaning up against his leg.

  The baby bed and mattress had arrived. A skitter of excitement rippled through her. Ivy wasn’t ready to admit to anyone but herself that she’d fucked up, literally, but she had come to accept her situation…mostly. She’d be damned if she’d be unprepared for the inevitable arrival of the life growing inside her. So she’d started discreetly ordering things for the nursery online.

  She was damn glad now for the hindsight to ask Rick Hastings to divide the spacious loft upstairs into two rooms. Baby Addison would have his or her own space to listen to music, do homework, or hide out and brood when teenage angst came calling.

  “Hi, Willy.” She smiled before signing for the delivery.

  “Hey, Ms. Addison. Sorry to bother you on your day off, but…”

  “No bother. I’m glad they’re finally here.”

  “This one’s pretty heavy,” Willy informed, tapping a finger against the shorter box as he dropped his gaze to her belly. “The other one is light but awkward. I’d be happy to carry them in for you.”

  “That’s kind of you, but they need to go upstairs to the second floor.”

  “Lead the way, ma’am.”

  She flashed him a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

  At the top of the stairs, Ivy entered the room she’d fashioned into a nursery. After laying down a base coat of muted mint-green, she’d adorned he walls with colorful hand-painted dragonflies, ladybugs, and flowers.

  “Oh, wow. This is awesome!” Willy complimented as he eased the boxes to the polished hardwoods. “Your little tike’s going to love this room.”

  “Thank you.” Ivy beamed before a wave of worry crested. “I, um, I know you make a lot of deliveries in town, but I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t mention the nursery here to anyone.”

  “Oh, no, ma’am. I won’t say anything.”

  “Thank you. It’s just…well, I’m…” She caressed her stomach. “I like my privacy.”

  “No need to explain, Ms. Addison. I didn’t see a thing here today.” Willy gave her a grin and a wink.

  “Thank you.”

  Before Willy left, Ivy handed him a sack of the lemon squares she’d baked an hour ago and walked him to the door. As he drove away, Ivy closed her eyes and tilted her head toward the sun, drinking in its warmth, while the early spring breeze skipped over her skin.

  When she opened her eyes and dropped her chin, Gina stepped onto the sidewalk, eyes glued to Ivy’s stomach as a look of shock lined her face. “You’re fucking preg—”

  “Shhh,” Ivy cut her off as she nervously checked the sidewalk. Thankfully, the only people around were well out of earshot. “Come inside…we-we’ll talk there.”

  Guilt and dread thundered through her veins.

  Dammit! Why didn’t I put on an apron this morning?

  She knew why. It was Monday, the bakery was closed, and she hadn’t expected to see anyone…especially Gina.

  “Right. Right.” Gina hurried inside, murmuring expletives under her breath.

  As soon as Ivy shut and locked the door, Gina was in her face. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”

  “I-I haven’t told anyone.” Ivy knew her excuse was as flimsy as parchment paper the second it rolled off her tongue.

  “Well, it certainly explains why you’ve been so goddamn moody lately.”

  “Moody? I haven’t been moody.” She’d simply been hiding behind walls in hopes that no one would learn her secret, especially Gina.

  “Right. And I’m a fucking nun,” Gina said with a laugh. “Honey, you’ve been treating me like a leper for weeks. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out what I did or said that pissed you off.”

  Like razor blades, that revelation sliced Ivy’s shame wide open. Tears filled her eyes and her voice trembled. “Oh, god, Gina. I’m s-sorry. I didn’t mean to make you think that you—”

  “No. No. Don’t start crying. Once you turn on the waterworks, those damn pregnancy hormones make it nearly impossible to stop.”

  Ivy sniffed and brushed at the tears spilling down her cheeks as she gaped at the woman. “H-how do you know?”

  Sorrow, palpable and profound, settled over Gina’s face. “I just do.”

  “You’ve…you’ve been preg—”

  “Guess we’ve both been keeping secrets, huh?” Gina announced with a slight shrug.

  So it would appear. “You want some coffee?”

  “Unless you’ve got something stronger. But then…you can’t drink anymore for a while, can you?” Ivy shook her head. “Sure, I’ll take a cup.”

  While Gina settled in at a table near the kitchen, Ivy prepared a cup of coffee for her friend and hot caffeine-free tea for herself. All the while her mind whirled. What was she going to say? Ivy hated to lie, but
she had to. There were no other options.

  Donning a mask of protection, Ivy sat down across from her friend and inhaled a deep breath. “I’m sorry if I’ve been moody. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. It’s just…I’ve been in a state of shock and—”

  “So who’s the baby daddy?”

