Deserving of Luke
Page 19
Vaguely, Logan was aware he had started to sway. Paige wrapped an arm around his waist to bolster him as she continued asking questions of the doctor that Logan hadn’t even thought about. Questions that he knew would have occurred to him two minutes after the doctor walked out of the room.
As the doctor wound down, Logan felt his stomach twist. He couldn’t do this, couldn’t sit in this tiny little room with his son—his son—and wait to find out what was going to happen. Wait to find out if Luke was going to be okay. Wait to see—
A sob rose in his throat. But he couldn’t cry. Not here and not now. Not when Paige managed to hold herself together so well.
After the doctor left, she sank into the chair by Luke’s bed, stroked a gentle hand over their son’s forehead again and again. Her hand was trembling, yet she somehow managed to keep it together. Not one tear leaked down her cheek, not one complaint or lamentation crossed her lips.
She talked softly to Luke, telling him how much she loved him. How much they all did. And how much she was looking forward to looking into his eyes again.
As he watched her, Logan began to understand how a scared seventeen-year-old with almost no options had managed to not only survive but flourish in a city that was known for crushing people into dust. How she had managed to care for a baby by herself, while working full time and getting a degree. How she had managed to achieve so much more than most people who had never had to fight half as hard.
There was no back-up in her, no give, no weakness. No matter what life threw at her, she met it head on. And if, God forbid, something ended up being seriously wrong with Luke, he knew she would deal with that, too. She knew no other way.
It took his breath away. She took his breath away.
As he reached out and squeezed Luke’s knee, Paige’s gaze met his. She looked exhausted, but he knew she would last as long as she had to. She would stay by their son’s side as long as he needed her.
And that’s when it hit him, what an incredible fool he had been three weeks ago—and nine years ago. A woman like this, so steadfast, so sure of herself, so convinced of right and wrong, would never do what he had accused her of. She would never cheat on him, any more than she would toss him out on his own and leave him to sink or swim.
The realization shattered him, nearly brought him to his knees right there in the middle of the hospital room. Only Paige’s strength kept him upright.
But he couldn’t take it, couldn’t stand being in a room with her and drawing comfort from her when he had wronged her so completely. Mumbling a semi-coherent excuse, he stumbled out and down the hall to the elevator. He was desperate to get outside so he could breathe.
But when he was in the parking lot, taking huge lungfuls of air into his shuddering chest, he still couldn’t steady himself. He was breaking apart, into a million pieces. All the ways he’d wronged Paige and his son were unfolding before him and he couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t stand what he’d done to them. Couldn’t stand that he might never get a chance to make it right with Luke.
Dear God, please, not Luke. Not his son. Not Paige’s son. Please God, don’t take him from Paige. She couldn’t—
Logan’s legs collapsed beneath him and he hit the ground hard. He knew he had to get up, knew he had to go inside to sit with Luke and Paige. He’d failed in so many ways already, he couldn’t fail them again. Not now. Not in this.
Yet he couldn’t make his legs move. Couldn’t find the will to pick himself up. Dear God, please not Luke. Please, not Luke. Give him another chance. Please God, give me one more chance. He wouldn’t squander it this time. This time he would do everything right. Please…
CHAPTER NINETEEN
WHEN PENNY CAME INTO Luke’s room a few minutes later, Paige asked her sister to stay with him while she went looking for Logan. She didn’t know where he’d disappeared to, but he’d looked awful when he’d stumbled out and the last thing she needed was for him to be wandering around the hospital in shock.
She asked about him at the nurse’s station, and was told that he’d taken one of the elevators. A part of her shriveled up, convinced that Logan had cut and run as he was famous for doing when things got too tough. But she looked for him anyway. She couldn’t help it. She kept hearing his voice tell her that he would take care of her this time around.
After checking the waiting rooms on each floor, the entire ER and half the ground floor of the hospital, she’d about given up on him. But that sixth sense told her to keep looking. Stepping out into the parking lot, she scanned the area, not really expecting him to be out there.
She spotted him, sitting on the ground near the empty ambulance bay. His arms were wrapped around his middle as if he was trying to keep himself from flying apart and as she got closer, she realized there were tears pouring down his face.
She started running then, didn’t stop until she was kneeling on the ground beside him. “Logan,” she said, taking his hands in hers. “It’s going to be okay. I swear it. Come on, sweetheart. Please, don’t do this to yourself.”
“I’m fine.” He looked away, wiped his face, tried his best to hide his tears from her.
