Illusion

by Alexandra Anthony

  “Please come home. I need you.”

  The elevator ride seemed to take forever. I nervously paced from one side to the other, growing agitated as it slowly moved through the floors. Lukas was the first thing I saw when the doors opened.

  He was waiting for me when I stepped out of the elevator. His patrician, handsome face was lined with concern. His thin lips, normally pursed were now set in a thin line of worry.

  He wrapped his arm around my shoulder in comfort as he ushered me towards the apartment. “He’s on his way. Sweetheart, what the hell happened?”

  “Inside,” I muttered, unlocking the door and pulled Lukas with me. My hands flew over the locks, sliding deadbolts closed and rattling the doorknob. Peeling my leather jacket off, I was still winded from my impromptu run. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator, opening it and taking deep swallows.

  “Josie, please start talking.”

  I sat the water down on the counter and had just opened my mouth to speak when the locks on the door began turning. Stefan burst into the room, looking around the anxiously until he found me standing in the kitchen. He didn’t acknowledge Lukas’ presence. He rushed to my side and jerked me in his arms, muttering inaudibly against my hair. I clutched at him, my fingers twisting in his shirt. The adrenaline rush that had propelled me to run had disappeared and I began sobbing, my knees giving out on me. Stefan sank to the floor with me, rocking me tightly against him.

  “Lukas? What happened?” Stefan demanded harshly.

  “I don’t know. She hadn’t had the chance to tell me anything.”

  “Kian,” I sputtered. “Stefan, let me show you.”

  Giving him access to my memories, I replayed my confrontation with my father for him. Stefan stiffened against me and I looked up at his face. His blond eyebrows were angry slashes over his glacial blue eyes. His lips were pulled tightly back, exposing his teeth.

  “What?!? Will someone tell me what’s going on?” Lukas asked, tapping his foot impatiently.

  “Josephine had an argument with her father. He apparently followed her and confronted her,” Stefan said, placing a kiss against the top of my head.

  Lukas was on the floor beside us before I even realized he’d moved. His fangs had dropped and he looked terrifying, so unlike the sweet Lukas I knew. “If that bastard even thinks he’s going to mess with her, I’ll end him, Stefan.”

  Stefan let out a resigned sigh. He reached to place a hand on Lukas’ shoulder. “No one is ending anyone, Lukas. Only the game has changed. We knew it would happen eventually.” He focused his attention back on me, smoothing my hair back from my tear-stained face. “Vackra, did he harm you?”

  “No. But he’s a monster.”

  “You are safe now.” He nodded towards Lukas, who stroked my arm gently before rising gracefully to his feet and leaving the apartment.

  Stefan scooped me up in his arms and carried me into the bedroom, sitting me down carefully on the bed. He motioned for me to lay down and he sat next to me. He removed my ankle boots, placing them on the floor beside the bed. He laid down beside of me, collecting me in the strong embrace of his arms, whispering against my temple. “Han kommer aldrig att röra dig. Om det är det sista jag gör på denna jord, kommer jag att dö skydda dig. Du är mitt liv, min kärlek.”

  I let out a shaky sigh as I breathed in the comforting smell of his skin. “When you speak in your native tongue, it sounds so beautiful. What did you just say?”

  “You will not be happy with what I said.”

  I pushed against his chest. “I’m already unhappy. Unless you just told me we’re over, I think I can deal with whatever you said.”

  Stefan let out a weary sigh. “I used to be a much stronger vampire. I give in to every whim, every request you have.” He smiled ruefully and rested his face against my hair. “I told you that he will never touch you. If it is the last thing I do on this earth, I will die protecting you. You are my life, my love.”

  Letting out a dry laugh, I leaned back to look at his face. His handsome face was lined with worry and a lock of his straight blond hair fell across his forehead. I reached up to cup his cheek, my thumb tracing the taut skin over his cheekbone.

  “Why are you laughing?”

  “I told Kian that I would kill to keep you safe. That if it came down to losing you or keeping you with me, I would do anything.”

