On Paper Wings

by Magan Vernon

  When Friday night came around, I was less concerned with Sawyer and more than ready to hang out with my southern gentleman. In September it was still warm enough in Louisiana that I could wear all my summer clothes and made it way more comfortable to do anything outdoors. Blaine was picking me up for a bonfire at Jackson’s house. I’d never actually been to a bonfire, but I’d seen enough in the movies.

  I dug through my tiny closet and pulled out a pair of dark wash jean shorts. I hadn’t worn them in awhile, and I thought they would look really cute with a navy blue cami and a green cardigan. I slid them up my legs, but when I got to my thighs I noticed a little bit of a problem. They weren’t moving as smoothly, sticking to me like a wet towel. I hoped it was just because I hadn’t worn them for awhile, but when they got to my waist they felt like I just stuffed my entire body in a sock. I managed to get them buttoned, but the waist band was pressing so hard into me I could barely breathe.

  Quickly I unbuttoned them and blew out a big whoosh of air. When the hell did I gain that much weight? I ripped the shorts off and threw them against the wall where they slid down and fell on the floor by my bed.

  This couldn’t be happening to me. I didn’t just gain weight overnight. I looked down and pinched the pudge that was forming on my stomach. God that was unsightly.

  I’d lost control of my body. I’d always had control of my body. I may not have been in control of my relationships or school, but I could always make sure that I wasn’t turning into a whale who couldn’t even fit into a pair of shorts. This had to stop.

  “Libby! Blaine’s here!” Britt called from the living room.

  I was hoping I’d be able to release some of the pain before he got there, maybe even get in a quick run, but I guess that wasn’t happening. I’d just have to make sure I didn’t eat anything that night and maybe not the next night. Nikki Sinclair had the tiniest waist I’d ever seen, and if I couldn’t fit in my shorts now, there was no telling how good that skinny waist would look to Blaine when I wouldn’t fit into anything but stretch pants.

  I found a pair of baby blue cotton shorts that were a little more forgiving and grabbed a matching zip up hoodie. Quickly I slipped on my flip flops and walked out of my bedroom into the living room where Blaine stood by the door. He never had to worry about what he wore. Though the guy looked very good in a suit, he could still pull off a pair of cargo shorts and an LSU t-shirt like it was nobody’s business.

  “Hey baby.” His eyes trailed down the length of my legs, and I hoped he wasn’t zeroing in on the definite pooch that was probably hanging over the waistband of my shorts. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and I almost wanted to stay home, so I could purge whatever was in me. I knew it wouldn’t solve the immediate problem, but it would have made me feel like less of a lard ass.

  “Hey, you ready?” The longer he stood there staring at me, the more self conscious I felt. I just wanted to get out of the house before I ran back in the bathroom and purged.

  “Yep.” He turned toward the door.

  I glanced back at Britt. “See you later.”

  She waved from the couch not even bothering to talk to me. Aunt Dee was at another one of her friend’s houses scrapbooking, which I’m sure meant that Britt would be at Sarah’s sooner or later.

  Blaine opened the door of his truck, and I stepped inside before he shut the door behind me, then circled to his side of the truck. Once he hopped in, the grin spread wider on his face as he started the engine. “Damn, baby, those legs in a pair of shorts. You don’t know what it does to me.”

  Did he really have to bring attention to my legs again? I could feel the fat from my thighs sticking to his seat, and my stomach rolling over the waistband of my shorts. I didn’t want to talk about my body. Instead, I just smiled and squeezed his hand that he had lain across the seat.

  Jackson lived out in the boondocks. Even more far out than I thought was possible. The house itself wasn’t much to look at, but the land was full of tall, skinny pine trees, and a creek behind the rickety blue place. His parents actually lived on the same property a mile up the road; the same parents as Sarah with the rusty blue trailer. The Clearys didn’t seem to care too much about their houses, but they loved their parties.

  A line of cars were already parked down the gravel driveway, and Blaine pulled behind another truck. Just behind the house, I could see smoke billowing over the roof, and the smell of burning marshmallows lingered in the air. I knew better than to get out myself and waited for Blaine to circle the car and open my door. I hopped out of the truck, but before I could make another step forward Blaine pressed my back against the back door. His body was flush with mine, and he had a huge grin on his face.

