Candid (True Images Series)

by Michelle Pennington

  “No big deal,” he assured me, but I noticed that he kept checking to see if the marks had gone away.

  I somehow survived while the freshman, sophomore, and junior princesses were announced, but by the time he got around to announcing the senior princess, Lee had to remind me to breathe. I must have been turning blue.

  Evan announced, “And our Senior maid is, Jordan Rubio.”

  “Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Katie’s going to win!” I whispered to Lee, trying not scream. The crowd was cheering and clapping, but Jordan looked like she’d swallowed a hedgehog backwards.

  Lee was grinning, but I wasn’t sure if it was because he was as excited as I was or because he was getting a kick out of how spastic I was being.

  Jordan took her place in the line of girls at half court, and Evan leaned towards the microphone again. “And now, Our Haskin’s High, Football Homecoming Queen is… by a landslide vote… Katie Edwards.”

  If I was the first to my feet, the rest of the crowd wasn’t far behind me. The whole gym went crazy cheering for Katie. I threw my arms around Lee and somehow still managed to jump up and down. “Yes! Yes! I can’t believe it! I’m so excited!”

  Lee picked me up and swung me around a little as he celebrated with me. He was laughing though, and before he put me down he said, “I hope you know I expect the exact same reaction when I ask you to prom.”

  I giggled. I just couldn’t help it. Happiness was bubbling through me. “You bet. Awww, look at her. She’s so happy!”

  Katie was beaming, not only because she won, but because of the reaction she was getting from the crowd. Her eyes met and we grinned at each other. We were both on top of the world.

  I almost didn’t notice when Evan began to announce the guys that would escort each of the girls in the homecoming court. Tyson had been selected to escort the queen, which wasn’t surprising considering his new popularity and position as the team captain, but to my surprise and alarm, Caleb had been elected as Jordan’s escort. As soon as it was announced, a hiss went round the bleachers, closely followed by a series of boos.

  Apparently, there were a lot of people mad about their make-out session at the theater. Caleb’s face turned the same color as his burgundy jersey – a dangerous combination of embarrassment and anger. I watched amazed as Jordan looked about to cry and I was ripped with a sickening sense of guilt that surprised me. I didn’t know why, after everything, I should feel sorry for her, but I did.

  The principal, Mr. Duncan, grabbed the microphone and told the whole student body to sit down and keep quiet. He glanced around, his brows lowered and his expression threatening until the gym was silent again.

  “I don’t want to hear that again. If you are all ready to conduct yourselves as ladies and gentlemen, we will proceed with the pep-rally.”

  After a moment, he handed the microphone back to Evan and prompted him to announce the rest of the escorts.

  As for me, well, I was a mess. I was shaking and fighting a lump in my throat. I felt like I was going to hurl any second. For the first time, I realized the enormity what I’d done by posting that picture – how many lives I’d affected. I’d let my anger control my decision instead of using good judgment. And now, like a rock thrown in a pond, the ripples were spreading and couldn’t be called back. All my joy in getting Katie elected was diminished by regret and fear.

  “Lee,” I whispered. Even my breath trembled. “Why did I post that picture? I’m such an idiot.”

  “Because you got caught up in bringing Jordan down, and not just building Katie up. But you know what? Whatever mistakes you’ve made, remember this: they’re the ones that were sneaking around, cheating on people. That was their decision.”

  He was right but it didn’t make me feel any better. “They won’t see it that way.”

  Later that day, Lee was walking me to trig and with all the craziness that day, I hadn’t remembered to bring my book. We went to my locker, as quickly as we could because Lee was determined to go with me everywhere, even if it made him late. I opened my locker, grabbed my book, and was about to shut it when I saw a folded piece of paper I hadn’t put there. I opened it and read the words, written in all caps, “CAMERAS BREAK EASY, AND SO WILL YOU.”