  His eyes sparkled as he stared down at me. “You are my match in every way. How I lived centuries without you mystifies me.”

  “So let’s keep each other safe, ok?”

  He nodded and grinned. His hand started traveling down my back to cup my ass lightly, squeezing my one of my cheeks in his large hand. “Did you actually call Kian a megalomaniac?”

  “I took psychology courses in college,” I retorted. “If the shoe fits…”

  “Dr. Anderson, can you diagnose me?” His voice was teasing as he kissed my nose and pressed a light kiss on my mouth. I pecked at his lip with my teeth and he growled lightly as I drew blood. I traced the outline of his lips with my tongue and licked the blood away, moaning softly at the taste of his bittersweet blood in my mouth.

  “You are a sexy beast with control issues. You can be overbearing, dominating and scheming,” I murmured softly. Stefan looked offended for a moment. He started to speak and I pressed the tip of my index finger against his lips. “You also happen to be the most generous, wonderful, loving, over-protective vampire I know. I love you, Stefan. Until the stars stop shining.”

  “You say things such as this and have the nerve to call me a sweet talker,” Stefan admonished and kissed me lightly. “Promise me that if you go out you will take someone with you, either myself or Lukas.”

  “I promise.”

  * * *

  We’d fallen asleep tangled in each other’s arms. It was early evening and the room was glowing with the warm colors of sunset. Glancing at the clock, I wiped at the moisture that had beaded on my forehead. I was cocooned in Stefan’s arms and normally his cool body kept me comfortable, however our combined body heat had caused a sheen of sweat to dampen my clothing. I placed my hand against his cheek, shocked to find his face warm underneath my palm. I moved my hand to his arm and his skin felt the same: warm. How had this happened? And why?

  “Stefan.” I shook his shoulder.

  He groaned and slumped deeper into the pillow. I shook him again.

  “Stefan, you need to wake up.”

  He slowly opened his eyes, staring at me with unfocused eyes. “Josephine?”

  “You’re warm!”

  “What are you talking about, vackra?” Rubbing his face with his hand, he was struggling to catch up.

  “Something has happened. When I woke up I felt like I was on fire. You’re warm,” I blurted out. I probably wasn’t making a lot of sense. “Feel me.”

  Stefan was fully awake when I said that. His look of confusion changed to a sultry smirk, his eyebrows waggling suggestively at my words.

  “I don’t mean what you’re thinking, Romeo.” I smacked his arm in exasperation.

  Stefan sat up and massaged his arm where I hit him. His eyes widened as he moved his hand from his arm to touch the side of my face. His long fingers were tepid against my face.

  “I am not warmer. You are the same temperature as me,” Stefan replied, his voice barely audible. “You are changing.”

  “Changing?”

  Stefan exhaled a heavy breath. “When we were at the carriage house and you were resting, Kian told me that you would change to become more like a vampire. My influence and blood has only accelerated the process.”

  “Oh.” My response didn’t sound very intelligent. I really wasn’t sure what to say.

  “You are stronger.” He rubbed his arm again. “Not so fragile and breakable. I will not have to be as gentle with you now.”

  His unguarded thoughts flooded my mind. He was imaging all the things he could do now that I was a much sturdier version of Jo
sephine.

  “What else is going to change?” I bit my lip. Was I going to keep changing day by day? Would I have fangs tomorrow? Swallowing nervously, I tried to fight the panic that was rising inside of me. I twisted my hands nervously in my lap as I glanced at him.

  “That I cannot answer for you. It will be fine, Josephine. You need to relax,” Stefan said soothingly.

  His cell phone rang, shrill and loud. He glanced at the screen and frowned. “This will just take a minute.”

  He left the room, muttering softly into the phone. I heard him go into his office and I didn’t think. I just reacted. I bent down to grab my boots and moved silently up the hallway. Grabbing my purse, I inched the door open and quietly stepped out into the hallway. As I closed the door, I ran for the elevator, jabbing the down button repeatedly.

