The Vampire's Assistant and Other Tales from the Cirque Du Freak

by Darren Shan

  “I got involved because this is the city where I was born. I lived here as a human. Though everyone I knew then has long since died, I feel attached — this city, more than any other place, is where I consider home.

  “Gavner Purl knew this. When he realized Murlough was here, he set about tracking me down. He guessed — correctly — that I would not be able to sit back and let the mad vampaneze wreak havoc. It was a sly move on his part, but I do not blame him — in his position, I would have done the same.”

  “I don’t get it,” I said. “I thought the Vampire Generals wanted to avoid a war.”

  “They do.”

  “But if you’d killed Murlough, wouldn’t —”

  “No,” he interrupted. “I am not a General. I am a mere vampire, with no connection to any others. The vampaneze would have come after me if they learned I had killed him, but the Generals would not have been implicated. It would have been personal. It would not have led to war.”

  “I see. So, now that your city is safe, you don’t care about him anymore?”

  “Yes,” Mr. Crepsley said simply.

  I couldn’t agree with the vampire’s position — I’d have hunted Murlough down to the ends of the Earth — but I could understand it. He’d been protecting “his” people. Now that the threat against them had been removed, he no longer considered the vampaneze his problem. It was a typical piece of vampire logic.

  “What happens now?” I asked. “We go back to the Cirque Du Freak and forget about this?”

  “Yes,” he said. “Murlough will avoid this city in the future. He will slope away into the night and that will be that. We can return to our lives and get on with them.”

  “Until next time,” I said.

  “I have only one home,” the vampire responded. “In all likelihood, there will be no next time. Come,” he said. “If you have further questions, I will answer them later.”

  “Okay.” I paused. “What we said earlier — about no more holding important stuff back — is that still on? Will you trust me now and tell me things?”

  The vampire smiled. “We will trust each other,” he said.

  I returned his smile and followed him into the room with the pipes.

  “How come I didn’t spot Murlough’s footsteps earlier?” I asked, retracing the marks we’d made on our way into the building.

  “He entered via a different route,” Mr. Crepsley said. “I did not want to get close to him until he made his move, in case he saw me.”

  I was on my way out of the window when I remembered Evra.

  “Hold on!” I called Mr. Crepsley back. “We’ve got to get Evra.”

  “The snake-boy knew about this, too?” Mr. Crepsley laughed. “Hurry and get him. But do not expect me to tell the story again on his behalf. I will leave such details to you.”

  I cast around for my friend.

  “Evra,” I called quietly. When there was no response I shouted a little louder. “Evra!” Where was he hiding? I glanced down and found a lone pair of foot-prints in the dust, leading away under a mass of pipes.

  “Evra!” I shouted again, starting after his trail. He’d probably seen me talking with the vampire and wasn’t sure what was going on. “It’s okay,” I yelled. Mr. Crepsley isn’t the killer. It’s another —”

  There was a sharp crunching noise as my foot came down on something and crushed it. Taking a step back, I bent and picked up the object for a closer look. With a sinking feeling in my gut, I realized what it was — the broken remains of a cellular phone.

  “Evra!” I screamed, rushing forward. I saw signs of a scuffle farther on — the dust in this area had been severely disturbed, like somebody had been thrashing around in it. Thousands of dust particles were drifting in unsettled clouds through the air.

  “What is it?” Mr. Crepsley asked, approaching warily. I showed him the crushed phone. “Evra’s?” he guessed.

  I nodded. “The vampaneze must have got him,” I said, horrified.

  Mr. Crepsley sighed and hung his head. “Then Evra is dead,” he said bluntly, and kept his gaze lowered as I started to cry.

  Chapter Sixteen

  MR. CREPSLEY CHECKED US OUT of the hotel as soon as we got back, in case the staff noticed Evra’s disappearance, or the vampaneze forced him to reveal our location.

  “What if he escapes?” I asked. “How will he know where to find us?”

  “I do not believe he will escape,” Mr. Crepsley said regretfully.

  We checked into a new hotel not far from the old one. If the man behind the desk was surprised to find a solemn-looking man with a scar and a distraught young boy in a pirate costume checking in at such a strange hour, he kept his suspicions to himself.

