Loyalty and War

by Devon Vesper

  “Thank you,” Valis said. “Truly.”

  “You are most welcome. Now, eat and relax. You deserve it.”

  Valis didn’t know if he could eat, but he had to try. His stomach had been poor lately from worrying over Tavros, and now that his husband was unconscious and unresponsive, Valis was terrified.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Nothing prepared Valis for the agony of waiting. Two days, and not a sign of the scouts or his friends, and Valis was beside himself. He paced the camp like an automaton, and most everyone gave him a wide berth. He didn’t blame them, either. While he wasn’t mean, Valis knew he was being short with his people. He gave concise answers, didn’t engage in small talk, and if he got to the point where people were trying to engage with him too often, he would retreat to his tent… like he had just done.

  Valis settled next to Tavros and felt along his feverish forehead. Had his fever gone up, or were Valis’s hands too cold to tell? Either way, Tavros’s flesh burned Valis’s hand to the point where it felt like he’d stuck his hand in the cooking fire.

  But no matter what Valis or anyone else did, they couldn’t get Tavros warm enough to sweat out the fever, and Valis worried what that heat was doing to his husband’s brain. Especially after overhearing two of the women talk about how high fevers could cook the human brain like an egg. He really hadn’t needed to hear that.

  Now it was all he could think about, and the more he thought about it, the worse his stomach got. But all he could do to alleviate it was keep bringing in shirts full of snow to lay across Tavros’s brow and the back of his neck.

  “Are you in there fretting again?” Shyvus asked. He used that tone that Valis had become accustomed to. It was the “you will talk to me whether you like it or not” tone. Valis stifled a groan and cleared his throat. “Come on in, Shy.”

  Shyvus parted the tent flaps and entered, sitting in a corner of the tent so he wouldn’t crowd Valis. “You’re doing everything you can. You know that, right?”

  Valis groaned again. “It doesn’t feel like it’s enough!”

  Shyvus shifted forward and reached for Valis’s hand. He gave it a strong, reassuring squeeze. “I know, son. I know. Trust me. Everyone in this camp knows because they dread the same thing happening to the other half of their hearts. They all know that what happened to Tavros could have happened to any one of them. But the more you worry, the less you see how much you are actually doing. You don’t want to run yourself ragged before we’re able to get him safe and warm.”

  Valis scrubbed a hand over his face and readjusted his shirt-mask. “I understand. But knowing and doing something about it are wholly different creatures.”

  “But you must master those creatures,” Shyvus teased. “And you must calm down. Go out and visit with your friends. Eat something. Do more than pace and sit in here worrying. It isn’t healthy, Valis. Not for you, and definitely not for Tavros.”

  When Valis went to argue, Shyvus squeezed his hand again. “I’m not saying you abandon him. I’m saying that you have dozens of friends out there, and any one of them would be honored to sit with Tavros while you have some time away. I’m saying that you check on him periodically, instead of staying inside a sick tent or pace or starve yourself.” He tugged on Valis’s hand and leaned in closer. “I’m saying you stay healthy so you can help nurse him back to health once we make it to Venoz City.”

  “They should have been back by now,” Valis whispered. “Where are they?”

  “Aw, lad.” Shyvus sighed. “They’re more than likely traveling slower, so they don’t end up like Tavros. Not as slow as we were traveling as an army those last few days, but not at a full gallop, either.”

  “I know, but…” Valis sighed and rubbed at his eyes. His stomach took that moment to growl, letting him know it didn’t appreciate not eating enough the last two days.

  “Go,” Shyvus said. “I’ll stay here with Tavros. Relax, enjoy your friends, and actually eat a full meal.”

  Valis’s stomach roared again. With a sigh, he squeezed Shyvus’s hand back and quietly thanked him before leaving the tent and heading toward the fire. When he got there, Phalin held out a bowl of stew, pointed at the spot next to him, and said, “If you don’t eat this entire bowl, I’m going to tie you to one of the horses and force feed you. Am I understood?”

  Valis took the bowl and plopped his ass down onto the log. “Understood, sir.”

