The Silent Sounds of Chaos

by Kristina Circelli

  Her rocking was interrupted by the door opening. Snow refused to look, instead choosing to pretend if she ignored DU, he wouldn’t see her tucked between the wall and bed, trying hard to be invisible. When a large, strong hand wrapped around her wrist, she knew her pretending had been in vain.

  Snow whimpered when she was yanked to her feet. Each movement set her ribcage on fire and reminded her where every single bruise colored her pale skin. But she didn’t protest. That just made it worse.

  “Miss me?” DU asked with a grin, lips parting to reveal two rows of yellow teeth. He tossed her on the bed.

  “Please don’t,” Snow begged timidly, not sure what she was asking him not to do but knowing it would be awful.

  DU barely looked at her. He busied himself with a bag she hadn’t realized he brought in, setting a few items down on the table next to the bed. With no small amount of horror she watched him take a syringe out, followed by items she couldn’t identify. He was going to kill her, she realized. After everything he’d done, all that talk about her father, he wouldn’t let her live. Whatever that substance was, it would mean her death if it got inside her.

  What would Finn do? Snow searched deep inside herself for the connection to her male counterpart, needing his courage, something she had lacked her entire life.

  Finn would be brave. He would fight, fight to the death if need be, but he wouldn’t let these thugs take him down easily. He would be smart and fearless and not wait on anyone to be his hero.

  He would survive.

  But how? A quick survey of the room had a plan formulating—DU on the other side of the bed prepping his syringe while muttering profane things to her beneath his breath, the boarded-up window offering no escape, the unguarded bedroom door beckoning to her.

  Gathering every bit of adrenaline she had and ignoring the jabs of pain throughout her body, Snow launched herself off the bed, bare feet landing surprisingly solidly on the floor. Run.

  She didn’t let herself think about the consequences, only run, run as fast as she possibly could. The door was thrown open to the sound of DU’s furious shout at her back. But still she ran, pushing off the opposite wall and tearing down the narrow hallway, eyes frantically searching for a way out.

  A kitchen with dishes piled high. A bathroom that hadn’t been cleaned in possibly forever. Messy living room with clutter her weak legs easily jumped over. There—a door that could only lead outside, and a window next to it, curtain partially open to reveal a quiet street with woods lining the other side.

  Her hand had just grabbed the doorknob when an arm wrapped around her waist and dragged her backward. Tightening her grip, Snow refused to break away from her escape, yanking as hard as she could only to be pulled away with one rough jerk. When the last finger slipped off the cool metal, Snow began to scream as loud as she could to anyone who might be listening.

  “Shut the fuck up!” DU slapped a hand across her mouth, momentarily stunning her, and hauled Snow away, back to the room where she was being kept prisoner. Snow continued to thrash, refusing to go quietly. She didn’t know where her sudden courage came from but she used it as best she could, only feeling it fade when DU threw her on the bed.

  “Stay the fuck there!” he shouted, his fist connecting with her jaw when she made to run again. “So this is how you want to play.”

  Head still spinning from the hit, she watched in horror as he ripped off his belt, and tried to squirm out of his grasp when he took hold of her wrist, but he was too strong and soon her entire arm and wrist were strapped to the headboard. Already she was looking for a way to remove the belt and he knew it, and wasted no time wrenching her other arm behind her back and securing it with a zip tie.

  “You want to make this worse?” he asked, his face so close she could feel his breath as he spoke. He stayed there until she shook her head. “Didn’t think so.” Moving back to his bag of supplies, DU took his time, drawing out her torture and leaving her to wonder what he as planning.

  She didn’t have to wonder long. Though Snow considered herself fairly sheltered, she had watched enough movies to know he was preparing a drug. And because he clearly intended to inject it, she could only guess it was heroin. “Please don’t,” she whispered, hating that her voice broke and she was once again back to the scared little girl with no courage. “If you just tell my dad what you want, I know he’ll—”

  “He’ll what?” DU turned, a knowing grin crossing his thin face. “Give me money? Meet my demands?”

