Love and Other Battles

by Tess Woods

  Sure, Finn had been expelled but his life hadn’t been turned upside down like CJ’s.

  It also turned out that Detective Nguyen had been right when she’d spoken to Jamie on the phone. The police investigation into Finn’s drug dealing had been short-lived. They’d seized his phone and computer but Finn had already deleted every trace of conversation about marijuana. Jamie was reluctant to have CJ come forward and give evidence, and after Mia had already bravely shown the school board the message from Finn, Jamie didn’t want to put her through a possible court hearing as well. All the other students in Year Twelve had kept quiet too.

  Andrew brought her back to the present. ‘Come on, time to go home, boss. I’m kicking you out of your office or you’ll stay locked in here all night.’ He gave her a warm smile. ‘You did good today. It’s great to have you back.’

  ‘It’s really good to be back. I missed this place.’

  ‘We missed you.’ He squeezed her shoulder and her heart leapt.

  1 APRIL 2018

  ‘He’s literally the coolest dad ever. As in, ever, ever.’ Mia sprawled herself out on CJ’s rug after Scott walked out of her bedroom.

  ‘I know. He is.’ CJ was still starstruck by him, especially when he sang. It was like a private Scott Gunn concert for her every time. And when he asked her to join in and they played together, it still felt surreal. Maybe it would take more than a couple of weeks to get used to that.

  Mia hummed the tune to ‘Lonely One’, Scott’s most recent hit, which he’d just played for them. ‘Everyone at school will be like, “How was your weekend, Mia?” and I’ll be all like, “Oh yeah, you know, had a lazy Sunday session jamming with Scott freaking Gunn!”’

  CJ laughed. Mia had been rock solid for her from the day she’d found out that CJ was in hospital. And the best thing was that she hadn’t asked CJ to reveal any details to her. Mia’s unconditional support over the last few weeks had brought them closer than ever.

  Mia had also sat through two interviews with the whole school board that helped get Finn expelled, which made CJ love her even more than she imagined possible. CJ never wanted to see Finn Maxwell again as long as she lived. Even though it bugged her that he was getting away with his crimes while she now had her name permanently on police file, she didn’t want justice as much as she wanted peace. She wasn’t prepared to put herself through the trauma of bringing charges against him. Mia’s speaking up and getting him expelled would have to be justice enough.

  ‘So can I tell everyone I jammed with Scott Gunn, Ceej? Is that all right?’ Mia’s voice brought CJ back from her daydream.

  ‘Show off as much as you want. Go for your life! Dad won’t care.’

  It wouldn’t exactly be breaking news anyway. The story of Scott Gunn’s love child had stayed a secret for around two seconds after he’d landed in Melbourne, and the media had quickly discovered her identity.

  The gossip sites used an old Facebook profile photo of CJ’s so she’d shut down her account.

  Scott had released a brief statement on his Twitter account the day after he’d arrived:

  Hey y’all. So I had to put off the Vegas tour for now. I know I have the best fans in the world who’ll understand family comes first. I’ll make it up to you SOON, Vegas, that’s a promise!

  The next day, the Kardashians were making headlines again, and Scott Gunn and his newly discovered daughter quickly became old news.

  ‘Is it weird calling him Dad?’ Mia asked.

  ‘No, I don’t know why, but it actually feels normal. He doesn’t act like a dad, though. He’s more like a big brother or something.’

  Mia snorted. ‘Nah, dude. I’ve got three of those. He definitely doesn’t act like a big brother. He’s way too nice to you.’

  ‘Probably more like a friend then. He doesn’t try and tell me what to do or give advice or anything. We just hang out and talk.’ She scooped her curls into a messy bun. ‘I mean, it’s not like I can’t talk to Mum, but with Dad, I can tell him stuff and it’s like he’s more on my level. Mum’s like a mum, if you know what I mean, but he doesn’t boss me around like a dad would.’

  ‘Well, it would’ve been pretty weird if he’d shown up out of nowhere after seventeen years and tried to control you.’

  ‘That’s true.’

  ‘What does your mum think of him? Are they friends or are they those exes who hate each other’s guts?’