  “I take it Shyvus was successful?”

  Valis shrugged. “He’s staying with Tavros. Told me to relax and mingle. I just…”

  “We all know, hon,” Aremalie said. She clutched at her wife’s hand. “If it had been Erisa, I’d have gone insane. You’re strong, Valis. But no matter how strong you are, you still need to take care of yourself if you’re going to keep up the strength to care for your husband.”

  “Yeah.” Valis grimaced and ate a few bites of bland stew before continuing. “I’m also worried about the scouting team. They should have been back by now.”

  “Give them time,” Phalin said. “It isn’t a race. They need to be careful. Not only because of the snow, but because of what may be hiding beneath it. There could be holes anywhere, and they can’t risk their horses or themselves.”

  “I know,” Valis muttered. “Doesn’t stop me from worrying.”

  Phalin chuckled. “You always did have a worrier’s mind. But please, at least eat. And you haven’t been keeping up with your strength training, either. Perhaps do that instead of pacing. Keep your mind occupied on other things than your husband and the scouting team before you drive yourself crazy.”

  “And before he drives everyone else crazy, too,” Maphias added. “Really, Valis. You’re worrying us because you won’t stop worrying about things out of your control.”

  Valis stared into the fire and sighed. “I’m sorry, everyone. I didn’t realize…”

  Jedai squeezed his shoulder. “We know. I know we’re saying that a lot, but we do. We let you wallow in it for a few days, thinking you’d snap yourself out of it, but you just kept getting worse. It’s time for a change, man. A mentor of mine once said ‘Positive mindset for a positive outcome.’ It changed my way of thinking. You have to keep positive thoughts going if you’re going to achieve a positive outcome. Just like you’ve been doing about Darolen. You’ve never once thought of any other outcome than his rescue. It’s time to do that about Tavros’s sickness. Okay?”

  When did the smartass, loudmouth, rude boy become the sincere smart one? Smiling to himself, Valis nodded. “Okay.”

  While the others chatted, Valis focused on finishing his stew. Once he cleaned his bowl, someone took it from him and returned it full again. He laughed at Jedai and tucked into the second bowl without argument. Truthfully, he couldn’t argue, because he was still hungry. But the moment he finished his stew, the urge to go check on Tavros became almost overwhelming to the point that Valis started bouncing his knee to stay in place.

  “Go check on him,” Phalin said. “We’re not telling you not to check on him. We’re telling you to also do other things than sit in a sick tent.”

  Valis all-but bolted off the log and jogged to his tent. He entered with a belch and tied the flaps closed. “How is he?”

  “You didn’t stay gone very long,” Shyvus teased. “There’s been no change. I’ve added more snow to his compresses.”

  No change was better than a change for the worse. Sighing, Valis leaned in and kissed Tavros’s cheek and sat back. “I ate two bowls of stew. Talked with a few of the guys.”

  “That’s good,” Shyvus said. “Now, go back out there and keep talking. You’ve checked on Tavros. There’s little more you can do.”

  Just then, Tavros started convulsing. Valis’s heart went through the floor. He dropped his hands to his lover’s chest. Oh, gods. What’s happening?

  He is having a seizure, Roba said. It’s most likely from the fever.

  What can I do?

  Just keep him from hurting hi
mself until it passes. There’s not much you can do. Perhaps heal his head to see if that helps.

  Valis placed a hand on Tavros’s head and focused his magic into his hand, and into his lover’s head.

  “Good idea,” Shyvus said. “I’ll hold him down. You focus on healing his head.”

  Valis wasn’t about to argue. He let Shyvus take over that task and kept his focus on the healing. Closing his eyes, he prayed, Sovras, let this work.

  Within a few moments, Tavros’s seizure calmed and he coughed so hard that Valis feared he broke something.

  It is just because of the seizure, Roba said. Wipe his mouth.

  Valis obeyed, wiping away spittle and blood from his husband’s mouth and nose. He’d stopped healing a moment after Tavros had calmed, but he still had his hand on his husband’s head as if afraid to move it.

