ZAAN (Sidewinders: Generations Book 1)

by Kat Mizera

  He was standing just behind Shane and Robbie and he looked different… Had he gotten a haircut? And why wasn’t he on his flight to Scotland tonight? I blinked, trying to make sure it was really him. And it was. Because when he saw me hesitate, he winked and mouthed, “I love you.”

  I practically felt Jayson’s sigh of relief as I grinned and pulled my hand free of his. I put everything else out of my mind, closed my eyes, and allowed the music to flow over me and through me. This was what I did, what I lived for, and with Zaan just a few feet away, it felt like I could do anything. And it had always been this way.

  We played fifteen songs. Everything on the upcoming album, two originals, and then a couple of Pretty Harts songs. The crowd loved us, the whole place was singing and dancing, and by the time the show ended, I was on a high like no other. We’d rocked the house, had people screaming for more, clamoring to reach the stage, to get closer to us. It was magic, on every level, and my heart was pounding triple time as we went into the private room they’d set up for us. Since the Whiskey was a nightclub, there wasn’t a traditional backstage area and we had to go up a flight of stairs to get to the room.

  “Fuckin’-A, that was awesome,” Bash said, giving me a hug. “You rocked it, Lex.”

  “Thanks.” I grabbed a bottle of water and drank deeply, already watching the door for Zaan.

  “The press is all but breaking down the door, trying to talk to you guys,” Lance Baker said. He’d been Pretty Harts’ tour manager for years and had offered to act as ours for any showcases we did.

  “Give us five to cool down,” Tyler said, “and then let them in.”

  I sank into a chair and accepted the towel Lance handed me. I’d worked up a sweat but it felt good. Better than almost anything. It felt like it had in the beginning, before Special Kay had turned into a nightmare. I loved playing with these guys, and hearing my originals live had been the biggest high of all. The crowd seemed to love them, and though I was excited, there was a part of me that wished they hadn’t. It was a rare, fleeting moment of self-sabotage that I quickly shook off, but I knew where it was coming from.

  “Lexi!” Two reporters rushed at me the moment they came into the room and I turned, pasting a smile on my face.

  A reporter I recognized from Rolling Stone magazine held up his recording device. “Are there plans for you to work with Tyler and Bash going forward, Lexi?”

  “I hope so,” I replied. “We’ve been writing some music together, so we’ll see what happens after this album comes out.”

  “Are you back together with Bash? Is that why this project came together?”

  I frowned. “Bash and I are just friends. And anyway, that has nothing to do with the music.”

  “Then you’re still dating Zaan Hagen?”

  “She is.” Zaan came up behind us and slid his arm around my shoulders.

  I still didn’t know what he was doing here or why he thought we were back together, but I didn’t care. Just that he was here was enough for me. We’d figure out the rest once we were alone.

  “So what did you think?” Jayson asked the guy from Rolling Stone, diverting the conversation. “Is there a project in the works with these guys?”

  “The music was hot,” the guy agreed. “I’d be interested in hearing more originals. Tyler write those?”

  “Actually, Lexi wrote both of the originals we played tonight.” Jayson expertly maneuvered the conversation toward the music and they forgot all about my love life, which was both a relief and annoying at the same time. When it had just been me, they didn’t care about the music, but as soon as Jayson got involved, they were all in. Sexism at its finest. It made me appreciate everything Casey had accomplished that much more, because it was exhausting trying to get respect in this business.

  “Hi,” I finally spoke to Zaan when the interviews wound down.

  “Hi.” He pulled me close and looked down at me.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be on a plane?”

  “You’re more important.” His eyes met mine and we shared a moment of quiet intimacy just as my family came into the room.

  Dad immediately grabbed me for a big hug. “I am so proud of you,” he whispered in my ear. “Every time I hear you sing, it’s amazing, but tonight… There are no words.”

  “Thanks, Dad.” My eyes got a little teary.

  “You’re incredible, Lexi.” Mack hugged me next.