  CJ pondered this for a minute before answering. ‘It’s hard to say. I don’t think they hate each other but there’s definitely some kind of tension there, especially from Mum. Like, she’s never rude to him or anything, but she always seems to make herself busy when he’s hanging around.’

  Mia laughed. ‘So no Parent Trap reunion?’

  ‘God, no way!’

  ‘Hey, Ceej, I really miss having you at school, you know.’

  ‘Aw, dude, I feel bad. I would have been so pissed if it was you who left and I was the one stuck there alone. I’m sorry.’

  ‘It’s okay, it’s not that bad. I’m hanging around in the music room a bit these days. Those guys are pretty nice. It’s so different without Finn in music anymore. It’s more mellow now.’

  Just hearing his name made her heart race. But it settled back down quickly. The pills had really helped her deal with the anxiety. It was now three and a half weeks since Megan had prescribed them, and the difference they were making was becoming more noticeable. The nagging questions — ‘Why didn’t I stop him? Why did I let him?’ — still made her hunger for the blade, but they were becoming less regular now, and they felt less intense when they came.

  ‘Can I show you something?’ CJ pulled Finn’s letter out of her bottom desk drawer.

  ‘What’s this?’ Mia looked at the envelope suspiciously.

  CJ casually covered her scar with her other hand when Mia’s eyes landed on it. ‘Read it.’

  Mia took the envelope from her, slipped the letter out and began to read. She looked up at CJ. ‘Oh my God!’

  ‘I know, right?’ CJ gave her a weak smile.

  ‘Please, please tell me you didn’t reply to this piece of crap.’

  ‘No way. As if!’

  ‘Oh thank you, Jesus. I would have totally lost my shit if you had. I mean, what the hell? Who does he think he is? After everything he did to you, does he really think you’d want to go hang out with him? You should rip it up.’

  CJ lunged for the letter. ‘I was just waiting to show it to you first.’ She ripped the letter to shreds, threw it in the bin, and high-fived Mia.

  ‘When you’re all recovered from . . . well, everything, do you think you might go to another school to finish Year Twelve?’ Mia had a hopeful look in her eyes. ‘Then at least we’d graduate at the same time.’

  ‘Nope,’ CJ said with certainty. ‘No chance. High school’s the past for me now. I just want to think about my music.’

  ‘What about me? Am I your past?’

  ‘No such luck. You, my friend, are stuck with me.’

  ‘Like shit on a sneaker?’

  ‘Like shit on a sneaker.’

  ‘You’re lucky that you don’t have the stress of mid-years. I’m so jealous.’ Mia looked at her watch. ‘Ugh, speaking of which, I have to go home and study. I’ve been here for hours.’

  ‘See you next weekend?’

  ‘Sure.’ Mia pulled on her boots and did up the laces. ‘Will Scott still be here then?’

  ‘I don’t know. We haven’t really talked about when he’s going back.’

  ‘Ah, okay. Well, I’m out of here.’ Mia bent over and gave CJ a tight hug. ‘See you, dude. Hey, that reminds me! Now that Scott’s out there as your dad, are you going to take his name?’

  ‘And be Charlotte James Stone Gorenski?’ She laughed. ‘Not likely.’

  ***

  ‘The more I see of that kid, the more I like her.’ Scott joined CJ in the kitchen as she poured herself a juice.

  ‘She’s a huge fan of yours, in case you didn’
t notice. Juice?’

  ‘No, I’m good.’ He pulled up a stool at the breakfast bar. ‘What’s your plan for the rest of the day then, Squirt?’

  She didn’t have the heart to tell him that his nickname for her annoyed her like nothing else. He’d coined it in a message while she was still in hospital, when he’d found out that she was so tall. Now it seemed she was stuck with Squirt forever. ‘I’ve got to do today’s meditation, and I still need to write my journal entry for Megan. And then I don’t know. What about you?’

