Frost (Midnight Ice Book One)

by Kaitlyn Davis

  The door slipped open, and a red-haired boy poked his head through. "Nope, just me."

  Kira smiled regardless and jumped up to greet him with a hug. Luke stood, then walked over to give him a slap on the back. "Good to see you, man. When'd you get back?"

  "This morning," the guy answered. "They've got some nasty-ass vamps in Argentina. I was about to crash for about a weeklong nap, but they said you could use a hand over here."

  Kira spun and found Pandora's eyes. "This is Robby. He's the punisher who'll be helping us with the cure today. And Robby, this is Pandora, new recruit, and her friend Jax."

  They greeted each other politely but got back to business quickly. Kira moved her chair to one side of Pandora while the new guy, Robby, moved to the other. Tristan and Luke walked over to a cabinet and pulled a few things from a drawer that Pandora couldn't quite see. And Jax stood behind her, one hand resting heavily on her shoulder, almost as though he was holding her down, making sure she wouldn't disappear and escape. Yet he brushed his thumb over her skin, gentle and somewhat hesitant, a loving gesture.

  "Okay, Pandora, can you pull that lever on your seat?" Kira asked.

  She did, realizing her chair was actually a recliner as the feet popped up and the back dropped down, leaving her exposed as Jax leaned over, watching from above, hand still heavy on her shoulder. Beneath his palm, her heart suddenly beat, one quick and heavy thump as the fears crawled out of the spot she'd shoved them into.

  Kira continued, unaware. "So, basically, I'll use my protector powers to protect your human heart and human soul while Robby here uses his punisher fire to burn the vampirism out of your body. Sounds complicated, I know, but trust me, we know what we're doing."

  Pandora nodded, throat going dry.

  "So, we just need you to do one thing before we start," Kira added, signaling to Tristan and Luke. They brought over two needles and a few bags, red and clear, hanging like IVs from a hook.

  "If you could just use your nail to pop open a vein at each elbow, it makes the process much easier. Tristan is going to give you a little sedative we came up with. It'll help with the pain, but it'll also make it really hard for you to move, keeping us all safe just in case your vampire side tries to fight dirty, which they often do. And Luke has a bag of blood and a bag of water to keep you hydrated and to make sure you don't suffer blood loss when you wake up. A lot of vamps come to us pretty hungry, so we've found this helps. Does that sound all right?"

  Pandora paused.

  Now or never.

  Stay or run.

  Remember.

  Did she really want this?

  Was she actually ready to face all those fears walled up in the back of her mind?

  Remember.

  In a quick motion she couldn't take back, Pandora sliced open her skin, then offered them her arms as she leaned back, settling into the chair. Her veins were screaming for blood, itching painfully, empty and aching to be filled. But soon they wouldn’t be. Soon she'd be human again, and it would be her stomach rumbling, hungry the normal way, hungry in a way she hadn’t been in so very long.

  Maybe this won't be so bad, she thought. Maybe I've been running for nothing, maybe it's not as bad as it seems, maybe I'm afraid over nothing.

  The idea gave her comfort.

  Just enough comfort to drop her defenses and look up, directly into Jax's eyes.

  A fist clamped around her heart.

  He was watching her with a look of terror, green eyes hard and penetrating. And she knew her expression must look the same, just as wide-eyed and frightened, just as desperate. Because in a few minutes, she'd wake up, and she'd remember every detail of the night that had utterly destroyed her, the night Jax had chosen the titans over her, and this thing that was still lingering between them would be well and truly over.

  "Jax?" Pandora asked, but the words came out as hardly more than a whisper. Her jaw was heavy, her tongue nearly useless. The sedative had coursed through her body, quick and painless, leaving her limbs immobile, nothing more than a living corpse, cold and dead, hoping to be brought back to life.

  She wanted to tell him she still loved him.

  That she always had.

  And that she'd missed him—would always miss him.

  But even without words, he seemed to understand.

