What's the Matter with Newton?

by Mark Young

  Now the kids were whispering excitedly.

  “So students—may the best project win!” Mumtaz said as her image dissolved away.

  Anywhere your heart desires, Newton thought. That was too good to be true!

  Newton looked at Shelly, his eyes wide.

  “Did you hear that?” he whispered. “If the portal will take me anywhere, I can ask it to take me home, even though I don’t have my parents’ permission, and then I’ll find out who I really am! Shelly, we have to win that prize!”

  “There is no we,” Theremin said. “Because Shelly and I have not agreed to let you help us with our project.”

  “Theremin, what’s the big deal?” Shelly asked.

  “It’s okay,” Newton said quickly. “I’ll just . . . I’ll think of a project on my own.”

  “Good luck with that,” Theremin hissed. “Have you ever done a science project before? Or is that something else you’ve forgotten?”

  Newton winced.

  “Theremin, that’s not fair,” Shelly said. “It’s not Newton’s fault that he can’t remember anything from before he came here. Have a heart.”

  “I do. I have two of them,” Theremin whined. “The one Father put in my chest, and the spare in my locker!”

  Professor Snollygoster cleared his throat loudly. “I think it’s going to be a wonderful Mad Science Fair this year!” he said, clapping his hands together. “I will be happy to help any of you by reviewing your projects or lending you supplies. See me after class. And now, let’s begin today’s experiment. Shelly, can you partner with our new student for this, please?”

  “Sure,” Shelly said, with an annoyed glance at Theremin.

  The robot rolled his eyes. “Fine.”

  Snollygoster held up a bottle with a red liquid inside it. “This is distilled Metum Vitae, in other words, Fear Serum. In its current state, it can make anyone exposed to it afraid of anything. For today’s experiment, I want you to tweak the serum so that it only makes the subject afraid of harmless things. A baby bunny, for example, or a lollipop.”

  A murmur went up among the students. This was going to be a tough assignment.

  “I’ve uploaded the revised formula to your tablets. You have thirty minutes. Begin!” the professor announced.

  Newton glanced over at Theremin. Everybody else had a lab partner, but Theremin was working by himself. Newton felt a pang of sympathy for the robot.

  “Maybe Theremin can work with us?” Newton asked Shelly.

  “Let’s let him cool off,” Shelly whispered. “He’s being ridiculous right now.”

  She started measuring liquid into a beaker. Newton kept looking at Theremin. The robot was mumbling to himself.

  “Two milligrams . . . heat . . . agitate . . .”

  He put his beaker over the flame of a Bunsen burner.

  Poof! A small explosion in the beaker resulted in a cloud of gray smoke.

  “Better luck next time, Theremin,” Snollygoster said. He held up Shelly and Newton’s beaker. The previously red formula was now a deep purple color. “This looks perfect!”

  Shelly and Newton high-fived each other. Theremin growled and crushed the glass beaker in his robot hand.

  “Since you two are done early, perhaps you’d like to do an extra-credit assignment,” Snollygoster suggested. “How else can you chemically modify the fear formula?”

  Then he looked directly at Newton and said, “Just use your old noodle noggin.”

  Noodle noggin. Newton’s eye twitched as he heard the phrase. Ideas started churning in his brain.

  “The potency of the base formula could be adjusted to control the level of fear experienced by the subject,” Newton replied. “Or the formula could be reversed to cause the subject to feel courage. Or made more specific so that the subject could fear one particular person.”

  Newton didn’t know how he knew this or where the thoughts were coming from. They were racing at him from all directions. He started rattling off dozens of complicated chemical formulas. When he finished, he opened his eyes and noticed the other students—even Shelly—staring open-mouthed at him. Snollygoster was grinning widely.

  “Excellent, Newton!” he said. “I think perhaps this class is wasted on you. You should probably move into my Advanced Emotional Chemistry class.”

  “Really? Wow!” Newton said.

  That was the last straw for Theremin. His own internal emotional chemistry boiled over. His eyes turned bright green.

  “Aaaaaaargh!” With a frustrated yell, the robot angrily upended the lab table. Glass beakers shattered, liquids spilled on the floor and mixed together.