  “Well … yes,” Snow replied, confused as to his expression.

  DU picked up the syringe, filling it with his concoction. “I have made my demands quite clear.”

  “You’ve talked to my dad?”

  “In a manner of speaking.”

  The hope that had been building in her chest died at his response. Snow could only watch as DU rounded the bed, easily avoiding her legs as she kicked out, and wrapped rubber tubing around her upper arm. “No,” she protested when the needle approached her skin, grimacing when it pierced through. It didn’t take long to feel its effects, and even as the narcotic threatened to embrace her in its grasp, she had to ask, “Why?”

  DU pulled the needle out and pointed at her with it. “Because it’s fun, buttercup.” He laughed as her head lolled to the side. “Because until I get what I want, I’m gonna make sure your daddy knows what happens when he fucks with the wrong people.”

  His hand reached up, fingers grasping her chin and lifting her head so she was forced to look at him. Her vision blurred, but his words were crystal clear as they echoed around her skull. “And look how much fun it is, to taint his perfect little girl.”

  She didn’t know when he left, or if he even did. Snow was trapped in the grip of this strange euphoric high unlike anything she’d ever experienced before. It terrified her how much she enjoyed it. It made the pain go away, made her panic fade. Nothing else existed except for this feeling.

  No. She struggled to maintain her senses, not entirely sure if she was actually moving her head or just imagining it. The battle exhausted her, a physical and mental pain.

  Ride it, Snow.

  Finn’s voice crept into her presence. At first she didn’t understand his command, until she felt her control slip and more euphoria flooded through her. Yes, ride it, indeed.

  Let it take away your pain.

  It took away everything. The pain, the fear, the desire to escape. She didn’t need anything except the ride.

  When you come back, I’ll be there for you.

  Finn was on his way. She didn’t need to worry. Her protector would soon come and take her away, to the place where she could be happy again.

  Closing her eyes, Snow let herself ride away the night.

  Their day started early the next morning, getting back on the road by eight. Finn was determined to get to Atlanta by noon and start his search while there was still daylight. His plan was to spend the entire drive trying to connect with Snow, so he’d at least have a place to begin.

  The road tunneled before him, a steady passing of trees and cars. Finn let it all pass by in a blur. His mind focused on his connection with Snow, weak as it was, trying to not only hear her but sense her locations as he’d been able to do yesterday morning.

  Come on, Snow, he called out to her. His hands tightened on the steering wheel when he didn’t get a response. Next to him, Joe rummaged around in his bag before pulling out a magazine about guns and ammo. Snow!

  Fucking answer me!

  The silent shout did nothing but anger and scare him. She’d always answered in the past, especially when he cussed. She’d made it her mission to “clean his mouth up,” as she liked to tell him. The quiet in his head was confusing—he knew she was alive, he could feel her, but why wouldn’t she answer?

  Because she couldn’t, he told himself, thinking back to what he’d felt the day before. Sick, aching, frightened. He knew that feeling. She’d been beaten, badly. And worse … Things he couldn’t t
hink of right now, things she’d spared him from by blocking him out. The only way she could, would, answer him was through her senses.

  Let me feel you, Snow, he tried again, inhaling deeply, blinking a few times, calming his nerves all in hopes of tuning in to his abducted friend.

  Nothing. A gaping void of black air consumed him. Finn let out a heavy breath as the complete sense of nothing threatened to tear him apart. He couldn’t live like this, with such despair and loneliness inside him. The weakness infuriated him. He was supposed to be tough, a rogue bad-ass able to take care of himself. So why was he so fucking dependent on some girl being with him?

  Because she wasn’t just some girl, he answered his own question. It was Snow, his other half. His better half. He wasn’t a whole person without her, never had been. And right now, the only way he could help his better half was by giving her the courage to help herself.

  In the past they transferred their energy and emotions by accident. It had to be deliberate, a fast and intentional gift of bravery. He focused on the feel of her, picturing his courage leaving him in a visible thread and entering her, fueling her.

