Head Over Heels

by Ford, Brenda

  Urgh, not that I want to think about Ellie ever moving on with anyone! Even the idea makes me feel sick. The idea of her giving that smile to anyone else, kissing him, giving herself to him… the faceless stranger who I don’t even know and I’m jealous of him. I hate him already because he can have what I can’t.

  I don’t even want to think about it. I just want to imagine that won’t happen. I hope that before it does, one of us has gone from these claustrophobic houses that are far too close to one another.

  It takes too long; I almost start to think that Rosie isn’t coming. I nearly give up and head back inside but the door swings open and out she comes. As she stumbles through the door and almost hits the ground, I feel bad for her. She is drunk because she’s in pain because of what her asshole ex did to her. God, I want to get my hands around Tristan’s neck to wring it on her behalf. He is the worst guy ever. To treat his lovely girlfriend the way that he did is absolutely disgusting. I hope he gets what’s going to him. I want karma to kick his ass because I can’t. To be fair it will probably do a much better job.

  “Rosie.” I wave my hand and smile at her. I’d go closer to her if I could, but that pulls me dangerously close to Ellie’s home. I need Rosie to hurry her ass up and get here. “Rosie, come over here.”

  She smiles at me before bolting in to a run. She’s surprisingly light on her feet and agile, no longer tripping up at all. I must be a goal for her, someone she’s desperate to see, and that helps her to keep going. I shake my head with bemusement, without a clue what to say to this. What to make of her.

  “Oliver, I have missed you so much,” she calls out much too loudly. “Yay, this is so good.”

  She jumps up and leaps into my arms, nearly knocking me backwards. I wasn’t expecting this at all. Much as me and Rosie are best friends, we aren’t all touchy feely like this. We don’t hold on to one another and hug, she certainly doesn’t wrap her legs around me and grip me hard. This is definitely strange, there’s no doubt about it.

  I part my lips, wanting to say something to her, but nothing comes out. It’s like I have actually been left speechless by her which is a real first. Either that or she’s completely winded me, I’m not quite sure.

  “Thank you for coming to meet me outside,” she whispers. “This is awesome. A bit like a date.”

  “A date? What the hell are you talking about, Rosie?” I laugh. Well, I try to laugh but the sound comes out strangled. It’s painful in the back of my throat and I’m sure that she must be able to hear that.

  “You know, like you’re picking me up for a date. Or maybe I’m picking you up, I don’t know.”

  I release my grip around her a little, allowing her to fall to her feet also while trying not to drop her completely. This whole conversation is weird, as is the atmosphere surrounding us. Something has changed and I can’t tell what it is. I take a little step back and cock my head to one side as I examine her face, trying to work out what’s going on behind Rosie’s eyes. She doesn’t look like herself, she’s more than just drunk.

  “What did you want to talk about, Rosie? What’s going on? Why are you acting all crazy?”

  “Don’t you get it?” She touches her hand to my cheek softly. “Don’t you see what this is?”

  “What… what is?” I pull back a little. “I don’t get what’s going on here.”

  “You really don’t?” She hooks her arm around the back of my neck and yanks me closer to her. “Because I think that this is something which has been coming for a long time.”

  I go to answer her again, to demand yet another explanation for her drunken rambling, but I don’t get any words out. Not because she’s left me speechless all over again, but because she’s crashed her lips hard against mine to silence me with a kiss.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Ellie

  I need to see him. I know that he didn’t pick up the phone the time I called him, but he might see me. In fact, face to face may well be even better because we can really get everything out there. I can make him see my emotions and make him understand that I care enough about him for age to not be an issue.

  I think I’ve sobered up a bit as I head outside. The booze doesn’t seem to be swirling through my system quite as violently as it was before. I’m ready to face this and to tackle this head on. I actually feel a little lighter as I walk down the stairs. I know this is a good decision. It’s going to work out okay…

  Huh, the front door is open a crack. That isn’t like Auntie Amelia, she’s usually really good at safety things. I think she might have gotten even worse with Seth around. But it might have been a slip up. Anyone is allowed to make a mistake, that’s just what happens. It’s just a good job that I’m still up and heading out.

  I tug the door open quietly, trying not to make too much of a creak as I do, and I tip toe outside. My breath catches in my throat because it’s so cold. I do what I can to suck it up though, because I want to see Oliver so badly. The need to hang out with him completely over shadows any cold.

  I glance at my watch to check the time. I don’t want to offend anyone by banging on the door too late, but the shadow of a person outside the Smith house hold captures my attention first. Whatever the time it, that seems weird. Even stranger when I take a step forward and I see Rosie – who I thought was still in my bed – with her legs wrapped around Oliver. And not in a friendly way, but in a romantic looking way. In a sexual looking way, actually. It really looks like Rosie wants him, and while I can’t see Oliver’s face, he probably wants her to. Why wouldn’t he? She’s absolutely gorgeous. A real heart breaker… only she’s nice too and doesn’t break hearts. She has her hear broken by assholes who don’t know how to treat her right.