  Then again, maybe he was.

  Stop it, my son, Roba said. Fretting is not productive. You’ve spent time with your friends. Get in your bedroll and cuddle your husband. Catch up on some sleep with a short nap. Ask Shyvus to set a watch in your tent to wake you if something happens during the day. I am sure he would not mind.

  Valis relayed the request and Shyvus gave him a somewhat paternal smile. “Sleep, lad. I’ll wake you for lunch or if anything changes with Tavros.”

  “Thank you, Shy.”

  Valis stripped down as fast as he could and slipped under the covers tossing his clothes and cloak overtop them both for extra warmth. He cuddled up against Tavros’s back, pulling his husband against him, and was almost instantly asleep.

  The next thing he knew, someone shook him awake. “Come on, lad. Lunchtime.”

  Valis groaned and glanced up at Shyvus. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and kissed the back of Tavros’s neck before getting up and putting his clothes back on. Shyvus headed out of the tent and Valis followed him soon after. As he went, Phalin headed for his tent and gave him a tap on the shoulder. “I’ll come get you if anything changes.”

  Letting out a relieved breath, Valis nodded and headed for the fire. Maphias scooted over and made room for him on the log, patting the now-empty space beside him. “Come on over. Grab yourself some lunch, and tell me how Tav is.”

  Valis headed for the bowls that sat near the fire to keep them warm and dished up some stew. It wasn’t the best feeling in the world to have the same fare for all three meals of the day, but Valis couldn’t complain. It was a miracle they still had rations to go around this deep into their journey.

  Once he had his bowl full, he sat next to Maphias and tucked into his stew. After a few bites, he cleared his throat. “Tav’s doing the same. Unresponsive. Coughing all the time. I still can’t get him warm enough to sweat out the fever.” He shuddered. “And he had a seizure from the fever. I had to heal his head to get him to stop convulsing.”

  Maphias went quiet a moment and let out a slow breath. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, Valis.”

  “Yeah. Me, too.”

  “You holding up okay?”

  Valis had to take a moment to take stock of how he was truly feeling. After a mental assessment, he groaned. “I’d be better if the scouting team was back. I’m worried about the girls.”

  “They’re tougher than we are,” Maphias said with a laugh. “Truly. Have you ever seen Seza whip your ass? Because, let me tell you, every time that girl knocks you flat, it’s a beautiful thing, since I can’t even come close.”

  Valis ducked his head. “She hasn’t knocked me flat in months.”

  “Because you stopped sparring with her.”

  “Not true,” Valis muttered. “We spar often. I just stopped falling for her nasty tricks.”

  “You keep telling yourself that,” Maphias teased. “She just started going easy on you since you’re the new Grand Master Aesriphos. I still can’t believe that, by the way.”

  “Me, too. But I had to do it. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be out here, on my way to get Father.”

  Maphias nodded and turned to stare into the fire. “You really think he’ll still be alive when we get there?”

  Valis sucked in a deep breath. “Yeah. Yeah, I do. Because Sovras wouldn’t send me there if there was no hope for him.”

  “He could send you there to take out the Qos nest,” Maphias offered. “That would still be a worthy cause.”

  “But I think Sovras knows I would be useless from grief if I had to go just to recover Father’s body.” Valis groaned. “I don’t even like thinking about that. He and Kerac were my first flesh-and-blood friends. Sovras was my first friend, but only in my dreams. It was Papa and Father who tamed me from a scared boy into who I was when we arrived at the monastery. I owe everything to them.”

  “I think they would see it differently.”

  Valis huffed a laugh. “You’re right. But I can’t help the way I think. Owe them my life or not, I’d do anything to reunite my fathers. Anything.”

  The wind howled so hard that it hurt Valis’s ears. He covered them, but it didn’t stop the pain. Shit. Dad… am I getting what Tavros has?

  It is possible, my son. Roba sighed into Valis’s mind. Using shirts as masks against infections isn’t necessarily effective. It is just better than using nothing at all. But to be honest, it could just be the wind causing an earache. Do not borrow trouble, Valis. But keep a close watch on it, in case it is what you fear.