  Your boyfriend. Ivy swallowed back the words singeing her tongue and waved her hand absently. “Just a guy… It was a one-night-fling thing. We were both kind of drunk and—”

  “And your libidos took over,” Gina said with a chuckle.

  Ivy nodded.

  “So I take it the guy…he doesn’t know?”

  Ivy shook her head.

  “You plan on telling him?”

  “No. I-I… He’s got a life with someone and he’s happy.” Ivy averted her eyes to the rim of her coffee cup as she stammered. “I-I don’t want to ruin that for him.”

  “Oh, fuck. Do not be a martyr. I know you don’t want to rain on his happy little parade because you’re a sweet girl, but you need to face the facts. You’re going to need help raising this baby…maybe not physically, but financially for sure. And I’m not saying you should let the sperm donor be a part of yours and the baby’s lives, but at the very least, he needs to fork over some child support. Raising a kid is damn expensive.”

  “I don’t need his money. I have money.”

  “Really? You got a hundred thousand or so lying around?”

  Not anymore. Ivy skimmed a glance around the room, mentally calculating the astronomical amount of money she’d spent on equipment and renovations.

  “Because by the time that little bundle of joy graduates high school,” Gina continued, “you’re going to need that and more to get him or her into a decent college.”

  Ivy had saved some money from her settlement, but it wasn’t nearly enough to fund a college education. She hadn’t even thought that far down the road yet. Her sole focus was surviving childbirth. “I’ll figure something out. I’ll be fine.”

  “I have no doubt about that. But you still need to make the dipshit who didn’t glove up pay.”

  Ivy adamantly shook her head. “No. I can’t tell him about the baby.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I can’t. All right? Just drop it.” Ivy slammed her palms onto the table and launched from her chair. Tears streamed down her face before she could try and stop them. “I’m as guilty as he is.” Unfortunately, he won’t own up to that fact because he’s too busy covering his ass and pretending he doesn’t know me. “I wasn’t thinking with anything but my pussy that night. Sure, the sex was mutual, but I’m not going to let my stupidity…or his, ruin his life. So stop badgering me about it!”

  Gina rose and eased in beside her. Without warning, she threw her arms around Ivy and hugged her tight. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to attack you. I’m worried about you and want what’s best for you and the baby.”

  The genuine remorse pouring off the woman, coupled with the soothing hand skimming up and down Ivy’s back, ripped her remorse-ridden soul to shreds.

  She ached to melt against Gina and drown in the compassion she offered…ached to confess her dirty secret and beg for forgiveness. But like acid, guilt sluiced through her veins—an ever-present reminder that she didn’t deserve Gina’s absolution.

  Ivy tried to compartmentalize the myriad of blistering emotions licking through her but failed…miserably. The dam broke. She clung to the woman she’d betrayed and bawled like a damn baby.

  “Shhh, shhh,” Gina cooed. “Don’t cry. Nate and I have your back. We’ll help you through this. Everything is going to be all right. I promise.”

  The mere mention of Nate’s name made Ivy tense like she’d been doused beneath a vat of ice water. She sucked in a ragged breath and pulled from Gina’s arms.

  “That’s kind of you, but I don’t need help…not yours and certainly not Nate’s.” Ivy unintentionally spat his name, then quickly pinched her lips together, inwardly cursing herself for her reckless slip.

  Suspicion flared in Gina’s eyes before she narrowed her gaze like a scalpel. “What is it you’re not telling me?”

  “Nothing,” Ivy lied.

  “Bullshit. There’s something more to this. Tell me.”

  Ivy averted her eyes once more as she shook her head.

  Long, awkward seconds passed before Gina exhaled a heavy sigh. “Look, you’re not the first woman on the planet who’s screwed up. Trust me. I’ve screwed up plenty of times…badly. But when I took the chance and trusted someone with my secrets, I discovered they weren’t nearly as horrible as I’d made them out to be. I’m not one of the town gossips. You can trust me. You really can.”

  Ivy hadn’t grown up having many friends. Her salt circle was small. She’d always been loyal to them, and they to her. But she’d never betrayed any of them the way she had Gina. If Ivy were to spill her secrets, their friendship would be unequivocally annihilated.

  “I do trust you. That’s not the issue.”

  “Then what is the issue, honey?” When Ivy slightly shook her head, Gina’s eyes grew wide. “I know the guy who knocked you up, don’t I? It’s someone here in Haven, isn’t it?”

  Ivy mutely sat there, unable to refute her claim or push a lie past her lips.