  “Can I help you with something?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “Well, baby, I don’t think right now is the place for that, but I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. You were really quiet on the ride over.”

  “I’m fine,” I lied.

  “Is this about Nikki? Because if it is, baby, I don’t know what else I can do to make you believe that she is out of my life. It’s all about you.” He ran his fingers down the bare skin on my arms, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake.

  “No, it’s fine. It’s not about her. I’m over that. I’m just tired. It’s been a long week.”

  “Do you not want to do this tonight? We can just go back and hang out at your place.”

  I shook my head. “No, that’s fine. Let’s do this.”

  “You sure?”

  I leaned forward and placed a quick kiss on his lips. “Definitely sure.”

  He pulled me closer, his hands circling my waist as he deepened our kiss, tilting his head to the side and parting my lips with his tongue. I wasn’t in the mood for a make out session, but I played along anyway. All I could think about was that he was probably thinking about my fat stomach against his beautifully chiseled one. The boy ate more pralines than anyone I’d ever met, and he still had a body like the Greek statues I’d see in museums. It wasn’t fair.

  Finally he broke our kiss and pressed his forehead to mine. “Now as much as I’d love to sit here and take every advantage of how easy it would be to get you out of those shorts, we should probably get to the party.”

  “Okay.” I nodded.

  He pushed off me, shutting the truck door before he took my hand and lead me to the back of the house. I gasped when I saw a roaring fire burning about as high as I stood. A few people sat around in lawn chairs, drinking beers, and holding sticks over the flames. I was expecting maybe a fire pit or something, but not a giant open flame. That had to be some sort of a hazard.

  “Hey, Crabtree, you made it. I thought you might have taken a detour out in the woods for a quickie.” Jackson got up from his lawn chair and strode over to us. He always walked like I imagined a cowboy would and dressed like one with his faded blue jeans and cut off plaid shirt.

  “Naw, man, not today,” Blaine said with a laugh and shook his hand.

  I peered around Jackson and saw that Dina was sitting in the seat next to Jackson’s now empty one. She smiled and did a small wave when she saw me. I wondered if that was some sort of a sign that everyone else picked up on. They were sitting together. She was there. So obviously their relationship was progressing.

  I recognized a short, stocky guy pounding back a beer at the other side of the fire as Blaine’s friend, Ryan, and a few other guys from the road crew and their girlfriends, but nobody interesting. No single girls that I wondered if Blaine had slept with. I imagined that Nikki used to come to these parties before I came around, or if she would show up now to try to stake her claim.

  “Do you want a beer, darlin?” Jackson peered at me from underneath his Pabst Blue Ribbon hat.

  I shook my head. “No, thanks, I’m good.”

  He shrugged. “All right, Blaine?”

  Blaine nodded. “Of course.”

  I didn’t even want to think about drinking. That was just more empty
calories that would sit on my stomach, and I’d have to worry about fitting into another pair of my shorts. Jackson walked over to a cooler by the house, pulled out a beer, and tossed it in Blaine’s direction. Blaine caught it before leading me to the fire to sit down at one of the chairs circling it.

  He tried to pull me down onto his lap, but I wouldn’t budge and just sat down next to him. I didn’t want my fat ass to squash him in the chair, or worse, break it in front of everyone. Blaine furrowed his brow, but didn’t say anything. He wasn’t one to cause a scene in front of people. I guessed he thought I was still mad about the Nikki thing. Better he thought that than the truth.

  His fingers instantly reached for mine, intertwining them in the space between our chairs. He needed to stop. It was nice that he was giving me so much attention, but he didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t want us to spend the rest of the night with this awkwardness. This rift between us where he knew something was bothering me but I tried to ignore it. If it went much longer than a night, I was afraid he would go somewhere else.

  Ryan came from around the fire and sat in the chair next to me holding a big stick with five marshmallows at the end of it. “Hey Libby, ya want one?”

