Camp Alien

by Gini Koch

  “I have to agree,” Buchanan said. “Did Kendrick know that you were the creator?” he asked Drax.

  “Of course. And he was also aware that I had . . . safeguards . . . so that no one else could access my building. Though he wasn’t aware of what they were. I didn’t share that I was from another planet.”

  “Wise, under the circumstances. Did he suspect, do you think?” If he had, Kendrick hadn’t mentioned it to me.

  “No, he believed I was from Eastern Europe and didn’t try to determine my country of origin.”

  “Why weren’t those safeguards on the helicarrier?” Wruck asked. “It seems . . . foolish to have left them off of what had to be your most expensive piece of equipment.”

  Drax heaved a sigh. “I had to allow the helicarrier to function with human personnel. My temporary help were going to have to think on their feet, so to speak, so I turned off the sentience, as you’d put it.”

  “Can you turn it on from a distance?” Hey, it didn’t hurt to ask.

  “No. I’ve tried, believe me.”

  A thought occurred. “How in the world did you get all the equipment to build a helicarrier and anything else you have? And how did you get to this planet in the first place?”

  Drax stared at me. “I brought it all with me,” he said finally. “I thought that was obvious.”

  Time for the rest of us to stare back. “How?” Buchanan asked finally. “And when?”

  “In my ship.” Drax said this as if it, too, was obvious. “And about two years ago.”

  So probably during Operation Defection Election, meaning we were all focused on Sandy and the Superconsciousness Seven and, perhaps, not paying attention to anyone else arriving. However, that didn’t seem likely—we were all about monitoring for suspicious activity. And by “we” I meant every world government all the time. Sandy and Friends would have had the governments on higher alert, too.

  “What ship? I’m asking because no one, anywhere, has mentioned that a spaceship arrived from parts unknown and landed here. We’re picky about things like that here on Earth. We tend to notice. And complain.”

  Drax shrugged. “We have good cloaking. I came when there were other beings here, I do know that. They left me alone, however.”

  “Superconsciousness someones?”

  “Yes, I think so, at any rate. They were rather . . . insubstantial. We’ve heard of them, of course, but haven’t seen them. They don’t come to the Galactic Core, for whatever reasons.”

  “Count your blessings. Okay, so where is your ship hidden? And if you say it’s in the middle of D.C. I’m literally going to take some Advil and go lie down for the rest of the day.”

  Drax chuckled nervously. “No, of course not. Well, not the middle. I don’t think.”

  Buchanan and I exchanged a look. “I’m sure I’m going to hate this, Missus Chief.”

  “Me, too. So, Gustav, where is your cloaked spaceship hanging out?”

  “There’s a large hospital complex that’s undergoing major renovation that has a parking structure that’s not being used and hasn’t been torn down yet. My ship is on top of that.”

  “So . . . your spaceship is parked at the old Walter Reed hospital complex? And no one’s noticed? I shudder to think how the press is going to play this when that ship is found.” Because I was certain that it would be found. At the worst possible moment for Jeff’s presidency. Because that was how our luck rolled.

  “We need to handle all of this, quickly and quietly,” Siler said.

  “Nightcrawler, you’ve read my mind. Stephanie can wait. Testing androids can wait. You three take Drax and get that spaceship stored at Andrews as fast as humanly possible and by humanly I mean Christopher and by possible I mean faster than the Flash.”

  “What are you going to be doing?” Buchanan asked.

  “I’m going to go back to the others, verify that no one needs me, and go to the Embassy to see my children. Because this day has made me want to hunker down and cuddle my kids for some weird reason.” A potential robot impersonator getting near enough to fool my children being only one of those reasons. Because, after all, if there was one, who was to say there weren’t more Kitty-Bots out there? Or Jeff-Bots? Or Whomever-Bots? That we hadn’t seen them yet seemed more a matter of time than proving there weren’t any more around.

  “Fine,” Buchanan said, in a tone that indicated that, as per usual, it really wasn’t. “I’m having the boys meet you.”