  Her deception was like a cancer, spreading inky blackness all through her system, contaminating her soul. Virulent and evil, it sucked the life from the virtues she’d always held dear. Virtues like goodness, truth, and love. Ivy felt empty and hollow. And as the walls began closing in all around her, fresh tears streamed down her face.

  “It’s Reverend Thompson isn’t it?”

  The absurdity of question yanked Ivy from her inner self-flagellation. “Reverend Thompson? Hell no! Are you crazy?”

  “Probably.” Gina giggled. “But you have to admit, he is really hot. It’s no surprise that most of the women under the age of sixty suddenly found God the minute he moved to town. Rumor has it, his Bible study group has quadrupled.”

  “I definitely did not have sex with Reverend Thompson. That’s just…wrong on so many levels.”

  “Why? He’s Presbyterian, not a priest. He can suck and fuck any woman he wants. And there’s plenty of them who’d jump at the chance to enjoy sinning with him.”

  “Well, I’m not one of them.”

  “So, if it’s not the good Reverend, who is it?”

  “Can we please just drop the subject?” Ivy begged. “The damage is done. There’s nothing anyone can do to change that now.”

  Gina opened her mouth to say something when a knock came from the front door. In unison, they both looked up to see Noble/Nate peering through the glass, wearing a crooked smile. Ivy’s heart leapt in her chest as she lurched to her feet, wrapping her arms around her waist in an attempt to hide her stomach.

  “Oh, shit. I forgot to tell Nate I was coming over to see you. He must be—” Gina stopped mid-sentence when she caught sight of Ivy. “Are you all right? You’re pale as a ghost.”

  A whimper of panic seeped from between her lips. Her knees began to tremble and she latched on to the back of a chair for support.

  “Sit,” Gina ordered before sprinting to the front door and ushering Noble/Nate inside.

  “What’s going on?” His buttery voice was teemed with concern.

  “I don’t know.” Gina anxiously rushed back to Ivy’s side. “She was fine a second ago and now…she looks like she’s about to pass the fuck out.”

  Noble/Nate dropped to one knee in front of Ivy and peered up into her eyes.

  Like a massive cyclone, the culmination of the truth she’d been hiding, the guilt eating her alive, and the raw pain from mourning the man before her who’d never kiss, touch, or send her to the stars sucked her up into a vortex of chaos. She let out a long, mournful sob as tears slipped down her face.

  Noble/Nate turned a look of panic up at Gina. “A little help here, my love?”

  “It’s all right, baby,” Gina softly assure
d. “She’s got a bun in the oven…one she won’t be selling to any customers, and whacked-out hormones are getting the best of her right now.”

  That same crooked smile that had set Ivy’s soul on fire back in Vegas kicked up one corner of his mouth. “Well, congratulations, darlin’. Who’s the lucky father?”

  The dogma of his unwavering façade felt like a knife through Ivy’s heart. Anger, caustic and seething, raced through her, decimating every shred of dignity and laying waste to the guilt and shame she harbored.

  Ivy balled up her fist and clenched her jaw as she shot him an incredulous stare. Everything in her periphery faded beneath the red haze clouding her vision.

  “You’re the daddy, you lying sack of shit!” Ivy yelled.

  Noble/Nate’s smile slid from his mouth. His eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped open in complete and utter shock. His act was more than convincing, but Ivy was putting a halt to his stupid charade.

  “Oh, stop playing games and pretending you don’t remember me, goddamn it!” Ivy bolted out of her chair and cradled her stomach. “This…this baby is yours!”

  “Nate? Is that true?” Gina screeched. Ivy blinked through her rage to find her friend’s face wrinkled in confusion and pain. Before Noble/Nate could even utter a word, Gina started shaking her head as she darted a look of bewilderment and pain between Ivy and her Noble/Nate. “No. No. There’s no fucking way he’s your baby’s daddy.”

  The anguish in the woman’s voice crushed Ivy’s heart. She issued a wail of regret and then softly nodded. “I’m so sorry, Gina. God, I’m so fucking sorry, but he is.”

  “The hell I am!” Noble/Nate bellowed indignantly. “Listen, lady, I don’t know what fucking game you’re play—”

  “You’re the one playing games, Nate. I’m sorry Gina had to find out like this, but we both know how this happened.”

  “I don’t know shit, lady,” Noble/Nate barked. “I also don’t know what you hope to gain weaving such destructive lies, but whatever it is, you’re not going to succeed.”

  Ivy let out a watery snort. “I don’t want shit from you except for you to finally acknowledge it was me you spent the night with when we fucked each other’s brains out.”