  He thrusted the gooey mess toward my face, and I cringed watching the burnt mounds of sugar drip from the stick. I wrinkled my nose. “No, thanks, I’m good.”

  “You sure?” He pushed it closer and the smell of burnt sugar wafted up to my nose.

  Luckily Blaine came to my rescue knocking the stick out of my face. “Quit that shit, dude. She said she didn’t want none.”

  “Man, Blaine, no need to be so touchy.” He popped one of the gooey pieced in his mouth and continued to talk with his mouth full. “I was just having some fun. Not my fault your woman is being a prude.”

  “Hey, not cool, dude. Just because you can’t get laid doesn’t mean you need to go ragging on my girl.”

  “Yeah, and I didn’t have to go all the way up to Chicago to save my ass from getting dumped either.”

  Blaine squeezed my hand tightly. “But it was all worth it.”

  “Awww.” Jackson sauntered over from the cooler. “Ain’t that the sweetest thing you’ve ever heard.”

  “Yeah, real fucking sweet.” Ryan stuffed the rest of the marshmallows in his mouth, so his words just came out garbled.

  A loud” whoop” came from the front yard, and I whipped my head toward the sound. I didn’t know anyone else was still coming. There weren’t really too many other people that I hung around with in town, except Blaine’s friend Don, but he had gone back to school.

  A boy I didn’t recognize rounded the corner, wearing an LSU cap low over his eyes and carrying a thirty pack of beer in one hand and an open can in the other.

  “Hey fellas.”

  Jackson nodded in the guy’s direction. “Hey Butch, haven’t seen you around in awhile.”

  “Yeah, well you ain’t had one of these bonfires since the Fourth, so I had to make my grand return.” He tilted back his head, slurping the rest of the beer from the can and tossed it in the fire before he let out a loud belch. “Besides, Nikki said she wanted to stop by.”

  Nikki? No it couldn’t be the same one. I’d never seen her around, yet I hadn’t seen this Butch around either. Before I could ask who Nikki was, another “whoop” came, and she rounded the corner. The exact Nikki Sinclair I had avoided talking to Blaine about all night. To make matters worse she was wearing nothing more than a blue bikini top and a very tiny pair of cut off jean shorts showing off her very flat stomach.

  “Hey, y’all, long time no see.”

  Blaine gripped tighter onto my hand, and at that moment I wished I would have sat on his lap and staked my claim.

  “Well if it ain’t Miss Sinclair!” Jackson laughed, slapping his hands together before giving her a big bear hug.

  Even Ryan stood up from his chair and gave her a big hug after Jackson. “It’s been a long time. Where have you been hiding your sweet ass?”

  She let go of Ryan and shrugged. “You know, just a little bit of this and a little bit of that.” Her eyes trailed over in Blaine’s direction. “Hey Blaine.” She wiggled her fingers, and a huge grin crossed her face.

  Was she seriously flirting with him right in front of me? Ugh.

  Blaine didn’t smile. His face just stayed straight as an arrow. “Hey, Nikki.” He then tilted his head in my direction. “I guess you’ve already met my girlfriend, Libby.”

  “Oh, yeah, I think we have a class together,” she said in a sugary sweet voice. I wanted to punch the voice right out of her skinny little throat.

  “Yep.” I nodded. “We do.”

  I faced away from the half-dressed hussy and looked across the fire to Dina. “Hey, Dina, want to come with me to the bathroom?” I yelled.

  She sprung up from her chair and quickly walked over to the other side of the fire. “Sure thing.”

  I stood up and didn’t look back at Blaine, or say anything as I followed Dina from the backyard and through the screen door into the house. We stood in the back mudroom, and I waited until we walked through it and into Jackson’s wood paneled and flannel decorated living room before I grabbed Dina’s arm and spun her toward me. “Did you know she was coming here?”

  Dina shook her head. “I had no idea, or else I would have warned you. I don’t know who that little jezebel thinks she is showing up here after she did that to you.”

  “I know exactly who she thinks she is. It’s a typical girl thing. She wants to show me that she has her place with the boys.”