  His phone vibrated and he pulled it out of his pocket. ‘Just a sec,’ he said. ‘Hey Hal, what’s up?’ His accent instantly became more pronounced. ‘Good, good, you know how it is, chillin’ with my girl, CJ here, making sweet music, living the life, buddy, living the life.’ His smile vanished as he listened to the person on the other end. ‘I hear ya. But, Hal, I’ve paid those guys right up until the end of April so what’s the rush? . . . Listen, Hal, I had no dates booked after Vegas until the October tour. The way I see it, I don’t need to be in Tennessee until we start recording, so I don’t know why y’all are breathing down my neck like this. Jim-Bob rang me two days ago to break my balls too. I mean, come on, man, y’all tag-teaming or something? I’m spending time with my daughter . . . Look, what it comes down to, Hal, is that it’s my damn record and I own the damn company and y’all are still being paid to sit around doing nothing. So you pass it on to the rest of them that if anyone has an issue with that, then they can find themselves a new job. The new album will be done on time, I’m writing songs every day here, so tell everyone to calm the hell down and leave me the damn hell alone!’ He pulled the phone away from his ear and ended the call.

  CJ’s breath caught. She hadn’t heard him be anything other than easygoing and cheerful.

  Immediately after he hung up, he pulled her in close and kissed the top of her head. ‘Sorry you had to hear that.’

  ‘I’m sorry you’re in trouble. I feel bad about you missing work.’

  He laughed a hearty laugh. ‘Trouble? Squirt, they work for me. If anyone’s in trouble it’ll be Hal and the team of trained monkeys he’s employed to produce this record. But you know, as much as I hate Hal being right, the dude probably is right.’ He threw down the juice she’d poured for herself and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. ‘I really do need to get back home soon. I’ve booked sixty-nine stops across the US to promote the new album, so there kind of has to be a new album or I’m screwed.’

  CJ nodded, feeling like she might burst into tears. She’d expected him to only stay for a little while before going back to America, but now that he was actually planning to leave, she realised how badly she wanted more time with him.

  ‘Hey, don’t look so sad.’ He tilted her chin up so they were eye to eye. ‘I’ll be back, I promise. I’m here again at Christmas for Carols by Candlelight.’

  ‘I know.’ She mustered up a smile and willed the tears away.

  ‘And I’ll come back as often as I can after that. I’ll arrange to tour Australia really soon, maybe early next year and you can join me on the road.’

  She gave him another watery smile, and then jumped when he pounded his fist on the bench.

  ‘Hey! I just had the most brilliant idea in the history of brilliant ideas!’ His eyes lit up and he grinned at her broadly. ‘Why do we need to wait till I’m back in Australia to be together again? Why don’t you come back with me to the US?’

  She looked at him with incomprehension but didn’t have time to say anything before he flew off the bar stool and began pacing the kitchen.

  ‘You should. You should totally come back home with me. You can come into the studio and learn how to make a record, I work with the best record producers in the world!’

  I thought they were trained monkeys.

  ‘You could even contribute a song or two. We can kick off your career. Hey, we can even do one of the new tunes we’ve been playing around with these last couple of weeks.’ His words were falling out in a heap. ‘And then, and then, when we go on tour, I’ll bring you out to sing some duets with me. The crowds will go crazy for you! What do you say, Squirt?’ He smiled at her with wild eyes.

  ‘Um, I . . . ah . . .’

  ‘Isn’t this your dream? You told me your dream was to perform at the Grand Ole Opry. I can make that happen! What are you waiting for, girl? Pack your guitar!’ He was practically dancing around the kitchen. ‘You don’t look happy. Why aren’t you happy?’

  ‘No, no,’ she answered quickly. ‘I’m really happy, like fully happy. It’s just, I don’t know, it feels kind of sudden. What about my psych appointments and stuff? I haven’t been out of hospital for that long.’ She ran her fingers along her wrist scar.

  ‘You know you’re going to the United States, right? It’s the home of rehab. Squirt, there are psychs everywhere. And look how well you’re doing. You’ll be fine, trust me. And I’ll be there with you, keeping an eye on you. I’ll bring you home with me at Christmas. It’ll be perfect!’

  Her heart rate picked up. Could she really do this? Drop everything and go to Nashville?

  He’d promised she could be on stage at the Grand Ole Opry. He was promising to make all her dreams come true. And what commitments did she have holding her here? None. Except for her mum and her nan and pop. ‘What about Mum?’

  ‘What about her?’