  "I'm here," Jax said, kneeling down as he reached over to grip her hand. And though his words sounded loving, there was something else in his tone, something only Pandora could hear, having known him better than she knew herself.

  What? she wanted to ask.

  But her lips wouldn't move.

  The sound wouldn't come.

  She was stuck, staring at him, unable to look away even if she wanted to, unable to run from the truth slowly being unveiled in his shattered expression, as though the mask he'd been wearing for days had finally cracked and little pieces were falling to the ground, slowly revealing the truth in their wake. He glanced away, unable to hold her probing gaze, as a single tear slid down his perfectly carved face, glistening in the light of the room, stark against the brown hue of his cheeks. And then he leaned forward, stretching over her body to cup her cheek in his hand, hiding his face from view as it pressed into the crook of her neck.

  His lips caressed her ear, the barest hint of a kiss, before he whispered, voice cracking, "I'm sorry." And then he leaned back, lips quivering, eyes dark and clouded, clear of their usual shimmer. "Please remember that I love you, that I always have and I always will. And that you were right. Because I regret not choosing you. I regret it every single day. But there was no other way. There was no other choice I could make."

  And then he sat back, leaving her cold.

  Out of the corner of her eye, Pandora saw him slide his hand into his pocket, and then she heard the distinct click of a cellphone she never even realized he had turning on.

  What have you done, Jax?

  Oh, god, what have you done?

  Pandora wanted to scream the words.

  Wanted to throttle him.

  Wanted to jump off this chair, to run and run and run.

  But she couldn’t.

  She was stuck.

  Try as she might, her mouth wouldn't move. The protest wouldn’t come. Her fists couldn't punch. Her legs couldn’t kick. Her entire body was useless. Her nerves were disconnected. The power had turned off. Everything worked, yet nothing did.

  "Okay, this might hurt a little at first," Kira said, giving her an apologetic look before fire surged to life from her palms. The punisher did the same.

  No!

  Stop!

  Please!

  They're here. I know they are. They've come for me. Jax just called them. He chose them again. I have to go.

  But no one heard her pleas.

  No one heard anything.

  No one noticed the tear falling down the side of her cheek, disappearing into her hair. No one except Jax. But his jaw was set in a hard line, clenched tight as he closed his eyes, ignoring the cries he knew were in her heart, ignoring the alarm he saw highlighted in her cold blue eyes.

  Please don't let him take me.

  Please.

  Pandora begged.

  The titans were here, waiting. Her father was here, waiting.

  Jax was here, waiting to hand her over, waiting to finish the job he was supposed to do four years ago, the one she couldn't remember but dreaded with every fiber of her being. He was betraying her again.

  And the conduits had no idea.

  Fire sank into her skin, blazing. But she couldn't cry out, couldn’t fight the pain, couldn’t even grit her teeth against the ache. All she could do was bear it silently, her own personal torture. The flames soared into her core, hot and demanding, scorching her until she was sure her skin bubbled, sure boils were rising along her arms and legs, sure her bones were turning to ash beneath the torrent.

  The vampire inside cried out.

  The human did too.

  Different reasons, equally unb
earable.

  "Sorry I'm late," a voice said. A second later, a face appeared through the fire, highlighted orange. A face Pandora recognized deep in her soul, a face that made the wall around her memories crack, fighting to be free. The luscious black hair was familiar, the plump lips, the arched brows, the olive skin. All of it she recognized, yet she didn’t.

  But the girl recognized her too.

  Her eyes widened as her jaw dropped open.

  "Stop!" she cried.

  Yes! Yes! Help me!

  "Kira, stop," the girl called again.

  "I can't, Pavia," Kira said, alarmed as her fire trembled, wavering underneath Pandora's skin. "We've come too far. If we stop now, she'll just die."

  "No, but I know her," the girl whispered, voice hoarse. "You can’t do this. We can’t. I promised she'd be okay."

  "She will." Kira assured. "She'll be better than okay. She’ll be cured."

  And then the fire around Pandora's heart blazed hotter, a raging inferno that wrapped around her soul, burning it back to life as the rest of her sizzled and boiled, baking in the heat, melting away to nothing.

