The Heart of War: Book Seven of the What's Left of My World Series

by C. A. Rudolph

“They don’t.”

  “We should probably head back to the FOL and check in, then,” said Jade. “Something might be transpiring that we’re missing out on.”

  Chapter 16

  As winter steadily released its hold on the valley, notions of planting and gardening had begun to sprout. Until its destruction last autumn, the community had heavily relied on Sarah and Bryan Taylor’s greenhouse as a primary provider of grown sustenance. Now, devoid of that benefit, they worked per household to maintain gardens and raised beds, a chore far from being undemanding.

  Along with hundreds of other essential chores to which she tended daily, Michelle had been putting in a good share of gardening time. With Alan’s added help, the family garden had been tilled, fertilized, cultivated, and hand plowed, and was now prepped and ready for the planting of seeds.

  The husband and wife team knelt inches away from each other, their knees half-buried in the cool, mineral-rich soil, their hands displaying a fine, brownish sheen. Michelle observed her husband often; the miracle of him returning remained so new to her still, she couldn’t help herself. As she dug through the dirt with her fingers and a gardening trowel, her eyes met with the grime beneath his fingernails, while at times, peeking upward to the look of sweeping deliberation etched on his face. “Alan…planting seeds in the dirt is meant to be fairly cut and dry, but you look like you’re calculating algebra. Is something on your mind?”

  “Always,” replied her husband, eyebrows raised. “Is it showing?”

  “Mm-hmm. It’s written all over your face.”

  “Oh, sorry, I wasn’t aware I was being actively analyzed.”

  Michelle let a breath out. “You’re not, but you’ve done this before, several times since you’ve been back…and it’s got me wondering. Does my other half plan to share his thoughts this time? Or is he, once again, putting my telepathy skills to the test?”

  “He’s undecided,” replied Alan. “It’s nothing, really. Just a few things I’ve been contemplating for a couple of days now. Nothing major or minor. Just…things.”

  Michelle pursed her lips and looked away. “I have an idea. How about, for a change of pace, you just start rambling on about whatever things you’re thinking about, and I’ll…respond if a response is required.”

  Alan sent her a coy glance. “Twist my arm. I guess it’s stemming from me feeling a little lost still. I know things and I don’t know…things. I know I’m home, where I belong, back with you, Lauren, and Grace. I know I’m surrounded by friends, even though I don’t really know them or much about them; or rather more to the point, I’ve forgotten them and everything I knew about them, but that isn’t all I’ve forgotten. That list is long, and it feels like it’s growing lengthier by the day.” He paused. “But what I’ve really begun wondering about is what everything was like before this happened.”

  “This…”

  “Yeah…what was our life like before? What was the world like, and so on? What was everything like before the EMP changed it all?”

  “Whoa,” Michelle reacted. “I knew you and I would be doing some digging today, but I didn’t think we’d be digging a rabbit hole.”

  “If it’s too much for you, don’t worry about it. We can table it.”

  Michelle’s playful expression began transitioning away. “No, I don’t mind. I look forward to looking back, if that makes any sense.” She paused. “I’ll take a shot at an answer, though I’ll admit, it’s not easy to paraphrase. Let me put it this way, if I were to choose one word to describe life, society, and the world in the before…I suppose I’d go with…volatile.”

  “Volatile,” Alan echoed, looking fascinated. “How so?”

  “In every way I can come up with,” she said plainly. “I suppose you could say our standard of living was generally normal. Overall, we lived a good life, whatever that meant then, and we were blessed to have everything we needed. But there were times when it felt like everything was imploding around us. No matter how hard we worked, it felt impossible to get ahead. We both had good jobs, but you were the breadwinner, always working, never home during the week. Pay raises came, but food costs, living expenses and taxes swallowed them up. Being in debt became routine, but it was always so stressful for both of us; in fact, almost all our arguments were over money then.”

