Camp Alien

by Gini Koch

  “What do you mean?” He sounded confused. Stephanie was definitely not up to Marling’s level.

  “It’s a popular culture reference,” I said as I unplugged my phone stuff from the car and put it into my purse. Did a purse check while I was doing so. Had a few Poofs on Board but they had something on top of them, meaning the Poofs were giving me a message. It was the BT tracker prototype the real Kendrick had sent to me. And unlike before, when it just looked like a weird “waiting for your table coaster thing” decorated for Christmas with a bunch of different colored lights, it was now blinking as if our table was ready.

  Looked more carefully at the Poofs in my purse. They weren’t Harlie, the Head Poof who was ostensibly Jeff’s but who hung with me most of the time, nor Poofikins, which was my Poof. They weren’t the other Poofs who usually stayed with me. But I recognized them, because I somehow knew who each of the Poofs were, even the unattached ones.

  Only, these Poofs were not unattached. These Poofs all belonged to the flyboys.

  The fact that I could have and should have just asked the Poofs where the flyboys were dawned on me. Then again, none of the Poofs had demanded I find their owners. So either the guys were okay, or the Poofs had no idea where the guys actually were. Of course, the guys were in alien tech, and not necessarily tech the Poofs were familiar with.

  Tabled beating myself up for another time when I was feeling cocky. “We’re not alone,” I said quietly to the others, then got out of the car. They followed suit.

  Looked up and around, in case there was an aircraft of some kind that had been tailing us. The skies were nice and clear. Interesting. In a worrisome way.

  “It’s already totes creepy here,” Lizzie announced without a trace of fear in her voice. “And we’re not even inside yet. Will he let me take pics, do you think?”

  “Why do you want to take pics?” the Kendroid asked. Had the distinct feeling he didn’t know what Lizzie meant.

  “Pics is short for pictures. Lizzie is a creepy places aficionado, so she’d like to commemorate our exciting visit.”

  “Oh.” The Kendroid seemed confused. “I suppose that’s alright.”

  White and I exchanged a look. This was not typical android or robot behavior.

  “I totes need my phone to do that,” Lizzie said.

  “Ah. Then no. No you can’t.” With that, the Kendroid spun on his heel and walked off.

  “Nice try,” White said to Lizzie.

  Who shrugged. “I really wanted to take pics. But yeah.”

  Abigail stepped close to me as the Kendroid headed for the creepy building, which still had a weathered sign—Forest Haven Asylum—on it. Someone had sprayed over the “aven” with red paint and put “ell” in its place. Told myself it was just kids being kids. Didn’t stop the shiver that ran down my back, however. Unlike Lizzie, I wasn’t all about thinking being scared was fun.

  “What’s going on?” Abigail asked softly. “I can’t really feel anything here, but I know you and I can tell you’re excited. As well as creeped out.”

  Opened my purse and pulled out the BT as Kendrick opened the front doors. Naturally they creaked loudly, because the only thing that would have been worse was them opening inward silently. The lights were amber and blinking.

  “This is a Bloodhound Tracker from Titan. It’s got the flyboys’ DNA programmed in. Not sure, but I think the BT feels that at least one of them is within ten miles of us.”

  “Ten miles is a lot.”

  “Yeah, but not when you’re looking for a needle in the entire hay field. Now that we’re here, it’s just a nasty haystack we have to look through. I call that progress.”

  “I call this not my idea of a field trip, but if we can find the guys, I’m all for it.”

  White didn’t let any of us go through the doorway until the Kendroid was several steps in. “Ladies, I’d like to remind you that good Field Agents, which as of right now we all are, like to look before they leap. For traps and triggers and the like. Missus Martini, I stress that this is a place where I feel caution must be exercised.”

  “Stephanie didn’t have him bring us here to play nicely.” Abigail nodded her head toward the Kendroid.

  “Honestly, I think he’s acting alone right now. But yes, Mister White, I’ll be cautious.”

  “I’m sure you will.” He took my hand. “Because I’m your partner.”