  My heart froze and I hurried to throw it back in my locker before Lee saw it. He was already freaked out enough. Lee caught the door, however, and grabbed the note. As he read it, I watched him closely. His expression didn’t change much, but his eyes somehow hardened and the muscles in his jaw jumped as he clenched his teeth. He put the note in his pocket and said, “We’ve gotta go.”

  I didn’t argue, because I was amazed he had taken it so quietly. It wasn’t until I was sitting in class, struggling to pay attention, that I realized that he had gone a different direction than usual when he’d dropped me off. I spent the rest of the hour worrying about where he’d gone.

  *****

  The weather seemed more complimentary to my mood than to the Homecoming Festivities. It had been cold all week, but, as Lee and I walked down to the field for the pregame crowing ceremony, I knew that the cold would be the least of my problems. The sky had darkened earlier than usual because a blanket of heavy rainclouds had rolled out over us. So far, the rain had held off. Only a few raindrops had fallen to make polka dots on the formal dresses of the Homecoming Court.

  Mr. Greeley and I had spent the last hour helping to organize the Homecoming Court’s photo session with the professional photographer that the school contracted for events like this and school picture days. I was glad they would also stay to photograph the crowning ceremony so that I could stand back and watch. I doubted Jordan and Caleb would be able to smile convincingly if I was behind the camera anyway.

  Now that everyone had moved into position, the ceremony began. Each princess and her escort were announced by name, along with a little information about them, as they moved into place across the field. Then, finally, the queen was announced.

  I watched Katie come down the field, walking regally in her white gown. A sweet smile curved her lips, and her hand clasped Tyson’s arm tightly. I could tell she was nervous, but only because Lee and I were so close.

  As part of the ceremony, Tyson placed a burgundy and gold robe around her shoulders and set a sparkling tiara on her head. Then, the moment I’d been waiting for, he kissed her on her cheek and stepped back to allow everyone to admire her and cheer.

  It was great, and I said to Lee, “Now, maybe they’ll figure out they like each other. You know, I kind of think it was all worth it just so Tyson would find out what kind of person Jordan is.”

  “You know, you’re more of a romantic than I originally pegged you for.”

  “I’m surprising myself. Come on. It looks like they’re going to hurry up and get the game going because of the weather.”

  Soon I was set up and ready to go. Lee had brought his dad’s golf umbrella to hold over me if it started raining, but I hoped it would hold off long enough for me to get some good pictures.

  Honestly though, I was starting to get a little bored with this whole football photography thing. This team was so good, that the highlights of every game started feeling kind of redundant. They were undefeated and because this was Homecoming, they’d scheduled one of the worst teams in the conference to play. Hopefully I could capture a few brilliant passes, a few awesome runs, and a touchdown or two by the end of the first quarter.

  Unfortunately, I hadn’t factored in the rain. When it decided to come down, it didn’t mess around. The term deluge would have applied nicely. Because there wasn’t any lightening, the game went on, and therefore, so did I. Huddled up under the umbrella with Lee, I tried to ignore how soaking wet my feet were and how cold my fingers had become. I really should have brought some gloves.

  In the heavy rain, my flash did little more than illuminate the rain. My camera was set to a slow speed to catch as much light as possible and this made it look like the game was taking place behind a dark curtain. The rain drop
s looked like long silver ribbons falling from the sky.

  I had better success when the play moved to our side of the field however. Then I was able to get some awesome pictures – like one of the water streaming through Tyson’s facemask as he looked for his receivers. I also got an incredible shot as a tackle was made only a few yards away that sent an explosion of water droplets in all directions at the impact. That one made Lee a little nervous, but they never really got close to me.

  It was tricky keeping the camera under cover and still getting the shots I needed, especially since Lee was trying to simultaneously keep the umbrella over my head as I followed the play down field and keep me out of trouble.