  Michelle took a contemplative pause. “You and I used to be regular social butterflies until mutual friends we’d had for years became distant for no apparent reason, and we never did figure out why. Our neighbors acted friendly, but kept to themselves mostly and never spent any time outside unless they were mowing their lawns or walking their dogs. Everywhere we went, there was this…overall sense of division and isolation; easy to feel but so difficult to describe, as if humankind were slowly and quietly being manipulated to think of itself as undesirable.” She exhaled. “And then there was the news.”

  Alan squinted. “The news?”

  “Mass media.” Michelle nodded. “If humankind was being manipulated, that conglomerate of truth bending was the likely culprit. Media could get to everyone, everywhere—through television, computers, our phones, cars, the watches on our wrists, you name it. And they only reported what sold, drew harmful reaction, or caused more division. All negative, never anything positive or good, all of it politically skewed in a radical sense one way or the other. Radio was the same; in lieu of music, it was crammed with talk shows and commentary, intertwined with repetitive commercials, most of them political. Nothing good ever seemed to be happening anywhere in the world, just poverty, oppression, destruction, war, violence, terrorism and death, people killing each other for the stupidest reasons…famine, disease, pandemics…the list was endless. So many things wrong and not enough right, so much happening in ways it wasn’t supposed to. You used to say the news was a propaganda superhighway designed to divide and subjugate a nation of useful idiots, which, looking back, it did a damn good job of it.”

  Michelle leaned back and stretched. “There was so much hopelessness for people to dwell on then. But something else was happening all over the world beneath the surface, unaffected by propaganda, and you helped open my eyes to it. The silent majority was no longer silent, they’d begun making their voices heard for the first time in decades. People were rising up at an unprecedented rate. There were rebellions, protests and riots everywhere; citizens opposing unfair laws, law enforcement and unjust government rule. China, Venezuela, Brazil, Argentina, and Chile, to name a few. The migrant crisis in Europe was abuzz, as were the yellow vests in France. I remember Lauren showing me videos of protests in Tehran…the Iranian government had instructed their military to gun down hundreds in the streets, and all they’d wanted was their freedom and to be heard.”

  At this point, Alan stopped all work and brushed the dirt from his hands. “Wow. When you said volatile, you weren’t joking.”

  “Tell me about it. There were days when it was downright scary,” Michelle went on. “It was an election year, and the entire country was picking sides, all in an uproar over the candidates. There was so much hate abound. It was like a soap opera, and the politicians were the actors, but not even good ones. They would fight and argue and point fingers, put on a show—doing whatever they needed to secure votes, all while running the country into the ground. You used to tell me how much of a lie it all was, that politics was just another massive façade put in place to obscure the truth, and that the world was ruled by other means. And, of course, I didn’t want to believe you. I had a hard time believing anything you said back then.

  “You always had this…alternative way of looking at everything. It intrigued me, made me curious at times, but it also pissed me off.” A pause. “I was happy back then in my ignorance. I didn’t want to know anything more than what existed on the surface. We were just grains of sand on a big round ball of dirt that circles the sun; who were we to question anything we were told? I never thought we were meant to know everything, get to the bottom, or be privy to every detail. That was yo
u, and I wasn’t you. But that never stopped you from trying. There were times when I got mad and forced you away, not because of what you were telling me, but because I didn’t want to know—I kept telling myself I didn’t need to know. The truth, the real truth, the things you knew because you had to, it all scared the shit out of me.

  “There were challenges in our home state, too, that year. A new majority took over in Richmond, and no sooner had they won their elections than they begun pre-filing a ton of reformist bills, most of them drastic. They kept coming one after another and seemed to get worse as days passed. You were so stressed out, especially when the anti-gun bills started coming to light. They aimed to either ban everything or tax it into extinction, even rifles you’d had given to you as a teenager. You said that if it didn’t stop, another civil war would come, and I didn’t believe you on that either. Until I saw tens of thousands of armed Virginians band together at hundreds of Second Amendment rallies that swept the state as a result, which mass media failed to suppress.” Michelle grinned at Alan. “You’ve always been so steadfast about guns, the solitary reason America was different, that set us apart from every other country in the world. You even used to quote Reagan.”