  Oh God, she was talking about getting with someone new, wasn’t she? Someone who would treat her right, and Oliver is that guy. Sure, things ended on bad terms, but he was amazing until then. A real gent. A guy who thought of me like a princess and brought me jewelry. Made me smile every minute of every day. Would send me cute texts to cheer me up, even if he didn’t know I needed cheering up, who was just perfect.

  He’s the sort of guy that I would want for Rosie, but not him. Why does it have to be him?

  My blood runs ice cold and my heart damn near stops beating. What the fuck is this? Am I dreaming? But no, a quick rub of my eyes confirms that no dream is being had right now. This is really happening. I am actually looking at Rosie and Oliver in a cinch. I half suspected that Rosie might have a thing for Oliver, but to see it with my own eyes is gut wrenching. Especially when he doesn’t seem to be completely rejecting her.

  Maybe he has always had a thing for her as well. Perhaps I was just there to make her jealous. And it’s worked because Rosie and Tristan have broken up, she’s available for him, and I’m out the picture.

  Then I watch as Oliver puts Rosie gently on the ground. They start having this really intense, charged talk which makes my heart bleed. I haven’t even wanted to think about Oliver with someone else and now I have to see him with my cousin… the woman that is probably perfect for him. I mean, best friends to lovers… that’s the best story ever, isn’t it? The girl is with the wrong guy for years, never seeing what is right under her nose, but then it finally happens, and it leads to a happy ever after. It’s sickeningly beautiful and will work as well. She isn’t too young for him, she isn’t a problem, she’s just there and perfect. Their lives will be happy and full of love. They will get married and have lots of children. And me…? Well, I will be a bridesmaid at their wedding, the crazy single relative to their children, never able to get over the man that I can’t have.

  “Oh my God.” I clap my hands to my mouth hard as Rosie grabs Oliver and she kisses him. She kisses the lips that belong to me, that I want to kiss myself, that are supposed to be reserved only for me. “Holy fuck.”

  Now there is no misinterpreting this. They’re kissing now, their love story is just beginning. Or maybe continuing, I don’t know. I haven’t got a cl
ue what’s going on here, only that they are kissing right now in front of me. Okay, so it doesn’t last long, and I think that it might be Oliver that pulls away, but it changes nothing. I have been long forgotten and I need to forget him as well. Both of them, if I can.

  I retreat back into the house as I consider all of that, knowing with utter certainty that I have to go now. I can’t believe I was even considering sticking around at this house. No way I can. I can’t watch them blossom and fall in love. Me and Seth need a place of our own anyway, so this is just the kick up the ass I need to get on with it. There isn’t enough space for us all here. It isn’t going to work. It can’t.

  I pound back up the stairs two at a time and I grab out my laptop. My heart throbs as I turn it on, and I try to plan out what my next move will be. I need to be rational, to be smart, but also to get out of here.

  It isn’t long before I have a number of apartment listings on my screen and I’m scanning my eyes over them, trying to work out which one I can afford with the inheritance money and afterwards as well. It also needs to be near the school with enough space for me and Seth, and plenty of jobs around because I really do need to get myself in work. The sooner the better now to keep on top of everything.

  “Fuck.” I wipe a stray tear away. “Fucking hell. What do I do?”

  I’m sad, I’m a little scared, and I’m angry as well. Without even thinking about it, I slam my laptop closed, knowing that I can’t make any decisions when my head is all over the place like this, and I stomp back down the stairs. I don’t even care if I wake anyone up now, it doesn’t matter. Everyone should know what Rosie is doing.

  I’m going to confront them now anyway, so everyone will be woken up. They might be about to embark on the most beautiful love story ever, but I don’t think they should be allowed to stomp all over my heart to get there. They should know that their love is crushing me in the process. I don’t even mind that it will be embarrassing for everyone to find out how I got dumped by Oliver. I just need people to know that I’m hurt…

  But as I get back outside once more, I quickly realize that I’m all alone. Since I know for sure that Rosie hasn’t come back into the house, she must be in with Oliver. They have gone inside to hang out in the bed that me and him used to hang out in. They will be having sex where me and him had sex. It’s gross. It’s not right, it isn’t acceptable, it’s… well, there are no words for what it is. It shouldn’t be real.

  I know that I should continue on with my rage and bang on the door to disturb them before it can get that far, but I don’t want to. Seeing them kiss was bad enough, witnessing them in any state of undress would kill me. Even thinking about it is too hard to bear. All of a sudden, the idea of them naked ensures I don’t want anyone to know about me and him. That’s embarrassing and downright humiliating.

  I feel frozen to the spot as I stare at the empty space where they were when I could have stopped them. My chest aches with the knowledge that I have lost it all. Every part of the life that I thought I would have.

  I head back inside and wipe the tears away from my eyes, hating them for falling down. I don’t want to be this emotional over a man who doesn’t want me, who wants her instead. I wish that love had a tap and I could turn it on and off, unplug the water supply so I can just move on.

  “Ellie?” Auntie Amelia’s voice makes me jump. I thought that I was alone. “What’s going on? I was woken up because I keep hearing the front door opening. Is it you? What’s going on?”

