Lucian Divine

by Renee Carlino

  He walked away toward the bathroom. I watched the flexing muscles of his back, where once there had been beautiful wings. It all seemed impossible now. He was my husband. I smiled at the memory of the night before… his hands, his lips all over me.

  Everything changed a moment later when I heard a loud crashing sound come from the bathroom. I ran and pushed the door open to find Lucian lying unconscious on the floor.

  “No!” I got onto my knees and shook him, but he was limp. “Lucian! Wake up.”

  He was wedged between the door and the tub, the water from the shower splashing onto his face. He seemed so fragile, like he could disappear right there in my arms.

  I got up and ran for the phone. It felt like it took ten minutes for me to cross the loft and grab it, but it was probably two seconds. I dialed 9-1-1.

  “9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

  “My husband…” I couldn’t catch my breath as I ran back to the bathroom. Kneeling next to Lucian’s body, I scanned him for injuries and tried to continue. “He…”

  “Take a breath, ma’am.”

  “I’m trying. My husband… collapsed in the bathroom. I don’t know what’s wrong. He’s unconscious.”

  “Can you tell if he’s breathing?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “I can’t tell.”

  “Put your hand behind his neck and check his airway by putting your ear near his mouth and your hand on his chest.”

  “He’s breathing, I think.”

  “Okay, just keep him still and keep his airway open.” I gave them my address and apartment number, though I felt like I was slurring my speech. It was hard to catch my breath. “We have emergency responders on the way. Are there any pets in the home?”

  “No,” I breathed. We could have gotten a puppy. We should have gotten a puppy.

  “Can you make sure that the emergency responders have access to your building?”

  “Yes. We’re on the third floor, unit two.” I set the phone down and carefully removed my hand from behind Lucian’s neck.

  I ran and propped the door open, then I went to the stairwell and propped that door open as well. I jogged down the stairs as fast as I could into the lobby of the building, where a man was sitting on the bench.

  “S’cuse me,” I said, breathing hard. “Can you let the emergency responders in?”

  He nodded. He said nothing to me, just a nod. Is he my new angel? Is this the end for Lucian?

  I ran back up the stairs, back to Lucian. I took him in my arms and finally broke down and cried.

  “Ev…”

  I pulled away and looked at his face. “Lucian?”

  He was groggy. “I’m still here.” Then he lost consciousness again.

  “No, wake up, please.”

  When the paramedics arrived, I was hysterical and hyperventilating.

  One of them tried to calm me down. I screamed. “God, stop this!”

  They plugged him into all of their machines and lifted him onto a gurney. They said his blood pressure was low. His condition seemed to be worsening rapidly. They put stickers on his chest and someone said, “Clear,” and his body jerked. They were trying to save his life. I was in shock.

  Words were being thrown around, none of which I understood. I followed the paramedics to the van and hopped in the back.

  Holding Lucian’s hand, I prayed while the two men worked on stabilizing him. They asked me about his medical history, but what could I say?

  “I don’t know. We’ve never talked about it. He had a seizure a few weeks ago. They did tests but didn’t find anything. Please, please help him.”

  “We’re doing everything we can, ma’am.”

  In the hospital, they did their best to stabilize him. I stayed beside him all day, and he finally regained consciousness at four in the afternoon.

  “What’s happening?” he said.

  I was standing near the head of the bed. “They don’t know. They’re running tests. They’ve given you medicine to regulate your blood pressure.”

  Somehow he had enough strength to pull me down onto the bed with him. “I’m okay, Evey. I’m still here, aren’t I?”

  “Your heart was going crazy.”

  “You own my heart, lady.” He smiled weakly.

  “How much time do you think you have?”

  As sick as Lucian was, he still got a laugh out of that. “Like anything else, who the knows? Who the hell knows? Will you promise me something, Evey?”

  “Anything.” I kissed his cheek and nuzzled into his neck.

