Head Over Heels

by Ford, Brenda

  But he says nothing. He doesn’t even give me a grunt, so with a tut and a huff I stomp over to the door. As I go a little part of me hopes that it’s Oliver because I just want to see him again, and it isn’t like he doesn’t know where I live now, but I’m nervous about him being around my brother in a new capacity.

  It will be fine; I try to convince myself. We will find a way to make it work somehow.

  With a giant smile on my face, I swing the door open with a bright smile prepared on my face, but it soon falls away when I see a very unwelcome face looking at me. One I didn’t think I would ever see again.

  “D… dad…” I can’t believe this. It’s like the foundation of my life has been ripped away. I might not have seen this man since I was a child, but it doesn’t change the impact that he can always have on me. He gives me a giant spike of fear that I can’t shut down however much I want to. “What… what are you doing here?”

  “Oh, come off it, Ellie. You don’t need to always be so stuck up.” He chuckles and pats me on the arm as if we’re old buddies. “You’ve always been the same, you. But I’m here to see you, of course. You and my boy. Where is he anyway?” He pushes passed me, the scent of booze nearly knocking me off my feet. It seems like the years apart haven’t dragged him away from the bar. “Seth? Sethy boy? Where are you?”

  I’m so stunned that I can’t move. I can’t even think. This is just too mental. How the hell has my father found us? What does he want? He isn’t the sort of person that comes in to anyone’s lives without a purpose. I learned that from a very young age. He always wanted something from my mom…

  Mom! All of a sudden it hits me. If he’s found us here, then he must know that she’s died. That makes my blood run icy cold. Now, he wants something from me and Seth which is terrifying because I don’t know what he’s willing to do to make whatever he wants to happen. I don’t know how we will fight him off.

  Shit, he’s with Seth. I snap out of my shock and realize that right now he might be in the other room poisoning my impressionable young brother’s mind. Seth won’t remember him from back then, so I need to intervene. I run in to the front room, wanting to put a stop to this without worrying Seth. This is his only parent left and I can’t create a stressful situation around this. I need to be calm however much I want to freak the hell out.

  “Dad, how are you? Look at this,” Seth screams excitedly. “I made it at school. Isn’t it cool?”

  “Oh yeah.” Seth doesn’t notice the sarcasm in Dad’s voice, but I do. I don’t get what my mother ever saw in him. She was always a smart and very independent woman. It must be like Rosie said, the Clark girls are attracted to assholes. My mom, Rosie’s dad is also bad, Tristan, and Oliver… although Oliver isn’t bad. He’s the sweetest guy ever, he just comes with a lot of complications. “Yeah, son, that’s great.”

  “So, are you staying, Dad?” He looks far too hopeful for my liking. “Now that Mom has died and we aren’t with Auntie Amelia anymore, are you going to come and live with us?”

  “Urgh, Amelia.” Dad screws up his nose in disgust. I’m sure that he doesn’t like Auntie Amelia because she has called him out on his bullshit. It’s always easier to see someone else’s bad choices than your own.

  “Dad doesn’t need to live here,” I jump in before he can slag off my amazing family member more. “I’m an adult now. You don’t need anyone else but me. Me and you are going to be fine.”

  Seth cocks his head to one side and gives me a curious look. “But Dad is here now. We don’t need to worry.”

  Oh God, if only he knew the truth. That now we need to worry more than ever. But I grit my teeth together and try to smile. “Dad, would you like a coffee or something to drink?” Anything to sober up.

  “Do you have anything stronger?” he predictably replies. “If not, then coffee is fine.”

  I probably shouldn’t have offered a drink because now I need to go in the kitchen and leave Dad alone with Seth a little more, but if I don’t get my head in order and work out what to do then I might explode.

  “Damn it,” I mutter when I realize that I left my cell phone in the other room. Now, I can’t even message Auntie Amelia or anyone without seeming suspicious. I’ll have to try that at some point. She seems to have a lot more experience with him than I do. I want her to come and get rid of him already. His presence is making me awkward and uncomfortable in my own home, which is a feeling that no one should ever have to experience.