  Lindsey was with them and had brought me a glass of wine, so I took a tentative sip.

  “So what happened at the beginning of the show?” Lindsey asked. “You don’t usually get stage fright like that and you were frozen.”

  “I’m not sure,” I responded slowly. Zaan was standing right next to me, so I couldn’t say it had been because he wasn’t in my life. Also because it made no sense since he’d rarely been at any of my performances over the years.

  “She calmed down once she saw Zaan,” Shane cut in, grinning. Leave it to my youngest brother to put me on the spot.

  “Well, that’s my job, right? To be there when you need me?” Zaan’s gentle statement was filled with an intensely emotional meaning and I was suddenly on the verge of tears again.

  32

  Zaan

  In my head, proposing right after the show, in front of her family and friends, had seemed like a fun, romantic idea. Now that it was potentially happening, I was nervous and not nearly as sure of myself. I’d pictured popping the question, her saying yes, and then us having a long, intimate conversation discussing everything that had gone wrong and how I would make it up to her. That suddenly didn’t feel right. That’s how we’d always done things—impulsively—and it hadn’t worked out so far.

  We had to talk first, and make sure we were on the same page before I dropped to one knee. Lexi looked a little overwhelmed and I didn’t blame her. I was pretty confused myself and I didn’t know what to do now that I’d decided not to propose just yet. Since her father and Mack knew my plan, they looked confused too, and this was turning into an epic clusterfuck.

  Great. So much for a grand gesture to make everything up to her.

  Mack seemed to sense that something was going on and she slid her arm through her husband’s. “I need a drink,” she murmured.

  “Me too.” Lindsey followed them, and Shane and Robbie seemed to get the hint that they should go too.

  Lexi turned to me suspiciously. “What’s going on, Zaan? What are you really doing here?”

  “I had to see the show,” I whispered, leaning close to her. “I needed to show you I support you and that I’m willing to make compromises to make this work. If you are.”

  “I’ve always been willing to compromise,” she whispered back. “I just need you to trust me to do that without you jumping in to fix everything for me.”

  “I know.” I pressed my forehead to hers and laced our fingers together at our sides.

  “What happened to your hair?” she asked softly. “Why did you cut it?”

  “It was time for a change. Symbolic, maybe? I don’t know exactly. It felt right when I did it. Do you hate it?”

  She chuckled. “No. You’re the hottest, most wonderful guy I know. Hair or no hair.”

  “I have a million things to say, Lexi. Apologies and proclamations of love and…stuff. But I don’t want the world watching us make up. Watching us fall in love again. Watching me grovel.”

  “I don’t ever want you to feel like you have to grovel. I’ve made mistakes too. I was really angry about what you did, but…”

  “I have something for you,” I said, digging an envelope out of the pocket of my leather jacket.

  “What is it?” she asked, taking it from me.

  “A contract.”

  “A contract?” Her eyes narrowed slightly. “For what?”

  “For us. Mostly me, but us.”

  She frowned and opened the envelope, unfolding the two sheets of paper and starting to read. Her mouth opened a little and then she glanced at me, her eyes
full of tears as she started to read. “This Agreement is made on this twentieth day of June, by and between ZAAN OSKAR HAGEN and ALEXIS ANNE ROUSSEAU and shall bind the parties from this day forward throughout all eternity, pursuant to the terms of this Agreement. During the Term, ZAAN will provide ALEXIS ANNE the following terms and conditions…” Her voice broke a little as she glanced up and then down again. “…the promise to spend the rest of his life showing her how much he loves and supports her without ever making ALEXIS ANNE feel manipulated, used or trapped. ZAAN agrees to be a better communicator and to discuss things with ALEXIS ANNE before making major decisions that impact both parties. In addition, ZAAN agrees to provide unlimited hugs, kisses and moments of intimacy, along with unconditional love…”

  She went on to read most of the rest before hugging me tightly. “You’re amazing,” she whispered.