  ‘I can’t just leave her, she’d be devastated.’

  ‘CJ, sweetie, listen. Jamie’s a big girl, she’ll be okay. Your mum’s had you for the last seventeen years, don’t you think it’s my turn now?’

  The look he gave her made her heart do a tumble turn. He wanted her. He really did! ‘Yes, Dad, it’s your turn.’

  ‘So, that’s a yes.’

  She nodded.

  He scooped her up in his arms and spun her around the room until she was dizzy.

  ‘So when do we leave?’ She could barely believe she was saying the words.

  ‘How about next weekend?’

  ‘Next weekend?’ She clutched her heart.

  He clicked his tongue. ‘You heard, Hal, Squirt. I need to haul my ass back home a-sap. Anyway, what do you need to do apart from pack a bag? You’ve got a passport, right?’

  ‘I do, but . . . I don’t know. It just feels really fast.’

  ‘That’s the way I roll.’ He winked.

  She bit the corner of her bottom lip. ‘Could we make it a bit longer than a week? Three or four weeks maybe?’

  He picked up her hand and kissed it. ‘Whatever makes you happy, Squirt.’

  ‘Thank you. But, Dad, I need to be the one to tell Mum, all right? I need to find a way to break this to her gently.’

  ‘Break what to me gently?’ Jamie appeared in the doorway, hugging a pile of folded tea towels.

  CJ froze.

  Scott put his arm around CJ’s shoulders. ‘You’re looking at my new partner here, Princess. Squirt’s coming on tour with me to the States. Isn’t that the best news ever?’

  The colour drained from Jamie’s face. She locked eyes with CJ and took a moment to answer. ‘Yes,’ she said in barely more than a whisper. ‘It’s the best news ever.’

  3 MAY 1970

  Flower Child,

  A baby! At first I thought you must be having me on but I’ve read your letter ten times over and I’m pretty sure you’re serious. We’re having a baby! I can’t believe it. Of course I’m not upset! Are you crazy, lady? I’m ecstatic — absolutely bloody stoked! I know it’s not what we were planning, and I know you’re worried but you don’t need to be.

  You’ll be finished your nursing training and I’ll be home with plenty of time to spare before the bub’s due. Once the baby’s weaned, you’ll be able to leave him with my old lady and go back to work, so please don’t sweat it too much. I’m glad to hear they’re letting you finish the training in your condition. Just don’t work too hard!

  And of course my family won’t be upset that we aren’t married yet. We will b
e before the birth and that’s all that matters. You know how much they all love you. They’ll be as happy as I am!

  I know you said your dad can buy us a flat, but I don’t want that. I want to support my own family, not live off your dad’s charity. It’s important to me that I provide for us. I’ve decided that I won’t go back to uni when I get home, I’ll go work with Pat in his plumbing business instead and then I’ll be able to support us just fine.

  Don’t worry about a thing, Flower Child, you just look after yourself and our little bun in the oven. I’ll be home before you know it to take care of everything else.

  I hated hearing how sick you’ve been. I wish I was there to help.

  I still can’t believe it. This is the best news I’ve ever had in my whole life! I told the boys and we’re going for a big piss-up in the mess tonight to celebrate!

  I love you! We’re having a baby!

  Frank

  4 APRIL 2018

  Jamie sat on the edge of her dad’s bed and picked up his clenched hand. She gently stretched out his thumb and fingers one by one. Then she squeezed a blob of cream onto her hand to massage into his.

  He had his eyes shut but he was awake. He’d lasted ten minutes in the chair earlier before asking, with great difficulty, to be helped back to bed.

  When he was first admitted to Sunrise Glades the year before, he’d been slow and stiff in his movements and the tremors were a problem. At the time they thought that was bad enough. But this, the state of him now, was worse than she’d ever imagined he could get.

  And lately, Jamie was just as worried about her mum. Jess had lost her sparkle. She walked with a stoop and was slow to smile. She locked herself away in her room in the evenings and she had no appetite. Once the court hearing was over and the fines were paid, she’d hoped that Jess would bounce back. But if anything, she seemed more depressed. Jamie felt as if she’d replaced her reclusive daughter with a reclusive mother.