  Remember, Pandora prayed as her consciousness began to sink away, as the world around her started to disappear.

  Remember.

  Remember.

  Remember.

  It was her only hope.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Pandora leaned her head against Jax's shoulder, bony as it was, the arm of a boy who'd only just begun to turn into a man. But she loved it nonetheless, loved the little crook that held her head just right, loved the feel of his arm wrapped around her, loved listening to his heart thumping in his chest.

  "I can’t believe it's my birthday already," he whispered, voice strained.

  Pandora arced her head up just a little, just enough to meet his eyes. "Don't say that. Don't you want to stay in the bubble a little longer? Tree house rules."

  Pandora flicked her gaze up to the wooden boards overhead, nailed together with the help of Jax’s father, their little oasis in the woods, their place to get away. They'd been coming here ever since that first summer he moved to the enclave. They found the spot one night when Pandora was running away, one of many attempts. But Jax had come racing after her, determined to follow, determined to bring his best friend home where she belonged—with him. He'd packed snacks and a tent, and they'd found this tree, and they'd parked themselves here for one night. Which turned to two. Which turned to a week. And by the next summer, building the tree house had become the only thing on their minds, their escape. And now, it was the only place they could ever come to get away, to be themselves, to pretend for a few moments to be free. The place where they'd shared their first kiss, their first I love you, their first taste of real passion. So many firsts, and now one more, their first good-bye.

  "Right, tree house rules," Jax murmured, pulling her closer. "Only fun and dreams, nothing serious."

  "Right."

  "Except…" He paused, turning his face down so his eyes could find hers, deep as the ocean, full of all the hidden truths they'd been too afraid to say. "My initiation is in a few hours, so maybe, just for one night, we should break the rules while we still can."

  Pandora sighed, easing out of his arms. She sat up and stared down over him. "I have to go, Jax. You know why. I can’t stay here. There's nothing for me. I'm hardly even a titan—my powers don’t belong. If I got initiated, where would they even put me? There's no division for disappearing girls. I'd be the same freak I've always been. But if I leave, I can maybe go to college, maybe actually become a vet, maybe have a normal life, the life I've always wanted, the life we dreamed up together."

  "I know—"

  "No," she interrupted, speaking up in a way she only ever did around him, speaking with the strength he helped give her. "You're like King Jackson in the enclave, the best tracker, the star recruit. People are fighting to have you join their team after you're initiated. This is your life, here—this is where you belong. And it's only a few years, right?" She paused to swallow back the clog in her throat, fighting the tears starting to burn her eyes. "I'll come find you when I turn twenty-one, when I'm too old to be initiated, and we can be together then. The order will let us. They'll have to."

  "I don’t want to wait five years, Dory," he said, voice hard and determined.

  "Me neither, Jax, but what other choice do we have?"

  He sat up, brows coming together as he slid his palm against her cheek, brushing his thumb over her skin, soft, tingling. "I can come with you."

  "Jax." She gasped, mouth falling open.

  "Hear me out," he said quickly. "We always talk about it, about what that future would look like. We dream and play pretend, follow our tree house rules, but it can be real. Everything we've imagined for ourselves can be real. I don’t need to be a titan. Tracking is what I do, not who I am. Music is who I am. It's a part of me, and I would be completely happy following that dream if it meant I'd be able to have you too."

  She glanced toward the ground, fiddling her thumbs as her heart began to race. She imagined that life, already wanting it more than anything else. "But what about your family?"

  "My parents will love me no matter what," he rushed to say. "I'll figure out how to see them without the enclave knowing, at least until we're both twenty-one. I can find a way."

  "But your initiation is tonight."

  "So we go tonight."

  "But we haven’t planned anything, haven't packed anything, haven't—"

  "Dory," Jax crooned.

  She took a deep breath, meeting his gaze, trying to hold back her mounting hope, because this couldn’t be real, could it? Her life was the butt of a joke, not the fairy tale come true. But his eyes were wide open and highlighted with anticipation, his lips were curved in a smile, his tan skin was bright with an inner glow.