  And then, a flicker of something in his chest. Finn shifted in his seat, honing in on the sensation, one hand rubbing at the spot. It built, an explosion of panic laced with determination as his heart began to race. His breath shortened, arms and legs twitching with the need to run.

  Run.

  Snow was running, and he could feel it, a whole-body takeover as her block against him lowered and their senses united. Bare feet on carpet, hands touching the cold metal of a doorknob—a flash of woods and an empty street just beyond a splintered window frame and filmy glass. A trailer replaced the car, woods overshadowing other vehicles on the road. The entire world shifted as his mind let itself be transported. But just as soon as he saw life through Snow’s eyes the vision disappeared, replaced by the highway.

  “You’re thinking awfully hard,” Joe commented from the passenger seat.

  His concentration broken by the sudden voice, Finn felt Snow’s presence slip away. He resented being brought out of the moment and it took him a minute to clear his thoughts and slow his racing heart before he was able to reply. “Just … preparing myself.”

  “For what, exactly?” Joe waited, but Finn didn’t offer further explanation. “Saving the damsel in distress even though you ain’t got a clue where to find her?” When Finn didn’t answer, he continued, “You ever think that maybe I could be of assistance here? Course, you’d have to tell me the truth about this little charade of yours.”

  He didn’t want to tell Joe the truth. It felt too personal to give up his secret, a betrayal of sorts. But he could give some version of the truth, as Joe did know his way around the streets. “Fine,” Finn relented, sucking in a deep breath, knowing he was delaying as he tried to think of a way to word the past thirteen years of his life.

  “I’ve been friends with this girl since I was a kid. She’s not a girlfriend, just a friend. I don’t talk about her because she’s different than us. She’s good, innocent, sheltered. She wanted to be a doctor.”

  “How the hell you end up with a friend like that?”

  “It just happened.” Finn shrugged, keeping his eyes on the road so he wouldn’t have to look at his passenger. All the while he tried to reconnect with Snow. “Some bad shit happened, and now it’s my job to protect her and make it right.”

  Joe frowned, fingers tapping on his thigh as he listened. “And she lives all the way down in Georgia? How do you know she was kidnapped? Were you on the phone with her when it happened?”

  “No.”

  “Then how do you know? ‘Cause you saw somethin’ about it on your phone?” When Finn didn’t answer, Joe looked over, eyes narrowed. “Do you know where or why they took her?”

  “No.”

  “Do you know who took her?”

  “No. All I know is it’s a guy with tattoos on his arms and another skinny guy with dark hair.”

  Joe was quiet a beat before asking, “You see that on the news?”

  “No. I just know it.”

  Each answer earned another dubious leer. “So you just know all this stuff no one else knows. Except where she is. Then how the hell you gonna find her?”

  “I have my ways.”

  “Right.” Joe snorted and shook his head. “Your ways. You always were a punk. Who is this chick really, kid? This just some girl you saw on the news and you decided to be the big hero, prove yourself to Charlie? You tryin’ to take my place?”

  Finn rolled his eyes, but Joe wasn’t finished. “I’ll ask you one more time. Who exactly is this girl?”

  “I already told you.” There was an edge to his voice now, one that matched Joe’s. “She’s my friend, more family than anyone else back home. It’s my job to protect her, so that’s what I’m gonna do. If you think I’m just gonna forget about her, pretend nothing happened, then you really are a fucking idiot.” His icy eyes turned to Joe, who was staring at him with no small amount of suspicion. “I’m gonna find the fucker who did this to her, and I’m going to kill him.”

  He considered Joe’s silence a victory. Finn turned back to the road, wanting nothing more than to continue his tirade, but his determination faded. Instead, warmth spread through him. A sensation he’d only felt a few times before, but one he would always recognize as the slow burn of an impending high. It consumed him, clouded his mind, turned his limbs into liquid, excited him as much as it did terrify. Finn vaguely heard Joe shouting at him as the car began to swerve, but it was too late. He was lost in the high.