  “Theremin, control yourself!” Snollygoster yelled as he ran to his desk and pressed a button. A small robotic vacuum rolled out from under his desk and began to suck up the chemical concoctions on the floor.

  “Control?! I CAN’T!” Theremin yelled as he tossed aside his lab stool. It bounced across the floor and banged into Shelly’s leg.

  Newton stood up. “Theremin, cool it!”

  “Shut up, Newton! You’re not the boss of me!” Theremin cried, and he grabbed a roll of paper towels from another table and rapidly hurled them at Newton.

  Newton easily ducked out of the way. “I’m not trying to boss you around, I’m trying to stop you!” he shot back. He lowered his head and ran to tackle Theremin.

  By now, kids in the class were taking sides.

  “Go, Theremin!”

  “Go, new kid!”

  The robot’s levitating jets roared to life and Theremin shot straight up, avoiding the tackle. But Newton had too much momentum and banged into another lab table, knocking it down. The two students sitting at the table shrieked as they fell off their stools.

  “Boys! Boys! Enough of this!” Snollygoster yelled.

  Theremin floated over to a shelf and picked up a jar of rainbow-colored liquid.

  Smash! He threw it on the ground and it shattered. Colorful confetti started raining down from the ceiling. The students who were hit by the confetti began laughing.

  “Thank goodness that was just a Happiness formula,” Snollygoster said, “but Theremin, you must stop this right now! Some of those chemicals are very dangerous!”

  When Theremin looked over at Snollygoster, Newton leaped forward and grabbed the robot’s legs, yanking him down to the ground in a wrestling hold.

  “Give it up, Theremin!” Newton urged him.

  “Please, Theremin, listen to Newton!” Shelly yelled.

  “I. WILL. NOT. LISTEN. TO. YOUR. NEW. BEST. FRIEND!” Theremin yelled.

  The robot broke out of Newton’s grasp with a mighty surge of strength. He grabbed a test tube off the shelf, uncorked it, and threw the liquid at Newton.

  Newton’s body tingled as the concoction absorbed into his skin. Professor Snollygoster came running over and took the test tube from Theremin’s hand so he could look at the label.

  “Summer of Love,” he said. “Fairly harmless.”

  “That’s disappointing.” Theremin sighed.

  Newton shook his head and suddenly felt confused. If he had been a cartoon character, Newton’s eyes would have formed into the shape of hearts. He lifted his head—and saw Mimi staring at him.

  “Mimi!” he cried. “I love you!”

  In the back of his mind, Newton heard laughing. But that didn’t matter. All he knew was that he loved Mimi, and he didn’t care who knew it!

  “What are you talking about?” Mimi asked.

  “It’s . . . I can’t explain it . . . my heart is aching . . . you’re the only one for me,” Newton said, and the other kids laughed again.

  “It’s the Summer of Love formula, Mimi,” Shelly told her. “It’s not real.”

  “Yeah, right,” Mimi said, and her eyes narrowed suspiciously. Newton thought they were the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen.

  “Theremin! Newton!” Professor Snollygoster yelled. “Come with me to Ms. Mumtaz’s office right now!”

  CHAPTER 10<
br />
  Newton Lends a Hand

  Professor Snollygoster grabbed each boy by the arm.

  On the way out the door, Newton looked back at the rest of the class. “Oh no! I forgot to tell you that I love you!” he yelled with a dopey grin on his face. “I love you all!”

  As the formula began to take maximum effect, Newton was overcome by a feeling of love for everyone he saw.

  “And I love you too, Theremin,” Newton said as Snollygoster dragged them down the hall. “You too, Professor Snollygoster.”

  “Oh dear,” the professor said. “I really must adjust that formula. It’s far too strong.”

  As they passed the school greenhouse, a bionic parrot flew overhead.

  “Hello!” the parrot cawed.

  “Yes, yes, hello!” Newton replied. “I love you!”

  The parrot didn’t miss a beat. “Love you too! Love you too!” It whistled.

  Moments later they reached Mumtaz’s office, and Snollygoster burst in without knocking. Mumtaz looked up from her desk and raised her eyebrows.

