Love Squared

by A. E. Neal

  She jabbed her finger at the 'call' button for the elevator and waited.

  The sinking feeling in Quinn's stomach was back again and she had to steady herself against the wall. She hated the feeling of dread that kept washing over her like a heavy, wool blanket that stifled her breathing and clouded her thoughts. She took a deep breath, then another just as the doors opened, revealing Will with his arms crossed over his chest, looking particularly annoyed.

  "Hey, Will," she said softly as she stepped into the elevator beside him.

  He hadn't even glanced in her direction and she knew he was still upset with her. He swiped his keycard and tapped the fourteenth-floor button.

  As the elevator ascended, her nervousness took over and even though she knew Will wouldn't respond, she still babbled like a five-year-old hopped up on sugar. "I know I already apologized for running off, but I just want to tell you I'm sorry again. It was just that everything I worked for crumbled under my feet within twenty-four hours, so the only thing I could do was escape from it all. It's not your fault you couldn't find me and I don't know why Jaysen's still being a jerk about it. Honestly, I wish he'd just let the whole thing go, but even I have to hear about it every day. Sorry, Will. I really am."

  That was the truth too. After Quinn had spoken to Jaysen about everything that had happened, he reminded her several times that Hollingsworth could have pulled the gun on her, not him, and she could have been seriously hurt or dead. She was grateful for everything he had done for her, yet she felt like she was being treated like a child.

  Will put his hand up to stop Quinn from talking, then turned to face her and she shrugged, knowing he would never forgive her.

  "You're lucky Mr. Beckett cares about you so much. I've had my fair share of incidences with the women he surrounds himself with, but I have never in all my life had one disappear on me like that. I had no leads, nothing to go off of. It was like you vanished and I knew I'd lose my job if I didn't find you. Luckily, you turned up and thankfully Beckett is a very forgiving person, but I swear to all that is holy if you ever pull that shit again..." he said as he shook his head.

  Quinn rested her hand on his forearm. "I promise it won't happen again."

  He glanced down at her and gave her a half-smile.

  The elevator finally reached the fourteenth floor after what seemed like hours rather than minutes and when Quinn stepped out into the foyer, she was met by Jaysen who wore the same solemn look on his face as Will did.

  "It's nice to see you too, Jaysen," Quinn scoffed.

  He grabbed her arm roughly and lead her towards his office. She had no other choice but to follow him and as she glanced back at Will, he turned away almost as if he knew she was about to receive the lecture of a lifetime.

  Once inside his office, Jaysen closed the door and released her arm.

  "Sit," he commanded and without putting up a fight, she took the seat across from him.

  "I can see you're still upset with me," Quinn offered as his lips drew a hard line. "We've already gone over this, Jaysen. I was fine. I was in good hands and nothing happened to me. Nothing. So, can we please just drop it?" He didn't say a word and deep down, she knew she would eventually have to regain his trust at some point, but she wasn't up for arguing. She'd come to see him for one reason and one reason only. "That's not why I'm here. I have a favor to ask of you."

  He threw his head back and laughed. "I'm not sure you're in the position to be asking favors of me right now."

  "Please hear me out before you say anything else."

  "Fine," he said, looking uninterested in what Quinn had to say.

  "Mr. Wells is sending me to LA on Monday to meet with a new client. I know I haven't told you everything about my past, but I'm scared to death that I'll run into someone I haven't seen in years."

  "Your ex?"

  She nodded. "I promise I'll tell you everything, but I need you to trust me."

  Again he laughed. "Oh, little girl, I'm not sure that's possible considering the circumstances."

  "Damn it, Jaysen. Stop it. I'm serious. I have an appointment at two to see my therapist. If I'm going back to LA, I need this and I need you to understand that I have to see her if I'm going to be able to make this trip in one piece."

  His beautiful honey gaze caught hers and for a moment, her heart finally stopped racing. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desk in front of him. "Go on."