  “You okay, Valis?”

  Valis turned and the worry in Maphias’s eyes broke his heart. “I’m fine. My ears hurt, but Dad says it could just be from the wind. They aren’t clogging, so I’m not going to worry about it just yet.”

  “If you’re sure.”

  “I am,” Valis said. “I’ll get it checked out when we get to Venoz City, just in case.”

  With that admission, Maphias relaxed and nodded. “Okay, then.”

  “RIDERS! Riders incoming!” Brogan shouted.

  Valis shot to his feet at the call and scanned the white horizon. At first, he saw nothing but barren trees, snow, and low-hanging, heavy clouds. But then he caught the golden glow of magic above tents as one of the riders shot up a mage flare. He watched it pierce the clouds above, his heart in his throat.

  “They’re ours!” Brogan called, punching the air in a rare show of excitement. “The scouting team returns!”

  Valis waited impatiently for them to cross the distance. He went to stand next to Brogan. Maphias followed him, staying close to Valis’s side. “Well, they were only a few hours late according to your estimation,” he teased.

  “I’m just glad they’re back.” Valis kept his eyes on the horses as they galloped the last few hundred yards. Once they made it into the shield, Valis let out a breath and went to greet Rasera with a fond rub along his neck and face.

  “His friends arrive from a long journey, and the bastard greets his horse first,” Seza muttered. “I see how you are, you shit.”

  “Well,” Valis said, “Rasera’s never thrown me on my back before. So he gets preferential treatment.”

  He sobered and headed for Seza, pulling her into a tight hug the moment she dismounted. “What news do you have for me?”

  Seza took a deep breath. “Well, Venoz city is about a day’s ride at a full gallop, but I don’t recommend riding that way with Tavros unconscious if he’s not woken up yet.”

  “He hasn’t,” Valis admitted. “He’s gotten worse.”

  “Then it might take us two.” Seza talked as she unburdened her horse of her packs and saddlebags. “It isn’t far, and there should be a clear trail from the city for us to follow if the weather keeps up like this.”

  Valis nodded and motioned for her to head into camp. “We’ll head off in the morning. You four rest for the remainder of the day.”

  “I’ll take care of the horses,” Maphias said. “You go on, Valis. I can see you getting tense again.”

  Heading back to the fire, Valis fought not to start pacing. It wasn’t until one of the twin scouts touched his elbow that he realized
he failed.

  “We found the apothecary. She has what Tavros needs. But she says she wants to do a full examination of him and his symptoms before she gives him anything. I agree with her.”

  Valis nodded. “Thank you.”

  “She is mixing several batches of medicines based on what Seza said his symptoms are,” the scout continued. “So, she will be prepared for our arrival. I also let the inn know to expect a large influx of guests and let them know our numbers. They didn’t have enough room, so we booked rooms in several inns. They are also preparing for our arrival. We will ensure you are in the inn closest to the apothecary.”

  Valis’s shoulders sagged and he gripped the man’s elbow. “I appreciate it. All of it. Thank you.”

  The twin bowed. “Anything, Grand Master. We were glad to help.”

  Once the scout left, Valis dithered only a moment before heading to his tent. There was little else to do until morning other than wait for dinner and sleep. Instead of pacing, he checked in on his husband. If anything happened to Tavros, he didn’t know how much use he would be to his army. But when he entered the tent, he found Tavros as he left him, wheezing every breath and unconscious with a compress on his forehead and neck.

  If only he could be relieved.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Just like when Tavros first fell unconscious, Valis rode with Tavros straddled across his lap. It was the only way he knew to keep his husband safe. He could keep him draped over his horse’s back, but Valis wanted to keep an eye on his fever and be close enough to heal his head in case the fever spiked and caused another seizure.

  Focus, Valis, Roba said. You must focus.

  I’m trying, Dad.

  No, you are not. You are worrying.

  Valis sighed and adjusted Tavros on his lap so his tingling legs could wake up. Sorry.