Still Loving You

by Sheryl Lister

  Lauren reached up and kissed his cheek. “And that’s one of the reasons I like you.”

  He liked her, too. A lot. “Come on, let’s head down near the water.” He waited while she took off her sandals then reached for her hand, lacing their fingers together. Closer to the water, he sat and pulled her down onto his lap. The level of comfort he experienced with her didn’t surprise him. It had always been that way. They also didn’t need to fill every second with conversation and were content to just sit quietly and enjoy the gentle waves and setting sun.

  Malcolm wanted to kiss her badly but held himself in check. Neither of them needed a photo of her across his lap and his mouth planted on hers hitting the front page of some newspaper. Just being out this way was risk enough.

  At length, Lauren asked, “Would you be willing to give me a quote for my book when I’m done? After you’ve read it, of course.”

  “I’d be honored. How long do you think it’ll take for you to write it?”

  “I don’t know. Some days the information flows well, others...not so much. Hopefully, no more than six to nine months.”

  Six to nine months meant she expected them to still be dating. Malcolm hadn’t had a relationship that lasted longer than six months in the past six years. He’d gotten used to his solitary life and didn’t know how to be with one woman for an extended time anymore. The two years with Lauren had been his longest relationship. “Let me know when.”

  “Thanks.” She snuggled closer and shivered.

  “Cold?”

  “A little.”

  “We can go.” They’d seen a good portion of the sunset.

  “I forget how fast the temperatures drop in the evening sometimes. Next time, give me some warning so I can be prepared. I love watching sunsets.”

  Malcolm kissed the top of her head. “I’ll remember that.” He helped her to her feet, stood and brushed the sand off his shorts. They reversed their course, leisurely strolling to the car.

  Once inside the car, Lauren rubbed her hands up and down her arms.

  “Do you want me to turn up the heat?”

  “No. I’ll be fine in a minute. It’s already warm in here. When do you leave for the game?”

  “Friday,” he answered, merging onto the road. She’d given him the perfect opening to ask for distance, but he couldn’t do it. He sighed inwardly. He turned up the music and heard Lauren humming quietly to the latest Jill Scott song. He smiled. “You can go ahead and sing. I know you want to.”

  She returned his smile. “You know I love singing in the car. And the sound system in my new car is so good, I can blast my music and sing at the top of my lungs.”

  Malcolm laughed. Flashbacks of her singing with her hands raised in the air popped in his head. “It’s a good thing you have a decent voice, otherwise...”

  Lauren snapped her head around, and her mouth dropped open. She punched him in the shoulder. “I beg your pardon. I’ll have you know I sang in the church junior choir and my high school chamber choir, which was audition only.” She pointed a finger his way. “My voice is better than decent.”

  He merely smiled. That’s my girl. He’d always loved her confidence and take-no-prisoners attitude. He was certain it played a large role in her landing the dietitian position with the team. While there were a few women filling the role for other teams, her gender and age might have made a less self-assured person think twice about applying.

  When they got to her house, Malcolm hesitated getting out, not ready to end the evening on one hand and contemplating running away forever on the other.

  He walked her to the door.

  “I enjoyed myself tonight, Malcolm,” Lauren said, looping her arms around his neck.

  “So did I.” So much so that he wanted to back her into the house and bury himself deep inside her. But he settled for kissing her with a hunger that astounded him. He had to leave. Now. He’d gotten in too deep, too fast. “The next few weeks are going to be pretty intense and I need to stay focused, so—”

  She cut him a look and slowly removed her arms. “So you need some space.”

  “Yes. No...” He sighed deeply. “That’s not what I’m trying to say. It’s just...” He didn’t know what he was trying to say, but his words and his heart were running toward opposite ends of the field.

  “I get it. No problem,” she said curtly. “You still don’t really trust me, do you?”

  “I never said I didn’t trust you. Don’t put words in my mouth.” How she had seen into that small corner of his heart that still harbored the hurt of the past, he didn’t know.

  Lauren scrutinized him a long moment.

  “I trust you.” As much as he could for the time being.

  “You probably should get going. I don’t want to be responsible for you missing curfew.” She stepped through the door. “Good night, Malcolm.”

  “Lauren...” She folded her arms, hurt and confusion lining her features. He’d already stuck his foot into his mouth once and decided he should leave well enough alone for tonight. “Good night.” She closed the door softly, and Malcolm felt as if she’d closed the door on them.

  He loped back down the walk to his car. His mind said he’d done the right thing—they needed to slow down—but his heart said just the opposite.

  * * *

  Lauren spent Wednesday and Thursday compiling all the body compositions and weights of the players, along with the goals from the coaches, and sending them to the players with her recommended dietary changes. The information would also be sent to management by the end of the day. There were a few players who had gained weight, and she wondered how that would affect their status on the field.

  She didn’t have to wonder long, because Thursday afternoon one of the players burst into her office, angry about his numbers.

  “You just cost me my position!”

  Inside Lauren was shaking like a leaf, but she refused to let him intimidate her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Carlos. I have nothing to do with who does or doesn’t play.” Carlos Jenkins, an offensive lineman, stood six eight, weighed 280 pounds and had dark, piercing eyes and a handsome coffee-with-cream face that was contorted with anger.