  Before long, there was a lot of standing water on the sidelines. The field was raised to help drain the water, and it was all draining to where we were standing. After a while I stopped feeling the cold water seeping through my shoes and didn’t pay as much attention to where the worst puddles were. I was about to take a picture, when I realized that the play was heading towards me and I needed to move, but when I did, my feet slipped on the wet grass beneath me. I would have fallen if Lee hadn’t grabbed me around the waist and held tight until I got my feet under me again.

  The players were having as much trouble keeping on their feet as I was. I’d never seen so many turnovers or so many running backs crashing down without a defensive player anywhere near them. At half-time, we had just managed to score a touchdown.

  “Hey, Sienna, let’s find somewhere to take cover for a while. Maybe the rain will let up.”

  “Fine with me. I want to get my camera out of here anyway.”

  We got off the field, but everywhere that had a roof hanging over it was already crowded with people. Finally Lee said, “Let’s go sit in my truck. I think you need to get warm anyway.”

  By this time, I was shivering so bad that I didn’t even bother to answer. Without the adrenalin that came with shooting the game, I began to feel how cold I really was. Walking all the way to Lee’s truck was miserable, but I forced myself on, thinking of how nice it would feel to get out of the rain. Lee opened his passenger door for me and held the umbrella over me until he shut it again.

  By the time he had gotten in too and turned on the car, I was shivering from head to toe. Lee held his hands up to the air vents as they blew cold air, impatient for it to heat up.

  I was pretty wet everywhere, but the rain had been blown at an angle by the wind, so my jeans were soaking. My nose was starting to run, so I alternately sniffed and clenched my teeth to keep them from chattering.

  “I’m taking you home,” Lee said at last.

  For once I didn’t argue. The whole football game might as well have been played on Mars for all I cared about it at that point.

  About halfway to my house, his heater finally warmed up, so I held my poor hands against the vents, hoping they’d defrost before they broke off. I was starting to feel marginally better so I said, “I could put some dry clothes on and we could go back.”

  Lee glanced my way. “That’s taking dedication a little too far. I’m sure you have plenty of pictures. You should go in and take a hot shower. I’m going to go home and take one too. I’m as cold and sopping wet as you are. ”

  “I know, but I wish you could stay and watch a movie with me or something.”

  “Like your mom would let me.”

  “That’s why I said I wish you could.”

  When we pulled up in the driveway, my mom’s car was gone. “Where is she?” Lee asked.

  “You know, Mr. Greeley said something about curling up with her in front of his fire tonight. I bet she won’t even be home for another hour or so.”

  As I spoke, I looked at him. The same thought was going through both our minds. She’d never know if he stayed for a while. Lee shook his head slightly though and asked, “Do you have a key?”

  “She keeps one under one of her plants.” I started to get out of the car and realized that my camera bag was in Marisol’s car. “I hope Marisol will bring my bag over tomorrow so I can put my camera away.”

  “I’m sure she will. Hold on a second and I’ll bring the umbrella around.” He held it over me till I was safe under the roof of the porch. He waited as I got the key and opened the door. I was surprised when he followed me inside, since he’d refused my unspoken invitation.

  He turned on the lights for me and helped me take off my coat. He walked through the house, his shoes making squelching noises from the water in them, and turned on lights and made sure everything was safe for me. It didn’t take long since my house was so small.

  “Well, everything looks fine. I didn’t want to leave you here alone until I’d checked it all out.”

  “Thanks. It’s always a little creepy when I’m here by myself.”

  He nodded and said. “Why don’t you go get some dry clothes on and get warm? I’ll call you in the morning.”

  As I watched him leave, I was surprised by the ache blooming in my chest. “Lee, wait.”

  He was half way out the door, but he turned back. I didn’t know what I wanted to say, though, except to ask him to stay. But I couldn’t say that.

  Besides, there was so much I wanted beyond tonight. I wanted to talk to him, be with him, and watch for the laugh lines at the corners of his eyes. I wanted to study with him at my kitchen table with the radio on and the rest of the world far away. I wanted to feel his eyes on my face, like a caress, and see the smile he kept just for me. This was no longer a dizzy crush. He felt like part of me and it was killing me to feel the month ahead stretching out to infinity.

