Camp Alien

by Gini Koch

  “What does it prove?” Lorraine asked.

  “That whatever’s going on with Villanova has nothing to do with what just went on with all of us this past week. But very probably has a lot to do with what we just went through with the Kitty-Bot, because that plan appears to have kicked off about two weeks ago, since that’s how long the milk’s been out of date, so how long Villanova’s been gone. And while I’m no forensics expert, I imagine it’ll show that the dust has been gathering for a little while.”

  “So she went shopping and then took off?” Christopher asked. “Who would do that?”

  “More like she’d gotten food to last her a few days since she’d cleared out her freezer already and then was given the go order. The milk isn’t full, she’d drunk some of it.”

  “I can see what you’ve said,” Serene said slowly. “But doesn’t Villanova know that Strauss is dead? I mean, this plan is, like the milk, out of date.”

  “Good question. Just like the one you asked earlier—was someone supposed to come search this apartment because Villanova has ‘disappeared’?”

  “That’s the only thing that makes sense,” Christopher said. “Meaning the expectation would be that the police would be here.”

  “Possibly, but never sell our enemies short in the Cray-Cray Buffet of Insane Ideas Department. And that also begs this question—does Villanova, in fact, know that Strauss is dead, or is she somewhere remote enough that she’s not aware of the new world order?”

  “She’d have to be pretty remote to miss everything that happened,” Christopher said.

  “Or too busy,” Claudia offered.

  Serene shook her head. “I don’t think you roll a takeover plan and never communicate with your team. Plans go wrong all the time, and these people work in politics, where they know things don’t go as planned. So, is Villanova running the plan even though Strauss is dead? And if she is, what does she actually hope to achieve? For herself, I mean.”

  “She could be in hiding,” Lorraine said. “As in, she’s not working the plan but doesn’t think she can come back here for whatever reason.”

  “Come Back Home” by Two Door Cinema Club came on. Hoped it wasn’t prophetic. “Add this to the growing Questions List—what other aspects of the plan the Kitty-Bot is a part of did Straus and Villanova have in play two weeks ago? And what else might be coming?”

  The others looked like they might be ready to join in the conversation when we all heard the same sound we’d heard before—someone was coming into the apartment. Again. Apparently prophecy was in the air.

  CHAPTER 16

  WE WERE STILL IN the kitchen but we zipped into the office. Considered possibilities and realized that there was no way the water in the trays was frozen. Shoved the shredder into the kitchen, ran to the freezer and dumped out the water in the ice trays, put them back, and skedaddled back to the others. Hyperspeed was truly the best because this only took me about a second. Then I did what I had before—I closed the office door, leaving it open a crack.

  Christopher took my hand as I shoved the diamonds into one of the inner pockets of my purse, hoping that I hadn’t blown it by taking them out of the ice. Then again, if they were a payoff to someone to kill me, or whatever, it was better to not have said payoff available to said potential assassin. Everyone else linked up, just in case whoever was on the other side wasn’t the next person Jeff was sending to bring his errant wife home.

  The door opened slowly. Far more slowly than when Christopher had been on the other side. But then, an A-C picking a lock, especially the former Head of Imageering, would be fast at it, and Christopher had undoubtedly been working at hyperspeed.

  Because I was enhanced I could see people moving at the normal hyperspeed level, so Christopher’s entry had seemed normal to me.

  But this entry was far slower, slower than a normal human’s would have been. Meaning whoever was breaking in or returning home was being especially cautious.

  The person on the other side finally stepped through the doorway. It was a man about Chuckie’s size, average looks, with short blond hair and a messenger bag slung over his shoulder. He was also wearing gloves, leather ones, and since it was the end of May, it wasn’t because he was cold. I didn’t think I knew him, but he was vaguely familiar.

  Since my earbuds were in, any noises my phone might make would only be heard by me. Risked it and took a few pictures of whoever this was.

  He walked to the kitchen and I waited to discover if he was going for the freezer. But he wasn’t. What he wanted was the shredder.