  The coffee pot heats up until finally I can pour the drinks. By the time I return in to the living room, Dad is rough housing with Seth as if he has always been around. As if he’s father of the God damn year. This isn’t good.

  “Coffee,” I spit out through my teeth gritted so tightly together they are practically wearing down. “Dad.”

  “Oh yeah, just shove it down.” He knocks Seth to the ground too hard for my liking. “We’re playing here.”

  Shove it down? What the hell? I slam it on the side and watch them, growing increasingly angry by the moment. The only saving grace is that it’s late so soon I can get Seth to bed and away from this asshole once and for all. Whatever he wants with us, he can speak to me about it. Not that he’s likely to get far…

  * * *

  “Right, Seth, you really do need to go to bed now,” I declare for what feels like the hundredth time. “We can’t put it off any longer. You have school in the morning, and I don’t want you tired.”

  “But I’m not tired,” he moans. “I want to stay up and talk to Dad some more. The teacher will understand.”

  “No,” I shoot back more firmly. “When I tell you to go to bed, Seth, you have to do it.”

  “See what I mean?” Dad sneers nastily. “You have turned just like your mother. Not a good look.”

  Seth clearly doesn’t understand the weight attached to this sentence because he laughs along with Dad. I can’t blame him, he’s too young to really get any of it, but it does irritate me more about Dad. How dare he come back here and try and change his son’s opinion of the woman who stuck around to raise him. Who only left him because she passed away, not because she actually wanted to. He is the worst of the worst.

  “Seth, this is non-negotiable. You are going to bed right now.” I don’t mean to shout, but it just comes out.

  Seth appears shell shocked which isn’t what I want, but he does stand up and start walking to his room, so I suppose it has the desired effect. I don’t even look at my father as I follow my brother, I can’t even stand to see him. I want him to just up and fucking leave right now, but I doubt I will get so lucky.

  “Sorry, Seth.” I rub his back gently. “I didn’t mean to yell; I just want to keep to the routine.”

  “It shouldn’t have to be the same when Dad is here,” he grumbles. “We don’t know when he’ll come again.”

  That stings because I have a lot of sympathy for Seth, but if it were up to me, he wouldn’t come back again. He would leave this house and never return, getting out of our lives forever more.

  Seth climbs into bed and I sit beside him for a moment, stroking his forehead. “Me and you will be okay, you do know that, right? We’ve gotten this far, and we can get through anything else.”

  “You are good at looking after me,” he insists. “I just miss having more family.”

  Tears ball up behind my eyes, but I don’t let them fall. “Me too, Seth. Me too. Now, you better get some sleep. I will come and check on you before I go to bed, okay? Love you, baby bro.”

  His eyes are already closing. Thankfully, Dad has tired him out, so he’s about to drift off instantly. That’s good because I honestly have no idea what the hell is going to happen now. It could get messy.

  “Love you too,” he murmurs, probably with his last breath before he hits dream land.

  I lean against the door frame and smile at Seth, so glad that he’s actually doing pretty well here. Despite everything he’s making it through with some real strength. Now I need to make sur
e that Dad doesn’t ruin him.

  I turn to walk towards my father, knowing that I need to just face him now. I find him lying across my couch with his muddy boots on the fabric. He’s trying his hardest to get a rise out of me and I need to not react. If I give him what he wants, then he wins. I can’t let him win right now. I need to be strong.

  “What are you doing here, Dad?” I ask while taking my seat. “How did you find me?”

  “Anyone is easy to find if you look hard enough.”

  “But why are you trying so hard to find me now? It isn’t like you spent the rest of my life looking for me, is it? In fact, you have always been running in the other direction. So, why now?”

  “You don’t think that maybe I want to be a parent to you knowing your mom has died?”

  I shake my head instantly. “No way. That isn’t the truth. There is no way in hell I’m buying that.”