  This was different, though. He wasn’t just lost in the feeling, in the euphoria of floating for as long as he could. There was fear, too, and pain, a physical battle of will. His subconscious didn’t want to enjoy it and was fighting the warmth, terrified of losing control, even as fire-hot pokers jabbed at his stomach and head.

  Ride it, Snow, he managed to think, feeling his thoughts scatter in a thousand different directions. It was the only thing he could think against the rush. Let it take away your pain. When you come back, I’ll be there for you.

  HE WAS LOST in oblivion. Surrounded by blurs of color, bound to an empty existence where thought and focus and worry were but distant memories floating away on a warm breeze, Finn was free. There was nowhere he had to be, no pain of another’s to feel, just … calm, peaceful freedom.

  He floated for hours, days, months—time no longer mattered. There was no need to rush here. Finn had forgotten how much he loved the drop into nothing. It had been a rare thing for him to indulge in the high, not wanting to end up like his mother, but now he wondered why he’d ever turned a cold shoulder.

  This was the escape he craved, from his past, his present, and certainly the bloody future awaiting him. It gave him total awareness of his soul, of the soft cotton against his chest, the cool piece of steel in his pocket, the oils starting to coat unwashed hair, even the sound of traffic and chirping birds as they echoed in his ears.

  Pressure against his chest made him stir, trying to pull him out of unconsciousness. He couldn’t break through the surface of his daze. He didn’t want to break through. A roaring in his ears had him turning his head side to side, trying to determine the source of the noise, force it to be quiet and let him enjoy his peaceful ride into the void. Still, fragments of conversation trickled in, angrily spoken demands he didn’t understand.

  I expect … You owe me … I will kill … You knew what would happen if you …Not such a good girl anymore…

  A man’s voice, muffled as though being heard through a wall. A man’s voice talking about Snow.

  Snow. It came back to Finn then—his purpose, his destiny, his reason for leaving home. He was supposed to save her, not become the person he hated most in the world.

  Debts have to be paid. The man was speaking again. But who was he talking to?

  Iron Creek … Estates.

  A different interruption into his drug-fueled haze. A young
woman’s voice, whispering to him slowly. Snow’s voice, interrupted by breathy gasps.

  Even in his state of twilight, Finn zeroed in on Snow. Yes, he could feel her now. Groggy. Exhausted and weak. Struggling to reach out to him as they both slowly awoke from their stupor. Iron Creek Estates? he repeated, trying to understand. Is that where you are?

  He’s … talking to someone … wants payment … one way or another … to meet him at … Estates.

  Are you there now? In the house I saw? Did you try to escape?

  …House? Her response was unsure, and so quiet he could barely hear her. Finn? I’m so tired.

  Stay with me, Snow. Snow? he called to her when she didn’t answer, and again, his voice growing louder as hers lowered. Finally, after long and painful moments wondering where she went, he heard her once more.

  Please help me, Finn.

  The plea jolted Finn awake. He leapt to his feet in one fluid motion, head swiveling to either side when he didn’t recognize his surroundings. Some kind of room—bed in the corner, bathroom along the same wall, scratched-up dresser with his leather jacket tossed on top, TV playing an old sitcom rerun.

  Finally his gaze landed on Joe sitting in an ugly orange chair, watching TV. “Where are we?”

  “Crossed the border a few hours ago,” he answered plainly, eyes never leaving the television. “I was tired of drivin’ your ass around, figured I’d get a room and let you sleep off whatever the fuck you took.”

  “Took?” Finn ran a hand through his hair, thinking back to the last thing he remembered. Talking to Snow, feeling what she felt as she ran—trying to escape, he could only assume—then … warmth. It all happened so quickly. He didn’t take anything. Not that he could remember, anyway.

  “What happened?”

  “You tell me, kid.” Joe took a drink from a bottle on the floor next to him, then used it to gesture at Finn. “You passed out, about took us out on the middle of the highway, not to mention the other cars. Tossed your ass in the backseat once I got us off the road, then took over. So, here we wait.”