  I begged Mr. Crepsley to tell me more about the vampaneze. He said they never drank from vampires — our blood was poisonous to other vampires and vampaneze. They lived slightly longer than vampires, though the difference was minimal. They ate very little food, preferring to keep going on blood. They only drank from animals as a last resort.

  I listened closely. It was easier not to think about Evra if I had something else to focus on. But when dawn came and Mr. Crepsley headed for bed, I was left alone to think about what had happened.

  I watched the sunrise. I was tired, but I couldn’t sleep. How could I face the nightmares that must be waiting for me? I fixed a huge breakfast, but my appetite was gone after one small mouthful and I ended up tossing it. I turned on the TV and flicked between channels, barely noticing what was on.

  Every so often I’d think it must have been a dream. Evra couldn’t be dead. I must have fallen asleep on the roof while watching Mr. Crepsley and dreamt it all. Any minute now, Evra would shake me awake. I’d tell him about my dream and we’d both laugh. “You won’t get rid of me that easily,” he’d say.

  But it wasn’t a dream. I had come face to face with the vampaneze. He had abducted Evra. He had either killed him or was preparing to. These were facts and had to be faced.

  The trouble was, I didn’t dare face them. I was afraid I might go crazy if I did. So, rather than accept the truth and deal with it, I buried it deep, where it couldn’t bother me — then went to see Debbie. Maybe she could cheer me up.

  Debbie was playing in the square when I arrived. It had snowed heavily during the night and she was building a snowman with some of the local kids. She was surprised but happy to see me so early. She introduced me to her friends, who looked at me inquisitively.

  “Want to come for a walk?” I asked.

  “Can it wait till I finish the snowman?” she replied.

  “No,” I said. “I’m restless. I need to walk. I can come back later if you want.”

  “That’s all right. I’ll come.” She looked at me weirdly. “Are you okay? Your face is as white as a sheet, and your eyes . . . have you been crying?”

  “I was peeling onions earlier,” I lied.

  Debbie turned to her friends. “See you later,” she said, and took my arm. “Anywhere special you want to go?”

  “Not really,” I said. “You lead. I’ll tag along.”

  We didn’t say much while we were walking, until Debbie tugged my arm and said, “I’ve got some good news. I asked Mom and Dad if you could come over on Christmas Eve to help put up the decorations and they said you could.”

  “Great,” I said, forcing a smile.

  “They’ve invited you for dinner, too,” she said. “They were going to ask you over for Christmas Day, but I know you’ve made plans to spend it in the hotel. Besides, I don’t think your dad would want to come, would he?”

  “No,” I said softly.

  “But Christmas Eve’s okay, isn’t it?” she asked. “Evra can come, too. We’ll be eating early, at about two or three in the afternoon, so there’ll be plenty of time for decorating the trees. You can —”

  “Evra won’t be able to come,” I said shortly.

  “Why not?”

  I found myself struggling to think up a good lie.
Finally, I said, “He’s got the flu. He’s in bed and can’t move.”

  “He seemed fine yesterday.” Debbie frowned. “I saw the two of you going out last night. He looked —”

  “How did you see us?” I asked.

  “Through the window,” she said. “It’s not the first time I’ve noticed you going out after dark. I never said anything about it before, because I thought you would have told me what you were up to if you’d wanted me to know.”

  “It’s not nice to spy on people,” I snapped.

  “I wasn’t spying!” Debbie looked hurt by my accusation and tone. “I just happened to see you. And if that’s going to be your attitude, you can forget Christmas Eve.” She turned to leave.

  “Wait,” I said, catching her arm (careful not to grab too hard). “I’m sorry. I’m in a really bad mood. I don’t feel so good. Maybe I’ve picked up something from Evra.”

  “You do look under the weather,” she agreed, her face softening.

  “As for where we go at night, it’s just to meet our dad,” I said. “We join him after work and go out for something to eat, or to see a movie. I would have invited you along, but you know how things stand with my dad.”

  “You should introduce us,” Debbie said. “I bet I’d be able to get him to like me, if I only had the chance.”

  We started walking again.

  “So, how about Christmas Eve?” she asked.

  I shook my head. Sitting down to dinner with Debbie and her parents was the last thing I wanted to think about. “I’ll have to get back to you on that one,” I said. “I’m not sure if we’ll be here. We might be moving on.”