  “You’re the one who’s going to tell Coach I’m over my weight limit by eight pounds.”

  “All I do is report the information. I sent it to you with a few recommended changes that would get you back to your goal weight pretty quickly.” Because of all the physical activity, it didn’t take football players long to drop the pounds, whereas most other people would struggle for weeks.

  “I know you haven’t sent the information to the coaches yet, so I need you to change those numbers.”

  Lauren stared at him incredulously. “Excuse me? You’re asking me to lie?”

  “No, I’m asking you to keep my secret, and I’ll keep yours.”

  What secret? The hairs on the back of her neck stood up. His was the voice she’d heard talking to Malcolm outside her office that day. “So, blackmail. I’m sorry, Carlos, but I will not alter any numbers.”

  Carlos braced his hands on her desk and leaned down. He smiled coldly. “You sure about that? I wonder what management would say if they found out their new dietitian is knocking boots with the star running back.”

  Her heart nearly stopped. She and Malcolm had been very careful while at the office. “I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”

  “I saw Malcolm Gray leaving your office last Friday pretty late. And the door was closed...” He let the sentence hang.

  Lauren slowly pushed to her feet. “Two other players were in my office right before that, with the door closed. Are you accusing me of sleeping with them, too?”

  “I know what I saw. Like I said, you do this one thing and no one has to know.”

  She met his glare with one of her own. “Then do what you thin
k you need to do, because I’m not changing those numbers.” They engaged in a stare down, and Lauren didn’t flinch.

  Carlos threw her one more hostile stare, let out an animalistic growl and stormed out, slamming the door.

  Lauren collapsed in her chair and dropped her head in her trembling hands. She couldn’t decide which emotion had the upper hand at the moment—fear or anger. She voted for anger. She jumped up and paced the office. The man must be out of his mind to try to blackmail her. No way would she mess up the best job she’d ever had over some stupid threat. Not like she needed to, anyway. She stopped pacing and sighed heavily. Malcolm wanted space...or something. So she’d give it to him. He still didn’t trust her. He said he’d let go of the past, but clearly he still held on to some things. As much as it pained her, she had to. She just wished she could shut off her feelings in the process.

  Right now, she had to determine what to do about Carlos. Should she go directly to Mr. Green and let him know about the confrontation or let it go? Lauren didn’t want to be that tattletale who always ran to tell the teacher, but she also didn’t want anything to come back on her. She paused with her hand on the doorknob. No, she’d wait to see how things played out. Whatever the coaches decided had no bearing on her job.

  Rounding her desk, she finished the rest of the reports, sent them to the respective coaches and packed up to leave. Since the team would be gone tomorrow, she really didn’t need to be on-site, so she planned to work from home in her pajamas.

  Lauren opened the door, glanced over her shoulder and surveyed her desk and conference table one last time to make sure she had everything. She hit the light switch, turned back and ran into a solid mass. She let out a small squeal and jerked away, almost losing her balance.

  Strong hands banded around her waist to steady her. “You okay?”

  She clutched her chest. “Malcolm, you scared me half to death.” Ignoring how being in his arms made her feel, she asked, “What are you doing here?” She took a deep breath and released it gradually, trying to slow her runaway heartbeat.

  “I wanted to see you.”

  Her gaze darted up and down the hall, and she moved out of his embrace, praying no one had seen them. She already had one person threatening her and didn’t want to give anyone else something to talk about. “Why? I thought you wanted some space.”

  Malcolm reached for her again, and she pushed his hand away. He sighed. “Those were your words, not mine.”

  “But it amounts to the same thing. I have to go. Have a safe flight tomorrow and good luck with the game.” Lauren tried to move around him, but he blocked the doorway.

  “Can I just have five minutes, please?”

  “No. We don’t want to give anyone else something to talk—” She cut herself off and wanted to slap a hand over her big mouth. Great! Just great.

  He frowned. “What the hell does that mean? Did someone say something?”

  She waved him off. “Nothing. I’ll see you later.” She pushed past him and rushed down the hallway. She didn’t stop until she got to her car. Her cell phone rang as soon as she closed the door. Seeing Malcolm’s name on the display, she tossed it on the seat next to her and let it go to voice mail. If she gave him those five minutes, one look in his eyes and he’d have her weak and agreeing to any and everything he had to offer.

  Instead of going straight home, Lauren took a detour and went shopping. A little retail therapy would improve her mood.

  An hour later, Lauren emerged from the Del Amo Fashion Center with a deep-blue bra and matching pair of panties from Victoria’s Secret’s Dream Angels Wicked collection, aromatherapy body wash from Bath & Body Works, two milk-chocolate truffles from Godiva, and a new tube of her favorite MAC Oh Baby lip gloss. The golden-bronze color worked well for casual or dressy. She’d also picked up a Santa Fe salad from BJ’s Restaurant and Brewhouse.