  “I’ll miss you,” I said at last, in a near whisper.

  He watched me for a moment, his eyes sweeping back and forth over my face like he was trying to memorize it. “I’ll miss you, too, but we’ll still see each other at school. We’ll make it. I promise. Now go take care of yourself. Your lips look a little blue.”

  “You could warm them up for me.”

  “Don’t try to tempt me, Sienna. It’s bad enough when you don’t know you’re doing it. Goodnight.”

  When he was gone, I felt happiness and an aching frustration swirling together into an emotion I had no name for. As I stood under a steaming hot shower letting the ice melt out of my bones, I replayed our conversation over again in my mind, dwelling on every nuance of it. I never even thought of the dance I was going to miss or the fact that my near future had a cloud of doom hanging over it.

  An hour or so later, my mom came home while I was still curled up on the couch with a towel wrapped around my wet hair. The hot water of my shower, dry clothes, and a fleece blanket had infused me with a pleasant, but heavy contentment. Moving out of my warm nest would take superhuman effort, and I didn’t even want to try - especially since I could feel a cold hovering on the edges of my future. Maybe if I held really still, it wouldn’t find me.

  “Well, you look comfortable. Have you been there a long time?”

  “Mmmm-hmmm.” I couldn’t find the energy to talk.

  “I’m glad you came home. I was worried about you out in that weather and you weren’t answering your phone.”

  Distantly, I wondered where my phone was. Thinking was too much effort though, so I stopped trying to figure it out.

  “Are you feeling ok?”

  “I’m not sure,” I managed to say.

  She left me alone then, and I heard her moving around the house for a little while. Then I felt her pulling gently on my shoulders, encouraging me to sit up. “Come on, honey. Sit up and I’ll comb your hair for you.”

  I had pretty much decided to go to sleep the way I was – where I was, but she was insistent. She sat behind me on the couch, both of us sideways, and put a pillow behind my lower back. Then she unwound the towel I’d wrapped around my hair and dropped it on the floor. Having the weight gone from my head was nice, and I wished I had taken it off sooner.

  My mom took her time combing my hair. She eased the tangles out with her fingers, ran the comb through
section by section, then continued to smooth it long after the job was done.

  I felt her love for me in every gentle touch and I was transported back to the simple days of childhood. She’d always enjoyed combing my hair when I was a little girl, but I couldn’t remember the last time she had.

  “I’m sorry I had to ground you, Sienna.”

  I didn’t answer because I didn’t know what to say. I still disagreed with her about it, but I wasn’t surprised that she was sticking to her guns. She’d always been afraid of spoiling me since she was a single mom and I was her only child. We were so close in age and so on our own that it would have been easy to do. I never doubted that she loved me. It was just too bad that she’d had so many hard knocks in life. She seemed determined to spare me from all of them.

  “Mom, did you love my dad? You know, at first?”

  She didn’t answer right away. “I thought I did. Who knows, our feelings might have developed into love if we’d made different decisions. I think he was too selfish for love though. That’s how you know you really love someone – when you think more about the other person than you do of yourself. I didn’t learn that until I had you.”

  I thought about this for a while. She’d certainly never been selfish. I couldn’t imagine what she must have gone through to give me the life I had. She’d only been a few months older than me when she’d had the responsibility of another life to worry about. Then I realized something else – a thought that shook me with a deep sympathy.

  “You’ve never had a real relationship with anyone, have you? I mean, with a man.”

  “No, I never have. I’m not sure why. I dated some when you were little, when I could find a babysitter I trusted – and a man I trusted. Nothing ever came of it though. I just decided that you were enough.”

  “But I’m not anymore.” I was speaking out loud, feeling out the truth of what I’d just said. My mom must have mistaken my reaction to the idea.

  “Oh, Sienna, darling, I promise that no one will ever be more important to me than you.”