  “But Christmas Eve is tomorrow!” Debbie exclaimed. “Your dad must have told you his plans by now.”

  “He’s strange,” I said. “He likes to leave things till the very last minute. I could arrive back after this walk and find him packed and ready to go.”

  “He can’t leave if Evra’s sick,” she said.

  “He can and will, if he wants,” I told her.

  Debbie frowned and stopped walking. There was a street vent a foot or so away, and warm air was blowing out of it. She moved closer and stood on the bars. “You won’t leave without telling me, will you?” she asked.

  “Of course not,” I said.

  “I’d hate it if you disappeared into thin air without a word,” she said, and I could see tears gathering in the corners of her eyes.

  “I promise,” I said. “When I know I’m leaving, you’ll know, too. Word of honor.” I crossed my heart.

  “Come here,” she said, and pulled close and gave me a big hug.

  “What was that for?” I asked.

  “Does there have to be a reason?” she smiled, then pointed ahead. “Let’s turn at the next corner. That’ll lead us back to the square.”

  I took Debbie’s arm, meaning to walk her back, then remembered I’d changed hotels. If I returned to the square, she’d expect me to go in the hotel. She might get suspicious if she spotted me sneaking away.

  “I’ll keep walking,” I said. “I’ll call tonight or in the morning to let you know whether I can come over or not.”

  “If your dad wants to leave, try twisting his arm to get him to stay,” she suggested. “I’d really love to have you over.”

  “I’ll try,” I vowed, and watched through sad eyes as she walked to the corner and turned out of sight.

  It was then that I heard a soft chuckling noise beneath my feet. Glancing down through the bars of the vent I saw nobody and thought I must have been hearing things. But then a voice came up out of the shadows.

  “I like your girlfriend, Darren Shan,” it said with a giggle, and I knew instantly who was down there. “A very tasty dish. Good enough to eat, wouldn’t you say? Much tastier-looking than your other friend. Much tastier than Evra.”

  It was Murlough — the mad vampaneze!

  Chapter Seventeen

  I DROPPED TO MY KNEES and peered through the bars of the vent. It was dark down there, but after a few seconds I was able to make out the rough figure of the fat vampaneze.

  “What’s your girlfriend’s name, hmmm?” Murlough asked. “Anne? Beatrice? Catherine? Diane? Elsa? Franny? Geraldine? Henrietta? Eileen? Josie —” He stopped and I could sense him frowning. “No. Wait. Eileen begins with an ‘E,’ not an ‘I.’ Are there any women’s names beginning with ‘I’? I can’t think of any offhand. How about you, Darren Shan? Any ideas, hmmm? Any notions?” He pronounced my first name weirdly, so that it rhymed with Jarwren.

  “How did you find me?” I gasped.

  “That was easy.” He leaned forward, carefully avoiding the rays of sunlight, and tapped the side of his head. “Used my brains,” he said. “Young Murlough’s got plenty of brains, yes he does. I played a tune on your friend — Snakey Von. He told me where the hotel was. I set up camp outside. Watched carefully. Saw you passing with your girlfriend, so I followed.”

  “What do you mean, ‘Played a tune’?” I asked.

  The vampaneze laughed out loud. “With my knife,” he explained. “My knife and a few sets of scales. Get it? Scales. Scales on Snakey, scales on a piano. Ha! Brains, I told you, brains! A stupid man couldn’t make jokes so cunning, jokes so shrewd. Young Murlough has brains the size of —”

  “Where’s Evra?” I interrupted, pounding the bars of the vent to shut him up. I gave them a yank, to see if I could get down to him, but they were sealed firmly in the ground.

  “Evra? Evra Von?” Murlough did a strange little half-dance in the darkness underneath the vent. “Evra’s strapped up,” he told me. “Hanging by his ankles. Blood rushing to his head. Squealing like a piggie. Begging to be let free.”

  “Where is he?” I asked desperately. “Is he alive?”

  “Tell me,” he said, ignoring my questions, “where are you and the vampire staying? You’ve moved hotels, haven’t you? That’s why I didn’t see you coming out. What were you doing in the square, anyway? No!” he shouted as I opened my mouth to speak. “Don’t tell me, don’t tell me! Give the brains a chance to work. Young Murlough’s got plenty of brains. Brains oozing out his ears, some would say.”