  “Works for me.” Of all my personnel, the ones most likely to roll with whatever I really wanted to do were Len and Kyle. I was all kinds of happy they were taking over the FLOTUS Babysitter post for a while.

  “Are you going to have him restrain me?” Drax asked, indicating Wruck.

  Contemplated all the options and heaved a sigh. “No.”

  “You’re far too trusting,” Siler said. “Not that I think he’s lying about being on our side. But still. I don’t want to find out we’re wrong.”

  “Oh, no worries. I have a plan.” Looked around. “Any Poofs or Peregrines available, please come to Kitty.”

  CHAPTER 25

  THE ROOM WAS SUDDENLY loaded with a lot of fluffy cuteness and feathered beauty.

  Poofs were small, fluffy animals with black button eyes, no visible ears and tails due to fur fluff, and were basically the cutest things in existence. Everyone else thought they were Alpha Four animals. However, I knew they were really from the Black Hole Universe and had been brought here by Algar. In addition to being the most adorable things around, Poofs were able to go Jeff-sized with a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth.

  The Poofs attached to whoever named them, and they sort of chose what they considered a name. I looked at this as a way to determine when we really had a new ally or not.

  Peregrines, on the other hand, were indeed Alpha Four animals, and resembled peacocks and peahens on steroids. The males were colorful, the females all white. In addition to being fierce fighters, Peregrines could also go chameleon and were, therefore quite good at stealth protection. They also used their keen animal senses to determine friend from foe as best as they could.

  The Peregrines reported to me, and, as such, I was the one who named them. All of them. Any new Peregrine chicks who were born were brought to me for their Royal Naming Ceremony. At least, that was what Bruno, the Head Peregrine, had told me, and who was I to argue?

  Since the Peregrines tended to be in Stealth Mode until needed and the Poofs had the ability to all be in my purse or in someone’s pocket without you even feeling their weight, for all I knew the easily twenty-five Poofs and eight Peregrines who were in here with us had been with us all along.

  Buchanan, Siler, and Wruck all knew about and possessed their own Poofs—Wruck had gotten his the day before, as a matter of fact—so they weren’t freaked by the sudden Animal Kingdom Arrival.

  Drax, on the other hand, apparently had not been briefed on our animal situation. Because he jumped and gave a little shriek. “What are those?”

  “Protection and insurance.” Knelt down. “Thanks for coming, Kitty would like a word.”

  Got their full attention and a blast of the Sea of Animal Love. Never an issue and made me feel a whole lot better. “First off, can anyone confirm for Kitty if Gustav here is someone Kitty and Jeff should trust?”

  They all stepped back and began conversing.

  “Excuse me,” Drax said, “but are you actually talking to those fluffy things and those birds?” He sounded amazed and freaked out.

  “Metal being sentient, it’s no big. Me being Doctor Doolittle? That’s somehow the biggest shock in the multiverse.”

  Of course, what I wasn’t sharing was that while the animals could always understand me and I could absolutely understand them when they wanted me to, when they didn’t, it was just so much mewling, purring, squawking, and scratching. Which
was what they were doing now.

  Waited. Some things were worth taking time, and verifying if someone was or wasn’t a real ally was right up there at the top of the list. Wruck took the time to explain the situation to Drax. Wruck had only joined up with us in the past week, so this new information was top of mind for him. He was rather proudly showing off his Poof, which he’d named Vaya, which apparently meant “calm” in Ancient.

  Buchanan’s Poof, presumably not wanting him to look Poofless, jumped onto his shoulder. “Help the others, Killer,” Buchanan said with a grin. The Poof purred, rubbed against his neck, then jumped down with the others, though Vaya stayed with Wruck.

  Siler merely grinned. He actually had three Poofs, something I’d discovered only about a day ago. Apparently the Poofs had adopted him, the Dingo, and Surly Vic without my knowing during Operation Epidemic—basically, once Lizzie had gotten a Poof, those three had had Poofs appear, clamoring for attention which they’d duly received, since even hardened assassins couldn’t resist the cuteness that was the Poofs.