  Alan perked up. “Who?”

  Michelle chuckled. “Sorry, Ronald Reagan. Our fortieth president. You were an admirer.”

  “Shit. It baffles me how much I don’t know sometimes,” Alan mused. “Do you remember the quotes?”

  “Not verbatim…there was one about gun ownership being an American’s birthright, another about gun control and how it can’t be had by disarming citizens. Admittedly, my memory is on par with yours in recalling them.” Michelle grinned and rolled her lips. “I never knew much about guns until you came around. You took me to a range for my first time when I was pregnant with Lauren, and I thought you were a little crazy then. It scared me big time when you had her shooting rifles in her early double-digits, pistols a year after that. It was unnerving having all those guns around, but all that changed forever for me the day we needed them.”

  Alan fell back on his butt and brought his knees together. “The day in the park,” he said. “The day I killed two men.”

  “The day you protected your family from two evil men,” Michelle corrected. “The day you defended Lauren, defended me, and demonstrated the value of our human right to self-defense. It also made evident that killing another person can become necessary at times.”

  “Even more so now.”

  “Well, the world is harder now,” Michelle continued, “and people, what remain of them, are desperate. Every passing day brings more life-or-death decisions. God only knows what would’ve happened to us if you hadn’t shot those men. And if we didn’t have the guns we have today, there’s no way we would’ve survived this long. The right to keep and bear arms was intended to be just that—a right. The underlying reason for having them, whether hunting, self-defense, protecting one’s family, or maintaining the balance of power, is neither here nor there. But our government has always pushed to take them away. Forget the Bill of Rights, their entire track record speaks for itself. People in power only want more power, and total control of a populous can’t happen without disarmament. That’s something else you used to spout off about that I hated to hear but turned out to be true. And here we are today, the country’s in shambles and they’re still trying. All we want is to be left alone, and they still haven’t given up that fight.”

  Alan nodded, recalling now his conversation on ‘federalized elements’ and government agencies with Valerie, and his, Ken’s and Jade’s near-fatal encounter with heavily armed agents in the hours before he’d made it home. “Michelle, have they…made it hard on you and the girls? And those living here?”

  “They?”

  “Our illustrious government.”

  She gave it some thought. “Well, they haven’t exactly made it easy on us. I think I told you already about the lengths they had gone that ultimately sent us here.”

  “You did,” Alan said. “The three of you had bugged out to my parents’ with Norman and his boys, but were only there a few weeks before things got too…hairy.”

  “That’s one way to put it.”

  Alan grinned uneasily. “You came here after that, and it’s plain to see why the location was chosen. We’re encircled by natural defenses here. Miles of mountains and rugged terrain with limited means of egress. But overall, has it been safer? I’ve asked Lauren a few times, mostly in a roundabout way, and haven’t gotten much feedback. It’s like she’s reluctant.”

  Michelle raised a brow. “Lauren? Our daughter holding back from speaking her mind? That doesn’t sound like her,” she mused, then went on briefly concerning their various run-ins with what were believed to be FEMA and DHS agents, the initial instance being right after Lauren first met Christian, when the pair had been hunted by search dogs and their handlers. From there she went on to explain the Marauders’ scarcely thwarted siege of the valley and their inferred ties to DHS, the discovery of mysteriously deceased wild game, the poisoning of their water supply, illnesses it had triggered, and the lives it had nearly brought to a close. “It’s been a ride for us. If it’s them, they’ve yet to identify themselves as agents of the government. Lauren’s had her mind made up for a while now. And after what we’ve seen, heard and experienced, I wouldn’t put anything that’s happened past them, nor would I rule anything out for the future.” She sighed woefully. “I just think we have enough problems and enemies already. And I’d gladly declare a moratorium on all of them if I could.”