  He pulled the lid off and made a sound of disgust. “Unreal. How did I get talked into this?”

  Recognized his voice. Not exactly, but I knew I’d heard it before, and I knew for sure now that I’d seen him before. Where this had been and who he was were, however, still not coming to me.

  “The Chauffeur” by Duran Duran came on and I realized exactly who this was. Figured my using this as a reason for Jeff to allow me to pipe my music throughout the White House wasn’t going to fly, but I planned to hold it in reserve, just in case.

  I was looking at Evan, Armstrong’s former limo driver. Evan had been Armstrong’s driver for years, but during Operation Destruction he’d been proven to be a little suspect in the trustworthy department. Armstrong hadn’t fired him so much as handed him off to someone else. Senator Zachary Kramer, as faded memory did me a solid and shared a relevant fact when I actually needed it.

  I’d been in the Washington Wife class with his wife, Marcia, but while she’d been friends with that in-crowd, things had changed—me being friends with most of that in-crowd that was still alive, mainly—and now the Kramers were officially anti-alien. Meaning Kramer’s driver was fake breaking into Strauss’ assistant’s apartment to gather the shredded materials we’d already snagged. Which suggested a connection between Kramer and Strauss, which wasn’t really shocking in any way.

  Of course, I couldn’t tell any of the others who this was, at least not out loud. And it probably didn’t matter—we needed to ensure that we weren’t spotted here.

  Evan didn’t seem to have any curiosity about looking for another shredder, which was good for us. Instead, he went right to the freezer and grabbed the ice cube trays. “Are you kidding me?” He tossed them back in and slammed the freezer door. “How did I get stuck with these idiots?”

  He heaved a sigh and pulled something out of the messenger bag. It looked like a thermos. Took pictures of it in case it was actually a nuclear reactor or a bomb while “Black Coffee in Bed” by Squeeze kept me calm and focused.

  He unscrewed the lid and carefully splattered the contents around the room. Said contents looked like blood. Once done he closed up the thermos, put it back into his messenger bag, and left, leaving the front door just slightly ajar.

  We waited a few moments. “We need to get out of here right now,” Christopher said in a low voice. “And we have to be sure we don’t touch any of that blood.”

  “Why was Evan tossing blood around?”

  “Who cares?” Christopher asked. “Because he’s in on whatever’s going on. We need to go. Now. And be sure not to step in any of the blood.”

  Turned my music off and put my phone into my purse, just in case. We walked carefully to the front door, then linked back up and left at hyperspeed, Christopher leaving the door ajar in the same way Evan had.

  Once the five of us were out, he kicked it up to his Flash level and we were all back in my room at the White House in less than a minute.

  “Who was that?” Serene asked while we all gagged. Christopher’s top speed was hard on everyone other than Jeff.

  Shared the wonder that was Evan and his connection to the Kramers, which meant they were likely connected to Strauss and Villanova. “Christopher, you need to get back to the Embassy. Lorraine, Claudia, go with him. Get Hacker International working on p
iecing together whatever’s been shredded. Clearly it’s key.”

  “Kitty, you need to take a shower,” Serene said. “We used you taking a bath as an excuse for why you’ve been gone. It’s only been about thirty minutes, but that’s almost too long.”

  “Hyperspeed shower here I come. See you three later.”

  They zipped off and I zipped into the bathroom and took the fastest shower of my life. Didn’t wash my hair because I figured I could use the excuse of blow-drying it as a reason for my being so absent. And, despite everything, figured a good brushing would solve most issues.

  Serene had clothes out for me, a navy skirt and pumps with an iced blue top, and I got into them quickly but carefully. While I brushed out my hair and put it up in a banana clip, we discussed what we knew and concluded we knew a lot and nothing at the same time.

  “We need to get anything Elaine has on Evan out of her.”

  “That’ll fall more to you than me,” Serene said. “Honestly, right now, the two of us need to get back into political mode, and fast.”