  Mahin took Lizzie’s hand. Lizzie gave her an affronted look. “I’m not a baby.”

  “You’re also not an A-C. I’m not a full one, either, but I’ve learned that hyperspeed is a good thing.”

  Abigail nodded and took Mahin’s free hand. “Field Team Why Are We Here is ready for action.”

  “I love you, Abby. Okay, let’s step in all cautious-like so Mister White doesn’t give us a severe talking to.”

  Moving like scared rabbits, we entered the insane asylum. And all got to see that Mahin hadn’t exaggerated anything. In fact, she’d been extremely low-key in her descriptions.

  The place was trashed. Some due to vandals, some due to age, most due to what it had been like in here when it was a functioning place. There was filth and debris along with old magazines, office furniture, even a dentist’s chair and a computer. This place had it all. It was as if Stephen King and Dean Koontz had written the screenplay for a film by Guillermo del Toro, George Romero, and Wes Craven.

  It smelled of death, decay, and mold, along with other fetid scents I actively chose not to try to identify. Some of them were probably recent, since there was enough graffiti on the walls to indicate that teenagers came here at least infrequently. But most of the bad smells were, like the rest of this place, old and getting older by the minute.

  It was, naturally, dark and creepy, though there was enough light coming in from the open, cracked, and/or dirty windows that I could see well enough. There was also a heavy layer of dust, though not through the main corridors. Those were still cluttered with garbage and debris, but they weren’t nearly as dusty. This was definitely a deserted place that was being used.

  The Kendroid walked along and we followed, Mahin sharing her information about this real-life House of the Damned. Nothing she said made any of us happier about being here.

  “There were kids in here?” Lizzie asked in horror, as we passed a room that had a dilapidated crib in it.

  “Yes,” Mahin said. “There were all ages. The mentally ill, the mentally retarded, anyone accused of such, epileptics. Anyone someone wanted to get rid of along with people whose families thought they were here getting good care. This place was even worse when it was active than it is now.”

  “How charming,” White said, sarcasm knob heading for nine on the scale.

  “Well, I know what I’m nominating for next Halloween’s Winning Haunted House.”

  “We should cleanse this place with fire,” Mahin said angrily. “There is nothing good here.”

  Looked at the BT. It was still flashing, but the color had changed from amber to a sort of yellow-green. “No, I think there are definitely some good things here.”

  Dropped the BT back into my purse just as the Kendroid turned around. “What are you doing?” He didn’t seem to have caught the BT, which was all for the good.

  “Taking in the sights. Where are we going?”

  “To where you’re going to be staying. Well, you four.” He indicated the adults. “Your daughter will be coming with me.”

  “The hell she will.”

  The Kendroid shrugged. “I’m stronger than you, and faster. You won’t have a choice.”

  “There’s always a choice. Even for a preprogrammed android such as yourself.”

  “I’m a real person.”

  “No, you’re not. You’re an android.” It was heartless, but he truly wasn’t real. This wasn’t the same as Cameron Maurer or Colonel John Butler—those
men had been turned into androids against their will. But the Kendroid had been created. Had no idea if Stephanie had used some poor person’s body or if she’d just created him from scratch, but since Thomas Kendrick was alive and well, voted on the latter.

  “I’m as real as you.”

  “Real, yes. A real person? No. Where are the real people you kidnapped?”

  “They were already kidnapped.”

  “They were, but at that time they were safe. Right now I’m worried that someone’s trying to turn them into not-people, into androids that just look like them but aren’t them anymore.”

  “That’s what they want to do to all of us,” Abigail said. “You and Uncle Richard in particular, Kitty. Change you into androids, program you to destroy us all, because everyone trusts the two of you. Mahin and I are just along to make sure Uncle Richard doesn’t fight it, just like Lizzie’s here so you won’t fight it.”

  “Where are you getting this from?” I asked her in as low a voice as I could manage and without moving my mouth.