  “I love you and want you to know I’ll do my best not to make you feel any of the things you felt when I contacted that lawyer, ever again. That’s my word, in writing, with my signature, telling you I plan to spend the rest of my life proving it to you. I was trying to help and I see now how insulting it must have felt when I went behind your back like that. I’m so sorry, Lex, because that’s not the man I am.”

  “I should have told you not just that I was handling it, but how I was handling it,” she whispered back. “I was so busy trying to be independent that I forgot we’re a couple, and that I should have kept you updated on what I was doing. Not because I had to, but because that’s how relationships work. I’m sorry too.”

  I reached out to lift her chin with two fingers. “Do you still love me, Lexi?”

  “Now that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.” She turned to Jayson, who wasn’t too far away. “Hey, Jay—you have a pen?”

  “Yeah.” He dug one out of his pocket and tossed it at her.

  “Thanks.” She caught it midair and leaned over a table, spreading out the contract I’d given her and signing her name beneath mine. Then she put it back in the envelope and handed it to me. “There you go. Signed, sealed and delivered.”

  Without thinking, I dropped to one knee, fumbling to dig the ring out of my pocket.

  Her mouth fell open and this time it stayed that way. “Oh my god. Zaan!”

  “I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I know I don’t want to do it with anyone else. I give you my word we’ll find a way to work things out between us, no matter what it takes. I’ll spend every single day being the man you need me to be, to create the life we’ve been talking about for four years. I might screw up sometimes, but you have a contract right there to remind me when I do… Will you marry me, Alexis Anne Rousseau?”

  “If you promise to never call me by my full name again.” Her voice was soft and breathy, her eyes shining with what I hoped were happy tears. Her hand shook a little as she held it out to me and I slid the ring on her finger.

  Then she was in my arms, her mouth on mine as we kissed and kissed and kissed.

  “Jesus, you two, enough already.” Rob was laughing. “Can you take a breath long enough for us to hear what just happened?”

  We reluctantly pulled apart and she turned to her dad with a little squeal of delight. “We’re engaged!”

  He laughed and hugged us both. We were immediately surrounded by everyone, both friends and family, and for the first time in a very long time, everything in my life felt right. Proposing had turned out to be the right move after all and Lexi looked happy as she, Mack and Lindsey giggled over the ring. I hadn’t even officially met her best friend, but I’d heard enough about her to recognize her, and I figured Lexi would get to the introduction once the excitement died down.

  I wasn’t finished, though, and the first chance I got, I pulled her aside. “Let’s get married,” I told her.

  She laughed. “Isn’t that what this ring is for?”

  “Tomorrow.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t want to wait. We’ve waited four years and I knew I wanted to marry you almost from the day we met. With you at my side, we can do anything, and there’s no reason to wait. We can drive back to Vegas in the morning, get married and leave the following day for Scotland for a mini-honeymoon. Once Ian’s wedding is over, we’ll come back here so you can—”

  “Okay, wait.” She put a gentle finger over my lips and she turned, seeking out Tyler and Bash and motioning them over to us.

  “What’s up?” Tyler asked.

  “How much time off can I have?” she asked. “Serious question.”

  “You mean, right now?” He chuckled.

  “Yes, and I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong. It’s a truly serious question.”

  Bash shrugged. “I don’t know. As much as you want? I mean, if you’re going to be gone until September, then we might have an issue getting a music video done and stuff, but this project was supposed to be about having fun while Pretty Harts fulfilled the obligation to the record company, not stressing anyone out.”

  “Two weeks?” she asked. “So I can get married, go to a wedding with Zaan, and then have a mini-honeymoon of my own?”

  “Wait, what?” Tyler looked confused. “You just got engaged… When are you getting married?”

  “We’re talking about doing it tomorrow. Then we have to leave for that wedding in Scotland. I told you I was flying out tomorrow.”

  “You’re flying out tomorrow?” I frowned. “Wait a minute. We’re booked on a flight the day after tomorrow. Together.”