  “Only sort of. We have the head of Titan here as well as Drax. We’re just in that What The Hell Is Going On mode, versus this other What The Hell Is Going On mode. Speaking of which, what’s our story for what happened with the Kitty-Bot?”

  “I checked with Tim while you were showering. Suspected intruder issue that was handled is the official word. I don’t know that you’ll even be asked about it—the Planetary Council has been mingling, and most of what everyone’s talking about are Jeff’s personnel announcements and the Drax situation.”

  “As long as no one suggests the Kitty-Bot as my replacement, I’m good with it.”

  She laughed. “I’ll get my people on the Kitty-Bot What The Hell problem. We’re better suited to that than the Titan and Drax issues.”

  “Which is your polite way of saying that the FLOTUS can’t be caught up in all the intrigue and illegal B&E that’s going to go on.”

  Serene shot me a very innocent look. “Kitty, we would never do anything illegal.” She sounded totally honest and completely ditzy.

  Laughed and hugged her. “You’re really our best secret weapon.”

  She hugged me back. “Have to take care of my family.”

  We headed downstairs. Serene either had the White House layout memorized or was a lot better with spotting the signage, because we reached the dining room where everyone else was without issue. Spent the time regressing my mindset back to what it had been before the Kitty-Bot appeared. I had to FLOTUS up and take one for the political team, and I had to do it now.

  We separated, and I went over to where Thomas Kendrick was. Unsurprisingly, he was with Culver, Gadoire, and Vance. Tito was also there, and he nodded to me, meaning that he’d double-checked Kendrick and he was indeed a real human.

  Everyone asked if I was alright, said I was, and that was that. Presumably because Kendrick had been here waiting for a good forty-five minutes or more and no one wanted any more delays. Worked for me.

  “Madam First Lady, thank you so much for inviting me into your new home,” Kendrick said as he stood up and we shook paws. No joy buzzer or similar in his hand. One for the win column.

  “Kitty,” Vance said as he stood, too, “I’m sorry, but I need to grab you for just a moment. It’s a point of etiquette that our new First Lady might be unaware of,” he added with a gracious smile for the others. Then Vance took my arm and led me out of the room.

  “What point of etiquette am I unaware of? I mean besides all of them.”

  “None, I just wanted to tell you what we’ve gotten out of Thomas while you were out of the room doing whatever it is that you were really doing that we’re all going to pretend was taking a bath and calming down from a false intruder alert.”

  “Really?” Tried not to sound shocked. Failed, based on Vance’s expression.

  “Yes, really,” he said, sarcasm knob easily at eight and heading for nine. “We’re not idiots and we’re on your side. And he’ll tell us things he might hold back from the rest of you.”

  “As always, not trying to insult you or the skills.”

  “Whatever. Anyway, Lillian got him onto Drax Industrial right away. Thomas knows about the Invisible Commandos, and he told us that he had no idea that was Drax’s sales pitch. He’s horrified, and has been subtly cutting ties. He did say that if Jeff wants him to keep an eye on Drax, he will.”

  “I have just so, so much trouble believing that the head of Titan Security is our friend. I’m sure it’s possible, but it’s still a leap.”

  Vance shrugged. “He’s not Antony Marling. You know how it works here.”

  “I do. I also know he’s pals with the heads of Gaultier and YatesCorp.”

  “You’re pals with one of the other heads of Gaultier.”

  “Stop using your evil logic on me. So, do you guys believe him?”

  “Well, Jeremy Barone does.” Jeremy was the brother half of a brother-sister Field team. He was the empath, his sister Jennifer was the imageer. She was now Jennifer Barone-Gaekwad, but she was still working with us and was on-site at the White House, too. “He was hanging out nearby, and he gave me the signal that Thomas wasn’t lying. He could be wearing an emotional manipulator, of course, but until he’s strip-searched, we don’t have any way of telling. But Jeremy thinks he got enough emotions to feel confident that Thomas isn’t wearing a blocker or an overlay.”