  "I'm already on Wells' shit list, I swear he hates me, if he finds out I left for personal reasons...he'll have my ass."

  "I'm the only one who should be thinking about your ass, Quinn, but I'll take care of it."

  His cocky smirk revealed that tiny dimple, that made her heart swell seven sizes too big, letting her know he couldn't possibly stay mad forever.

  "One other thing," Quinn began as she rose from the chair. "I don't have a car and her office is at the Tech Center. I have to be there in a half hour."

  "Will can take you," he said as his gaze drifted to Quinn's chest. She didn't know what it was about the way he looked at her all the time, but when he did, she felt every nerve ending in her body suddenly come to life.

  "Thanks," she said in a hushed voice.

  The man sitting at the giant mahogany desk had her under his spell and it took everything she had not to strip off his clothes and show him how grateful she was for his compassion. He rose from the desk and ran a hand through his dark hair, then closed the space between them, leaned down, and pressed his lips to her forehead.

  "I'll see you tonight," he whispered as she wrapped her arms around his neck because she wanted to savor the moment between them for just a little while longer.

  "I should go or I'm gonna be late," Quinn whispered and kissed his neck.

  "Then go." His hands gripped her waist as he pulled her closer.

  A low moan escaped her lips as she felt how ready he was for her through the dark gray slacks he was wearing. She slowly brought her arms down and rested them at her side, then gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

  "See you soon."

  He released his grip and rested his hand on the small of her back, then led her back to the elevator where Will stood guard.

  Chapter 22

  Somehow, Will managed to break every traffic law on their trip to Dr. Flint's office, but luckily they arrived unscathed and early. It was four minutes before two o'clock when Quinn walked into the therapist's office.

  Maureen looked exactly the same the last Quinn had seen her, only now, her pregnant belly protruded out so far, she looked like she had to be ready to give birth at any moment. They exchanged pleasantries and she called back to Dr. Flint, letting her know Quinn was waiting.

  Moments later the thick wooden door to Dr. Flint's office opened and another patient of hers who's eyes were rimmed with red, walked passed Quinn carrying a box of Kleenex.

  "Quinn?" she asked sweetly. "Ready?"

  Quinn followed her into the office, which was minimally decorated, a few books on the shelves against the wall and instead of a desk, true to fashion, there was a large leather couch and a matching chair across from it.

  "Have a seat," she offered.

  Dr. Flint took a seat across from Quinn as she pulled the file to her lap and began thumbing through the papers inside. Although Quinn hadn't seen her in quite some time, she seemed happy to see her, as did Quinn. She was the one and only person Quinn ever told about all the horrible things Trenton had done to her.

  Besides Quinn's father, she was also the only person who knew her real name and reassured her that changing it was the right choice. Quinn trusted Dr. Flint. She supposed she should, since she paid her a lofty one hundred and twenty dollars an hour to discuss her deepest secrets and darkest fears.

  Dr. Flint began with a simple question, "How are you feeling today?" And although it could have been easy to say, "Fine" or "Okay", Quinn didn't.

  "I feel like I'm on the verge of having another panic attack. A bad one. My whole life has bec
ome so freaking complicated lately and I'm not sure what I can do anymore to keep myself from feeling this way."

  "Can you elaborate? What triggered it?"

  Quinn told her everything. About her relationship with Jaysen, getting fired, the ordeal with Hollingsworth and running away with Nick to Black Hawk, who she mentioned was only a friend, although Quinn knew in her heart their relationship was so much more. The only thing she failed to mention was the one reason she was sitting in her office.

  "Is there something else on your mind?" Dr. Flint asked, knowingly and if Quinn didn't know any better, she would have sworn she was psychic.

  Quinn took another deep breath and searched her brain for the right words.

  "I'm being sent to LA on Monday for business and I know the chances are slim to none, but I'm terrified that I'll run into Trenton while I'm there and I can't help but think he hasn't changed. That alone scares me the most."