  “These two rapscallions got into quite a scuffle,” Snollygoster said. “I remit them into your capable hands now. I’ve got a classroom to clean up.”

  “Mobius Mumtaz?” Newton said, and then blurted out “I-love-you!” so fast it sounded like one word.

  The headmistress glanced at Snollygoster and sniffed the air. “Summer of Love?”

  “Theremin tossed a tube of it at Newton,” Snollygoster reported, “and it seems to have absorbed into his skin quite quickly.”

  “Go clean up your classroom, Snolly,” Mumtaz said. “I’ll take care of this.”

  “Thank you,” Snollygoster said, and quickly departed.

  Mumtaz stood up and studied the two boys, then took a different tone. “I get it, Theremin. You and Shelly are close friends, and I’m guessing Newton here is coming between you. But you’ve got to learn to control your anger.”

  Theremin stared at the floor. Newton looked even more lovestruck than before.

  “What you need is to get to know Newton better, Theremin,” she said. “So you’re going to eat lunch with Newton every day for a whole week and help him pass his portal test. If he doesn’t pass, I’ll fail you, too.”

  “But that’s not fair!” Theremin whined.

  “Trust me on this,” Mumtaz said. “It’s for the best. Now you two, go chill out in the garden until the Summer of Love formula wears off.”

  They followed orders and sat down on a bench. Theremin was silent, glaring straight ahead.

  Newton found that he couldn’t stop talking.

  “I love this bench,” he said. Then he touched the wall behind him. “And this wall. I love this whole place!”

  “Sure you do,” Theremin grumbled. “Why wouldn’t you? Everyone thinks you’re smart and awesome.”

  “I love that they think that!” Newton said cheerfully, and Theremin scowled.

  They sat in silence for a long time. Then the bionic parrot flew over to them.

  “Love you too! Love you too!” it said, perching on Newton’s knee.

  “I love—wait,” Newton paused, scrunching up his eyes. “What am I saying? I don’t love you. I mean, I’m sure you’re a nice bird, but I don’t really know you.”

  “Hey, I think the formula wore off,” Theremin said.

  Newton looked puzzled. “What formula?”

  “The one I sort of, kind of, accidentally-on-purpose spilled on you,” Theremin said. “Sorry. But it looks like you’re fine now.”

  Theremin rose from the seat and started to float away.

  “Um, Theremin? I do remember what Ms. Mumtaz said,” Newton called after him. “Aren’t we supposed to eat lunch together?”

  Theremin stopped. “Oh yeah. Right,” he said, in a voice that clearly said he wasn’t thrilled with the idea. “We should stop at our lockers first and get books for our afternoon classes.”

  “Okay, sure,” Newton said, relieved that Theremin was being sort of nice for a change.

  “So, um, I told a lot of people that I loved them, huh?” Newton said.

  “Yes,” Theremin said matter-of-factly. “Mimi, me, Professor Snollygoster . . .”

  “Oh no!” Newton groaned. “Shelly too?”

  Theremin thought about it. “No, not Shelly. Why? Do you like her?”

  “Not like that,” Newton said quickly. “She’s just a friend. What about you?”

  “She’s my friend,” Theremin said. “My best friend. And I get that you’re friends with her now too, but I still don’t want you to work with us on the science fair project, got it? I’ll do what Ms. Mumtaz ordered, but that’s it.”

  “I understand,” Newton said. “Listen, I don’t want to ruin your friendship with Shelly. I’ll stop hanging out with her if you want.”

  “Yeah, well, that’s the best idea you’ve had all day,” Theremin said.

  Newton reached his locker and sighed. He would miss being friends with Shelly. But Theremin was friends with her first. It was only fair. This must be how the world works, he thought.

  Newton licked the locker pad—today it tasted like a hamster—and opened the door. Then he gasped.

  A hologram materialized in the middle of his locker! It looked just like an envelope.

  “Touch your finger to the seal,” Theremin instructed. “The envelope will open, and whoever sent it will know that you opened it.”

  Curious, Newton obeyed. A message popped up.

