Pandora trusted her gut—she always had.
And she would keep trusting it because she had no other choice.
I became a vampire because I thought it was permanent. I thought I was taking the choice out of my hands. I thought I was doing something that couldn't be undone—I'd wanted to do something that couldn't be undone. Because I knew, I knew, that eventually I’d want to go home, to go back to Jax. I knew the temptation would be too much, and maybe it is. But I'm stronger now. I'm tougher. I'm a Scott. I can do what needs to be done.
She stopped running.
Pandora opened her senses, letting her fangs slide out, and embraced the thing she hated most. Even from this lonely spot in the woods, she heard a hundred pulses ticking, a clock winding down. Blood lingered in the breeze, an enticing, faint scent.
She followed the trail.
First she would eat—controlled this time, smooth and easy.
And then she'd face Jax.
Chapter Fourteen
It was dawn by the time Pandora returned to the hotel. Jax was waiting for her, relieved when she opened the door and slipped inside.
"I wasn't sure you'd come back," he said.
"Yeah, well," she replied, shrugging. "I just figured you'd keep stalking me if I didn’t, so I saved us both some time."
"You're probably right," he told her, grinning.
There was a drawn-out pause.
"Look, Jax—"
He interrupted. "No, Dory, really. Don’t apologize."
"But—"
"I meant what I said last night. It wasn't your fault."
She widened her eyes in frustration, staring at him. "Jax—"
"Stop," he said, but this time his tone had grown more playful, and there was the hint of a teasing smile on his lips, a certain sort of gleam in his eye. "If you'd stuck around a little longer last night, you'd know that when I said it wasn't your fault, I meant it. It wasn't your fault—it was mine. I'm just too damn irresistible."
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, well, obviously that's the reason I couldn't keep my fangs to myself."
"It was too much for you," Jax said with a shrug, trying his best to maintain a straight face. "I was there, sleeping, shirtless, sexy as hell, and totally at your mercy, tempting you with my forbidden fruit again. Who could blame you for taking advantage? I certainly don't." But when he said those last three words, there was something deeper in his gaze, something unspoken. And he held her attention for a prolonged moment, before blinking and looking away. "So let's just head back to the car and try to go one single day without someone trying to kill us, okay?"
"Jax." She wrinkled her face, whining. "You can't jinx us like that. Now we're definitely going to get attacked by something."
"Nah," he responded nonchalantly, shaking his head. "I have a good feeling about today."
"Oh, you do?" She raised her brows, eying him.
"I do."
"Why?"
"Just because."
But he was smiling and downright cheerful, and all it did was make Pandora suspicious. "Why are you so damn chipper right now? I don't trust it."
"Nothing. Don't worry about it."
"Jax."
"Okay, fine," he murmured with a sigh. "Because by nightfall we'll be in Florida. By nightfall, we should reach Sonnyville, the conduit base."
Pandora winced. Great, just great. That means I have less than twelve hours to figure out how to ditch you and make sure you won't follow. Because I made my decision—I'm not getting the cure. I can't.
But she didn’t say any of that.
She didn’t say anything at all.
With a heavy breath, she just slipped out the door and made her way to the parking lot. After sliding into the passenger seat, she put her head back. Jax started the car and eased back onto the road while Pandora sealed her lips and closed her eyes, pretending to sleep. But her mind whirled.
How would she leave?
How would she get away?
How would she stop him from spending the next year tracking her down day after day until she finally turned twenty-one and it didn't matter anymore?
Maybe by breaking his legs? Sure, it would hurt. Sure, he'd be pissed. But if she snapped the bones in enough places, especially with the weird delay in healing he'd been experiencing, he'd be out for at least a week or two, maybe a month even. And that would be a pretty decent head start.
