Camp Alien

by Gini Koch

  “I’ll get everyone else ready,” Vance said and started texting. Contemplated getting everyone texting at the same time, just to see if I could, but then decided I had better uses for my efforts. “Including Gideon?”

  “Yes, if he’s available and you agree with Vander that we should ask him to take an official position with the Cause.”

  “I do and we should.”

  Serene came in. “We’re here.” She had a man with her I’d never seen before. However, he had long, dark hair and it wasn’t pulled back. Was willing to bet that he had metal plates at his temples.

  The man looked around at everyone, then looked to Serene. “All organic.”

  “Kitty, this is Tevvik,” Serene said. “He was by far the best at determining organic from machine.”

  “Super, bring in his boss, for want of a better word.”

  “Ruler,” Tevvik said with a smile.

  “Ruler number, what, twenty-one or twenty-three?”

  “On this planet? Number one.”

  “Good to know.”

  “What’s going on?” Kendrick asked. Drax came into the room. Kendrick jumped up. “Get that lunatic!”

  He lunged for Drax, but Culver and Vance grabbed him. Kendrick was still shouting and Drax joined in. Culver and Vance were still having to hold Kendrick back, and Tevvik and Serene were doing the same with Drax. We had a full-on domestic dispute going. Lucky us.

  Three more Vata showed up. They also got in on the domestic dispute. Had no idea where Buchanan, Siler, or Wruck were, but if they were around, they were staying hidden and out of the fray.

  Leaned next to Reader. “It was a lot less loud when you and Tim were doing this with Vance. Wish Jeff was here. Or a reality camera crew. We could sell this somewhere, I’m sure.”

  “Oh, I have faith in you, girlfriend.”

  Clearly it was time for me to represent. Contemplated my options. Sent a text to Jeremy requesting his presence. Pulled out my iPod and speakers. Plugged the speakers in, turned the volume up to eleven. But what song to choose? Jeremy arrived just as I came up with the right choice. Nodded to him and hit play.

  CHAPTER 45

  PINK’S “TRUE LOVE” came blasting out. Kendrick and Drax both stopped shouting and stared at me, mouths open. Reader and Tim, meanwhile, were cracking up. I still had it.

  Once the room was quiet except for Pink and Lily Rose Cooper singing, I turned the volume down to a normal volume. For me. It was probably still loud for others, but oh well, too bad for them.

  “Now that I have your attention, I’d like everyone to sit down, shut up, and have a Coke and a smile.” Everyone sat. No one requested a Coke and smiles weren’t in abundance, either, since Reader and Tim were trying to get a hold of themselves. “Good job. Gustav, the reason you were doing all the testing in the desert was to prove that there is a difference between a human, android, and robot brain, and that you and your people can tell what it is. Per Tevvik, everyone here is a real human.”

  “Yes, so what?” Drax snapped. “He insulted me.”

  “We have a short memory, I see.” Turned to Kendrick. “Gustav thinks you stole the helicarrier. That’s why he’s mad at you.”

  “What? What the hell? I didn’t steal anything!”

  “Yeah? Jeremy, your thoughts?”

  “He’s telling the truth.”

  “Meaning that what took that helicarrier was an android. Gustav, you know that’s what we suspected.”

  “He called me a lunatic!”

  “Because you are!” Kendrick was ready to go again.

  Turned the song back up. They quieted. Turned it back down. “The song is all about love and hate and how they’re so closely tied. And all that jazz. At any rate, the bottom line is that Thomas isn’t a sneaky thief and Drax isn’t a kidnapping lunatic. Basically, you were both screwed over by the same person or persons unknown but definitely suspected. And what we need—and by ‘we’ I mean the country and by ‘need’ I mean what I expect you to do—is to work together to help figure out how to get that stupid helicarrier and all the people in it back safely under our control.”

  “Why was he,” Kendrick nodded toward Tevvik, “talking about a ruler?”

  “That’s a funny story. It turns out that Drax isn’t actually a human. He’s what’s called a Vata, from a distant planet, Vatusus, which is near the Galactic Core. They’re really good with electronics on Vatusus. In fact, all the Vata have a really interesting thing that sets them apart from the other humanoid races that we’ve met so far. Tevvik, if you would?”