  NEWTON:

  PLEASE HAVE DINNER WITH ME TONIGHT AT AIRY CAFÉ. 7:00 SHARP.

  MIMI CROWNINSHIELD

  There was a circle with the word “yes” inside it, and one with the word “no.”

  “Where is the Airy Café?” Newton asked Theremin.

  “Outside, near the dorms,” Theremin replied. “Why? Are you thinking of going?”

  Newton pressed yes. “Why not? I mean, it’s not like I can eat with you and Shelly anymore.”

  Theremin’s eyes flashed dark blue. He didn’t say anything for a few seconds.

  “I’m sure you’ll have fun with Mimi,” Theremin said finally, then floated over to his locker. Because he didn’t have a tongue, or human eyes, or fingerprints, his locker had an old-school combination lock on it with an added security feature. A new combination was uploaded to his brain every day, and he spun the dial with his eye lasers.

  Seventeen . . . twenty-four . . . six . . .

  “Aaaaaaah!”

  For a second, Newton thought that maybe Theremin had been surprised by a hologram invitation too. But then he realized that an intense, powerful force was sucking Theremin inside his locker!

  Shelly’s words about black holes from the day before popped into his head.

  They’ll suck you into—oblivion . . .

  “Theremin!” Newton yelled. He rushed over and grabbed the robot’s stubby legs as they almost disappeared inside his locker.

  “Heeeeelp!” Theremin cried. Then the swirling force of the black hole caused his head to pop right off! Theremin quickly extended his arms, activating their telescoping feature, and grabbed his own head with his hands.

  Meanwhile, Newton felt the floor shaking under his feet. The metal lockers up and down the hall clanked as they shook and rattled. Newton could feel his hair whip around his face as the force of the black hole began to pull at him as well.

  Overhead, ceiling tiles vibrated, broke off, and whizzed past Theremin, disappearing into the black hole. Then a metal garbage can came out of nowhere, crumpled, and got sucked in, followed by the Lost and Found box . . .

  “Hang on, Theremin, I’ve got you!” Newton yelled.

  With a loud grunt, Newton pulled on Theremin as hard as he could. He and the robot fell backward. Newton tossed Theremin aside, jumped up, and slammed the locker door shut. Then he spun the dial on the combination lock. Instantly, text books and equipment from the nearby Nano Technology Lab that had been hurtling down the hall clattered to the ground.

  Exh
austed, Newton sank to the floor. Theremin screwed his head back onto his body and floated over to him.

  “Newton, why didn’t you just let me get sucked into that black hole and step in as Shelly’s best friend, after the way I’ve treated you? It doesn’t make sense,” Theremin said, flabbergasted. “Instead, you, you—saved me! You risked getting sucked in with me!”

  Newton shrugged. “I might not remember much, but somehow, I know there’s a difference between right and wrong,” he said. “And I knew that saving you was the right thing to do.”

  Theremin paused.

  “Newton, I’m so sorry,” Theremin said, finally. “I acted horribly! I think you and I can both be friends with Shelly.” The robot paused. “And maybe you and I can be friends too. What do you say?”

  He held out a hand and helped Newton off the floor.

  “Thanks,” Newton said. “I’d like that.”

  “Let’s go have lunch,” Theremin said, and together, the two boys made their way to the cafeteria.

  CHAPTER 11

  Bubbly Burgers and Funny Fries

  “Let me get this straight,” Shelly said to Theremin a short while later as they ate lunch with Newton. “Not only are you cool with Newton being our friend, but you want him to work on the Mad Science Fair project with us, after all that?”

  “That’s right,” Theremin said.

  “Are you sure some of that love formula didn’t get into your processors?” Shelly asked.

  “Not a drop,” Theremin said. “Chill, Shelly. Newton and I worked it out.”

  Shelly looked over at Newton, who nodded, adding, “We’re buds.”

  “Well, I’m confused, but of course I want us all to work together. Partly because you’re my friends,” Shelly said, “and partly because it might give Newton more of a chance of winning that portal pass, finding his family, and finding out who he really is.”

  “True.” Theremin smiled.

  “That’s what I’m counting on,” Newton said. “So, what kind of projects are you thinking of?”