If she opened her car door and jumped out, it would sting for a second, but she'd be healed by the time her body stopped rolling over the pavement. Add a second to go invisible, and there'd still be plenty of time before Jax was able to stop the car and jump out after her. A couple of good punches to the head, using her unfair advantage of being able to disappear, and he'd be unconscious in a matter of minutes. From there, it was really just a matter of getting a good grip on his legs so she could break them little by little, and before he came to, she'd be gone.
Am I really considering this?
What sort of a heartless shrew am I?
Pandora rolled over, still feigning sleep, totally unaware of how much time had passed as her thoughts continued to stack one after the other after the other.
If she really cared about Jax, she would have left last night. She would have let that be the end of it—a messy break, but a good one. If she really loved him, she would have let the image of his blood on her lips be the last one, the memory of a monster he could hate.
But she didn't leave last night.
Because she couldn't.
She just couldn't have that be their end, after so much.
She couldn't let that—let a bite and blood—be their good-bye.
But maybe she could find a better way, an easier one. Maybe she could wait until they reached the conduit base and then slip out in the night while he was asleep and none the wiser. But in all honesty, she wasn't sure if that plan would be any less painful for him to bear. And she wasn't sure she'd have the will to run away when the cure was right there, staring her in the face, totally within grasp. She was strong, but she had limits. And she didn't want to test them.
So maybe I dive out of the car and just run. Jax will follow, but I can run faster—I'll just run faster than I ever have before. I'll run straight to a head vampire, and I'll do whatever he asks in return for sanctuary. I'll do whatever horrible things I have to do to survive until my twenty-first birthday, and then I'll spend the rest of eternity trying to atone for it. Jax won't be able to find me if I join a head vamp's coven, if I take an oath, not unless he can amass another group of conduits to do the fighting for him. But am I really worth all that trouble? Would my father really go through so much just to get me back? Just to save himself the embarrassment of having a daughter who denied the initiation?
"You're not asleep," Jax commented wryly.
Pandora squeezed her eyes shut. "Yes, I am."
"I know you," he said. "I can practically see the escape plans floating in the air above your head."
She snapped her eyes open. "What are you talking about?"
He turned toward her, lifting a single pointed brow. "Do you really think I'm that stupid? Do you really think I'm so full of myself that I’d actually believe I've changed your mind in less than forty-eight hours when you've been running away from me and the cure for years?"
Um…yes.
Pandora bit her lip, holding the admission back in, choking on it. "Of course not."
Jax snorted. "So what's the big plan, rip the car door open and jump out in the middle of the highway while I'm driving at eighty miles an hour?"
Um…yes.
Pandora's mouth dropped open, releasing a lame puff of air. "Uh, no."
"Oh my god, that was your plan," Jax said, mocking her. "That was really your plan?"
"No," she repeated, holding the word for an extra couple of notes while in the back of her mind all she was thinking was, dammit.
He shook his head, tsking. "I expected more from you, Dory. More originality, more creativity,
more finesse. Just more."
"Keep talking," she muttered incoherently under her breath, and I'll go back to my first plan of breaking your legs. Crossing her arms, she turned toward him, this time speaking loudly and perfectly clear. "And what's your big plan, Jax? Annoy me into submission?"
He smiled a charming little half grin that made her cold heart twinge. "Why? Is it working?"
Pandora narrowed her gaze. "Not in the slightest."
"Okay, then I'll try my other approach."
"Which is?"
"Using the facts, common sense."
"Oh?" Pandora scoffed. "I can't wait for this."
Jax stretched out his neck, leaning his head to the left and then the right, flexing his arm muscles as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel, as though preparing for battle. And then he shrugged, simply stating, "Drinking blood has got to suck."
"It does. But I can deal," she said. "Next."
"But don't you miss burgers and fries? Miss a nice pint of ice cream on a hot summer's day or hot chocolate in front of a fire on a cold winter's night?"
"Sure, who wouldn't? But again, I can deal. Next."
"You used to love hiking with me, being outside, going swimming in the lake near the outskirts of the enclave. What about the fact that the sun can kill you now? Little by little?"