  Dina raised her eyebrows. “Do you think she’s going to try and steal Blaine back?”

  “She’d better not. Just because she walked in here barely clothed doesn’t mean he’s just going to fawn all over her. He’s not like that. Definitely not like that.” I said it more to reassure myself than anything. Blaine was the guy who gave me grief for dancing at a party. He wasn’t into girls that just threw themselves around, which was really funny when I thought about the fact that he could sleep with half the town but didn’t like his girls to even show a little bit of sexuality.

  “Well, then, why are you in here with me when some girl in a bikini top is hanging around the fire with your boyfriend?”

  I nodded. “Good point.”

  I quickly turned back around and practically ran through the living room and back out into the Louisiana night air. Nikki was sitting in the exact seat that I left, her legs crossed and as close to Blaine as she could possibly get.

  Fat shorts be damned. I wasn’t about to let her stake her claim. I walked across the lawn with purpose and plopped right down on Blaine’s lap. He let out an “oof” when I sat down, but then wrapped his arms around my waist. “Hey, baby, you were in there forever. I was hoping you didn’t fall in.”

  Nikki turned her head away from me and crossed her legs in the other direction like my nearness to them was too much for her.

  “No, I’m fine. Just talking to Dina, but sorry to keep you waiting.” I laid a large kiss right on his mouth and made sure to make a loud smacking sound with my lips.

  “Hey you two, if you’re going to do that, get a room, or the back of Blaine’s truck or something,” Ryan yelled even though we were only two chairs away, but I’m glad he did it so Nikki could hear.

  “Hey, I don’t mind watching if that hot blonde piece of ass is going to give us a show!” Butch called, wriggling his eyebrows.

  Jackson elbowed Butch in the ribs. “Hey, that’s Blaine’s girlfriend. Don’t make him kick your ass.”

  “Girlfriend?” Butch took a step closer, tilting his head. That’s when I could make out a little bit of his face underneath his hat. He was definitely a scrawny guy with a hint of stubble on his cheeks that only seemed to grow in small patches. “I didn’t think Blaine Crabtree did girlfriends.”

  “Yeah, Blaine, I thought that wasn’t your thing.” Nikki turned back to us, smacking her lips.

  I tried not to dig my nails into Bl
aine’s shoulder out of frustration. I wanted to say something really snarky back, but I bit my tongue. Any girl that would tote around a shot gun was not one I wanted to mess with.

  Luckily Blaine answered. “Sometimes things just change for the better.” He then nodded in Butch’s direction.”Butch, if you didn’t hear it before, this is my girlfriend, Libby. She’s Dee Badeaux’s niece.”

  “Dee Badeaux? The lady who owns the pawn shop?” He leaned over, gripping his knees.

  “It’s an antique shop,” I muttered.

  Butch obviously ignored me and went right on talking. “So, you must be the one who drives that sweet little Beamer I’ve seen parked out back.”

  “That would be mine.”

  “Hot damn!” He slapped his knee and stood up. “That’s one fine ass car. How the hell did you get a sweet ride like that?”

  I shrugged. “My dad wanted something with a high safety rating, and I wanted a convertible, so we settled on that one.”

  “Well your daddy must be one hell of a guy. Is he an ambulance chaser or something?”

  “Butch!” Nikki swatted his arm. “You can’t just go and ask people what their daddy’s do, just because they drive a fancy car.”

  “No, it’s fine. He can ask me anything he wants.” I smirked at Nikki and looked back at Butch. “My dad is a dentist in Chicago.”

  Butch smiled, revealing that he had a large layer of tobacco on his teeth. “You think he could hook me up with some free dental work?”

  I forced a smile. “Well, Blaine did tell me that your dad works on cars, so maybe we can work out some kind of trade, if your dad wants to work on mine.”

  “I don’t know if Daddy would want to work on some foreign piece,” Nikki said with snark to her voice.

  “Hey, be nice, Nik. The girl is offering me dental work.” Butch crossed his arms, looking down at his little sister.

  “Yeah, just what you need is for her to go and change you. People always want to come down and change every good southern boy.”