  “C’mon, c’mon,” I grumbled, shooting an anxious look back at the apartment door, praying that it didn’t open. When the elevator finally arrived, I let out a sigh of relief.

  And for the second time today, I ran.

  * * *

  I ended up at a coffee shop in Chelsea Market, finishing my third cup of espresso. It had done nothing to calm my nerves, only making me jittery and adding to my paranoia. Stefan had called my cell phone at least 20 times in the last hour, my phone chiming after receiving yet another voice mail message from him. I was sure he was furious with me.

  I was furious with me.

  I hadn’t listened to any of his messages. I couldn’t tolerate hearing the disappointment and fear in his voice right now. My life had turned on its axis, spinning out of control, my mind was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I couldn’t stop the barrage of thoughts: my possibly dangerous and evil father, my missing mother, the knowledge that I had some sort of immortality, changing, Stefan, moving and leaving behind two of my only friends… I was scared to death, feeling like I was only holding on to the remnants of my old life by a thin thread. And instead of relying on the one person that loved me the most, I chose to run.

  Pushing aside my cup with a sigh, I felt extremely silly and stupid.

  My phone rang again and I closed my eyes. I’d been waiting on this phone call.

  With shaking hands, I answered the phone. “Anna?”

  “Josie! Thank god!” Anna yelled out in relief. “Lukas just called me. Stefan is going crazy looking for you.”

  “Yeah. I figured as much.”

  “Ok, let me sit down for this. What exactly happened? You need to tell me what’s going on.”

  Running my hands through my hair, I rested my forehead in the palm of my hand. “Where do I start? There’s a lot I can’t talk about over the phone, Anna. Everything is out of control. Imagine finding out everything you thought you knew about your life has been a big fucking lie.”

  “I can’t imagine what that would be like. Josie, did you ever think Stefan might want to help you with this instead of me calling you to discuss your drama?” Anna asked pointedly. “If you’re going to be with him in a relationship, you can’t take off running every time you get stressed out about something.”

  “I didn’t think Anna. I just ran.”

  “Hmm. How’s New York?” Anna changed the subject abruptly.

  “Loud.” I turned my head to the side as I shifted in my chair. “I thought I’d hate being in the crowds, but it hasn’t been so bad.”

  There was silence on the line and I could hear the crackle of the long-distance connection. “What are you going to do now?”

  “Oh Anna, I don’t know,” I whispered. “He’s probably going to be so pissed that he’s changed all the locks and my suitcase will be sitting by the door.”

  “Bitch, please. That man loves you. I’ve seen it firsthand. Quit being melodramatic and get your ass in a cab and go home. Talk to him.” Anna urged. “I’m pissed that you left Bali without saying goodbye, but we’ll talk about that later. Right now I want to you to fix the mess you just made, Josie. Don’t make me come to New York.”

  Laughing weakly, I fiddled with a spoon on the table. “Alright, alright. I’m sorry about Lukas calling and putting you in the middle of this.”

  “That bitchy queen means well,” Anna snickered for a second and her voice became serious again. “I swear to god Josie, if you screw this up with Stefan I’ll kick your ass. Remember what it was like when you had your misunderstanding and you were apart? Both of you were miserable without each other.”

  “I know,” I paused. “Thanks, Anna. I’ll see you soon.”

  “Bye, girlfriend.”

  Dropping my phone in my purse, I stared at the table. Anna was right, I needed to find a way to fix this. Pushing my chair away from the table, I hurried through the glass door and out onto the chilly night air. Hailing a cab, I slid inside.

  “261 W. 28th Street, please,” I said loudly over the sound of the cab driver’s radio.

  We drove through the traffic and I watched the city go by in a daze. I had no idea what I’d be facing when I got back to the apartment. I rummaged through my purse for my cell phone and was tempted to listen to his voice mails. Losing my nerve, I figured walking into this blind was probably preferable.