  He smiled and pulled his hair back. The humans in the room who hadn’t known that we had another alien race skulking about all gasped.

  “Yeah, organic metal plates in the temples is different, isn’t it? That’s part of how they commune with electronics. And that’s good for us, because we have two androids and one robot under our control now, and they could tell that they weren’t humans or A-Cs.”

  Tevvik shook his head. “Not quite. Organic versus inorganic. We couldn’t tell the difference between human and A-C brains, just that the androids had circuitry within the gray matter and the robot had circuitry instead of gray matter, if you will.”

  “Gotcha, thanks for the distinction. So, Thomas and Gustav, you two need to kiss and make up, because you’re not actually each other’s enemies. Oh, and by the way, the second part of that funny story is that Tevvik and his friends are here because Gustav is, as it turns out, from the Vatusus Royal Family. Ergo, meet Prince Gustav. He, and I quote, eschews the title, but his retainers really like it. And, Gustav, humans dig royalty, so you get really comfy being called Prince Gustav, ’cause I’m going to be using that whenever I need to.”

  Both men were staring at each other as the music changed to “Crystal Baller” by Third Eye Blind. Considering it should have gone to another Pink song, chose to take this as an Official Algar Hint that I needed to be thinking about Crystal Maurer in some way.

  Turned the volume lower. “Gustav, Thomas has a Bloodhound Tracker that I think can help us. What I want you two doing is trying to figure out how to narrow down where the helicarrier could be. We’ll be helping with that because, as Tim said before many of you arrived, this is my skill.”

  “What is?” Tevvik asked politely.

  “Mind melding with the League of Crazed Evil Geniuses. It’s a gift and a curse both, but I find the will to go on.” Mostly because sex with Jeff made most of my trials worthwhile. But I decided to keep that one to myself.

  Of course, Jeremy blushing meant I probably hadn’t kept that quite as to myself as one could hope. Oh well, such were the risks of working for Centaurion Division.

  Vance’s phone beeped. “Gideon can’t make it right now, he has state business he has to deal with, but he’s happy to have an official job and title with the Cause. The others on your team are standing by, Kitty. How do you want to handle this?”

  “Gustav, did you ever send Stephanie to Titan for any reason?”

  “Once or twice, yes.”

  “Super-duper. Did you ever meet her, Thomas?”

  “Pretty girl, blonde hair?” he asked. I nodded. “I did. She came to bring me prototypes a couple of times. We didn’t talk too long either time, though.”

  Stephanie had hyperspeed, meaning anything she wanted to get she could without Kendrick necessarily noticing. “Can we get our paws on any working BTs, Thomas?”

  “Yes, I can have the prototypes brought over.”

  “Make it so.” Contemplated all we had to do. Decided I could ignore all the FLOTUS crap and focus on the interesting and important stuff, like finding the flyboys and our other missing people, just like Tim wanted.

  My music changed to “Break Your Plans” by the Fray. Interesting. I was ready to roll into a full on Get Our People Back meeting. But since it appeared I was on the Algar N
etwork, took this song to mean that Algar wanted me focused on the FLOTUS stuff for some reason. The reason probably being that Mom and Vance were right—the peace talks were the top priority and my handling them well was the way to go.

  Heaved an internal sigh. Now was not the time to argue with the King of the Elves. “Okay, Serene and Tim, you need to get Thomas, Lillian, Gustav, and the rest of the Vata focused on trying to determine if there’s a way to track any of our missing people or the helicarrier itself via Titan and Vatusan means.”

  “What about you?” Reader asked suspiciously.

  Heaved an external sigh. “I’m going to be working with my team to prepare for the peace talks.”

  Everyone in the room stared at me. “She means it,” Jeremy said finally. He sounded as shocked as the rest of the room looked.