"It's not as bad as you might think. On a day-to-day basis it just stings, like being outside when you have a sunburn, not enough to hurt. The sun can only kill me when a conduit channels it through his body, and I don't plan on pissing any conduits off anytime soon. So, next."
Jax frowned. Pandora heard his heartbeat slow as he opened his mouth to say these next few words. "It must be strange to not age, to know you're going to be fifteen forever."
Strange? Try downright depressing, Pandora thought, then swallowed the words back down. No one in her right mind would want to be a teenager for all eternity, but there was no way she was telling him that.
"There are a lot of eighty-year-old women who'd be dying to have that problem in life," Pandora shot back instead, trying to sound as sincere as possible. "Next."
"Really?" he retorted, keeping his gaze ahead as his voice grew deeper and more impassioned. "Because if you asked them, I don't think they would. Sure, maybe at first, but not if they really thought about it. Because age isn't just about getting old, it's about living, it's about seeing time as precious because you don't have an unlimited amount of it, it's about being in the moment and falling in love and growing old with someone. Life is about the journey, about the mistakes and the triumphs, the memories. And when you can't age, you're just stuck in one place, forever."
Pandora licked her lips, unsure what to say.
Jax flicked his focus out the window, nudging his chin toward a car passing them on the highway. "See that bumper sticker?"
What? she thought, totally confused by the shift in topic until she noticed what he was pointing to. The sticker read, Baby on Board.
"I always thought you'd make a great mother," he confessed sadly.
Pandora swallowed and then spoke, voice barely a whisper but filled with warning. "Jax."
But he didn't stop. He kept going. And there was something pained in his voice, something torn as though a knife were lodged somewhere, cutting as he spoke. "Back when we were together, I'd think about it sometimes, what our life could be like. I mean, we were just kids, but I thought about it, I did. I thought we'd be free of the order, that you'd be working with animals and I'd be playing music, and that someday we'd have children, a little girl maybe, then a boy."
"Please stop," she murmured, throat burning. She didn’t want to hear this. She wanted to run, but there was nowhere to go. The walls were closing in on her. The space between them seemed to shrink, to constrict as the pressure beneath her skin built.
But his eyes were glassy as he kept talking, staring straight ahead, staring at nothing. Jax wasn’t even aware that she'd spoken. He was lost in his own head. "I never said anything to you because I thought you'd be afraid. After the sort of parents you were stuck with, I was worried you'd never want to become one yourself. But deep down, I knew we'd figure it out. I knew you'd make a great mother if you had the chance." He swallowed, blinking a few times, clearing his eyes before he turned toward her, soft green irises still moist and bright. After a moment, he looked away, back toward the road, jaw hard-set as he continued. "You do have the chance, if you'd only take it."
Pandora's frozen heart was heavy in her chest, a lifeless lump, not beating, just hanging there like a stone weighing her down. "That was a low blow, Jax."
"The truth hurts, Dory. It’s time you faced it."
"And what exactly do you think I've been doing all this time?" she questioned, sitting taller, getting angrier, letting the tension ooze from her body to fill the space around them. "Living in freaking la-la land? I made a choice. I made a decision. And I didn't make it lightly."
"Didn't you, though?" he countered, voice challenging as he smiled darkly. The temperature of the car rose a few degrees as heat billowed from his skin, a pot about to boil over. "You were fifteen and pissed at me and pissed at your dad and pissed at everyone and everything you'd ever known. You weren't in your right mind. You weren't thinking when you did this to yourself. You just did it, and after the dust settled you tried to tell yourself that it was the only way just so you wouldn't have to face the fact that you'd made the biggest mistake of your life."
