Bethia

by Keira Montclair

  “But somehow everything changed in Edinburgh. I fear I have misjudged you. I feel I must sift through everything I know about you and find the true Donnan.”

  “I would like that,” he replied. “Bethia, there are some truths I have yet to share with you, but this is not the place for such a discussion. I’d appreciate if you’d trust my judgment on this.”

  “Would it make me an innocent to trust you? That’s the part that confuses me most. I fear I may be overly naïve and trusting.” She paused for a moment. “Am I?”

  “Nay, you are more intelligent than most, and wiser than many. Have faith in yourself. I promise to tell you all, but I’m not verra good with words. I need time to work through these things through on my own. I’m sorry, lass,” he said, hanging his head, “I know that is not a verra good answer for you.”

  “But I sense ‘tis an honest one. I also know you are still suffering from your injury. I would prefer that you have a clear mind when we have this conversation. As long as you promise to tell me everything in the near future, I accept it.”

  He nodded, but could he truly tell her everything?

  If he did, he feared she’d hate him.

  ***

  Bearchun sat in the middle of the hut with his eyes closed. It was the only way he could be sure he wouldn’t make the mistake of looking at his blood. He could not allow himself to faint in front of his new partner and the guards he’d hired for his last jaunt in the land of the Scots, so he kept his eyes squeezed shut and gritted his teeth, cursing on occasion as the old woman ran the needle through his skin and pulled it through.

  “I agree with you,” his partner said. “We must wait until we can sneak in without their knowledge. But I say all we need is the lass, the big one.”

  The words were said with delightful disdain. “Nay, I’ve told you ‘tis not enough. I want the wee lassies too. I’ll make that Jennet pay for what she cost me.”

  “Petty revenge is not going to help you. I say we get the lass, keep her until they pay us enough coin, and then leave her somewhere. They’ll find her.”

  “You two are fools,” one of the guards offered. “You could get prime coin for the lass if you sell her. There are plenty who’ll buy a lass that young, especially an untouched one. You can double your coin—collect from Ramsay and from the dealer near the firth.”

  “If I do that, I’ll not get to see the expression on Logan Ramsay’s face. I want revenge—as petty as I can get it,” Bearchun shouted.

  “Calm yourself. Or did you forget they’re here looking for you?” his new partner whispered. “If you cannot control yourself, you’ll cost us everything. You agreed to wait until we have the upper hand.”

  Bearchun growled when the needle pierced his skin again. “Fine. We wait. But not too long. I want this finished as soon as they return.”

  In his mind, he thought of tying a wee lass to a tree and setting a mass of spiders free to crawl all over her body. He laughed. “I’ll wait.”

  “I want wee Jennet.”

  ***

  They arrived back on Ramsay land early in the morning, before most people were awake. Donnan came to the stables to retrieve his dogs, then headed directly toward his cottage without another word.

  Bethia dismounted with the help of her brother. She headed into the keep, eager to sleep and, if only for a while, forget the last two days. As soon as her head hit the pillow, she fell asleep.

  Exhaustion only carried her so far. Four or five hours later, she awakened, her mind still in a turmoil over Donnan. She sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes. She needed to speak with three people, she decided: her mother; her father; and her sister, Lily.

  Her parents needed to know what had transpired. She knew her uncle—he’d give her some time to explain all to her parents, but if she didn’t, he would do it for her.

  She had nothing to hide. Under no circumstances was she ashamed of her behavior. She would explain almost everything and see what their thoughts were on Donnan.

  And Lily? Her sister had a way of explaining things better than anyone else. Lily wouldn’t lie to her or offer her empty words. Some considered Lily simple; her description of her dear sister would be that Lily was simply brilliant.

  Her first action upon climbing out of bed was to request a tub bath, something she knew would help her organize her thoughts. When all was ready, she settled down into the warm water and considered how best to approach her parents.

  It wouldn’t be with the heart of the matter—that she’d fallen in love with Donnan. Or was he Panmure? It was one of the many things she still didn’t know about him.