  “Wow, thanks for that. I just know that we don’t have a lot of time and with Team Technical on the case, I can’t honestly imagine that I’m going to come up with the right stuff. So, you guys do that, the rest of you go back to the meetings you were having, and let me try to get my FLOTUS house at least somewhat in order. If I have an Evil Genius Mind Meld Moment, I’ll call or text.”

  Serene looked the least stunned and she recovered the quickest. She ushered those I’d named out and took Jeremy along with her for good measure. Leaving me, Vance, and Reader in the dining room.

  Reader kissed my forehead. “I’m proud of you, Kitty. That wasn’t an easy decision for you to have made.”

  “Yeah, well, please be sure to tell Jeff and Chuckie about it. I doubt they’ll believe you, but a girl can dream.”

  “Where will you be going?” Vance asked Reader. Pointedly.

  Reader gave Vance a long look. “You’d better be ready to tackle this on your own, because if she blows it because you didn’t prep her enough or correctly, I’m going to make sure there’s blowback on you.”

  Vance shrugged. “I live in fear.”

  “Good.” Reader went to the doorway. “Kitty, I’m headed back to discuss strategy with Jeff and Raj. Try not to burn this part of the White House down while we’re otherwise engaged.”

  “Wow, you’re really taking all the fun out of my new job.”

  CHAPTER 46

  ONCE READER WAS GONE, Vance sent a text to those waiting down below or wherever they were. To his credit, Vance didn’t say any of the nasty things I could see him thinking about Reader aloud.

  He and I stayed at the table and munched on donuts until the rest of my team arrived, meaning Colette, who arrived first, hyperspeed being what it was, and Nancy Maurer, who was being escorted up by Abner. Got up and gave her a hug. “Thanks for joining the team.”

  “I was so honored you asked, dear,” Mrs. Maurer said. She had a very high-pitched voice I’d originally thought was faked. It wasn’t, though, and I was used to it now. Still called her Squeaky half the time, but she’d accepted the nickname with grace so we were good.

  Colette was in, of course, the Armani Fatigues: Female Version—black slim skirt, white oxford, black pumps. Abner and Vance were both in extremely fashionable suits. And Mrs. Maurer was in a very sensible, clearly expensive dress and jacket combo. Basically, my team was Dressed to Impress and I was Dressed to Play Hoops.

  Got everyone beverages, requested more donuts, put them in the middle of where we were sitting, then we started in on the fun that was my new job. Dreaded the day that I’d be expected to do this in my official FLOTUS office—just knew that I wasn’t going to be able to put my feet up on an extra chair and lounge there while scarfing donuts and Cokes.

  “Kitty, do you want anything changed in here?” Abner asked. “It strikes me as a very warm room already, but, while we’re brainstorming, I’d like to get an idea of what you do and don’t like about it.”

  “Vance, I must say that the mind reading classes have been a huge success. Abner, I like this room a lot. But, sadly, since I have an official office somewhere, I’m fairly sure that most of our meetings are going to be there, so this is probably not an area you need to focus on.”

  Mrs. Maurer patted my shoulder. “You’ll get more comfortable in the White House, dear, I promise. Feeling awed and out of place here is natural.”

  “It’s set up to make us feel awed.” Vance looked around. “We’re fine for an informal working session that happens to include food. I think you can get away with us meeting here more often than you think, Kitty. You can always use needing to be near the kids as an excuse, too.”

  “That’s me, Mother of the Year.”

  “I like it cozy,” Abner said, clearly going for the Sucking Up Tactic. I had no issue with this tactic. “This is a lot more relaxed than everything yesterday. I’m all for this room as the official team meeting place.”

  Colette was clearly wondering why she’d bothered to join my team, but to her great credit, she didn’t mention that aloud. “We need to focus on keeping the First Lady’s reputation and image strong yet accessible.”

  The others picked this line of thought up and ran with it. We were at this for a couple of hours. Everyone else had way more to offer than I did. So while I tried to help and listen as attentively as I could, I also spent some time running things over in my mind. Didn’t get much of anywhere, but at least I felt like I was trying, and that was something.