  “Promise me that if you remember anything after I’m gone, you’ll protect yourself by not speaking a word of it. There’s no telling what could happen.”

  “I would never.”

  “Also, you have to live a normal life for me. Please.” He squinted, smiling with his eyes. “I worked so hard to make sure you had a normal life. I wish I could control myself with you. I wish I hadn’t done this to you. I’m sorry.”

  “You said no apologies. You can’t fault a person for love, and you’re still here.”

  Just when I said that, he looked like he was going to pass out. An alarm went off on the screen above his bed. I ran to get the nurse.

  I FELT WOOZY. An alarm was beeping above my bed. Evey had run out to get help. On the other side of the darkened room, I noticed a figure sitting in the chair.

  “Mona?”

  She stood and came to me. “Well, you got your wish.”

  “I didn’t wish for this, to die this way.”

  “I mean you got yourself an appointment with Him.” She pointed at the ceiling. “A face-to-face, a sit-down, Lucian.”

  That angered me. “Oh what, now? So I die, and then I get to go talk to Him? What’s the point of that?”

  “To plead your case.”

  “To plead my case? You’re not any less cryptic than you were two thousand years ago, Mona.”

  She put her hand on my arm, and I felt a surge of energy. “They’re coming,” she whispered. “I have to go.”

  She kissed my cheek, and then she was gone. The alarm stopped.

  “False alarm,” I said when the doctor, nurse, and Evey all came rushing in.

  “Oh thank God,” Evey said.

  “Don’t thank him.” I smirked.

  The doctor and nurse checked me out thoroughly before leaving the room. The doctors were all stupefied by my case. I think the fact that they couldn’t figure out what was wrong with a seemingly healthy thirty-year-old man, bruised their egos a little.

  They stopped giving Evey updates. I think they were just trying to keep me alive.

  I coded again later that day. The only thing I remember about it was that Evey was screaming. Later that night, I woke when I overheard a doctor telling Evey I was septic and that my body wanted to die.

  Evey lay beside me and cried. I drifted in and out of consciousness. I tried to hold her and comfort her, but I couldn’t anymore. I was only hurting her. At one point I asked her to call her mom, but she refused.

  “No,” she said. “It’s too complicated, and I don’t feel like lying to them anymore.”

  “I understand. I just don’t want you to be alone. I love you so much. For two thousand years, I had no life. You gave me life, and I’m grateful to you.” I kissed her and she kissed me back, and then she began sobbing again. “Please say something to me.”

  She sniffled and tried to calm down. “I don’t know whether I’m alive or dead, in heaven or hell or if any of this is even real. I just know that I love you, Lucian.”

  The alarms went off.

  Poof.

  “HEY, PINKY, WAKE up!”

  I opened my eyes to find Brooklyn hovering over me. “What are you doing here, and how’d you get into my loft?”

  She smiled. “I stole your key the other day and made a copy for myself.” She tried to lean down and kiss me.

  “Ew, get off me.” I glanced at the clock. It was six thirty on a Saturday. “I’m going to kill you. S
eriously, why are you here? I was up all night sketching. I wanted to sleep in.”

  “Well, first of all, don’t you miss me?”

  I rolled my eyes. “And second of all?”

  “Second of all, you should be out on dates on a Friday night, not held up in your loft, drawing.”

  “This coming from a woman who wouldn’t go out with the same person twice. Now you’re married and the expert?” She was right though. I should have been out dating.

  “You know I’m right.” She looked around the room. “Your loft looks amazing. I can’t believe you did all of this yourself.”

  “Well, I don’t date, remember? I have plenty of time on my hands.”

  “We can fix that.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

  “Please don’t set me up. You know I hate being set up.” I got up to head to the kitchen to make coffee. Brooklyn followed close behind. “You want some coffee?”

  “I already had my daily allowance.”

  Turning around in the kitchen area, I glared at her. “What are you talking about?”