  When she considered her options carefully, she dried herself off and dressed, inhaling the scent of clean clothing with a sigh. How did men travel so much? It was downright odiferous. Giggling at her word choice, she wondered if it were real. If not, it should be.

  When she entered the hall, she was surprised to see her mother and father were both still settled by the hearth. Her mother bolted out of her seat to greet her. “You are hale, daughter?”

  “Aye, Mama.” She gave her mother a kiss on the cheek and moved over to greet her sire the same way. “We got in so early, I did not wish to awaken you. I was desperately tired.”

  Her father didn’t mince any words. “Brenna, please assist me into the solar. We need to talk, Bethia.”

  Bethia rolled her eyes. “Who approached you already? I had every intention of coming to you straight away. I was just overtired.”

  Her mother patted her shoulder. “We know that, dearest. Uncle Logan just told your sire he needed to speak with you. He said naught more than that.”

  “I wish he would have waited. I did not wish to upset you.”

  Her father said, “He could not hold his peace. My brother and I have always been together. I’m used to his ways by now. If he was worried, he would have told me more. Should he have said more?”

  “Nay, Papa. Come inside.” Bethia’s mama helped him out of his chair, and Bethia fell in beside him in case he needed someone to lean on. Her mother walked with them on the other side. “Your pain is back?”

  “Nay, just a bad night. I’ve applied Jennie’s poultice. It takes a wee bit of time for it to act.”

  Her mother looked past him to say, “Happens whenever he’s worried about one of our children. He was worried about you.”

  “Papa, I’m a woman fully grown.” She held the door of the solar open for him, and he stepped inside.

  “I know that, but your mother and I have been overly protective of you, and I oft worried that ‘twould cause you trouble someday. Lily and Torrian had traveled half the lands by the time they were your age, and Gregor has done the same by ten and six, but we always kept you at home. Has it caused you trouble?” He paused, leaning on his cane while he awaited her response. How she loved her sire. He always made difficult discussions so much easier than she feared they’d be.

  How unlike Uncle Logan.

  She patted his hand. “Nay, Papa. I wished to stay at home, but this was a verra different journey for me. Please sit down and I’ll tell you all.”

  Once they settled, two expectant gazes settled on her from across her sire’s desk and her sire reached over to hold her mama’s hand, something he oft did. “Donnan had a terrible injury, and I will say your teachings served me well, Mama. I was able to stitch his wound, though I did have to repair the stitches.”

  “You stitched him twice? What happened? Did he fall and tear the first set?”

  Her mother’s expression told her Uncle Logan had indeed kept her secrets. “Mama, mayhap ‘twould be easier if I just explain that I have developed feelings for Donnan. When I was alone with him to check his bandage, I kissed him and Uncle Logan caught us sitting verra close together behind a closed door. I’m sure ‘tis what Uncle Logan wanted me to talk about with you. He was upset.”

  Her mother, who had been leaning so far forward that Bethia had feared she would topple over, leaned back and whispered, “

Oh my.”

  Her father sat quietly as he oft did, giving careful consideration to his words before he spoke. “Allow me to fill in what happened next,” he finally said. “Logan lost his temper before speaking to anyone, causing a scene that caused you to be thrown out of the inn.”

  Bethia couldn’t help but smile. “Not quite, Papa. We were not thrown out, but ‘twas quite a scene, and ‘tis why Donnan’s stitches needed to be repaired. Uncle Logan bellowed and swung his fists, Donnan fought back, and Torrian tried to stop it. Cailean and Sorcha were also involved. I ran outside crying. When I managed to control my tears, I came back inside to repair my stitchery, but not before I made all three men listen to my opinion, something they’d neglected to do before deciding Donnan and I were to marry immediately.”

  She waited for their reaction, and she was totally taken aback. The two looked at each other and burst out laughing.

  Once they were capable of speaking, her mother said, “Good for you, daughter. You are twenty years old. You are quite capable of making your own decisions. ‘Tis how we raised you, and both your grandmothers would be proud of you.”