  Alan hesitated a long moment, taking it all in. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am for not being around when things were falling apart. You needed me, and I should’ve been here, but wasn’t. But I’m here now. And so long as I’m alive, I will never allow anyone to harm this family. Ever.”

  She smiled at him. “Is that a promise?”

  “Damn right,” Alan affirmed. “I saw what those people did to Ken and what they were about to do to Jade. They acted like robots, no feeling, no compunction whatsoever. We were something less than them, something disposable. I hated every second of it, but they got what they deserved.”

  Michelle audited Alan’s gaze at his mention of the younger woman who had accompanied him back to her while ensuring his safety with conviction, for reasons yet to be disclosed. She trusted her husband but hadn’t yet reached that point with Jade. “You’ve always been brave and a terrific solver of problems. I used to rely on you all the time, probably more than I should’ve, looking back. You never gave up until you found a way…and you were never afraid to confront anything…or anyone. But I imagine bravery has its limits.”

  “Not mine,” Alan postured.

  “Yes, even yours.”

  He looked cluelessly at her as if requiring an example.

  “Let’s consider what you just said a minute ago,” Michelle began, “that you would never let anyone harm us. I know you meant what you said; you’re a man of your word. But what if the situation went beyond your control? Like if a loaded gun was pointed at you? What then?”

  Alan forced out his lower lip. “I’d fight the person holding it…or try to take the gun away. Or tell him to shoot me.”

  “Just like that?”

  “Yeah. Just like that. Groveling and begging is out of the question, that only further empowers the aggressor, and he has enough advantages already. Faced with that, I’ve got nothing to lose, so I’d go for the gusto.”

  Michelle studied him. “I’m not…doubting you. I know you’re bold, but you’d really be that brave, knowing your own life was on the line?”

  “What choice would I have? If I choose to do nothing about it, I’m dead. So why not try something?”

  “Fair enough.” Michelle’s lips set into a grim smile. “Let’s assume another scenario, then. What if the gun was pointed at me? What if someone had a gun to my head and said that if you didn’t give up all your guns, they would kill me?”

  Al
an smirked, pretending to contemplate. “That’s an easy one. I’d tell him to shoot you.”

  Michelle reached forward and shoved him. “Ass! Really?”

  “Well, there’s no way in hell I’m giving up my guns…”

  “Alan!” she shrieked, raising a fist.

  “Okay, you got me, I’m totally joking,” Alan said, drawing back. “But…maybe I’d give the approach a shot without really meaning it. You never know, it might catch him off guard, and the shock value alone might be enough to change the stakes.”

  “Fine. Whatever.” Michelle took a breath and exhaled frustration, pausing a moment. “Okay, how’s this for shock value? Assume the same scenario, only this time, the gun is being aimed at Lauren.”

  Alan erased all traces of kidding around from his face. He didn’t respond.

  “Now we’re getting somewhere. It’s different, isn’t it? Like if someone pointed a gun at Grace’s belly…”

  Alan held up a relenting hand. “Okay, I get your point.”

  “Finally,” Michelle said, feigning exhaustion. “Nearly everyone here walks around with one or more guns strapped to them these days. Ask any of them if they’re ready to fight a war to protect what they have or who they love, and they wouldn’t hesitate to say yes. Explain their children will likely be affected, and it changes everything. No one wants their kids endangered…” She trailed off in thought. “I don’t know…maybe I’m babbling, but I think it’s something worth considering. Our lives have been upended since coming here, but we have a lot to live for now, and all the same, so much to lose.”

  The couple went silent after that. They stared at the soft, upturned earth beneath them, bidding to resume gardening efforts, initially unable to find the precise point where they’d left off.

  Alan considered the questions he had remaining in his jumbled queue. There were just too many of them; and this dialogue, while adding more detail to the picture of his past, had infused another layer of haze into the obfuscation. One distinct question had hatched from the exchange, though. One about which he hadn’t thought to enquire before, and it was now sounding off loudly for precedence.