  He narrows his eyes at me, staring at me like I’m acting like a bitch for no good reason. But then he tosses his head back and laughs. “Yeah, I don’t know if I was ever cut out to be a father, to be honest.”

  “And that’s funny to you?” I fold my arms defensively across my chest. “That you suck as a father?”

  “Oh, lighten the fuck up, Ellie. That scowl must be permanently etched on your face. I heard about your mother dying and I wanted to seek you guys out to check that you are okay.”

  “Well, as you see, we’re doing fine, so your duty is done. You don’t need to worry. You can go if you want.”

  “Oh no,” He shakes his head hard. “I’m not going anywhere. Not until I have my piece.”

  “Your piece? Your piece of what?” Finally, we’re getting down to what he wants.

  “My piece of the inheritance, of course. I know that you got some money, and I believe that should be mine. As your father, that cash should come to me. I mean, it’s only right, isn’t it?”

  Wow… I know that he’s low, but this is a new level of it. I can’t believe he just admitted that he’s only here for the money. Money that definitely doesn’t belong to him, no matter what he says…

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Oliver

  Rosie’s words still scream in my ears as I walk back home. She’s definitely dead against me and Ellie ever having anything which sucks. Her arguments didn’t even make much sense in the end, I just know that her feelings would be really hurt if I ever went for it, that our friendship wouldn’t survive, but I honestly don’t know if I can keep away from her. Even as Rosie yelled at me so loudly and Amelia ended up getting involved, I didn’t think that I could do what she wanted. I can’t resist her, she’s deep under my skin now and I want her.

  I’m pretty sure that Amelia has figured out what’s going on now too. She is smart enough to read between the lines and to know that I crossed every barrier. She probably hates me now too.

  Without thinking much about it, I try to call Ellie as I go, but the call clicks through to voice mail. It’s probably for the best. I don’t really know what I’m going to say to her. I just know that I want to see her.

  “Woah.” I push the front door open and I find myself faced with one of my other younger brothers, Wesley, who I haven’t seen too much of recently. “Hey, I didn’t know that you were here. What’s going on?”

  For one horrible moment, I’m afraid that it might be one of those interventions things and Brad has collected everyone together to tell me that I’m a complete and utter idiot. But his smile suggests otherwise.

  “Me and Angelo are here for a poker night. You in? It feels like forever since we got together.”

  It isn’t all of us, but we’re all so busy with our lives now that getting the six of us together is impossible. Four is probably the best that we can get. So much as I would like to spend the night thinking things through, I have done enough of that recently and I would much rather forget it all and have some fun.

  “Hell yeah, I’m in.” I nod eagerly. “Sounds good. But I will kick your asses, all of you. I’m the poker king.”

  Angelo sits in the kitchen with Brad, surrounded by beers, which is a welcome sight. They are both smiling and laughing, not stressing over their own life issues, which means I don’t need to as well. I can trust Brad not to tell anyone what is happening as well, which is awesome, because I just don’t want to get in to it.

  “Hey, Angelo. Wesley just told me that you’ve come here to lose all your money to me.”

  “That confident, huh?” Angelo hands me a beer. “Well, get ready to get your ass kicked.”

  The laughter, the banter, the joy filling the house is exactly what I need right now. This will help me to shut down all the negativity around me and give me the boost that I want. Thank God for my brothers!

  * * *

  “Bro, I am not backing down,” Wesley drunkenly insists. “You might have sent Brad to bed because you bled him dry and caused Angelo to puke – although actually that might have been the booze – but I am still here. You will not defeat me. I have an awesome hand here so you might as well fold.”

  Seeing Wesley drunk is funny. It doesn’t often happen, he normally keeps complete control of himself, but a bit of booze tips him over the edge and he becomes nuts. I love that side of him. It makes me want to hang out with him more. Maybe once we have a bit less going on, we can make that happen.