  “We’re not alone with him,” she replied in kind. “Not sure if I’m feeling humans, A-Cs, or androids, but they’re all waiting to attack us. They’re the only things I’ve been able to really feel since we got here, by the way.”

  The Kendroid cocked his head at us. “You’re right,” he said to Abigail. “We do need you in order to make the others do what we want.”

  “Who is this ‘we’?” I asked again, using Mom’s Voice of Authority. “I want an answer this time.” Heard steps around us and took a look around. “Oh. Wow. I guess it’s easier to just make one prototype and stick with it than branch out, huh?”

  There were eleven other Thomas Kendrick androids surrounding us.

  CHAPTER 52

  THE ADDITIONAL KENDROIDS weren’t dressed alike. Four were in uniform—representing Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines—one was dressed like an A-C, two others were in different suits, including a gray one. The rest were in various forms of casual dress.

  “Interesting army of one you’ve got going here, TK. So, who came up with it, Cliff, Stephanie, you?”

  “I have no idea who Cliff is.”

  “But you do know who Stephanie is.” The other Kendrick Androids stepped closer. “Wow, it’s really Stepford around here. Did Stephanie just not get enough Barbies or, in this case, Ken Dolls when she was a child?”

  “Stephanie is not your concern,” the Kendrick in the Air Force uniform said.

  “Why are you afraid of us knowing about Stephanie? I mean, we actually know all about her, but I’m just curious what you’re afraid of telling us about her.”

  “We’re not afraid,” the Kendrick in the Marines uniform said. “We just don’t need to tell you anything.”

  “You do if you want my cooperation.”

  “We can make you do what we want,” the Kendrick in the Navy uniform said.

  “So you think, but you actually can’t. TK, you can’t tell me that you think you have eleven twin brothers. I mean, there’s a proper word or phrase for that, quadruple times three, maybe, but I don’t know what it is and frankly don’t care. Surely you can see that you’re not humans. Even the best breeding dogs and rabbits have a challenge birthing a dozen at a time.”

  He did look around. “We are real.”

  “Again, yes, you’re real, as in you’re here and we can touch you. But you’re not human. None of you are.”

  “Why do you discuss with them?” the Kendrick dressed like a total preppy asked. “Just take them. We need them to finalize the processes.”

  That definitely boded. “We don’t plan to go quietly into that good night or crazed Frankenstein lab or whatever.”

  The TK Kendroid looked back at me. “It will be easier if you don’t fight us.”

  “Yeah, I’m all about not doing it the easy way.” Looked around. Whoever had been on that motorcycle apparently hadn’t been following us. Pity.

  While they could and did ingest things whole and cough them up again, the Poofs couldn’t safely eat something nonorganic, and that was how they handled enemies. The Peregrines were tough but not android tough, meaning they’d get hurt. So my Animal Backup was out.

  Meant I was going to have to shoot eleven androids with my Glock. This was not our prime option, really. I was good, but reality said I wasn’t this good. Plus, experience reminded me that it took a lot of bullets to take an android down. Even if these weren’t up to the level of Marling’s creations, they were going to take a licking and keep on ticking.

  The androids moved closer to us. “Ah, Kitty? Any ideas?” Abigail asked.

  “Use your talents is all I’ve got.”

  Mahin was already concentrating, I could tell. Her talent was being our own earth bender—if it was dirt, she could make it do what she wanted. And there were a couple of little dust devils forming because lord knew there was more than enough dust in here for her to work with. However, they’d need to be full-on dust tornados to have a hope against an android.

  “Missus Martini, may I suggest that it’s high time you used the crazy?”

  White had a good point. But the only crazy I could come up with was using rock and roll. After all, loud music had affected the Kendroid in the car, and it hadn’t stopped when I’d turned off the sub-sonic stuff.

  “Need my iPod and portable speakers, please and thank you,” I whispered to the Poofs inside my purse. The requested items were shoved to the top. “And any earplugs you might randomly find in there.” Hey, Algar had made my purse a Request Portal during Operation Civil War, and I lived by the cat motto of asking for what you wanted.