  "Like you said, the chances are slim, but how would you handle an encounter with him if that situation did arise?"

  "I don't know. Lately, I feel like I've already bit off more than I can chew and seeing him would only make things worse. Way worse."

  She scribbled a few notes, nodded her head, which was her 'tell' and Quinn knew their hour together was coming to an end.

  "Have you been taking your Xanax regularly?"

  "Not every day. Just when I feel an attack coming on. It clouds my thinking and makes me feel groggy. I've tried the breathing exercises you taught me, but I can't ever seem to control it," Quinn admitted.

  "I see," she said and scribbled more notes down. "Look, Quinn. I think you're making good progress on your own, but I think for now, I'll prescribe you something else that won't make you feel that way." She wrote out a prescription and handed it to Quinn. "You need to take this every day for it to work properly, understood?"

  "Yes, thank you."

  "In the meantime, I think it would be good for you to find a hobby. Something you enjoy, like writing, reading, or painting. And I would also like you to keep a journal. Whenever you feel like an attack is coming on, write down everything that led up to it, anything that triggered it and how you feel. In addition to that, I want you to try a technique I call the Rewind Method." Dr. Flint handed Quinn a sheet of paper with detailed instructions. "It takes concentration and a quiet place, like meditating. Follow the steps one by one and if you find yourself getting tripped up on one, start over. It's all about relaxation and being in touch with your breathing and surroundings."

  Quinn nodded as she quickly skimmed through the list. "I'll give it a shot."

  "It seems our time is up. I'd like to see you back here in a week, okay?"

  "Sure. I can do that. Thanks again Dr. Flint," Quinn said, rising from her seat to shake her doctor's hand.

  Quinn made a follow-up appointment with Maureen and headed outside. Will stood at the edge of the curb, with the same hard look on his face as before. When he saw Quinn, he rushed to the back of the black SUV and held the door open. She thanked him as she got in, though he just nodded and closed the door behind her.

  The ride back to the Beckett Building was silent between Quinn and Will as she read through the Rewind Method exercises, which seemed ridiculous, but she was willing to try anything.

  Chapter 23

  Jaysen insisted on driving Quinn home after work and although he was still angry with her, he kissed her goodbye and waved as she opened the door to her apartment building. Quinn fumbled with her keys, retrieved the mail that had been piling up in her box and headed upstairs.

  Jaysen was picking her up at seven o'clock that night for dinner and she wanted to shower, so she hurried up to the third floor.

  Gladys was sweeping the hallway and Quinn smiled at her as she bent down to gather the dirt into her old metal dust pan. She glanced back to see Nick's door was closed. As tempted as she was to talk to him, he was still ignoring her, or at least that's what she thought. He hadn't returned a single text or call since the night they returned from Black Hawk. Not that Quinn blamed him, she walked out of Nick's apartment that day knowing she might lose her only friend. Her best friend.

  "Thanks for cleaning that up, Gladys," Quinn said as she leaned into her door and shoved it open.

  "No problem, Quinny."

  Ziggy was at Quinn's feet instantly as she set her purse on the kitchen table. "Hey, buddy." She knelt down and scratched him between the ears as he purred wildly.

  Thankfully, she was able to get her prescription filled earlier that day, so she popped one of her new pills and drank a glass of water before getting in the shower.

  One lukewarm shower and half-shaven legs later, Quinn was rummaging through her closet to find something to wear when the doorbell rang. She pulled her robe on and padded into the living room.

  She unlocked the door and didn't expect to see Nick standing there, but there he was and he was carrying a manila folder.

  "Hey," she said.

  "I can see you're busy, so I'll be quick. Can I come in?"

  "Sure. Of course." She ushered him in and followed him into the kitchen.

  "I have something for you. I've been working on it ever since we got back..."

  "Nick," Quinn interrupted as he pulled out a chair and set the folder on the table. "About that...I want you to know how sorry I am."