  "Do you love me?" he asked.

  Her body seemed to melt. "You know I do."

  "Do you want to be with me now and not in five years if they'll let us?"

  "You know I do."

  "Then let's go, now, tonight," he said, voice growing louder, more animated with excitement. "Let's go home, pack our things, meet back here, and just leave. I've been absolutely dreading my birthday for weeks, for months, hating that I woke up every morning with it one day closer. For the first time in I don't know how long, I'm breathing in fresh air. The weight is lifted. We can both be free, we can be together. Just say yes. Please, please, say yes."

  "Jax," Pandora said, biting her lip, afraid to wake up at any moment and realize none of this was true. For weeks, she'd wanted to put this idea in his head, she'd been dreaming he'd want to come with her, but she never thought it was real, never thought he'd want this for himself. And she hadn’t wanted to force her future on him. She wanted him to choose his life for himself.

  "Dory," he pleaded, squeezing her knee with his free hand, imploring.

  He wants this, she thought suddenly. He really wants this. I'm not imagining it.

  "Okay," she said, hardly able to believe her own voice. "Okay, let's do it."

  Before the words were even out, he pressed his lips to hers, swallowing them up in his touch and his laughter. And she joined him, so light she felt she might float away, that maybe they'd just escape into the sky, two birds soaring into the horizon, free.

  He pulled back, grinning. "We're doing this."

  "We're doing this." Pandora matched his joy.

  And then they were kissing again, lightning touches, quick hard pecks, over and over as they gripped the other's face tight, holding each other closer, unable to contain their mounting fervor.

  Before Pandora even knew what was happening, they were racing through the forest, figuring out a plan, figuring out how they would leave and where they would go and all the wonderful things that could happen. With one last kiss and one last rushed I love you, they parted ways at the edges of the shared backyard stretching across both of their houses. Jax walked confidently from the tre
es, spine tall, giving no clue as to his secret intentions as he marched into his house, totally at ease, not caring if his parents were home or not.

  But Pandora was different.

  She didn’t have his strength. His conviction.

  Her stomach was a ball of knots as she stared at the light seeping through the window of her father's study, knowing he was home, knowing he'd see every rule-breaking thought in her mind with a single glance at her hunched shoulders and hooded eyes. So she wrapped the shadows around herself, shuffling across the yard, shrinking away from the light as she disappeared from the world, only comfortable once fully shrouded in the darkness.

  Hesitant, Pandora slipped in the back door, then eased through the empty, dark kitchen, tiptoeing toward the staircase, only taking a breath once she'd snuck into her room. Hastily, she grabbed a bag from her closet, the largest one she had, and filled it with a few changes of clothes, her toothbrush, a little makeup, and her favorite book. She had nothing of her mother's aside from the boots on her feet and nothing she wanted to remember about her father. So she left extra room to grab some food from the kitchen and filled the inside pocket with a meager wad of bills that made up her entire life savings.

  The front door opened and closed, loud in the silence of her house.

  Pandora jerked as voices filtered up the staircase. Straining to hear, she sucked in a breath when Jax's name seeped under the opening of her door and into her ear.

  Softly, she slung her bag over her shoulder and left her room. Then she pulled the shadows even closer as she stopped at the top of the stairs, trying to identify who had come at this late hour when most of the town was preparing for Jax's initiation ceremony.

  "I have to tell him, Malcolm," the voice said. And Pandora recognized it—after all, she heard it almost every day. Jax's father, Javier. "I have to tell him before the ceremony. I have to let my son know what he's signing up for, what the mark means. If I don't, he'll never forgive me. She's the love of his life, for god's sake."

  "Absolutely not." Her father’s voice was harsh and rigid.

  "But, Malcolm—"

  "I said no," her father interrupted. "He'll tell her, and then everything we've spent fifteen years covering up will be undone. Everything our people have spent centuries sacrificing their lives for will be undone. I can't risk it. I won't."