  He paused, his little eyes darting back and forth, then snapped his fingers and squealed. “The girl! Darren Shan’s little friend! She lives in the square, hmmm? You wanted to see her. Which house is hers? Don’t tell me, don’t tell me! I’ll figure it out. I’ll track her down. Juicy-looking girl. Plenty of blood, hmmm? Lovely salty blood. I can taste her already.”

  “Stay away from her!” I screamed. “If you go near her, I’ll —”

  “Shut up!” the vampaneze barked. “Don’t threaten me! I won’t take lip from a runtish half-vampire like you. Any more like that and I’m off, and that’ll be the end of Snakey.”

  I brought myself under control. “Does that mean he’s still alive?” I asked shakily.

  Murlough grinned and tapped his nose. “Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t. No way for you to know for sure, is there?”

  “Mr. Crepsley said vampaneze have to keep their word,” I said. “If you give me your word that he’s alive, then I’ll know.”

  Murlough nodded slowly. “He’s alive.”

  “You give me your word?”

  “I give you my word,” he said. “Snakey’s alive. Tied up and strung up. Squealing like a piggie. I’m keeping him for Christmas. He’ll be my Christmas dinner. Snakey instead of turkey. Do you think that’s foul of me, hmmm?” He laughed. “Get it? Foul. Not one of my subtler jokes, but it’ll do. Snakey laughed. Snakey does everything I tell him to. You would, too, in his position. Dangling by his ankles. Squealing like a piggie.”

  Murlough had an irritating way of repeating himself.

  “Look,” I said, “let Evra go. Please, he’s never hurt you.”

  “He interfered with my schedule!” the vampaneze shrieked. “I was ready to feed. It was going to be glorious. I would have drained the fat man, then skinned him alive and stuck his corpse up with the rest i
n the cold room. Made cannibals of some poor unsuspecting humans. It would have been great sport, hmmm?”

  “Evra didn’t get in your way,” I said. “That was me and Mr. Crepsley. Evra was outside.”

  “Inside, outside — he wasn’t on my side. But he soon will be.” Murlough licked his blood-red lips.

  “On my side and in my tummy. I never had snake-boy before. I’m looking forward to it. Maybe I’ll stuff him before feeding. Make it more Christmasy.”

  “I’ll kill you!” I screamed, tugging at the vent again, losing my self-control. “I’ll track you down and tear you apart, limb from limb!”

  “Oh, my!” Murlough laughed, pretending to be scared. “Oh, heavens! Please don’t hurt me, nasty little half-vampire. Young Murlough’s a good guy. Say you’ll leave me be.”

  “Where’s Evra?” I roared. “Bring him up here now, or I’ll —”

  “All right,” Murlough snapped, “that’s enough! I didn’t come here to be shouted at, no I didn’t. There’s plenty of other places I can go if I want people shouting at me, hmmm? Now shut up and listen.”

  It took a lot of effort, but I finally managed to calm down.

  “Good,” Murlough grunted. “That’s better. You’re not as stupid as most vampires. A little brains in Darren Shan, hmmm? Not as smart as me, of course, but who is? Young Murlough’s got more brains than . . .

  “Enough.” He dug his nails into the wall beneath the vent and climbed up a couple of feet. “Listen carefully.” He sounded sane now. “I don’t know how you found me — Snakey couldn’t tell me, no matter how many scales I played — and I don’t care. That’s your secret. Keep it. We all need secrets, don’t we, hmmm?

  “And I don’t care about the human,” he went on. “He was just a meal. Plenty more where he came from. Plenty more blood in the fleshy human sea.

  “I don’t even care about you,” he snorted. “Half-vampires don’t interest me. You were only following your master. You don’t worry me. I’m prepared to let you live. You and Snakey and the human.

  “But the vampire — Larten Crepsley.” The vampaneze’s red eyes filled with hate. “Him I care about. He should have known better than to get in my way. Vampires and vampaneze don’t mix!” he roared at the top of his voice. “Even the fools of the world know that! It’s been agreed upon. We don’t interfere with one another’s ways. He broke the laws. He must be made to pay.”