  She snorted out a laugh. “And this has to be the last time we don’t communicate. I bought a ticket for tomorrow night so I could surprise you. In Scotland.”

  We both laughed.

  “What’s funny?” Rob asked curiously, joining us.

  “We want to get married tomorrow,” she said quietly. “Will you give me away, Daddy?”

  He smiled. “Will I give you away? Is that even a question? You know I’ll do anything you ask of me… But your mother is going to have a fit.”

  “My mother was invited to this show,” Lexi said firmly. “She was too busy to come. And I had no idea Zaan was going to suggest we get married tomorrow, so I’m sorry, but it’s her own fault.”

  “My parents won’t be here either,” I said, “so you can tell her my mom was mad too, and she’ll get over it.”

  “Will your parents be upset?” she asked, turning to me.

  “No. Especially not if we’re going to meet them in Norway in a week or so, but they’ll totally pretend to be if it helps with your mom.”

  She smiled. “I really do love you, Mr. Hagen.”

  “And I you, Ms. Rousseau.”

  “What are you going to wear?” Lindsey demanded. “And are we driving back tonight or in the morning or what?”

  There were a million plans to make, which was ironic considering we were eloping, but everyone who was here wanted to be with us and that meant coordinating the time, Lexi deciding what she wanted to wear, figuring out when we would get the license, and a dozen other details I hadn’t thought would matter. We didn’t have wedding rings, either, something I wasn’t sure I could fix. While Mr. Weinberg would undoubtedly bend over backwards for me, if he didn’t have anything in stock that matched the engagement ring I’d bought her, it would be a moot point.

  “I say we drive home tonight,” Lexi said to me. “Have you been drinking?”

  I shook my head. “One beer. I’m fine.”

  “I’ve had one glass of wine,” Mack said, “so I can drive.”

  “I haven’t had anything,” Shane pointed out, “since I’m not old enough to drink, but definitely old enough to drive.”

  We hurriedly made plans and Tyler promised to take care of our equipment and everything to do with the show tonight so we could leave.

  “Let’s hit the road then,” Lexi said. “We can caravan back to Vegas. We won’t be home until the middle of the night, but at least we can get some rest and take care of getting a license fi
rst thing in the morning.”

  “Let’s do it.”

  33

  Lexi

  I woke up early, despite not getting to bed until almost four in the morning. It was only ten thirty but I was wide awake and when I got up to use the bathroom, I noted that Zaan was awake too. We smiled at each other as I hurried to do my business and he followed me a minute later.

  “Good morning,” he said softly, reaching for me.

  “Good morning.”

  “You’re fucking beautiful, you know that?”

  “Thank you.” I reached up to run my fingers through the short locks on the sides of his head. He’d left the top long enough to spike up a little, but the rest was shorter than I’d ever seen it and it was taking a little getting used to.

  “You hate it, don’t you?” he asked, chuckling.

  “No. It’s just different. But so are we, so maybe you’re right that it was symbolic.” I paused. “Please note, as much as I love you, I’m not cutting my hair.”

  “Your hair has nothing to do with my hair,” he responded. “You do you.”

  “So I have to figure out what to wear.” I broke free of his embrace and went to the closet. I didn’t have a lot of fancy clothes. I had a few sexy cocktail dresses, but they weren’t appropriate. I had lots of jeans and leather miniskirts and the like, but that wasn’t the look I wanted on my wedding day.

  “And what do you want me to wear?” he asked me.

  “A suit,” I responded. “I mean, casual, no tie or anything, but I love you in a suit. It’s hot as hell.” I paused. “So if you wear what I want you to wear, then I’ll wear what you want me to wear.”

  He wrinkled his nose. “That’s not really a girl thing, is it? I mean, I’m happy to see you in a pair of tight jeans and something that shows off a little cleavage, but I get the feeling that’s not what you want to see when you look back on our wedding pictures.”

  “In a perfect world, where it was just the two of us, what would you want me to wear?”