  He held his hand up to quiet her. "Water under the bridge, Quinn. It's fine. Here, take a look."

  She sat across from him and took the folder in her hands. "What is it?"

  "Just open it and you'll see."

  She opened it and to her surprise, there were dozens of rental listings. Pages and pages of condo, apartment, and townhouse listings. Nick had acted selflessly even though she'd only ever brought him pain.

  "Oh my God, Nick. I can't believe it. There are so many. How did you ever find them?" Her lips curled into a smile as she ran her fingertips over each thumbnail picture.

  "Doesn't matter, I stayed true to my word. Now, all you have to do, is pick one and it's yours."

  "I appreciate this, but half of these are way out of my price range."

  "Don't worry about it. It's already been taken care of."

  "Wait. What? By who? You certainly can't afford these."

  "It's not a big deal, Quinn. Just pick one and I'll take care of the rest, okay?"

  "No. I can't accept this. It's too much," she argued as she slid the folder across the table.

  He rose from the chair, leaving the folder behind and headed for the front door.

  "You have until Sunday to decide."

  Before he could open the door, she rushed after him, grabbing his hand and pulling him back.

  "Why are you doing this after what I did to you?"

  His gaze dropped and she knew it took everything he had to deliver the folder to her in person. What she didn't understand was why?

  "You've made your choice and I've made my peace with it, but I also promised I would find you a place to live."

  Without another word, she wrapped her arms around his neck so tight, she could smell his body wash and freshly laundered clothes. He smelled like home and she suddenly missed being around him. He didn't return the hug, instead he stood there as she hugged him as tightly as she could. She didn't want to let go, for fear she'd never get to touch or hug him ever again.

  "I have to go," he whispered and Quinn released her grip on him.

  "Thank you for everything," she said as he disappeared into the hallway, closing the door behind him.

  Had she really made a choice? She was certain she hadn't, but if she hadn't, why did it look as if she'd just broken Nick's heart...again?

  After only a few weeks, Quinn had fallen for two different men. Each of which had their own unique personalities and quirks that she loved about them. Nick's sense of humor, his amazing body, and the fact that the rest of the world could just melt away when she was with him. Then there was Jaysen's good looks, his generosity, and passion. She didn't know what she
wanted and that was her problem, but she couldn't just keep leading them on, that was wrong in so many ways, but there was no way she could make a choice either. She cared about Jaysen and Nick both equally and never intended on hurting either of them.

  By the time she'd finished getting ready, she gave herself a quick once over just as the doorbell rang. She slipped her feet into a pair of nude pumps and hurried into the living room.

  She opened the door and Jaysen stood carrying a bouquet of pink roses and a bottle of wine.

  "Hey, you're early."

  "I can go and come back in a bit if you need more time to get ready."

  "No silly, I was just surprised that's all. Come in."

  He handed her the bouquet and wine. She brought her nose to one of the roses and inhaled. "They're wonderful, thank you."

  Once the roses were in a vase, she put the bottle of wine in the fridge to chill and caught Jaysen watching her every move from the living room.

  "What?" Quinn asked.

  "Nothing. You just look ravishing tonight, that's all."

  She skimmed her hands over the tight cream colored dress she was wearing and smiled. "Thanks, so do you."

  "I thought I'd take you somewhere different tonight, being that it's officially our second real date."

  "Okay. What do have in mind?" she asked as she closed the distance between them.

  He wrapped his arms loosely around her waist as he kissed her cheek.

  "You'll see."

  A sly smile crept across her face and she wondered what he was up to. "I can't wait."

  It surprised Quinn to find out that Will wouldn't be driving them around. Apparently, Jaysen gave him the night off, which was also equally surprising to her, since she'd never seen him leave Jaysen's side. Instead of the black SUV she'd become familiar with, she would be riding in a luxurious, pearl white Alfa Romeo 4C Coupe.

  What was it about guys and their toys? she thought to herself as she remembered her first ride with Nick in his muscle car.