  The taxi pulled to a stop in front of the apartment building and I absently shoved money at the driver. Drawing in a deep breath, I flung my purse over my shoulder and walked up to the building, nodding wordlessly at the doorman who opened the door for me. I passed an attractive couple getting out of the elevator as I was getting on and I nervously pressed the eight button.

  Smoothing my hair, I took a deep breath when the elevator doors opened on our floor. I headed towards our apartment and gripped the doorknob lightly, startled to find it unlocked. Gradually opening the door, I walked in to find every light turned off. My vision was sharper than before and I navigated easily through the darkness, closing the door and finding the counter to place my purse and keys on.

  “Stefan?” I called out. My voice sounded louder than normal in the quiet apartment. Anxiously pushing my hair behind my ear, I stood quietly, listening for any sounds. “Stefan? Are you here?

  A light switched on by one of the armchairs closest to the windows. Stefan glared at me through narrowed eyes, his large frame slouched over in the chair, his fingers strumming restlessly against his muscular thighs. His lips were pressed into a thin line, his blond hair ruffled from his hands running through it.

  “Do you have any idea how worried I have been, Josephine? I leave the room for a moment and you run from me. I call you dozens of times and you ignore me. Explain what the fuck you think you were doing?” Stefan asked. The accent in his voice was more pronounced, but he had no inflection in his voice. He sounded exhausted, like he’d been up for days.

  Nervously rubbing the toe of my boot against the wood floor, I looked out the windows, over his head.

  “I can only imagine what you were going through. I’m so sorry, Stefan. I just freaked out and I ran,” I mumbled. “It’s not an excuse. I was stupid.”

  “You ignored my calls and spoke with Anna though,” he muttered angrily. “After your confrontation with your father today, you run off and I have no idea where to find you. If I lost you…. fuck!”

  He slammed his fist against the arm of the chair and I heard the wood crack under the impact of his hand. He rose to his full six-foot-four inch height and crossed the room to loom over me. He looked down at me, his blue eyes filled with agony.

  “Stefan, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Tears spilled over my cheeks and I covered my face with my hands, my shoulders shaking with my gasping sobs.

  “Go to bed, Josephine. I cannot talk to you anymore about this tonight.” Stefan turned and walked to the sofa. He stretched across it and his gaze fixed on the windows in front of him. His body was tense, his face expressionless.

  “Stefan,” I began.

  “No! I said go to bed. Nothing good will come from our discussion tonight. There are some things that are better left unsaid.” He didn’t look at me and his sharp word
s stung like tiny knives into my heart.

  Fighting the urge to go to his side, I headed down the hallway into our bedroom. I kicked off my boots and stripped off my jeans and shirt, leaving them in a heap on the floor. Crawling into bed, I turned off the light. As I hugged his pillow to my chest, I was wondering if I’d finally pushed him away for good. If I did, I only had myself to blame.

  * * *

  The sun was rising when I awoke. Flipping over on my back, I gasped when I saw Stefan sitting on the side of the bed, leaning forward with his head in his hands. His clothes were wrinkled and his handsome face looked weary.

  “Hey,” I whispered. I wanted so badly to touch him, but I was too afraid he’d leave.

  “Hey,” he repeated. His deep voice was husky and sounded tired.

  “Stefan, I shouldn’t have run last night. I should have talked to you. I freaked out and didn’t think.” I plucked at the comforter with my fingers. Glancing up at him, I reached out and covered his hand with mine. “I’m sorry. If I could go back and do it over again, I would. I’ll never run again.”

  He squeezed my hand and pulled it away to trace the pendant around my neck. “You are still afraid, vackra.”

  “Of course I’m afraid. Everything I thought I knew has been turned upside down. Not to mention I don’t always handle change well.” I grabbed his hand and held it against my chest. “This is my screwed up mind you’re dealing with. I’m afraid of losing you, Stefan. I’m afraid Kian will try to kill me or worse, kill you.”

  “I will never leave you, Josephine,” he assured me. “No relationship is perfect and I have told you time and time again that we are in this together. You cannot just run off and not talk to me.”