  When she arrived home, she unloaded her haul and curled up on the sofa to eat her dinner. She turned on the television and surfed until she found a rerun of Major Crimes. Of course it had to be the episode focusing on the relationship between Detective Sykes and Lieutenant Cooper, bringing to mind her own relationship woes.

  Maybe she should have listened to Malcolm’s explanation, but she was afraid to put herself all the way out there again. Her growing feelings were stronger than before and, truthfully, they frightened her. She refused to settle for a one-sided relationship similar to the one she’d had in Phoenix, where she gave everything and he gave whenever it happened to be convenient. Putting Malcolm out of her mind, she focused her attention on the show and her food.

  Later, Lauren ran a bath and added some of the foam bath she’d just purchased, deciding on the stress relief fragrance. While the tub filled with the scent of eucalyptus and mint, she checked the messages on her phone. She read a text from Valencia lamenting about an issue at work. “Join the club.” She sent a reply detailing what happened with Carlos. One minute later, her phone rang. “I knew you would call,” she said with a laugh.

  “Girl, did you report his behind?” Valencia asked.

  “No. I sent the report to the coaches, and now the only thing I can do is wait to see what he does. Now, you said you’re still covering for the new dietitian?” She turned off the water.

  Valencia’s heavy sigh came through the line. “This woman was hired less than three months ago, but she’s always got some issue as to why she has to be off. First, it was her back. Next, it was her wrist and now her hip. And she takes off three or four days each time.”

  “I can’t see them keeping her on much longer if she keeps this up.”

  “Me, either. But I wish they’d decide one way or another, because this is wearing on the rest of us. Now back to you. Did you tell Malcolm?”

  Lauren didn’t answer.

  “You didn’t, did you?”

  “I don’t want him interfering in my job, just like he wouldn’t want me to with his.” She could imagine Malcolm’s reaction and didn’t want to cause him any trouble.

  “I get that, but what if this guy outs you two? Malcolm doesn’t deserve to be blindsided.”

  She flopped back on the sofa. “I hadn’t thought of that. But I know Malcolm. He’d march right up to the guy, and all hell would break loose. I’ll think about it, though. Anyway, girl, my bubble bath is getting cold. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Okay. Keep me posted.”

  “I will, and you do the same. Talk to you later.” Lauren disconnected and noticed she had a voice mail from Malcolm. She hesitated briefly, not sure she wanted to hear what he had to say. But curiosity propelled her to dial the number and listen.

  “Lauren, I know you think I don’t want to see you, but that’s not the case. I also know that I’m taking a risk of losing my man card by telling you this, but honestly, this thing between us seems to be moving at a pace that scares the hell out of me. So, yeah, though I feel like I need some space, I want you in my life more. I’m not giving you up. I’ll talk to you when I get back, sweetheart. Oh, and I haven’t forgotten about that comment.”

  Lauren held the phone against her heart. She was fighting a losing battle. And, somehow, she didn’t care.

  Chapter 14

  Malcolm missed a second pass during the walkthrough Friday morning. He cursed under his breath. He’d never been this distracted, and he attributed it to Lauren, but not in the way he’d originally considered. In the past few weeks that he’d been seeing her, never once had he had difficulty putting thoughts of her aside while on the field. Now, with things unsettled, he couldn’t stop thinking about her and, as a result, had dropped two easy passes he should have been able to catch with his eyes closed.

  Marcus passed him. “You okay, Malcolm?”

  “Yeah, fine,” he gritted out. Frustrated and angry with himself, he took a deep breath, recentered and went out for the next play. Thankfully, hi
s focus held for the next hour and he didn’t embarrass himself further.

  Afterward, the team showered, went through the TSA check set up at the practice facility—something that teams had started to make the flight process quicker—and then rode the bus to the airport for their trip to Houston. He lay back against the seat and stared out the window as the rest of the team and staff boarded. They used the same chartered plane from a national airline chain and the same flight crew every time. The layout offered each player the equivalent of one and a half seats, with first class reserved for the bigger linemen. Malcolm turned on his cell and was disappointed to find that Lauren hadn’t responded to his message. He was honest enough to admit that he did have some lingering trust issues, but he felt they could overcome them with time. Had she decided not to give them a chance? If she had, he planned to do everything in his power to change her mind. His finger hovered over the call button for a few seconds, wanting to hear her voice and clear the air, before he decided against it. He’d told her what he wanted her to know for now. The rest could wait until he saw her.

  “Thinking about your situation?”

  He rotated his head in Omar’s direction. “Is it that obvious?”

  Sitting across the aisle, Omar stretched out one long leg. “About as obvious as it was when you missed those two passes earlier.”

  Malcolm chuckled wryly. “Sounds like your game in the season opener two years ago.” At the time, Omar and Morgan had been going through a rough patch in their relationship, and Omar’s concentration had taken a nosedive.

  “That was the worst week of my life. My suggestion is you get whatever it is straightened out before the regular season starts.”

  He appreciated Omar not using Lauren’s name. Anyone who might be listening wouldn’t know what the conversation entailed. “Yeah, I know.” It also brought to mind the question of how long he and Lauren would have to hide, and he decided that would be another topic for them to discuss.