  She grinned from ear to ear and batted her eyelashes. I looked down at her stomach. “Are you serious? Are you pregnant?”

  When she nodded, I grabbed her and squeezed her. I felt her start to cry.

  “You’re gonna be an auntie,” she said.

  “I can’t wait.” I was getting emotional too. As happy as I was, I felt an emptiness inside of me that I couldn’t explain—a void. I was envious of Brooklyn for the first time in a long time.

  She pulled out of the hug and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “It’s still early, but I wanted to tell you first—after Keith, of course. I haven’t even told my parents.”

  “Brooke, I’m honored. I want to be there for you every step of the way. I know I’ve been so busy lately and I haven’t been the greatest friend. I was just swept up with the loft and my new line. I feel like I’ve been living in a social fog the last few months.”

  “It’s okay, pinky. By the way, how is the line coming along?”

  Brooke never used to care, so I stared at her before I answered. “You’re never going to believe this. Divine Denim is being featured in next month’s Vogue.” I started jumping up and down. “It comes out in two weeks. Ah!”

  Brooke started jumping too.

  “Don’t jump… the baby.”

  “Oh yeah.” She laughed. “Ah, Evey, I’m so proud of you.”

  We hugged again. I didn’t ask for my key back, and I promised myself I’d be more open to dating. My career was taking off, I had a place of my own… it was time.

  IS THAT BEEPING? What is that beeping? I felt a nudge, and then a full-out kick in the back of my leg.

  “Ouch!”

  “Lucian, your fucking phone is ringing. Answer it. It’s probably your mother.”

  Groggily, I sat up and reached for my phone. “Hi, Mom.”

  “Hi!” Her voice was so cheery that it always put a smile on my face, even when my irritated girlfriend was glaring at me.

  “What’s up, Mom?”

  “Is Laura there?”

  “She is.”

  “Oh.” Her voice fell.

  I stood, walked into the kitchen, and pushed a stack of bills out of the way so I could start a pot of coffee. “What’s going on? You can tell me.”

  “I was just gonna see if you wanted to get brunch.”

  “Brunch sounds great.” Several seconds of silence passed. I lowered my voice. “I know you don’t like her, Mom, she’s probably going to work. It’ll just be us.”

  “It’s not that I don’t like her. I’m a mom, your mom, and I think you deserve the best.”

  My mother and father had the ultimate relationship. They had been best friends for thirty-five years until he passed away last year of cancer. After his death, my mother became hyper-focused on my life.

  “Mother, I’m jobless, living in a shitty one-bedroom apartment—”

  “You’re going to get a job. You have too much talent not to. Things will turn around for you.” She whispered, “Laura doesn’t treat you well, Lucian.”

  Laura was always harping on me about getting a regular job, but I had gone to college for graphic and web design. I wasn’t giving up on that. It was a real job, and I’d had one until there were cutbacks where I had been working. It wasn’t my fault at all. I had been unemployed for seven months, living in a fog. I was just going through the motions with Laura, who I had met and started dating in college. She had gone on to med school, and now she was a hotshot surgeon at San Francisco General. I only saw her two days a week, and we usually spent it fighting.

  “I’ll meet you for brunch. Where should we go?” I asked my mom.

  “Meet me at Sweet Maple. I’m buying.”

  I sighed. “Okay. I’ll meet you there in an hour.”

  Shuffling back into my room, I heard Laura on the phone, talking to someone about one of her patients. “I’ll be in shortly,” she said.

  I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to make up an excuse to leave.

  Laura had long, straight blond hair, a narrow chin and nose, and big pink lips. She was six feet tall, only two inches shorter than me, and had a killer body. I used to think she was model-ish and unique; now she reminded me of a Viking warrior. There was no softness to her, mentally or physically.

  Inside the room, I slid back into bed while she scrolled through her phone. Without looking over, she said, “I have to go in today. One of my patients is having some post-op issues. You going to brunch with your mom?”