  Five pairs of earplugs surfaced. “You’re all the best.” Shoved a set into my ears and handed the rest to the others using hyperspeed. However, there was nowhere for me to safely put the iPod and speakers. “Out of the purse if you value your hearing.” My purse was Poofless.

  Spun the dial to my Everything Louder Than Everything Else playlist, turned the volume up to eleven, and hit play. “Bellend Bop” from G.B.H. came screaming onto the airwaves, just as the androids started to attack.

  Happily, music was saving my day again, because the androids had some severe issues with it, at least at this volume. The Kendroid, having experienced this before, spun and ran for the back door to this place, as far as I could tell.

  “Animal Enforcers, go after the TK Kendroid!” That might mean the Poofs and Peregrines were going to find the flyboys, or they might just all tackle the Kendroid as one, but it also meant they were safe and not at risk of getting smooshed, stepped on, or worse by the Army of One.

  The others hadn’t dealt with us before, and apparently there was no shared hive-mind. I’d take the wins wherever we got them, no matter how small. They were herking and jerking while trying to walk, looking like so many men I’d seen without rhythm trying to do cool dance moves. I’d find the funny in this in retrospect, I was sure. Presuming I got to a point where I was able to reminisce.

  “It’s like they’re android zombies!” Lizzie shouted with far too much enthusiasm in her tone. The Preppy Kendrick managed to stagger near to her. She ducked into a crouch and kicked its legs out with a really good sweep. Of course it got up, but she swept it again. She was doing a good job of keeping it at a distance.

  Meanwhile, Mahin had managed to get the dust to cooperate, and she had two of the Casual Kendricks surrounded with it. The dust and music seemed to be causing them problems. I could but hope that the dust was getting into their circuitry and causing them annoyance if not trauma.

  That left the other eight for me, White, and Abigail.

  Pulled out my Glock, aimed, and fired at the head of the nearest, which was the Army Kendrick. Got two good shots into its head before it herky-jerked its way over to me and tried to knock the gun out of my hand.

  Meaning it was time for the fun of hand-to-hand comba
t. Managed to hold onto my Glock while I did some kung fu moves that were good, but not my best. Because I wasn’t angry. I was creeped out and worried and all that jazz, but enraged I was not.

  Tried to focus on the dead Secret Service agent. I’d been mad enough over an hour ago. But I’d had to think and talk in between then and now, not kick butt. Took a hit to my stomach that sent me flying into Abigail. We went down. On top of the Marine Kendrick, but still, down.

  Said android tossed us up and off. While we were flying through the air to, thankfully, land on our feet in impressive cat-like stances I knew Abigail had been practicing with Tito and I just lucked into, the music changed to “Bomber” by Motörhead. Nice of the loudest rock and roll band in the world to join the party.

  Abigail and I went back-to-back as the Marine Kendrick went for her and the Army Kendrick kept after me, presumably because I’d been the one who’d shot him. Or else I was closest. Decided the nuance didn’t matter.

  Shot him again, several times in the torso. Had some effect but not enough, especially as he flailed about and knocked my gun out of my hand. It skittered off away from me and my team. Interestingly, none of the androids tried to pick it up and use it. Hoped the music was scrambling their brains.

  Now it was a lot of wild android swinging and a lot of dodging, kicking, sweeping, and leaping on my part. Had to body-slam an android away from Mahin so that she could keep on doing her thing, and another away from Lizzie’s back. She was holding her own against the Preppy Kendrick, but didn’t need another one attacking.

  “Abby, can you do anything with them?” We were all having to shout to be heard over the music and through the earplugs, but since the music was still causing the androids issues, decided to leave it on.

  “Not really. I can’t affect their minds or their emotions.” She ducked and I slammed a front ball kick into the Marine Kendrick then did a back kick into the Army Kendrick. Managed to stagger them both back a little, but not nearly enough. It was hard to fight in these clothes, too, my attractive yet sensible pumps in particular. Couldn’t speak for the others, but I wasn’t going to last like this forever. I needed to get mad.