  Heard nothing from Team Technical, but one of the many random A-Cs we had brought in a BT prototype for me to stare at. Per the A-C it was the Multiple Target Model and it had been loaded with the flyboys’ DNA. Not that I could tell, but I chose to believe.

  Stared at it. It looked a lot like a hockey puck or one of those weird not-really-a-coaster things some restaurants gave you when you were waiting for your table. Whatever it was, it was dressed up for Christmas, since it had a lot of colorful lights on it. Had no idea what any of them indicated, but they didn’t seem excited, so the flyboys weren’t nearby. Which I already knew, but confirmation was something, right? Dropped it into my purse to go over with Kendrick at a later time.

  Lunchtime loomed then passed and no one suggested getting anything to eat. We’d polished off the donuts at least an hour prior and I was hungry again.

  “No one’s going to expect Kitty to be a Stepford Wife,” Vance said, based on a suggestion from Colette that we focus me on typical First Lady Activities, like throwing parties and being nice to the spouses of visiting dignitaries. Wondered if anyone had bothered to brief Colette on how I actually rolled.

  Well, time she learned. “You know, I think we have some Stepford stuff going on. All top-secret, high-level stuff.” Looked at Vance.

  “Everyone’s already got the clearances.”

  “Awesome.” Filled them in on what had gone on with the Kitty-Bot and Janelle Gardiner. “So, I have no idea if that woman’s alive or dead, but she’s definitely got a robotic version of herself hanging out at her house.”

  “We can’t go there,” Vance said flatly. “Again, in your case, at all in ours.”

  “Oh, I wasn’t going to suggest that, actually. I’d just like you guys thinking about it, keeping your eyes and ears open and all that jazz. No, what I was going to suggest was lunch.”

  “I can’t believe you’re hungry,” Vance said.

  “I like food. Sue me.”

  Mrs. Maurer cocked her head. “You know . . .”

  “Squeaky, I know looks like that. What are you about to suggest?”

  “One of the things that the country needs is the feeling that things are returning to normal. Your husband has to be seen working. But you . . . you just have to be seen being relaxed and normal. And what’s more normal than going out to luncheon?”

  “I love this plan! Can I wear what I have on or should I change to match the rest of you?”

  Vance didn’t look excited. “Not sure. Depends on what kind of image we want to you to portray. Nancy, are you sure about this?”


  She nodded. “Yes, dear, I feel strongly about it.”

  “Choose wisely,” Abner said. “Wherever you pick is going to essentially be anointed as the first place the new First Lady ever ate.”

  “Kitty, you have a favorite place, don’t you?” Mrs. Maurer asked.

  “I do. The Teetotaler.”

  “Excellent. As Abner said, this will help them, too.”

  “You two don’t know her like I do,” Vance said. “This sounds innocuous. Something’s going to go wrong.”

  Colette nodded. “Per my briefing from Raj, trouble follows Kitty closely.”

  “I’m in the room. Look, we’ll take Len and Kyle along. And one more A-C, if he’s free.” Sent a text, and within seconds White walked in the room, Len and Kyle in tow.

  “Missus Martini, thank you for the invitation. As always, you know when I’m peckish.”

  “I live to serve, Mister White. Boys, it’s time to get out of this joint and head over to the place where everybody knows our names.”

  Len grinned. “The Teetotaler will be glad to see us.”

  “I recruit and hire so well. Okay, so, are we okay to take a limo? And, again, do I wear this or do I change?”

  The new arrivals had views on my outerwear, just as the rest of my team did. Stopped listening after a few minutes and instead sent texts to Jeff, Chuckie, Raj, Doreen, Reader, Tim, and Serene, letting them know that I was being a wild woman and taking my new team out to a late lunch.

  The responses were essentially the same—everyone told me to have fun and stay out of trouble. Chose not to be bitter that my nearest and dearest didn’t think I could handle one meal out without creating an incident. Jeff’s message included the admonition to leave the kids in the White House with Nadine. Nice to know that he already trusted her more than me. Actively chose not to be bitter, but it took effort.

  “It’s her first public appearance since she took down Cliff Goodman,” Abner said. “She needs to look nice, not like we dragged her off the track.”