"And what about you?" she asked, seething. Pandora stared at him and leaned over the console, getting in his personal space to try to force him to look at her. The muscles in his cheek clicked, forcefully clenched as he kept his eyes on the road. His triceps bulged as he gripped the steering wheel tighter. Pandora just shifted closer. "You broke my heart—you made a choice too. And then you couldn't face it. You ran away from home too. You just did it by the books, jumping from enclave to enclave, never settling, never going back because you couldn't stand to look into my empty bedroom, knowing it was partially your fault. You stopped talking to your parents. You stopped following orders. You stopped singing. You stopped playing music. You didn't even look for me. You waited years, delayed and delayed until you couldn't delay any longer, because you knew that as soon as you laid eyes on me, you'd have to face the fact that you'd made the biggest mistake of your life by getting that tattoo on the back of your neck, by choosing them instead of me.” Pandora took a deep breath, then watched the hairs on his neck rise as the cool air she released brushed over his skin. He gulped, Adam’s apple bobbing slowly. Pandora softened her voice, whispering these final words, the ones she knew would cut the deepest. “And guess what, Jax? Unlike mine, that's not a choice you can undo."
He slammed on the brakes, then jerked the car onto the shoulder, bringing it to a dead halt as he spun toward her, not realizing how close to him she’d moved. "You!"
"What?" she yelled, right in his face, not backing down.
They were nose to nose, hardly an inch apart, breathing heavy, eyes burning, skin burning even hotter. The world slowed, wobbling on a sharp precipice as the tension around them thickened, gunpowder ready to explode, just waiting for a spark.
Fury.
Passion.
The choice hung between them, precarious.
Jax’s gaze dipped to her lips.
Pandora took a deep breath, chest lifting.
And then his hands were on her cheeks, and he was pulling her toward him, decision made. The moment their lips touched, the static air caught fire, sending a shockwave through her body. Pandora moved against him, hungry and desperate for more. He lifted her off her seat and dragged her body across the divide. She went willingly, settling onto his lap as she roved her fingers up his chest, searching for his velvet hair, then gripping it tight as she held his face against hers. There wasn't time to breathe or think. They were two souls trapped in an inferno, drowning in flames together, sinking to a dangerous place they knew they weren't supposed to go, yet neither of the
m cared. They held on tight, clutching each other as the air electrified, hot and wild.
His hands burned her frozen skin, bringing goose bumps as he tickled the sensitive area of her waistline, reaching for the hem of her shirt, then pulling it over her head and yanking it off. He tore his lips free of her mouth, traveling them down the side of her neck, over her collarbone, tantalizingly slow and purposeful. Pandora's head fell back as her eyes fluttered open in pleasure.
And then she froze, eyes wide in shock, mouth gaping, speechless as she looked into Sam's eyes—Sam's bright blue eyes, which were currently glaring at the back of Jax's head as he sat with arms crossed in the back row of the car, fuming.
She gasped. "What the hell?"
He disappeared, vanishing into the shadows as Jax whipped his head up and stared at Pandora, dazed and disoriented, as though he wasn't even sure how they'd gotten there. She jumped out of his lap, slid back to her side of the car, and rushed to put her shirt on.
"I'm sorry," Jax said, still breathless, face flushed. "I didn't mean—I don't—I—" He paused, shaking his head and running a hand through his messy hair as he swallowed slowly. "That was unexpected."
"Yeah," Pandora agreed. You have no idea.
And then a voice from the back of the car chimed in, just as smooth as ever. "That was nauseating."
Pandora darted her gaze toward Jax, but he didn’t seem to hear. He was just staring straight ahead, eyes wide, utterly blank.
"Him? Really?" Sam whispered, closer to her now, breath tickling the back of her neck, warm and inviting. "You're falling for him again? Unbelievable."
Glancing over her shoulder, she scowled, knowing he was close enough to see even if she couldn't tell where exactly.
How long had he been there?
How long had he been watching?
"I can't believe you brought him into the shadows," Sam continued, "into our shadows."
What?
He knew about Atlantic City?
That was it. The last straw.
Who the heck did Sam think he was? Following her? Spying on her? None of that was okay. None of it was acceptable or endearing or anything else he was trying to be.
Frost (Midnight Ice Book One) Page 16