  “How’d you know?”

  “Because you do that on Saturdays.”

  “You work a lot on Saturdays.”

  She ignored that. “They’re hiring orderlies at the hospital.”

  I laughed through my nose, and then turned on my side to face her. She was still looking at her phone. “I have a master’s in design, Laura. I was making close to what you are when I got laid off.”

  “Then get a job.”

  I shook my head. “As though I haven’t been trying.”

  “Try harder. My back is starting to hurt.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “From carrying you. I pay for almost all of our meals out,” she said.

  “I always tell you I can’t afford to go to the restaurants you like anymore. I offer to cook for you. You insist on paying and act like it’s no big deal.”

  She got up and tossed the covers back at me. “It’s not a big deal when it comes to the money. It’s the fact that doing it doesn’t bother you.”

  “Are you serious? Are we living in the eighteen hundreds?”

  She was standing naked and confident in front of my dresser mirror, brushing her long hair. “I have to go.”

  She went into the bathroom and started the shower. I followed her in and hopped up on the counter to talk to her through the shower curtain.

  “We’ve been together for a long time, Laura.”

  “I know, and I love you. But things aren’t moving forward for us anymore.”

  I agreed with her but stayed quiet.

  “And…” she said.

  “And what?”

  “I had a spark with someone at my work.”

  “What in the world is a spark, Laura?”

  “A connection. You know what a spark is.”

  I really didn’t. “Are you cheating on me?”

  She tore the shower curtain open and scowled. “Of course not. I’ve always been honest with you.”

  “Who is it?” I said.

  “Another surgeon.”

  “Of course. Which one?” I knew a lot of the people she worked with.

  “Tom.” She blinked, expressionless.

  “Really? Tom? He’s like four inches shorter than you and how many years older… and he has no hair.”

  She shrugged. “We have a lot in common. Don’t be so shallow.”

  “Outside of the fact that you make good money and enjoy cutting people open, what else d
o you have in common with him?”

  Wrapped in a towel, Laura, who I had been with for seven years, broke up with me by simply saying, “We haven’t really been a couple for a long time, Lucian. This will be like cutting out that fattening donut you have once a month.”

  She compared our relationship to a fucking donut. Or maybe she was comparing me to a fucking donut.

  “A donut?”

  She nodded. “A donut.” She pecked me on the lips. “Good-bye. I hope we can always be friends.”

  Not likely.

  After she left, I found myself standing there, still in the same spot in the bathroom, staring at the towel she had used. She said we hadn’t been a couple in a long time. I thought about that remark the whole way to Sweet Maple.

  When I got inside, my mother was already sitting at a table near the back. She stood to kiss me. Isla Bertrand was still a striking beauty at sixty-five, but it was her warmth that I always looked for in the women I wanted to date. I wasn’t a mama’s boy, but I didn’t take her for granted either. She was my biggest fan, always there for me.

  “Laura broke up with me,” I said as my mother and I sat down. “She said we hadn’t been a couple for a long time, and then she compared me to a donut.” I opened my eyes wide and laughed. “Can you believe that? It’s over. I’m a donut.”

  “Well, at least you’re laughing about it.” She took a deep breath.

  My face fell. “You’re relieved, aren’t you?”

  “I don’t want to say I’m relieved. I just never felt like you and Laura were right for each other. Something was always missing.”

  “You mean like a spark?”

  “Yes and love, real love. I think what you and Laura had was just for comfort, so you both could focus on your careers and not be distracted.”

  I tried to think back to when Laura and I had first met, how we’d felt about each other back then, but nothing stuck out in my memory. “You think we kept it together because it was comfortable?”

  “Comfortable and easy.” Her brow furrowed as she took my hand. “I’m sorry, Lucian. I know you’ve been together for a long time. Breaking up is never easy, even if you know it’s for the best. Maybe you should take a year and just be single.”