“You are not fine. Talk to me, Logan.”
He reached out then, dragging her into his arms and burying his face in the curve where her shoulder met her neck. Her arms went around him automatically and even as she told herself it was a bad idea to let him in again, Paige couldn’t stop herself from melting against him. It felt so good to be held by him, so right.
“I’m sorry.” His voice was barely audible.
“What?”
“I’m sorry. I was stupid, an ass, completely blind. I hurt you again and again when you’ve never done anything but love me.”
Paige looked at him, shocked, but he clutched at her, trying desperately to keep her body pressed against his.
“I’m sorry. So sorry. I don’t deserve you and Luke, not after everything I’ve done, but I love you. And I swear to you that I won’t ever turn my back on you again. I won’t ever leave you alone again. I swear it, Paige. I swear it.”
“Hush, Logan.” She smoothed his hair back from his face. “This isn’t the time to worry about that—”
“It’s exactly the time. I almost lost him today. I’ve already lost you and I can’t stand it. I can’t stand knowing that I hurt you, that I left you alone, that I didn’t protect the two of you the way I should have.”
She was crying now, too, silent tears as she rested her forehead against his.
“Please don’t cry, Paige. Please, darlin’. I never meant to make you cry. You were mine. It was my job to make sure you were okay and instead, I hurt you worse than anybody. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Give me another chance and I promise I’ll never screw up again.”
She ran a hand down his cheek. And as she looked into his beautiful, beloved face, she realized that she couldn’t keep hiding behind the past. She’d spent nine years running away from her emotions, and the past six weeks running away from Logan. Frightened of being hurt again. Frightened of opening herself up.
But here they were anyway, scared, aching, desperate. Worried about their son might have to go through and the pain they’d already caused each other. It was stupid, ridiculous, to hold on to the past.
The Logan in front of her was not the Logan from nine years ago, and she was not that girl, either. They had both grown and matured, had both survived. And they were both still here. That was going to have to be enough for her, because life didn’t come with any better guarantees.
“Of course you’ll screw up again,” she told him, laughing. “And so will I. And then we’ll forgive each other, because that’s what people who love each other do.”
“You love me?”
“I’ve always loved you. Even when we wanted to kill each other, I loved you. It’s why there’s never been another man for me, not from the moment you first looked at me. It’s why there will never be another man for me.”
“I’m sorry—”
He nodded. “More than okay.”
“Good.” She brushed her lips across his once, twice, took him deep inside herself, where she promised herself never to let him go again. Then she climbed slowly to her feet, held a hand out to him.
“Let’s go to our son and get started on that future you promised me.”
Logan took her hand and they walked toward the hospital, together.
EPILOGUE
TWO WEEKS LATER, LOGAN CARRIED Luke through the front door of his house. “Jeez, I can walk, Dad.”
“Humor the old man, kid. It’s been a long couple of weeks.”
And it had. The first few days after the accident had been a nightmare the likes of which Logan had never experienced. The second and third CAT scans had undefined results—there remained so much swelling around Luke’s brain that it had been impossible to tell how severe the damage might be.
They’d been told to wait and pray for their son to open his eyes. He’d finally done it, four days after the accident, and Logan had never been happier than when Luke had reached out a hand for him and called him Daddy.
They’d done another CAT scan later that day, followed by an MRI and a number of other tests. The results were the same. As the doctor had originally suspected, there was a small amount of damage to the part of the brain that controlled gross motor skills on the left side. They believed it could be almost completely corrected over time with physical therapy, but Luke’s dreams of being a pro basketball player were probably finished.
Which was okay, he’d told his parents with a grin that was all charm. He’d already decided he wanted to be a doctor, since they got to work with so many pretty nurses all day long.
“I can’t believe we’re going to be living at your house. This place is so cool!”
“It is, isn’t it?” Paige agreed with a smile. “You’re not going to miss L.A., are you?”
“No way! I didn’t want to tell you when we were living there, but all that smog really bummed me out. And since you can still work on movies from here, I think everything’s perfect.”
Logan lowered his son to the couch, then sat next to him, pulling Paige into his lap as he did so. She came willingly, snuggling right under his arm and he was so overwhelmed with emotions, that for a moment he couldn’t do anything but breathe. He didn’t know what he’d ever done in his life to deserve these two people, but he did know thing. He was never letting go of them again.
ISBN: 978-1-4268-8971-4
DESERVING OF LUKE
Copyright © 2011 by Tracy L. Deebs-Elkenaney
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