  But their Poofs had been off helping with the rest of the Poof Herd during the endgame of Operation Epidemic, so they hadn’t been there to prevent Annette Dier from torturing all three of them and murdering the Dingo and Surly Vic.

  Shoved the sorrow thinking about this gave me away again. Sure, they’d been the top assassins in the world. But they’d become my Uncles Peter and Victor, and they’d died to protect me. They’d had a kind of Viking funeral, but it wasn’t enough. I didn’t know what would be enough. Time, maybe. Though I doubted it.

  At any rate, the two other Poofs had attached to Siler. Which was probably nice for him and Lizzie both. They hadn’t been able to have pets, because pets tend to cramp the Assassin Lifestyle. But Poof abilities meant you could have a herd of Poofs and, as long as you had meat for them to eat and a convenient litterbox, they were incredibly easy to care for.

  The animals seemed to reach a consensus, and Bruno came forward. Squawked, scratched the carpet, flapped wings, squawked again, then cocked his head at me.

  “Ah, gotcha. And yes, before anyone gets mouthy, I’ll translate.” Bruno shot me a wink and I gave him a scritchy-scratch between his wings while I talked. “The animals think Gustav is okay, but they aren’t really sure because they hadn’t had a lot of time to check him out. They feel that Stephanie is absolutely no good—so score one for you again, Malcolm—and because Gustav was associated with her, they aren’t sure about him. The suggestion is that you guys will travel with several Poofs in addition to your own, as well as four Peregrines, and the animals will observe and report.”

  “Works for me,” Buchanan said.

  “You’re taking security direction from animals?” Drax asked.

  “Sentient ones. So, you should be able to relate, seeing as you have smart metal hanging about and all that. And my animals all can and do think for themselves.” Gave the Poofs pats and the rest of the Peregrines their scritchy-scratches, then stood up as there was a knock at the door and Len and Kyle came in. “So, you guys handle the Drax stuff, and we’ll convene later.”

  We all left the Vice President’s office together, but since we were in the West Wing, the Spaceship Recovery Team left us and zipped off, Siler providing both hyperspeed and his own form of chameleon camouflage. While the boys and I walked slowly back to the Top Level Meeting in the White House, I filled them in on what had been transpiring.

  I’d met Len and Kyle in Las Vegas during the fun festivities that had happened right before my wedding. They’d helped me avert disaster, and, despite being on the USC football team—Len as quarterback and Kyle on the line—and expecting very promising pro careers, they’d opted to join the CIA immediately out of college instead of going into the NFL. As Kyle liked to joke, they’d just chosen a different Alphabet Agency to align with.

  Chuckie had hired them and assigned them to be my driver and bodyguard. The boys were smart and brave and, as Len liked to say, Trojan Football was always there to help.

  Because it was Len and Kyle and they weren’t going to bawl me out, I also told them all about the trip to Villanova’s apartment and my concerns about the Kramers being involved in some way, as well as my fun phone call from Talia Lee. I was extremely good at being Recap Girl, so I was done before we reached the conference room we’d been in before lunch. Or else the boys had been wandering the White House complex with me in order to get all the pertinent details. Still wasn’t sure where I was in here, so that was quite possible.

  “So, what is it you really want to do?” Len asked as I finished up. “Right now, I mean. In the grand scheme of things, I know you want to foil the bad guys.”

  “Honestly? I really want to go see Jamie and Charlie and pretend none of this is going on.”

  “That doesn’t sound like you,” Kyle said. He blushed. “I don’t mean I don’t think you’re a good mom, Kitty. You are. I just can’t believe you don’t want to get in on the action.”