  “Well, I have an awesome hand as well, so unless you want to lose more…”

  We do a little more betting until it’s time for one of us to reveal our hands. The competition is fierce, but to be honest I don’t really care if I win or lose by this point. I’m just having such a good time. Plus, I can’t really see the cards, my vision is blurry from the booze, so I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

  “Fuck!” Wesley yells. “You win again. What the fuck is your luck at the moment?”

  “Huh, my poker luck, sure,” I shoot back. “But everything else is all kinds of fucked up.”

  “I got that impression actually.” Wesley sips his beer and stares me down. “When Brad said that Rosie wouldn’t come for poker night. I thought it might be nice to invite her since she’s been a couple of times…”

  “Yeah.” The pain steam rolls over me. “She’s mad at me at the moment.”

  “You want to talk about why?” Wesley offers. “You don’t have to. But I’m here if you want.”

  The thing with Wesley is he’s a better listener than he initially seems. He gives good advice and he’s very helpful. Also, he’s a complete whiz with technology, but I don’t know if that will assist me!

  “Er, I don’t know. It’s a bit of a long story. We could just play another round of poker if you want.”

  “Sure.” Wesley nods in an easy going manner. “Whatever you want. I’m okay with anything.”

  I sigh loudly and nod. I do want to talk to him and hear his advice as well, especially since I’m pretty tipsy now. “I have had a thing with Rosie’s cousin, which is why Rosie is mad at me.”

  “Wait… Rosie has a cousin? How did I not know any of this? Where have I been?” Wesley laughs.

  “She moved in after her mom died.” Urgh, this part is going to suck. “She and her little brother had to live with an adult for a short while because she hadn’t yet turned eighteen years old.” I expect Wesley to have an opinion on this, but he doesn’t. He remains as silent and stoic as he was before, just listening in. “I didn’t know that she was so young when we started fooling around. I thought that she was just a little younger than me, otherwise I never would have started it. I also didn’t know that I would upset Rosie.”

  “Because of her age or because this girl is her cousin?” Wesley interrupts, reminding me that I am not anywhere near the end of my complicated little story yet.

  “Because Rosie broke up with Tristan – he cheated on her again – and she decided that she likes me. She said that she wanted to be with me. I mean, she changed her mind afterwards and decided that it was all because of her break up and that she just
wants to be friends. But she still doesn’t want me going near Ellie.”

  I don’t know how much sense I’m making. This is all confusing enough to me when I’m sober, and I’m living through it, so I have no idea how much Wesley is getting, but he doesn’t look too confused.

  “What has Brad said about all of this? I’m guessing that you told him?”

  “He told me to follow my heart. Life is short. All of that, but I can’t hurt anyone.”

  “Of course you can’t.” My brother shrugs. “Because you are a people pleaser. You always have been. You don’t want to hurt anyone which is why you would never trample over anyone. Not like me.” He laughs and I join in, although I’m a little confused about his perception of me. Is that really what I am? A people pleaser? That makes me sound boring which is troubling. “I’m an asshole and you are a good guy.”

  “Good? Nice? A people pleaser? You’re making it sound like I should give up on life now.”

  “No, no, I’m not saying it like these are bad qualities. I mean you don’t put yourself first. You always worry about how you are going to affect other people. But by doing that, you are probably hurting this girl you love.”

  “I don’t know… I don’t know about love,” I stammer. “It hasn’t really been long enough.”

  “It doesn’t need to be a long time for you to know. If you feel it, it’s there. And if you do feel it, then you should go for it. Now, you know me, Oliver. I’m not going to give you a bunch of clichés like Brad, but I do want you to find happiness just like he does. I know you’re worried about Rosie, but tell me honestly, was she worrying about you when she was rubbing what she had with Tristan in your face? She must have known that you liked her, and it didn’t stop her.” Hmmm, he’s right about that. She did admit that she always knew. “And now she’s making it worse by flip flopping between her emotions, saying she likes you just when she knows that you are moving on, then changing her mind but declaring you can’t be with Ellie… it’s like a bad joke. Now, you know that I like Rosie, I haven’t ever had anything against her, but it feels like she’s playing you.”