  “I er…” Nope, I don’t want to say anything. “I heard it too. That’s why I came downstairs. I think someone must have left it open. But I’ve closed it now and locked it shut.”

  She steps closer to me, her eyebrows furrowed. “Are you okay? Your eyes are all red.”

  “Tired,” I snap back my usual response. “I’m just tired, that’s all.”

  “Are you sure? Because you look like you have been crying?”

  “No, I haven’t been crying.” I avert my eyes and refuse to look at her. “I’m good. I just need to go to bed.”

  “Is it because of what I said earlier? Because I wanted to say sorry about that. Rosie told me that I went in too hard which wasn’t ever my intention. I just wanted to give you a helping hand.”

  “No, I get it.” To be honest, with everything else that has happened, I forgot about that. “It’s fine. You’re right. I do need to start moving forward. And I’m going to as well. You were right to say that to me. I’m going to… to get a job and a place of my own. You know, for me and Seth. The inheritance money is there to get us started and now I’m eighteen so it’s fine for us to move out.”

  “You don’t have to leave this place, you know? I don’t want you both to go, and I’m sure that Rosie…”

  Nope, I can’t hear her name. I need to interject. “I do need to go to bed. Can we talk about it tomorrow?”

  “Oh right.” Luckily, she’s too worried about offending me again to argue. “Of course. Tomorrow. You go to sleep and we can discuss it when your head is in a better place.”

  I smile weakly at her before running back up the stairs to go to bed. Not that I’m actually going to get any sleep right now. I won’t be able to close my eyes without seeing Rosie and Oliver at it. Urgh, even their names sound great together. It isn’t fair. The sooner I get myself out of this situation, the better.

  Love. I think to myself as I fall on the bed. Love. I fell in love. I fell in love with Oliver and I lost him. Then he betrayed me. Love hurts way more than I thought it could so maybe it’s better that it’s all over.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Oliver

  “What the hell are you doing, Rosie?” I bark out as I pull back from her, nearly snapping my neck in the process. “Are you really that drunk? What the hell are you playing at just… just coming here to kiss me?”

  “I like you, Oliver,” she purrs while running her finger down my cheek. “I more than just like you. I need you. You are right about everything. I do need someone who will treat me better than he did. I think that person is you and I’m sure that you know it as well. And the best part is that I have always liked you, I was just so blinded by Tristan that I couldn’t see it. But now he’s gone and it’s all that I can see. Only you. Me and you. It’s perfect.”

  “What the hell…?” Why does this have to happen now when it isn’t my fantasy anymore? These sentences fill me with dread, not the happiness that I always thought they would do. “Rosie, what are you talking about?”

  “Oh, come on. Don’t tell me that you can’t feel it! It’s there between us. It always has been, hasn’t it? I’ve always known that you had a thing for me, I just didn’t realize that I felt the same way… until now.”

  “You… you knew?” I gasp shocked. “You always knew that I felt that way?”

  “Yes. And remember that kiss? The one where you were pretending to be my boyfriend? You know that one, at the party. You can’t tell me that you didn’t feel something that day? I know you did. I did too but I was still so wrapped up in Tristan, all I did was want him back. I didn’t think about it… but now it’s all that I can think of. I think about you all the time. I know you must be thinking about me too.”

  My mind is blown. Literally, I can feel it all over the place. I don’t know what to think, what to say. Rosie is crazy, this is the wildest thing ever. It might just be because she’s broken up with Tristan and she’s looking for something to fill that hole. Or she could really feel this way and she does want me after all.

  No, this is too complicated, it’s too insane. This can’t happen. I don’t even want it to anymore, but even if I did, I wouldn’t. I don’t know if she knows about Ellie or not, but I couldn’t start something on a lie.

  “Rosie, I don’t understand this. I don’t know where it’s coming from…”

  “My heart.” She grabs my hand and presses it to her chest. “Can’t you feel it? I feel like this is meant to be. I have fallen for my best friend. That’s wha
t is always meant to happen, isn’t it?”

  “Is it? I don’t know. Is that a thing? Does that mean it has to happen?”

  “You’re acting like you don’t want it to happen. I don’t get you, Oliver.”

  I fall back inside the house trying to get a break, but she follows close behind as if I’ve invited her in. I walk in to the kitchen and grab a drink from the fridge. I need something real to hold on to.

  “Oliver, why aren’t you saying anything? I don’t get it. We could be amazing.”

  “Rosie, you’re drunk, that’s my first issue.” I turn to face her with a very serious look on my face. “Second, you and Tristan break up and get back together all the time. How do you know that won’t happen again?”

  “Because he’s hurt me too bad this time. Because he’s with someone else. And he’s an ass.”

  “But not because you don’t have feelings for him anymore.” She purses her lips together silently. “See after such a roller coaster relationship, I think you need some time to get over it properly. You need space.”

  “I don’t want space, Oliver. I want you.” She grips on to my arm and pleads. “I won’t get over Tristan while I’m not with someone else. This is the best way for me to move on.”

  “So, you’re just wanting this to happen because you want to move on? Because that is a sure fire way to wreck our friendship. Feelings always complicate things, don’t they? I don’t want that.”