  Her papa added, “Forget about Uncle Logan. He will come around. He’s having a verra difficult time seeing all our wee lassies grow up and marry—Lily, Molly, Sorcha, and even Kyla. I suspect he thought you’d never be interested in a man, although I told him many times the day would come. He expected you’d stay the innocent forever. I told him ‘twas time to move on to Lise and Liliana. In fact, when Jennet and Brigid marry, I suspect we’ll need to tie him up again.”

  Her mother said, “What your papa is trying to tell you is that Uncle Logan only acted so boorishly because he adores you.”

  “I know. I recall him bellowing something about my innocence and sweetness being destroyed.” She rolled her eyes, pleased her parents were reacting as they were.

  It struck her that neither of them seemed surprised she was interested in Donnan. Her mother sat back and said, “Now, why don’t you tell us about you and Donnan.”

  She couldn’t contain her sigh, something her mother didn’t miss, quirking her brow at her. “I’m verra confused. I have strong feelings for Donnan, but before we left for Edinburgh, he said he’d never marry again, that his first marriage ‘twas too painful. Yet he does not push me away, instead pulling me closer whenever we’re near.” She held her hand up to her sire. “Papa, he’s verra respectful, much more so than the younger lads.”

  “Henson?”

  “Aye, Henson.” She left it at that, not wishing to remind herself of the awful kiss he’d forced on her. “I like that Donnan is more mature, but I still have my doubts. I fear he’s holding back.” She explained the strange incident at the end of their journey, how someone had approached Donnan and called him the Earl of Panmure’s heir.

  As soon as she finished explaining everything, her mother came over and pulled her to her feet, wrapping her in a warm embrace. “If you’d like my advice…”

  “Aye, I would. I feel I know naught about men and relationships.”

  “You need to have a private discussion with Donnan, and you need to ask him to be honest with you,” she said.

  Her father added, “And if he’s not, I will be. Bethia, Donnan is a good man, but he has not told you all you need to know. Still, this isn’t a conversation you should have in front of Logan either. If you’d like, I’ll escort you out to his cottage and give you the chance to speak to him alone. He’ll not be inappropriate with me just outside your door.”

  “I would like that, Papa.”

  “Then we’ll go after the midday meal.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Before Bethia spoke with Donnan, she needed to see her sister. She waited in the hall for Lily to enter with the twins, something she did everyday so they could share the midday meal with Kyle. She sighed with relief when Lily and Sorcha came in, each holding one of the twins. Och, how she adored the little ones.

  “Come to Auntie Bethia,” she held her arms out as they approached. Liliana reached for her with a giggle, so Bethia grabbed her and kissed her cheek. Sorcha unrolled the large blanket on the floor they kept in a basket near the hearth so the lassies could crawl around without getting stuck in the rushes.

  “Bethia, I heard you had a most wonderful journey to Edinburgh,” Lily said with a smirk. “I’m so glad you went along.”

  Bethia sat on a stool at the edge of the blanket, tossing a few toys out for the bairns to play with. She was so glad her mother and sister didn’t believe in slinging bairns in plaids hanging on the wall for part of the day as some mothers did. It wasn’t the Ramsay or Grant way.

  Sorcha giggled. “I’ll not forget it soon. Cailean loved having my sire’s attention on someone else for a change.”

  “Tell me all about it,” Lily said.

  “Nay. Later,” Bethia said. “People will be arriving soon and I must ask you an important question. Both of you. I’d like to hear your answers.”

  Lily stood up and pulled Bethia to her feet. “I’ve not heard you like this before. Go ahead. If ‘tis important to you, then ‘tis for me. You know how I love you, sister.”

  Bethia nodded, trying to keep from tearing up. Clearing her throat, she glanced at Sorcha, who gave her a nod of encouragement, then looked back to Lily. “I don’t have much experience with men, and I do not wish to make an important decision out of naiveté.”

  “I’m listening,” Lily said, holding her hands.

  “How did you know? When did you know Kyle was the one for you? I’ve thought and thought, and I have no idea how I’m to know for sure.”