  “Well, I did that already. I can’t go with Malcolm and the others on Mission: Move That Ship. I also can’t go on Mission: Examine Drax Industrial’s Swell Digs. I know without asking that Jeff wants more than the three of us to be the ones to talk to Stephanie. The Android and Kitty-Bot comparisons are happening in Dulce and I know without asking that if I go there without Jeff or James I’ll be hearing about it for a long time. And I’m willing to leave the determination of whether or not Kendrick has an android that stole the helicarrier to wiser minds.”

  “You are?” Len asked. Kyle’s expression of shock matched Len’s.

  “Yes, because the real action right now is at the Zoo. Well, so to speak.”

  “What do you mean?” Kyle asked.

  “I had the girls give the pictures we took at Villanova’s apartment to Hacker International. And they also have the stuff from the shredder. If there’s anything to be found or learned in regard to that situation, it’s there, not here.”

  The boys looked at each other, then back at me. “You’re sure there’s been an android of Kendrick created and that it’s the android that fooled Drax,” Len said. “That’s why you aren’t interested in interrogating him anymore.”

  “And you know that Jeff can monitor you if you’re in the complex,” Kyle added. “But with all that’s going on, he might not be able to when you’re at the Embassy.”

  “Oh, don’t sell Jeff short. But it’s nice to know that both of you think I’m using seeing my children as an excuse to do things that the menfolk don’t want me to.”

  Len shrugged. “We know you, Kitty.”

  “I’m going to resent that. I can’t deny it, but I can and do resent it.”

  “You’d better let Jeff know before we leave,” Kyle said. “I don’t think he’s going to want you to go.”

  Heaved a sigh. “Probably not. I’m so not ready to be the FLOTUS.”

  “He’s not ready to be the President,” Len said. “But he’s doing it well, and you are, too. Better than either of you think.”

  “Yeah, it’s been like a week. I guarantee that we’re not doing as well as most people think we should, and I literally cannot wait for the media who don’t like us to start their reporting.” The boys looked at each other. “Oh goody. It’s started already?”

  Kyle nodded. “Raj said that no one is allowed to show you or Jeff any media, and we’re to try to keep it away from Mister Reynolds, too.”

  “Chuckie hasn’t had a mood swing or migraine since the fun Train Ride O’ Doom.”

  “Doesn’t mean he’s cured,” Len pointed out. “Just that he had so many other things going on that he was forced to focus.”

  Considered this. “You know, I wonder if Cliff getting outed to the world has helped with Chuckie getting better. Because stress and pressure was what seemed to trigger him most of the time these past long months.”

  “Maybe.” Len shrugged. �
��That’s Tito’s job, really, Kitty, not yours.”

  “I’d rather work on Chuckie’s issues than the political stuff.”

  “Shocker.” Like everyone else in my circle, Kyle had a sarcasm knob. “And a week without an episode doesn’t equal cure, Kitty. It just means that he could be better, or a worse attack is just around the corner.”

  “Wow, thanks for that, Mister Sunshine.” Though I had to admit that Kyle was, sadly, probably right. “Anyway, let’s get what needs to be done for the Presidential Dog and Pony Show here then get over to the Embassy.”

  We rounded a corner and went into the room everyone had been in before. It was completely devoid of people.

  CHAPTER 26

  THE EXPRESSIONS ON the boys’ faces said that this was not what they’d expected. “Uh, maybe they went back to the dining room?” Kyle suggested.

  So, we went there. No people. The room was all cleaned up, though, and ready for the next gigantic meal.

  “Maybe we’re being punked? Because that makes as much sense as what usually goes on in our lives.”

  “I kind of doubt it.” Len looked around. “I don’t see anyone hiding behind the drapes.”

  “Maybe they left us a message,” Kyle suggested.

  So we trotted back to the meeting room to see if anyone had left us a note or something. Nada. It was neat and tidy, though. If we’d been in the Embassy, I’d just have assumed the Elves had cleaned up. But humans did the work here, and none were around or about.

  “Okay, before I start panicking, any guesses as for who’s gone where and why?”

  “They weren’t in the West Wing,” Len said, voice tight. “We went through there to get you and come back and we’d have spotted everyone, even if they were in a room.”