  “Or he’s testing out the next level of Titan tech. But, fine. That gives me a lot to work with.”

  Vance grinned. “That’s what I’m here for.”

  Decided that, regardless of what my role was now, I was still the Head of Recruitment for Alpha Team. And that meant I could hire as I saw fit. And, per Elaine, I had a lot of staff positions to fill. And we had at least two evil plots working, and more always loomed on the horizon. It was time to fill the ranks.

  “Um, Vance?”

  “Yeah?”

  “By any chance, are you interested in a job?”

  CHAPTER 17

  VANCE STARED AT ME for a long moment. “What kind of job? I don’t want to run off to retrieve a briefcase while being shot at again. I’ll do it, but I don’t want to.”

  “That’s not what I meant, but good to know that you’re always willing. No. I need a First Lady’s Chief of Staff along with a Social Secretary and Press Secretary. Or, as I think of it, I need a Pierre. I don’t think it’s right for me to rip him away from the Embassy, though.”

  “I agree. He’s the only one there who isn’t changing jobs or having massive life upheavals.”

  “Wow.”

  “What?”

  “It’s literally like you read my mind.”

  “I’ll be thrilled if I’m reading this right. You want me to be, what, your Chief of Staff?”

  “Yeah, I do. I really do.”

  Vance stared at me again. “Why?” he asked finally.

  “Because you, like Pierre, know all the right things to do, who’s zooming who, what to do in all the social situations. You dress like you just stepped out of the pages of GQ, you know everyone, and you’re smart enough to make everyone think you’re not smart at all. I have no idea why you were even in the Washington Wife class—you didn’t need it.”

  He grinned. “I take it every time it’s offered. So does Abner. It’s how we help our spouses meet new players, Kitty. Darcy likes having ringers in the class, and she also likes our money, so she doesn’t let on to the new students that she’s known us for years.”

  Blinked. “Wow. That hadn’t even occurred to me. But it’s brilliant, really.”

  “Thanks. You mean it? This isn’t a joke job offer?”

  “When have I ever offered you a joke job? When have I offered anyone a joke job?”

  He shrugged. “I just want to be sure.”

  “Be sure. Do you
want the job?”

  Vance hugged me. “Hells to the yeah. And I don’t even care what it pays.”

  Hugged him back. “Thanks. Get to work. In addition to having no knowledge of what your salary is, I also have no freaking idea what I’m supposed to be doing in that dining room.”

  He laughed. “You mean besides eating and determining what’s going on at Bad Guy Central?”

  “Right. I’m great on the Megalomaniac Girl side of the house. The FLOTUS side on the other hand . . .”

  Vance put his arm around my waist and headed us back. “Oh, don’t worry, my chipper strip of seaweed . . . Your Mister Beaumont has you covered.”

  Managed to control the Inner Hyena, but only barely. “Thank you, Jeeves.”

  He grinned. “This is going to be fun. As for what you do, just sit and eat. This isn’t a formal gathering, and everyone in here is aware of how you roll, plus those who don’t know you well think you had a scare before the intruder was handled. But definitely eat. The food’s great.”

  “Got it, I’m a scared bunny. Do I get to sit next to Jeff?”

  “No, not right now. And just be you, no bunny needed. You’re going to sit with us, and keep Thomas entertained. Trust me on this one.”

  “That is now your job, dude. To be the guy I trust.”

  Vance stopped walking, took his arm from around my waist, and looked at me seriously. “I promise I won’t let you down.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Speaking of which . . . you said you needed a Chief Floral Designer, right?”

  “Yep. Along with God alone knows what else.”

  “Probably a Decorator or similar. I’m going to get in touch with Pierre and tell him that, as of right now, Akiko Designs only works for American Centaurion and the White House and have him ensure that’s the case by the time we’re done with this lunch.” He was texting like mad as he said this. “Also, and don’t take my head off for this suggestion, but I think you can cover two jobs with one person if you hire Abner to be your Decorator and Chief Floral Designer.”