  Lily smiled. “You could not have asked me an easier question. There are two ways you can tell. The first is how you feel when he kisses you. If he makes you forget your name, then he’s the one for you. Did Henson and his frog breath make you feel that way?”

  Bethia laughed. “Nay. He made me wish to escape.”

  Lily’s tone softened. “Did Donnan’s kiss make you forget where you were?”

  Her mind returned to how she’d felt in that chamber just before her uncle had banged open the door. “Aye.” She’d forgotten everything. “And the second way?”

  “If you feel different—nay, better—whenever he’s near. Butterflies in your belly, losing yourself in the middle of a sentence, forgetting everything else but what’s happening in the here and now.”

  The door opened and Kyle stepped inside, his gaze scanning the great hall before it settled on Lily. A broad smile stretched across his face, and Lily spun around and ran to him, shouting over her shoulder, “Sorcha, watch the twins.”

  Bethia looked at Sorcha and asked, “Did she do that intentionally? She forgot everything as soon as Kyle walked in.”

  Sorcha shook her head slowly. “She was just being honest. ‘Tis exactly how it feels. ‘Tis as if you are the only two people present. Do you feel that way about Donnan?”

  She thought for a moment, considering it. Their relationship had been so unusual, and most of their interactions had involved her working as a healer—first on Wynda, then on Donnan. “I’m not sure.”

  Lily hurried back over to their spot in front of the hearth—flushed, smiling, and deliriously happy because Kyle was behind her. “You see? It still happens to me.”

  Kyle bent over, scooped Lise up, and tossed her into the air until she erupted in a squeal of giggles.

  A group of lasses came inside, all of them giggling and whispering. Sorcha asked, “What do you suppose they’re whispering about?”

  Pieces of their conversations reached their ears.

  “…like me…”

  “I want him.”

  “What happened?”

  “…be mine…”

  “…so handsome…”

  “Who are they talking about?” Lily whispered.

  “I’m not sure,” Sorcha said. “I didn’t hear any names, just that they sure do like him.”

  Lily squeezed Bethia’s hand and said, “Trust me. When it happens, you’ll know.”

  She picked up Liliana and held her out to Bethia, who reached for her—then froze when the door opened again.

  Donnan stood there. Her hands immediately dropped to her side.

  If it were even possible, he was more handsome than he’d been in Edinburgh. It was painfully obvious that those lasses had been talking about him. His gaze searched the area, but the lasses practically charged at him, asking him a multitude of questions. Rather than pay them any mind, he continued to search the hall, not stopping until his gaze caught hers. He headed directly toward her, and Bethia’s belly did that flopping thing again while her body overheated, causing her hands to sweat.

  Lily interrupted her thoughts by kissing her cheek and whispering in her ear, “I think you know exactly what I mean. My guess is he’s the one. I’m happy for you.”

  Bethia jerked toward Lily, feeling as if she’d just been jarred awake from a very pleasant dream. “Oh, forgive me. You wished me to take Liliana. I can take her.”

  “Nay,” her sister replied with a smile. “You have more important things to tend to at the moment. The lasses are right—he looks quite different with his hair trimmed and cleanly shaven.”

  When she shifted her gaze back to Donnan, he had nearly reached her. The lasses were staring at them with sour looks on their faces, but she ignored them as he came to a halt in front of her and said, “Good day to you, Bethia. Is your sire available?”

  Bethia lost all ability to speak. He even smelled fresh, like the pine trees and the wind blowing through the trees. Her sister saved her.

  “Greetings, Donnan. I heard you were injured. Are you feeling better?”

  “Aye. Thanks to your sister’s skills, I am much better.” Liliana sat on her mother’s hip. Her expression had turned quite serious as she stared at this new stranger, her wee brow furrowing and her bottom lip protruding.

  Donnan peered at Liliana. “Your daughter is a beauty, Lily.”

  “Thank you.” Lily’s gaze didn’t miss much, checking him over so thoroughly it was almost embarrassing.

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